by Vivian Ward
In many ways, I enjoyed the fact that I wasn’t stuck in the office all night. Sure, I got lost in the plant several times and had to ask people where the hell I was, but I got to talk to so many people and have actual conversations.
Dillon had been right about one thing. The factory was a complete sausage fest. I knew that the majority of employees there would be men simply due to the type of physical work that is done there, but I had no idea how skewed the numbers would be. On the 11 am to 11 pm shift, I was one of only three women in the entire plant. It was crazy, and while I planned on telling him all about my first day, that was a piece of information I was going to keep to myself.
As I pulled my car into the garage, I was surprised by how excited I was to tell my husband about my night. I worried that he might not care or may not want to hear it, but I’d never know if I didn’t talk to him.
When Dillon and I first met, and for several years after getting married, we were basically best friends. We spent all of our free time together, talked non-stop, and could not get enough of each other. I wondered where things went so wrong. I missed our talks about nothing at all that would last for hours and all the fun we used to have together and wondered if it was gone forever or if there was any way we could ever get it back.
Thinking about the state of our marriage caused tears to begin welling up in my eyes, which was the last thing I wanted. There would be time to talk about our marriage later. On that night, I wanted everything to be happy.
When I walked into the house, the house was dark except for the small foyer light, which Dillon must have left on for me. Figuring he was downstairs in his office, I put my things down on the table and made my way down, but I could see it was dark down there before I even got to the bottom of the stairs.
“Honey?” I called out, wondering where he was, but I was met with only silence.
It wasn’t until I made it to the living room that I heard the faint sounds of the television coming from the bedroom. I poked my head in and saw him sleeping soundly. He must have fallen asleep watching sports highlights or something. He looked so cute and peaceful. I decided that when I climbed into bed, I was going to scoot right up to him and fall asleep on his chest, something that we hadn’t done in as long as I could remember.
Starving, I walked back into the kitchen to have some of the lasagna I’d made for Dillon. I was honestly surprised to see that he’d left a note just like I’d made for him.
Sweetheart,
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to make sure I had something to eat when I got home. You didn’t have to do that, but I’m grateful you did. You and I both know that when it comes to cooking, it was not a skill I was blessed with. You on the other hand…
The lasagna was delicious, and I even had a glass of wine with it because you would have made me do the same had you been home.
I feel like a giant jackass about what happened this morning and think we should make some time to talk. Tonight, I just want to hear about your day. I’ll be in the bedroom waiting to hear all about it.
I love you, babe,
Dillon
The note made me feel something that I hadn’t felt in a long time: butterflies in the pit of my stomach. In the back of my mind, I knew this sweetness probably wasn’t going to last, but I was going to hold on to the feeling as long as I possibly could.
I thought it was also sweet that Dillon had planned on waiting up for me because he actually wanted to know how my first night of work went. No matter what kind of issues we’d gone through, I still loved that man and knew we could get through whatever was put in front of us. Of course, I’d been wondering if he felt the same, but seeing what he wrote to me was a bit of needed reinforcement.
While I ate, I started going through all of the paperwork that had been given to me when I arrived at work that afternoon. There were your typical handbooks, policies and procedures, phone logs, contact numbers, and things like that.
Near the back of the manilla folder, I found all of the paperwork about benefits. There was medical coverage from day one, and while my husband is a doctor, it would come in handy if I was ever in any kind of catastrophic accident that would require extended hospital stays and things like that. It would basically mean not having to go bankrupt while I recovered.
There was also information about investments, 401k, other retirement plans, and things of that nature. Since I hadn’t worked in so long, I decided I was going to set aside additional money out of each check to try to catch up.
I needed to go online to pick which plans I wanted to opt into so I figured I’d go down to the office and jump on my computer to take care of that before I went to bed. First and foremost, I wanted to relax. I thought about slipping into a hot bubble bath, but I really just wanted to be close to my husband, so I opted to creep into our room and put on some comfortable pajamas.
When I turned to walk out of the room, I noticed that Dillon’s laptop was lying on the floor next to his side of the bed. Instead of having to walk downstairs, I decided to just use his computer right there in bed.
After putting in his “secret code,” code, which just consists of the two of our names together, the laptop came to life. It took a minute for my mind to register what was on the screen in front of me, but once I figured it out, the computer slipped from my hands and fell onto the mattress.
He’s been looking at porn. Fucking porn! I’m not a prude by any means, but I haven’t been getting any attention in the bedroom, and I felt like I’d just discovered the reason why. He’d rather look at porn than have sex with his wife. That made me feel so shitty about myself and had me questioning what I was doing wrong.
I took a deep breath and composed myself before picking the laptop up off the mattress. I wanted to see what was taking my place. I needed to see what kind of porn was so important that he’d rather jerk off watching it than having sex with me.
