by Mia Carson
My mom automatically looked at him like it was all his fault, and then looked at me like she couldn't believe what was happening. “How? When?”
“I think the how is kind of obvious, Mom,” I mumbled.
“Who's the father?” she asked.
I glanced at Jesse, who smiled at me and squeezed my hand. I took a deep breath and looked at the floor in front of my mom's feet, feeling like I was going to be sick. “Mason.”
“Does he know?” Mom asked. I was starting to get really fucking tired of that question, but I answered it with a shake of my head. Next thing I knew, Mom was hugging me so tightly I could barely breathe, and Jesse had been shoved out of the way. One of his fingers remained curled around mine. “It'll be okay, sweetie,” she said into my hair, rubbing my back. “We're gonna figure it all out.”
The tears came immediately and violently. I let go of Jesse to clutch Mom and heard him mumble something about going to the kitchen to give us some space. I must have cried for a couple minutes before I finally managed to stop. “I'm sorry.”
“I know you're a responsible person,” Mom said. “And I know Mason is, too. Accidents happen. You don't have anything to say sorry for.” I nodded, but I didn't quite believe her. “Let's get you some food and some juice, okay?”
I felt like a little kid as I followed Mom into the kitchen. Jesse had helped himself to a glass of water and was talking to Tyler, who had concern written all over his face and hugged me the second he saw me. He smelled like work and his cologne, and I sagged against him. Sometimes, all I wanted was a hug from my big brother, the boy who had sworn he would always protect me.
Mom handed me a glass of orange juice and sat me down. “We need to take you to get some tests done,” she said, one hand resting on top of mine.
I nodded and listened to her talk, the tension and fear slowly dissipating. My family would take care of me, no matter what I decided to do. I had felt so alone, but that wasn't the truth. I had my parents, and my brother, and Jesse and Harry, and that was all I needed.
MASON
I don't know what possessed me to accept the transfer offer I found in the pile of mail on my bed when I got home. I just knew I should do it and managed to get it in just before the deadline. Once again, I found myself packing and heading back to my childhood home. My last minute registration meant I missed a couple of classes and didn't get my pick of dorm rooms, but I didn't care. I needed to be close to Ali, to keep an eye on her if nothing else. I didn't want to push her, and with our radically different majors, there was little chance we would have any classes together, but I would be there and that was what really counted.
For whatever reason, I didn't tell anyone I was going back. I just moved down quietly and into my dorm with some guy who looked like he hadn't slept for a year. I didn't see much of him, and when I did, he was either dozing on his little corner desk or bent over his computer, working. I tried to apply myself at least half as much as he did, but it was hard to concentrate on school when I kept hoping for a glance of Ali, which made me feel stupid. If I wanted to see her, all I had to do was text, but there was a paralysing fear in my stomach that kept asking, What if she doesn't want to see me? No matter what I did, I couldn't get it to go away.
It was pure chance that I saw her walking on campus. For weeks, I hadn't seen a glimpse of her, not surprising considering the size of the college and the number of people who walked by me on a daily basis. I was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, trying to shake an annoying pebble out of my shoe, when I heard her familiar laugh. I found her immediately, walking with her fingers laced with some other guy's, looking happier than I had seen her for a month, if not longer. My chest squeezed tight. He was tall, a good-looking guy with light brown hair. He wrapped an arm around Ali's shoulders and pulled her close. Through my jealousy, I noticed she wore a hoodie that was too bulky for the season. She didn't see me at all. She and her boyfriend, because that's sure as hell what he looked like, walked right past me, and I sat there on the bench like an idiot with one shoe off, trying to breathe through the pressure in my lungs.
I thought about texting Tyler and asking him if he knew if Ali was seeing anyone, but that would raise way too many questions I didn't have all the answers to. Besides, it would feel like a betrayal of Ali's trust if I let her brother know I was here but didn't make any effort to get in touch with her. I watched her and the new guy disappear in a crowd of people and slid my shoe back on slowly. I slouched on the bench.
