by Sarah Morgan
In a daze, she walked back to her desk and sank into her chair.
How could it have happened?
How could she have been so stupid?
She’d fallen in love with Sam. Completely and utterly.
And it wasn’t supposed to be that way. They didn’t like each other. They clashed terribly. They disagreed on everything. They…
She ran a hand over her face and groaned. They were perfect together.
So now what?
She stared out of the window, across the harbour to the estuary and the sea beyond. Hilda was wrong about Sam. He wouldn’t be staying. Not once the summer was over. They hadn’t talked about it yet, but both of them knew he’d be going soon. Back to his life in London.
And she couldn’t blame him for that. He’d never pretended that their relationship was anything other than physical. It was her that had broken the rules. Broken the rules by falling in love.
So now what did she do? She obviously couldn’t ever tell him, so what did she do? Did she end it?
She watched the boats bobbing in the harbour, the wind catching the flags on the masts, and knew that she couldn’t do that.
She wanted to make the most of every minute.
She’d enjoy the relationship until it was time for him to move on.
And then she’d let him go without ever telling him how she really felt.
And spend the rest of her life trying to get over him.
* * *
He was going to tell her.
Sam stowed the surfboard in the outhouse and locked the door. Tonight he was going to tell Anna that he was in love with her.
He was convinced she felt something, too. She had to.
Feeling nervous for the first time in his thirty-two years, he showered and changed and then strolled into the kitchen. It had become their routine. He cooked for both of them, sometimes from scratch, sometimes just reheating a delicacy from Hilda’s kitchen.
He opened the fridge and found a seafood lasagne. ‘Thank you, Hilda,’ he murmured, sliding it into the oven and then grabbing a beer from the fridge.
He could see Anna already sitting on the deck, her slim brown legs stretched in front of her, a medical journal open on her lap. She had a glass in her hand and her mobile phone was on the table in front of her.
He felt something shift inside him.
Who would have thought it?
Who would ever have thought that the two of them would develop this amazing connection?
He walked out onto the deck and bent to kiss her mouth. He couldn’t resist it. All day he ached to do just that and had to hold himself in check. He didn’t see why he should have to when they were at home.
She pulled away from him, dropped the medical journal and reached for her glass. ‘You’re late. Problems?’
‘Just enjoying the surf.’ He smiled and sprawled in a chair next to her. ‘How was your day?’
‘Fine.’ She shot him a bright smile and Sam frowned slightly, sensing that something was wrong. She was different tonight. Brittle.
‘Has something happened?’
Her eyes flew to his, startled. ‘What could have happened?’
He was now convinced that something had. ‘I don’t know.’ He kept his voice casual. ‘It’s just that you’re a little jumpy.’
Her eyes slid away from his. ‘I’m fine. Just hungry, I expect.’
She was lying.
Sam watched her for a minute and then rose to his feet. ‘All right—let’s eat.’ If she was using hunger as an excuse, he’d get rid of that and then see what happened.
He served the lasagne, handed her a bowl of salad and topped up her wine.
‘Eat.’
She picked up her fork and poked at the food. ‘Thanks. Looks good. Hilda was in today, having trouble with her eczema. All those tourists are stressing her out.’ She chattered away, always keeping the subject neutral, always avoiding eye contact.
And she hardly touched her food. She moved it around her plate, shifted its position and worried it with her fork. But hardly any made it to her mouth.
Sam started to eat. ‘This is fantastic. I tell you, if she wasn’t already married, I’d marry Hilda.’ He loaded his fork. ‘The woman is a magician in the kitchen.’
Anna put her fork down with a clatter and Sam paused, wondering what he’d said to upset her.
He frowned. If he’d upset her, he wished she’d just yell at him. At least he’d know where he stood then. ‘You’re not eating. What’s wrong?’ He reached across the table and took her hand.
She jerked it away and Sam let out a breath. ‘Are you tired?’
They’d been up for most of the night making love so he wouldn’t blame her if she was tired.
She chewed her lip and for a moment he thought she looked…stricken? He frowned. Why would she look stricken? ‘Has something happened? Have you had bad news?’
‘A bit.’ She gave him a smile but it wasn’t very convincing. ‘Your dad called me this afternoon.’
‘And?’
‘And you were right. He’s decided to retire. He’s going to ring you, obviously, but he said as I was his partner, he owed it to me to tell me first. They’re going to spend their winters in Switzerland and their summers here.’ She picked up the fork and then gave up the pretence of eating and put it straight down again. ‘As I said, you were right.’
