“I’ll be glad when we arrive. I’m not as healed as I thought I was.”
She placed her hand atop her brother’s. “It won’t be long.”
Hadleigh sat forward. “My driver will let you out in the alley behind Hadleigh House. If all is safe, a footman will be there to assist you. If he isn’t there, my driver will continue on. Your sister and I will disembark in the front, as if we’ve been gone on a day-long excursion and are just now returning home. The carriage will go to the carriage house as usual. Remain inside until I come for you.”
The carriage turned a corner, slowed, then stopped. Fillmore was with the footman when the door opened and the steps were lowered. Then Fillmore assisted Harry from the carriage.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes,” Amanda said, noticing the stoop to Harry’s shoulders and how heavily he leaned against Fillmore.
“He’ll be all right,” Hadleigh assured her after the carriage moved again.
“I know,” she answered. “I simply worry about him.”
“It’s a habit.”
“Pardon?”
“I said, it’s a habit. Worrying about your brother is a habit of yours.”
Hadleigh’s driver took a long route, undoubtedly to make sure they weren’t being followed. Each time they passed a street light, she noticed a smug set to Hadleigh’s features. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, defending her position. “If you knew Harry better you’d know why I worry. I have good cause.”
“Let me ask you a question. Do you worry about your sisters?”
She laughed. “Heaven’s no! They can take care of themselves.”
“But your brother can’t?”
“He’s always needed someone to watch over him.”
“Would you like me to offer my opinion as to why that is?”
Amanda bristled. “No, I would not.”
“Very well.”
Hadleigh leaned back against the squabs and Amanda realized he wasn’t going to tell her why he thought that. Not knowing drove her to distraction.
“Oh, very well. You might as well explain why you have such a preposterous idea. You know you’re dying to.”
“No, I know when my opinion isn’t appreciated. Far be it from me to intrude where I’m not wanted.”
“Ha!” Amanda couldn’t stop the unladylike burst from escaping. “Intruding is what you do best. It’s one of your most predominate characteristics, and over the years you’ve honed interfering to perfection.”
“I’m wounded, my lady.”
“It’s impossible for me to wound you, Your Grace. You enjoy irritating me more than anything else on earth.”
They passed a streetlight just as the Duke of Hadleigh tipped back his head and laughed out loud.
The sound was so unexpected her breath caught. This was the first time she could remember Hadleigh laughing since he was a carefree young man without the responsibilities of being a duke. The first time ever he’d laughed at something she’d said. Or, even laughed in her presence. Something was wrong.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Am I?”
“You know you are.”
He was silent for a few moments as if he had to think about his answer. When he spoke, his voice contained a hint of confusion very unlike him. “Perhaps I’m tired of arguing with you.”
Thankfully, the carriage slowed as it approached Hadleigh House and she was spared from having to respond. Because, if she were forced to make a comment, she’d have to admit that she was tiring of their arguments, too. She enjoyed simply talking with Hadleigh much more than quarreling with him.
The moment the carriage stopped, a footman opened the door and lowered the steps. Hadleigh dismounted first and held out his hand for her to take. She didn’t break contact with him, or step away from him when she reached the ground, but looked up at him.
“You still haven’t answered my question, Your Grace.”
He frowned. “Which was?”
“The reason why I worry about Harry overmuch.”
“Oh, that’s simple. You worry about your brother because you don’t believe you can trust him to stay out of trouble.”
Amanda rolled her eyes. Of course she couldn’t trust Harry. Over and over he’d proved to her and the rest of Society that he couldn’t be trusted.
She turned when he did and walked toward the house. She was going to tell him that his answer was no answer at all, but didn’t get the chance when he completed his sentence.
“As you can’t bring yourself to trust any man.”
. . .
Amanda stepped out onto the moonlit terrace and made her way to a wrought iron bench in the corner. From here she could look out onto the perfectly manicured lawn and garden.
The flowerbeds were in riotous bloom, although she couldn’t make out the colors of each individual area as clearly as she’d be able to in the sunlight. But that didn’t matter. She wasn’t here to take in the beauty of the landscape. She was here to absorb the calmness, to contain the peacefulness that solitude allowed.
After she’d checked on Harry, and made sure he was resting comfortably, she and Hadleigh ate a light dinner. It was—pleasant. Very pleasant.
Amanda rose to her feet and turned to anchor her hands against the cement railing. Being with Hadleigh was nice. He’d always stirred her blood and caused her emotions to take control, but until now, the ending result had been confrontational. That wasn’t the way it was any more.
She didn’t feel the need to argue with him over every statement he made. She even found herself relaxing around him, and relying on his level-headed decisions. Trust, of course, wasn’t part of the equation, and probably never would be. Trust wasn’t something she could allow herself to give.