The name of the website was “Real Cheating Wives, ” and it seemed to revolve around videos where the wife is cheating on her husband.
I wondered what kind of sick thrill he was getting out of that. Earlier that day he was giving me shit about the fact that I was doing my hair and makeup for work and then he was watching videos where the wife was cheating. Did he think I got this job to find men to cheat on him with? Was that something that turned him on in some sick way?
What was I supposed to do? I wanted to wake him up and ask him what his problem was. I wanted to know why he was looking at that kind of thing when I was right there whenever he wanted. What was he getting out of the porn that he wasn’t getting with me? I really wanted to do that, but I didn’t. I needed to sleep on it so I could figure out the best way to handle it.
I did want to know exactly what he was watching so I muted the volume and pressed play on the video had up. There was one thing that immediately jumped out at me. The cheating wife in the video looked exactly like me.
6
Dillon
Panic instantly started to set in as I looked over at the nightstand and saw that the clock read 6:44 am. I had appointment starting at 8:00 that morning and intended to be up at 5:30.
Unfortunately, I’d fallen asleep while waiting for Kayla to come home and didn’t get a chance to set my alarm. I stretched and rolled over only to find that she wasn't in bed with me. Sometimes she had trouble sleeping so I didn’t think anything of it and figured I’d find her in the kitchen drinking coffee.
I grabbed a fast shower, brushed my teeth, and got dressed in record time, leaving me about twenty minutes about twenty minutes before I had to leave the house. I planned to use that time to see how Kayla’s first day at work had been, but when I walked into the kitchen, she wasn’t there.
Wondering where she could be, I looked around the house and found her sleeping on the couch wrapped in one of the blankets we usually reserve for guests. At first, I thought that she might have fallen asleep reading or watching television, but the tv was off, and there wa
sn’t a book to be found.
Surely she couldn’t be that upset about the fight we had, could she? Sure, we’ve had our fair share of fights and arguments over the years, but never one that’s been so bad that one of us slept on the couch.
“Kayla?” I whispered into her ear, nudging her gently from her sleep. “Kayla, wake up.”
“Huh? What? What time is it?”
“It’s about 7:20. How come you’re sleeping out here?”
“I don’t know. I was just lying here thinking, and I guess I fell asleep.”
She wasn’t fooling me. I knew she was lying. If she ever wants to relax on the couch, she has a throw blanket that she always grabs. She had to go down to the basement closet to get the guest blanket she was using.
“Thanks for the lasagna last night. It was delicious.”
“Yeah, I saw the note you left,” she replied coldly. The way she said it made me very uneasy. I guess the fight was worse in her mind than it was in mine.
“How was your first night at work?” I asked, trying to sound as genuine as possible.
“Dillon, you don't have to feign an interest. You can save your breath.”
“I’m not feigning any interest, Kayla. I’d really like to know.”
“It was fine.”
“Look, I’m really sorry about everything I said yesterday. I didn’t mean for things to blow up like they did. I never imagined it would have you sleeping on the couch.”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m sleeping on the couch,” she scoffed with just a hint of a laugh in her voice.
“If that’s not the problem, then what is it?”
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. Don’t you have to get to work?”
“Yes, but not until you tell me what’s on your mind. What did I do?”
“What did you do? I don’t know, Dillon. Why don’t you tell me what you did?”
I searched my brain for anything that could have pissed her off this much. I put my dinner dishes in the dishwasher and put the lasagna back in the fridge. I had no idea what I could have done to make her so angry with me.
“I have no idea. I really can’t think of anything.”
“Okay, then there’s nothing to talk about.”
“Fine, I don’t have time for this. Whatever it is you’re mad about, I guess we can discuss it later.”
I turned to grab my things and was almost to the door that separates the house from the garage when she spoke up.
“I used your laptop last night.”
My breath caught, and my heart felt like it stopped beating inside my chest. She didn’t have to say anything else because I already knew what she meant. I just had to figure out how to downplay it.
“Kayla, you shouldn’t get mad about seeing porn on my laptop. All men look at porn.”
“Yeah? Even men who are always so tired that they usually have no interest in doing things with their wife?”
“It isn’t like that at all.”
“Then what is it like? It seems to me that my schedule works out perfect for you. You can lay in our bed and jerk off all you want. No nagging wife to worry about then, huh?”
“You’re making this seem way worse than it is.”
“Am I, though? I don’t think I am. It’s not even so much the fact that you were looking at porn that bothers me. I could not possibly care less. If you think I never look at porn, you’re nuts. I’m more bothered by the fact that you’re watching porn about wives who cheat on their husbands.”
“Oh, that’s what you’re upset about? It just happened to be the video I clicked on. They aren’t all like that.”