I skipped my next class and waited in the courtyard, hoping to catch another glimpse of her and that I’d have the courage to say something, but she must have gone out another door. I went to the rest of my classes that day, but I didn't really pay attention. I simply sat in a desk in the back and fiddled with my phone, trying to decide whether to text Ali or not. Eventually, my want won over whatever common sense I still had, and I sent her a simple message saying I was in town and asking her if she wanted to get a drink.
My stomach was in knots until she replied with a yes. We agreed to meet at the usual place at seven. My heart pounded, but I did feel some relief, though it was mostly overruled by anxiety. My palms wouldn't stop sweating, and by the time I got out of my last class and could go get ready, I was so nervous I worried I might puke. I drank some water to calm down and changed into a nicer shirt before leaving a bit earlier than necessary to make sure I got to the bar in time.
I found a nice table and ordered a beer to drink while I waited. I didn't have to sit there long before the door opened and I saw Ali come in, still wearing the same clothes from earlier, and look around for me. My heart soared at the smile that bloomed on her face when she spotted me. It wasn't the biggest one I had seen, but it was genuine. I waved uselessly since she had already spotted me, but she waved back and walked over, sitting with a heavy sigh, one hand on her stomach.
"Hey," I said.
Ali's smile widened a bit. "Hey."
"It's good to see you."
"You too." She shifted in the booth seat, her brows furrowing slightly as she tried to get comfortable. "So, what are you doing here?"
"It's a funny story, actually," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "Promise you won't be angry?"
"Why would I be angry?" Ali asked. "You're still my friend, Mase. I was just...dealing with some shit, that's all."
I wanted to ask her about it, but I bit my tongue and answered her question instead. "I actually got an offer to transfer here. I didn't get into all of my classes, but I figured it'd be worth it to be closer to you and Tyler, ya know? Being here over the summer made me realize how much I miss you guys."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Ali asked.
I shrugged. "Was worried what you would think, mostly. I didn't wanna come off as some weird stalker."
"Honestly, it's creepier that you didn't say anything," Ali said.
"Well, I have now, so...we cool?"
"Yeah," Ali replied with a nod. "We're cool."
I grinned at her. "What do you want to drink?"
Ali looked away, her cheeks growing a very light pink. "Uh, just some water, actually."
"What?" I asked. "Come on, you're twenty-one now, right? You can have a beer."
"I know, but I don't want one," she said.
I didn't argue, just got up to go order for her. When I came back to the table, she was on her phone, her free hand resting on her stomach. I squinted, as if that would help me see clearer. Something was off about her, I could tell that much. You didn't know someone for twenty-one years and not be able to pick up on the little nuances of their behaviour. I put her water on the table in front of her and reclaimed my seat, taking a sip of my drink to steady my hand. Ali finished whatever she was doing on her phone, thanked me, and took a tiny sip through the straw that had come with her glass.
The noise of the bar kept the silence between us from growing too awkward, but I still struggled for something to say, and it didn't look like Ali was to
o keen on talking, either. I was starting to think that reaching out to her had been a bad idea when she yawned and stretched. Her hoodie rode up just enough that I could see her belly and a swell I didn't remember having been there before. Ali had always been active and toned and had the stomach of a goddess. Still, I kept my mouth shut.
"Sorry," she said through her yawn. "I haven't been sleeping much."
"Is anything wrong?" I asked.
Ali shook her head. "No. Need to pee." She stood up, fixed her shirt, and headed towards the bathroom.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to text Tyler, but he must have been at work because I was still waiting for a reply when Ali came back several minutes later. I watched her carefully, looking for any other differences in how she moved, but nothing caught my eye. I bit my tongue on more questions and settled for letting her talk about what had been happening at school.
"I moved out," she said with a grin. "A friend of mine had room in his place and let me have the spare bedroom. Definitely glad to be away from Mom and Dad, let me fucking tell you."
