Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  Once she was away from him, physically, the attraction she felt would fade. Still, she couldn’t ignore the relief that had settled her breathing and her racing mind.

  She tilted her head and looked at him. “That’s not the typical male response.”

  “I think you told me there wasn’t anything typical about me.”

  “It’s true. So no second date.”

  He shook his head as relief spread from her toes all the way to the tips of her hair. Thank you.

  What was she hoping? That he’d give up his plan and confess he couldn’t stop thinking about her, either? Since that wasn’t going to happen, she needed to do what he was paying her damn well to do.

  “Well. In that case. I can stay and show you Tinder.”

  His mouth dropped open for a second before he stared at her. He picked up the other remote. “Tinder? The hook-up app?”

  She threw one hand up. “Right? That’s what I said when Declan told me about it. I thought it was for just a one-night thing, too.”

  Adam stood, and she was so happy she wasn’t the only one out of the loop on apps and approaches to dating that she didn’t see the way his jaw tightened or his lips flat lined. At least, not right away, until he was standing close enough that his cologne assaulted her senses.

  “Declan told you about Tinder?” There was a distinct growl in his tone.

  Megan looked at the TV, belatedly realizing she’d walked herself into a corner. “Yes. I mean, obviously I’d heard of it. But he kind of filled me in a bit more.”

  She didn’t really want to tell him she’d been asking his friend about Adam’s dating history. She started the game, hoping that, like Charlie, it would provide a perfect distraction.

  “Why?”

  A better question was why did he care? Feigning interest in the game, she answered. “Because he’s a single guy who I’m sure dates and I was asking about…approaches?” Nearly the whole truth.

  “You’re not sure?”

  She looked at him. He stood still, staring at her, controller in hand. Glancing at the screen, she noted she’d died yet again. “What?”

  “You said it like you were asking a question.”

  Why was he grilling her? She wouldn’t even be thinking about dating if it wasn’t for Adam. She definitely wouldn’t be thinking about how he tasted or that she should find some dates of her own.

  “What difference does it make?” She held his gaze, both wanting and not wanting the truth.

  The heat she saw in his eyes slipped away. “None. Never mind.”

  Her heart raced, and she assured herself she hadn’t imagined it. He was wreaking havoc on her thoughts, libido, and sanity, all in equal measure.

  Trying for humor, she cocked her head and grinned. “It was just a suggestion, since clearly you’re pickier than even your list let on.”

  His brows scrunched together, like he’d taken the bait, but his smile proved he knew she was teasing him. Mostly. “Right, because when picking a wife, I should just choose anyone.”

  Suddenly, the conversation didn’t seem funny. Tension beat like a drum at the base of her neck, and she wanted to yell at him. No. You should choose one you actually love. But then you’d have to let yourself be human again. Not your business, not your business. Let it go.

  “Are you going to show me how to level up or not?”

  He eyed her, like he was trying to read through her abrupt question. He nodded slowly, still watching her, which did nothing to settle her pulse. Damn him and his pulse-scrambling stares. They both sat at the same time, and Megan cursed when their thighs touched. The whole couch and they picked the same spot. He’d said he wanted her to stay while Charlie was away, but more and more, she was thinking some space would do her mind—and body—good. Adam took a deep breath, but she didn’t look at him. It was hard enough to focus just sitting beside him.

  “You’re jumping too soon. Keep going. Why do you keep stopping? Okay, jump.”

  How the hell could he concentrate on the game? It was taking everything in her not to think about jumping him. If he can focus, so can you! She did what he said and landed on one of those stupid bitey flower things.

  She kept going, hit some magic mushroom thingy, and ballooned up. “Glad that doesn’t happen in real life,” she said, a little excited that her guy was still moving.

  “Unless you’re a stoner. Pretty sure magic mushrooms have the same effect in some cases,” he said casually.

  Megan’s jaw dropped. “Did you just make a joke? And say stoner?”

  He nudged her shoulder with his hand, and the contact sent heat through her. She looked back at the screen and did a few more jumps.

  “Huh. It’s really not so hard if you practice.”

  Adam’s snicker had a dual effect of distracting and disarming her. She ran into some spiky guy and shrank back to the original size.

  “I wouldn’t get too confident just yet,” he teased. Yes, teased.

  “Oh, shh.” She narrowed her eyes and tried really hard to make the next jump. And failed. The “you died” music really wasn’t good for her ego.

  “Nice try.”

  She gave him a mock glare. “You probably practice in between client meetings.”

  He laughed, making her stomach flip, but didn’t comment. Adam’s turn started, and she watched him, pretending it was just to learn where he put his fingers. Staring at his hands turned out to be a bad idea, so she looked back at the screen.

  “Until you learn when to jump and where not to, you don’t have to race through it,” he said. His eyes were glued to the screen, so she could look at his profile. A little more stubble than he usually sported covered his chin. She itched to run her fingers across it and hear the low rasp. A shiver worked through her, and she hoped he wouldn’t notice.

  He looked at her, their faces too close. “You cold?”

  She shook her head. When she looked back at the screen, she saw a turtle had killed him.