She clasped her hands in front of her at her waist. He’d been right when he’d told her she didn’t trust him because she couldn’t bring herself to trust any man. That was true. But that’s because she’d never had a man in her life that she could trust. She’d had to do for herself so long she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to give herself over to a man to be taken care of. Even though the Duke of Hadleigh inspired trust, she couldn’t be fooled by that. She only had to remember how he’d used his own sister to exact revenge on the Earl of Haywood. Even though he knew his sister loved Haywood, he’d done everything in his power to destroy him. If he would betray his own sister like that, she didn’t want to imagine what he would consider doing to her.
No, she couldn’t trust the Duke of Hadleigh. No matter how much she wanted to be able to trust him, she couldn’t.
She dropped her hands to her side and breathed a sigh that contained regret as well as resolve. She was on her own, and she’d continue as she had done before Hadleigh intruded.
“That sigh conveyed several interesting suggestions. Would you care to share?”
She turned to see Hadleigh cross the stone terrace toward her. How could one man consume so much of the outdoors? She was used to his presence filling an area confined by four walls and a ceiling. But this was the vast outdoors, yet his form walking toward her made her feel small. Not insignificant, simply small and delicate. Something she didn’t feel around anyone else. Even the Earl of Haywood, who was nearly the same height and breadth as Hadleigh.
“I was just thinking about Harry. I know he’s lucky to still be alive, but he’s far from recovered.”
“He’s young, and strong. He’ll recover in time.”
He stopped when he reached her. He was close enough that she detected a hint of brandy, and a cheroot he’d no doubt smoked after dinner.
“I know he will.”
“But you’re so used to worrying over him that you find it impossible not to.”
She sighed. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Then why don’t you explain it to me as we stroll through the garden.” He held out his arm for her to take.
She hesitated a moment, then placed her hand on his jacke
t sleeve. She found she wanted to walk with him. She wanted him to understand why Harry’s welfare was so important to her. And even more startling, she found she wanted to be alone with him.
They made their way down the steps, then deeper into the garden.
“I’d really like to know why you’re so protective of your brother. He doesn’t need to be cosseted, you know.”
“Although to you it may seem like I’m overly protective of him, I don’t mean to cosset him. And my motives are not altruistic. One might even call them selfish.”
Hadleigh stopped, and turned toward her. “I’m sure they’re not selfish, my lady.”
“I’ll let you decide after you hear my explanation.”
“Perhaps we’d best sit, then.”
He led her to a small cast iron bench that sat alongside a pool of water. Even with the lack of sunlight, it was beautiful. The full moon shone on the still water and the soft evening breeze kept the air warm.
Amanda sat, then looked out over the garden as if she were seeing such a sight for the very first time.
Hadleigh didn’t rush her. He sat quietly, as if he, too, enjoyed the scene before him.
She, at first, considered not answering him. She didn’t think he’d press her for an explanation tonight, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t bring up the topic again later. She’d best explain now.
“Before Celie married, did you ever concern yourself with what would become of her if something happened to you?”
“Of course. I’m not ignorant of the options available to a female in today’s society without the protection of a husband or a loving family. Since I was the only family Cecelia had, I made sure she would be left with ample resources to support her, was I no longer here to take care of her. That, plus the more than adequate trust her maternal grandmother left her would have assured that she continue to live in the style to which she was accustomed.”
“She’s very fortunate then, Your Grace. I can’t boast of having those resources at my disposal.”
Amanda couldn’t bring herself to turn her head, nor could she force herself to look at him. “I’m not telling you this to elicit sympathy, nor will I accept your pity. I am simply stating a fact.”
“I appreciate your forthrightness. You will not detect sympathy, nor pity from my quarter.”
“Then I will continue.” She took a breath. “I do not intend to marry, Your Grace. I know it is often the only choice left for many females, but I refuse to be one of those women who are forced to make a decision they regret for the rest of their lives. Therefore, Harry’s welfare is very important to me.”
Amanda rose, then stepped away from where Hadleigh sat. She needed the space. His nearness affected her in ways she didn’t want to combat tonight. “Should something happen to him, the title and all the Mattenden holdings would fall to a distant cousin—a very tightfisted cousin who would not give my situation a second thought. Even though, at times, Harry cannot be counted on to provide the full amount I am promised by my father’s will, I at least receive enough to live comfortably. I also have access to Mattenden House in the City, and Mattenden Manor. Should something happen to Harry, however—” She stopped.
There was a moment of silence before he said, “I understand.”
“For this reason, I am determined to find the parties who want to do him harm and see them brought to justice. That is the only way I can be assured of Harry’s safety.”
She heard him rise and step up behind her. She wanted to step away from him, but he positioned himself too close to her to make such a move. Before she realized what he intended, he placed his hands on her upper arms and turned her so she faced him.
“I know what you intend, Amanda, but promise that you’ll give me time to see what I can discover. I have avenues open to me that you don’t have. I can investigate the four men you have left without anyone becoming the wiser.”
She lifted her gaze and saw the sincerity in his moonlit eyes.
“Very well. I will stay in the background, and avoid even looking at any of the four remaining earls in public. I will not interfere with your efforts,” she gave as an answer.