"Oh, come on, they're not bad." Ali gave me a look. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Do I know this friend?" I had met a couple of Ali's girlfriends over the years, and dealt with them subsequently fawning over me, but as far as I knew, none of them had their own apartments.
"Uh, no," Ali replied, looking away and working her jaw the way she did sometimes when she was nervous about something. "No, you don't."
“Are you sure you're okay, Ali?” I asked.
“I'm fine, Mase,” she said and smiled.
The tension between us slowly faded, and eventually, I felt comfortable enough to ask if I could come visit over the weekend. Ali hesitated a bit too long before replying, but she shrugged.
“Sure. I'll text you the address. I'm working during the day tomorrow, but I'll be home around three.”
We parted with a hug that Ali didn't return quite the same way as she usually did, and as I was driving home, I tried to figure out if it was because of what had happened between us or something else. I got my answer when Tyler finally answered my text. She's pregnant, but don't tell her I said anything, ok? She'll kill me.
My knees buckled and I landed hard on my bed. Thank fuck I was alone in the dorm because I really didn't want to face any awkward questions as I tried to process what I had learned. Tomorrow night was going to be one hell of a night.
I dressed up even though I probably didn't need to, but if anyone else was around when I went to see Ali, I wanted them to know I wasn't anyone to mess with, and neither was she. It was only partly because I wanted to look nice for her. It wasn't formal dinner-wear or anything, just a pair of good jeans and a nice button down, but I felt like I needed to make the effort.
True to her word, Ali sent me her new address and reminded me of what time I needed to show. I put the former into my GPS and set my phone in the cup holder. I knew more or less where she was but still needed the specifics. I got there way too early and ended up sitting in my car, feeling like an idiot, until it was within a few minutes of when I was supposed to arrive. I headed up and knocked on the door. Ali called out from inside the room and answered the door a few seconds later.
Her hair was up, but she wasn't wearing work clothes, just sweats and another hoodie. I knew why she had the latter on now, and my mind almost burned with the desire to talk to her about it. The stiff jealousy in my chest demanded answers as well, but I didn't want to make Ali feel uncomfortable. Or, at least, keep it to a minimum. She stepped aside to let me in.
“Do you want a drink?” she asked. “There's some beer in the fridge, but we've got soda, too.”
“Beer's good,” I said, refraining from announcing that I knew why she wasn't drinking alcohol. I ran a hand through my hair and made myself comfortable on the sofa. It was pretty clear looking around that there was a guy living in the apartment with her. I couldn't help but think about the one I had seen her with on campus. She brought me an open beer and sat down on the sofa next to me.
“Netflix and—”
“Chill?” I asked.
Ali blushed. “Netflix without the chill,” she said. “We never finished watching that stand-up routine. Wanna start it from the beginning?”
“Sounds good to me,” I said and took a long sip of my drink.
Ali turned on the TV and scrolled to the right program. It gave me a weird sort of pleasure that she clearly hadn't resumed watching the program on her own. She restarted it, leaned back, and folded her legs up on the sofa. Her feet pressed against my thigh. It was just the way things used to be before we had gotten involved and things had gotten all screwed up. I stretched my arm across the back of the sofa and relaxed as much as I could.
Comedy was always good for relieving tension, and after a while, it was like nothing had changed. Almost. There was still the elephant in the room, the one Ali clearly didn't want me to know about. Did she think I would be jealous of her having some other guy's kid? She was right, but not so much so that I wasn't going to talk to her or try to help her however I could. I wondered if he knew and when it had happened. Had she gotten over me that quickly or had it just been a one-off? I bit my tongue against my questions. There would be a time to satisfy my curiosity, and it wasn't now. I needed a bit more booze in me for that.
“I've missed you,” Ali said during a pause for laughter. “And this. I'm sorry that things got so weird at the end.”