“Dillon, you know me well enough to know that I’m not stupid. I didn’t just look at what video you had up. The whole damn website was about cheating wives. I can’t believe you would be looking at that, especially after all the shit you gave me yesterday about getting all made up to go to work. Is that what you think I’m doing? Do you think I took this job to cheat on you?”
“No Kayla, it’s not like that at all. I just like some of the storylines in the videos on that site.”
“Okay, explain one thing to me then. Why did the girl in the video you were watching when you closed your laptop look exactly like me.”
Fuck, I was busted. I knew she paid attention to every little detail about everything, but I was really hoping that she wouldn’t put that together. If I was ever going to come clean, it was right then.
“All right, listen. I don’t think you took your job to cheat on me and I don’t believe that you would cheat on me anyway, there’s just this fantasy I’ve always had since we got married, but I’ve never wanted to bring it up to you.”
“Dillon, you’re supposed to be my best friend. You’ve always told me that there isn’t anything you can’t tell me. We’ve done plenty of experimenting in the bedroom so I don’t know why you’d be worried about me knowing a fantasy. Those are supposed to be fun.”
“This one is a little different, and I’m honestly not sure how you’d react to it, especially seeing how you’re responding right now to the fact that I was looking at porn.”
“Just tell me. I won’t judge.”
“Okay, I have this fantasy. It’s not a cheating fantasy at all because I’d never want you to actually cheat on me, but I’ve always had a fantasy of watching you with another man.”
7
Kayla
Did I just hear him correctly? Did Dillon just tell me that he’s always had a fantasy of watching me be with another man?
“You want to watch me with another man? What does that mean exactly?” I asked, sure that I must have heard incorrectly.
“It’s just a fantasy, Kayla. We don’t have to make such a big deal out of it.”
“We’ve both had lots of fantasies, though, and we’ve had no problem acting on them. How long has this been in your head?”
“Always.”
“Always? So you’ve always wanted me to fuck somebody else?”
“Yes. No. Well, not exactly. It’s not quite that easy.”
“What do you mean it’s not that easy? Do you or do you not have a fantasy of wanting to watch me fuck someone else? That’s what you said, and that’s what the website you were looking at was showing.”
“It’s a fantasy, Kayla. I think you’re incredibly sexy and would love to see you being pleasured from the outside. It’s something I never get to see.”
“Bullshit. We’ve made plenty of tapes together. You can watch those if you want to see me pleasured.”
“I’ve watched those tapes so many times. That’s what got this fantasy going. I just would like to see it live. That’s all.”
“I can’t believe this. Don’t you have to be getting to work?”
“Yeah, but I can push my appointments back a bit so we can talk.”
“No, don’t. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, at least not right now. I’ll be at work when you get home so why don’t we just talk about this tomorrow?”
“Okay, if that’s what you want. This isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.”
“Please don’t tell me how to feel. Get to work, and we’ll talk about tomorrow.”
“All right, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you,” he said as he walked over to kiss me.
“Love you too,” I replied, turning my head, so his kiss hit my cheek instead of my lips.
I stood there while he gathered his things and walked out the door before crumbling down onto the couch. My heart was racing, and I could feel a tension headache forming behind my eyes.
None of what he was saying made any sense. How did he get so jealous the day before and then come home and watch porn about me cheating on him? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make myself comprehend it.
I needed someone to talk to about this, but I didn’t want to speak to any of our immediate mutual friends. I was sure that he wouldn’t want anyone in our inner circle to know about this fantasy.
Grabbing my cell
phone off the coffee table, I scrolled through my contacts list when I came across the perfect name for the situation.
Meghann was my old college roommate, and she was a bit of a wild child back in the day. I had no idea how much had changed, but last I heard, she’d gotten married and had a couple of kids. We kept in touch on Facebook but hadn’t talked on the phone for quite some time. I dialed the number and hoped she’d be available to talk.
“Hello?” she answered, sounding as though I was waking her.
“Hey Meghann, this is Kayla.”
“Kayla? Kayla Baker?”
“Yeah, it’s me. How are ya?”
“I’m doing really well. How are you?”
“I’ve been better. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“Of course. What’s going on?”
“Well, I got a new job and started yesterday. When I got home last night, I jumped on my husband’s computer to fill out some forms and saw that he'd be looking at porn.”
“Porn? No, not that,” she sarcastically said with a giggle. “You know everyone looks at porn, right?”
“Yes, I know that. It’s not the fact that he was looking at porn that has me concerned. It’s the type of porn he was looking at.”
“Oh, you found out he’s into some weird shit, huh? Was it midgets? I bet it was midgets. Fuck!”
“No, it wasn’t midgets. It was cheating wife porn.”
“Cheating wife porn? That’s it? That’s disappointing.”
“What? Disappointing?”
“I’m kidding, but I still don’t see what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is that before I left work, my husband gave me a bunch of shit about the fact that I was doing my hair and makeup to go work around a bunch of men.”