Their gazes locked and held and he gave her a sharp nod in response.
She felt safe when she was this near him. His height towered over her like castle walls to protect her. The breadth of his shoulders surrounded her like a cocoon surrounds an insect. She knew no one could harm her as long as Hadleigh was there to watch over her. His face swam before her as wetness filled her eyes. She hadn’t felt so safe since her parents had died.
The corners of his mouth lifted to form a beautiful smile, as if he understood how his pledge had affected her. Then, he lowered his head and touched his lips to hers.
This kiss was gentler than any of the kisses they’d shared before. This kiss was like an entreaty that begged for something more. This kiss was as an initial greeting between friends who were not overly involved, but who realized the possibility for closeness was inevitable. Except, no matter how hard Amanda tried to tell herself she wouldn’t allow any overture made by the Duke of Hadleigh to affect her, her body screamed that this simple kiss opened doors to emotions far deeper.
He pulled her to him. Or, perhaps she was the one to push her body closer to his. The instigator of the move wasn’t important, but how that nearness affected the kiss they still shared was vitally important.
Hadleigh’s arms tightened around her body, his hands moved over her as if searching for a place he hadn’t touched before. His kiss deepened.
His mouth opened atop hers and Amanda knew he was demonstrating his expertise in kissing. She knew he was demanding something she’d never been asked to provide. And although she didn’t know what that something was, she was more than willing to offer it.
She opened her mouth to match his, then felt his tongue search out hers. The feel of him seeking a connection to unite them caused an explosive surge inside her that was as powerful as a series of fireworks. White lights glittered behind her closed eyes. Her heart shifted inside her breast. And an unexplainable warmth rushed to the nether regions of her body. His intense kisses were more violent than the kisses they’d shared before. The affect they had on her was more disturbing.
She found she couldn’t breathe—at least she couldn’t breathe on her own. She needed him in order to take in air, to release air. She needed his arms around her in order to remain upright. She needed his strength for everything else.
He kissed her again. Then again. Then, with an agonizing moan, he lifted his mouth from hers and gathered her in his arms.
“I’m not sure how to handle you, my lady,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m not sure I’m able.”
“You are admitting defeat?”
He placed his finger beneath her chin and lifted. “Yes, I am admitting defeat.”
“Is this overly difficult for you to confess?”
“I’ll have you know it scares the hell out of me.”
A feeling of trepidation settled over her and she shifted her gaze. “Why?”
“Because I never expected to have to deal with what’s happening between us.”
Amanda pulled away from him far enough to concentrate on the expression on his face. What she saw caused her heart to drop to the pit of her stomach. For the first time in her life she saw terror branded in the way he looked at her. Not confusion, or frustration. But blatant fright. Alarm. Horror. He didn’t release her, but his hold loosened.
She stepped back. She realized how much he feared the thought of having feelings for her and knew she had to dispel any notion that there might be something developing between them. She couldn’t bear it if he thought that she assumed that his kisses might indicate an impending relationship that would bind them for the rest of their lives.
It was evident that the very possibility that she might expect there to be a future for them was repulsive in the extreme.
She didn’t have a choice but to
disabuse him of the idea that she considered the kisses they shared to mean anything.
She stepped out of his reach. “Are you worried, Your Grace?”
“Worried?”
“Yes, that I might think the simple kisses we share mean something?”
“Simple?”
“Yes. Unless they affected you to some greater degree than they did me, I assure you, I consider the kisses we shared quite inconsequential.”
“I see.”
“No, I’m not sure you do. I think you fear that I may attach some significance to our lapses in decorum.” She took another step away from him. “Let me assure you that I expect nothing because of the kisses we shared.”
“I see,” he repeated.
“Good,” Amanda said as flippantly as she could. “Because we both know we would never suit. That fact was obvious on the day we met and it continues to be so today.”
She didn’t know how she managed the smile that followed because her face felt as if it might crack from the strain.
“Now, if you will excuse me, Your Grace, I’m quite weary and would like to retire.”
“May I accompany you inside?”
“Heavens, no. I can find my way. Please, stay here and enjoy the fresh air.”
“I bid you good night, then,” he said.
“Good night, Your Grace.”
Amanda wasn’t sure how she managed to walk away from him without staggering, but she was finally far enough away so he could no longer see her.
Even though she hurt, she couldn’t cry. She was too angry to cry. She would never forget the look of amazement—fear—terror—on his face when he looked at her after their kiss. She was desperate now to discover who was involved in the heinous crimes that Harry knew about and see them prosecuted. And soon. Then, she’d be free to remove herself from the Duke of Hadleigh and never set eyes on him again.
She didn’t care what she’d told him about giving him time to discover any leads he could find. She couldn’t afford to give him that much time.
Her heart couldn’t afford to give him any time at all.
CHAPTER 13
“Your Grace?”
Sterling bolted upright and stared at his butler standing beside his bed with a flickering candle in his hand.
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