  “That princess is in big trouble if we’re the ones charged with saving her,” Megan said, getting ready for her turn.

  “She’d probably want to save herself anyway,” he said in a low voice that traveled over her skin much like the shiver.

  “Probably. But it’s nice to know someone has your back.” She felt him staring at her but kept her focus and jumped at the right times, surprisingly making it to the end of that level.

  “Nice job. You have to swim in the next one.”

  His voice was a spell, and she was trapped. “Too bad I forgot my suit.” She really hadn’t intended to sound so husky…so turned on.

  When he sucked in a breath, her eyes found his. The game faded, and Megan wished she didn’t ache so much inside. Or that she at least understood the ache. It was partially from knowing she’d have to say goodbye, but another part of it was how much she didn’t want to. And not just with Charlie. He’s no different than he’s ever been. Just because you’ve spent a bit more time with him doesn’t change who he is. Who he’ll always be thanks to the heart-stealing ex.

  “I’m just going to let Charlie keep beating me,” she said, setting the controller down.

  Adam grinned, and her stomach dipped. “I don’t think you have much of a choice.”

  She nudged him with her shoulder. “Not nice.”

  “But true.”

  She laughed. There was no denying it. “You want to shut it off? I have the information for Charlie’s flight.”

  Leaving the room, she grabbed the folder from the kitchen counter and gave herself a minute to breathe the non-Adam air. Why had she never noticed how good he smelled? Maybe he’d started using something new in the last two weeks. Or maybe she’d never paid much attention.

  Bringing him the folder, she took a seat on the other end of the couch. He opened it and glanced through the itinerary.

  “Hopefully, by the time he gets home, you’ll have found someone to…replace me. Or…whatever. You know.”

  It was late, and
she knew she should go.

  He closed the file and set it on the coffee table. “Speaking of dates, I do need one for a charity function on Saturday.”

  She pictured his schedule in her head. “Right. The Kids Club auction.”

  Opening her phone, she pulled up the dating app she’d downloaded and moved closer to him. She scrolled through the profiles until she found one of the women who met his requirements. She’d already put their names in a folder, but this woman stuck out as someone who would do well at one of Adam’s partner events.

  “Emily Mart. Thirty-one, legal secretary, and she volunteers at the hospital. She’d be perfect.”

  When she glanced up, Adam was looking at her, not the phone. “Adam?”

  “I was thinking you. I’ll get a sitter.”

  The phone slipped from her hands. Onto his lap. She nearly reached out to grab it before she stopped herself. Adam’s mouth opened, then he pressed his lips firmly together and picked up her phone, passing it back to her.

  “Please make me disappear,” she whispered. Dropping her hands to her lap, she stared at them.

  Adam laughed, and the sexy sound echoed in her ears.

  “You know you said that out loud, right?”

  “Of course I did. Because I have a very high threshold for embarrassment. I’m not quite there yet, so just give me a minute to make it worse.”

  Adam nudged her shoulder, and when she looked at him, she saw both amusement and affection in his gaze. The affection was what stopped her heart. It was there, whether he wanted it to be or not. And he’d asked her to be his date. For a big event. Adam was on the board of the Kids Club Foundation. He was an integral part of planning activities and events for the kids and to raise money for them.

  All this time, she’d managed not to fall for him. He’d made it easy. Now, as she was leaving, when she could finally start her own life, she was going to leave more pieces of herself behind than she’d planned. Megan had two choices. Say yes, enjoy an awesome night out, the chance to dress up, and give Adam a taste of what could happen if he unshackled his heart. Or say no and focus only on the facts—he would never let himself fall in love again. He would actually fight not to.

  “Really?” She didn’t mean to whisper.

  He nodded. Their arms were still touching. “Yes. If I go with you, the partners won’t give me a hard time for showing up alone again, and I won’t have to spend an entire evening with someone who might annoy me in the first twenty minutes.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and her skin went cold. “So not as your date. You want me to go as a stand in. A place-holder.”

  Adam sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I thought we could go as friends.” Shoving a hand through his hair, he gave a frustrated groan. “I’d like to enjoy the evening without pressure, and I know I can do that with you.” He hesitated. “I like spending time with you.”

  Megan felt like his words had physically wrapped her heart in a hug. They had slipped past some invisible threshold in the last several days so she could understand what he was saying. But it didn’t mean she wanted to go on a pretend date with him, wondering the whole time if he felt anything close to what she was starting to. She wouldn’t be his security blanket. Had she gotten herself in too deep? If she couldn’t squelch these feelings, she wouldn’t be able to help him, which meant letting Charlie down. That wasn’t an option.

  Though the words hurt to force from her lips, she managed a smile. “I think you should ask Emily. The summer is going to be over before we know it. This was your idea, and I plan on earning my bonus.” Even though the thought of him going made her feel like she might an hour after eating entire bowl of cotton candy.

  Before she could talk herself out of it or he realized what she was doing, she typed a quick message to Emily.

  Hi Emily. Would really love to get to know you better. I have a charity function this Saturday at Carter Hall Community Center. It’ll run from about 7-10. You could meet me there. It’s dinner and an auction. Formal attire. ~Adam Klein.