“Were you ever going to tell me you're pregnant?” I asked, regretting the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. I sounded more resentful than I wanted to. Ali paled and curled into herself, her arms wrapping protectively around her stomach. “I don't care,” I continued, “I just wanna know if the guy is treating you right. Does he even know?”
“No,” Ali said softly. “I haven't told him yet.”
I twisted on the couch to face her. “I just want to take care of you, you know that, right?” I said. “I don't care whose baby it is.” She wouldn't look at me. “Ali.”
“I'm sorry, Mase,” she sniffed. “I didn't want you to find out like this. I was just so scared, you know?”
“Are you two together? Or...”
“No,” Ali said quickly. “We're not.”
“So, who're you living with then?”
“Jesse and his boyfriend,” Ali replied. “They were nice enough to offer the spare room, and it's been really good not having to deal with Mom worrying all the time. I don't think you've ever met him.” She fished her phone out of her pocket. “Here.” She showed me a picture of the man I'd seen her with on campus next to another with short dark hair and the beginnings of a beard. “That's Jesse,” Ali said, pointing to the face I knew, “and that's his boyfriend, Harry.”
“It's good you have them,” I said, settling back and trying to stay cool as my mind raced. If it hadn't been Jesse who got her pregnant, that meant...unless there was someone else she hadn't told me about. My heart pounded so hard I had trouble breathing, and the back of my neck was sweating. I tried to keep myself from talking more about the pregnancy. Ali's tone of voice told me it was sensitive, so I let it go despite my curiosity.
After a while, she moved around and leaned against me, pressing into my side and putting her head on my shoulder. I let my arm fall around her and squeezed gently, then rubbed down her arm. She sighed loudly, but I felt her body relax. For the rest of the show, we sat like that. When it ended, Ali moved to grab the remote and start another one before snuggling back against me again.
“I really missed you, Mase,” she said. “I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. This is just…it's a lot to deal with.”
“You never need to be afraid of telling me anything, Ali,” I said, putting as much sincerity into my words as I could. “You mean—” I stopped myself before I said something stupid. “You mean a lot to me.”
“I know,” Ali replied. “You do, too.”
“Do you... Do you think that, maybe...” I shook my head at m
yself.
“What, Mase?” Ali asked.
“Nothing,” I said.
Ali sat up and glared at me, her jaw set. “Don't bullshit me. I have enough shit to deal with.”
“Then you don't need to know what I was gonna say,” I said.
“Dammit, Mase, just spit it out!”
I kissed her, so hard our teeth clacked together. I started to pull away, but she wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and held me there, kissing me back just as firmly. We pulled away from each other, breathless, a handful of seconds later. Ali's face had flushed and her eyes were dark. I probably looked the same.
“Oh,” Ali said.
“Yeah,” I replied and looked away.
Ali touched my cheek and rubbed her fingers down the stubble growing on my jaw. “Hey.” I glanced up. She smiled and kissed the bridge of my nose. “Thank you. For being so understanding.”
“Ali, I...” I twisted my beer bottle in my hands. “I still care about you. Do you think...Maybe we could...give this another go? I know you're worried about your parents, but...”
“They're the least of my worries right now,” Ali said. “You don't care that I'm...You know?”
“Not at all,” I said. “Not in the slightest. And I don't care whose it is. I only care about what's best for you.” She looked like she was about to cry, so I put my beer on the coffee table and pulled her in close, wrapping my arms around her tightly. “I just want you to be safe, okay?”
She nodded into my chest and didn't move for a long time. The door opened to a dark apartment; Ali had fallen asleep. Jesse and his boyfriend came in laughing but immediately quieted down when they saw Ali and me. Harry went quietly to the back of the apartment so Jesse and I could be alone to talk.
“Is she okay?” he asked softly. I nodded. “Good.” He must have known something was up, because the look he gave me was the exact same one I would have given him if our positions were reversed. “You better be careful with her,” he said. He joined his boyfriend in the back.