  “What the hell, Megan?”

  She stood, needing the space now more than ever. This was a woman who could actually suit him. Megan had purposely checked the woman’s Facebook profile, scrolling through the feed. She didn’t look like a one-night stand or a shoe hoarder. She could be the one. Anyone could. Anyone other than Megan.

  “I should go. Don’t be mad. I have a good feeling about this one.”

  “You had no right to do that,” he said, standing so he could follow her through the house.

  When she reached the door, she turned and faced him. Why does he sound mad? That’s what a friend would do. Hook him up with someone. Anyone, but me. “Actually, you gave me that right. You’re paying me to do exactly what I just did. You wanted us to be okay, Adam, and we are. Like you said, we’re…friends. But you asked me to find you a wife and a stepmom for Charlie. I can’t do that and go on pretend dates with you.”

  Putting a hand on the door over her head, he started to say something and stopped. She arched a brow, waiting patiently for him to say whatever it was rambling around in his complicated, analytical, feeling-less brain.

  “I wasn’t asking you to pretend. I wanted to go with you,” he said.

  Megan’s heart clenched: one tight spasm. You want to go with me as a friend. “I can’t. I can’t do that. Take Emily. If she doesn’t work out, I’ve got a few more lined up, but Adam, if you’re going to keep finding faults with all of them, maybe it’s time to rethink this whole idea. I can help you find a nanny no problem. I know Reece hurt you, but I really think, if you let yourself, you could find real happiness with someone again. You could marry for love, the way you’re supposed to.”

  Adam dropped his hand and stepped back. “You’re young and naive enough to think that love comes with a guarantee. When you realize it doesn’t, that it hurts more than it helps, you’ll see what I’m looking for isn’t so far-fetched. I’d rather have a woman who has realistic expectations of me and of our life together than one who thought love was a cure all.”

  Gritting her teeth, she put her hand on the doorknob but didn’t turn it. “Is that what you want for Charlie when he gets older? A realistic relationship that doesn’t have love at the core?”

  Adam shrugged. “I want him to be happy. To know what will make him happy and reach for it. Just because I don’t want to cut out my soul and hand it over to another woman doesn’t mean I expect others to feel the same way. I just expect it of the woman I settle down with.”

  A sob stuck in Megan’s throat. All she could do was nod. He didn’t stop her when she walked out the door. Letting herself into her own place, she headed directly to the shower, hoping the hot spray could wash away the disappointment and sadness that nestled inside of her. Charlie would know love because he was shown love. Not everyone shut down completely after having their heart broken, but Adam Klein wasn’t just anyone. He was a man who didn’t bet on the long odds. And since when are you a woman who thinks of love as a long shot?

  She thought of her parents who toured around in an RV, in each other’s space, every day, day after day, and still sounded every bit as in love as she remembered them being. She thought of Garrett and Parker and how love had prevailed there as well. Because Garrett kept pushing. Kept fighting. Stella didn’t talk much about her past relationships, but Megan knew she’d been engaged and he’d broken it off. So maybe love wasn’t perfect or a guarantee. She wasn’t naive enough to think it fixed everything. But it could enhance things, make them better, and whether it did or not, she wanted a chance to have it. To feel it. To fall so far into it she felt like she was part of the other person. That wasn’t naive. It was hope.

  “And he probably never had much of that,” she said into the spray.

  Feeling slightly better, though still sad, Megan checked her phone one more time before crawling into her bed.

  Stella: Headed to bed. Wiped out. Friday night works for your brother and Garrett. Upper Deck. No
excuses. <3

  It would be good to get out and enjoy her family and friends, even if it was at Adam’s friend’s establishment. Not like there were a ton of close-to-home options. It didn’t matter where they went. He’d be on her mind regardless. She had plenty to celebrate and look forward to. She’d worked too hard to get to this point not to anticipate the future. She was going to teach. Finally. It was what she’d been working toward for as long as she could remember. Her life had been about caring for Charlie, filling in for whatever Adam needed, and going to school. In less than two months, all of her time would be her own. She’d be focused on her career and herself. Her own life. All alone.

  The urge to call her mom was strong, but it was late and they didn’t always get great reception in their home on wheels. You don’t have to be alone. Without giving herself a chance to chicken out or second-guess, she pulled up Tinder on her phone. There was nothing wrong with setting up a profile. She didn’t have to connect with anyone. Like shoe shopping. You can just look. There was definitely plenty to look at. Hello. She scrolled through picture after picture, her finger hesitating over the like button of some. When her phone buzzed with a text from her mom, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

  Putting the phone down, Megan decided that maybe the whole app thing wasn’t a write off. It was…an option. But even if it turned out she wasn’t a good candidate for online dating, getting out Friday would give her a chance to connect. To meet people. To meet men.

  Men who were nothing like Adam Klein.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Who’s gonna babysit me?” Charlie asked as they took the flight of stairs at the back of Declan’s bar that led to his apartment.

  “I asked Amanda. You remember her? She’s watched you a couple of other times when Megan’s been busy.”