Sam struggled with disappointment. For a wild moment he’d kidded himself that she looked so down because she was in love with him and trying to work out how to tell him. Clearly he couldn’t have been more wrong. She was worrying about her work. Her future.
Deflated, he suddenly felt angry. He wanted her to suffer as he was suffering and clearly she wasn’t. He scowled. ‘You knew that would happen.’
She looked at him, startled, and he realised that his tone had probably been a little too sharp in the circumstances, but he was chewed up inside and she hadn’t even noticed.
‘Now you’re the one in the funny mood.’ She tilted her head to one side and studied him and he shifted uncomfortably.
Would she see? Was it written all over his face?
He didn’t dare risk it. He didn’t know if he could hide his feelings because he’d never had those feelings for anyone before, let alone had to hide them.
He stood up. ‘I’ll get pudding.’
She stared at the heaped plates. ‘We haven’t finished the lasagne.’
‘Do you want more?’
She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t feel like it. Perhaps it’s just too hot to eat.’
‘I’ll make coffee.’
He clattered around in the kitchen, venting his temper on the plates. She hadn’t even mentioned him leaving. It obviously didn’t bother her at all.
The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him.
How many times had he had relationships which he’d ended without a second thought, knowing that the woman in question was becoming too involved? And now here he was in that very same situation himself. He was in love with a woman who had no interest in a relationship with him. She was thinking about the practice.
‘I’ve been thinking.’ She stood in the doorway, her white strap top showing smooth brown arms and a tempting amount of cleavage. ‘Would you help me interview for the new partner?’
He dropped the plate he was holding. ‘Sorry. Clumsy.’ He stooped and carefully picked up the shattered remains of the plate.
‘It’s just that you’ll be going soon,’ she said casually, still leaning against the door-frame, ‘and I want to get a new partner as soon as possible.’
Of course she did. Anna the planner.
She couldn’t wait to get rid of him.
He dropped the pieces into the bin and looked at her, his face blank of expression. ‘If you place the advert, I’ll help you interview.’
She smiled brightly. ‘Great. We need to choose really carefully. Make sure the person is going to be happy living in such a small community. Probab
ly have to be someone who loves the sea.’
Sam felt as though she’d punched him.
She didn’t want him.
Fine.
He’d just have to learn to live without her.
* * *
She didn’t know what was the matter with Sam but he was permanently in a foul mood.
And she was gutted that he hadn’t offered to stay when she’d talked about interviewing a partner.
Which was utterly ridiculous, she told herself firmly, because she’d always known that he wouldn’t stay. His life was in London. Why should he change his whole life just because of a little hot sex? She should have known better.
She sifted through the applications, disappointed that there were so many good doctors interested in joining her in the practice. If there’d been no one, Sam would have been forced to stay.
No, he wouldn’t, she told herself crossly, he just would have found her another locum.
His new series was due to start filming in London at the end of September and she knew that he and Polly had already had several meetings about the content of the series. There was no question of him staying.
* * *
‘This guy’s perfect. He interviewed the best and he has all the right experience.’
‘He’ll leave after five minutes.’
She looked at him in exasperation. ‘What is going on, McKenna? We’ve had a really high quality of applicants. Fantastic doctors. And you’ve rejected the lot of them.’
Sam toyed with his pen, a dangerous look in his eyes. ‘This was my father’s practice. I care about who takes it over.’
‘But you don’t care enough to do the job yourself,’ Anna snapped, and then caught herself. She’d been trying not to quarrel with him. ‘All right. What’s wrong with this guy?’
The gleam in Sam’s eye intensified. ‘I didn’t like him.’
‘Well, I liked him a lot.’
For some reason that seemed to anger him even more. ‘Your judgement is faulty.’
‘OK, I’ve just about had enough of this!’ She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’
He glared back. ‘Nothing’s wrong with me.’
‘That’s rubbish.’ Temper blurred her vision. ‘Whatever I do, you yell at me! You’re crabby and irritable and generally bad-tempered.’
He scowled at her. ‘I am not bad-tempered.’
‘I haven’t heard you laugh for days and we clash on everything.’
‘So what’s new about that? We’ve always clashed on everything.’
‘Not since—’ She broke off and swept her hair away from her face, her colour high. Their physical relationship was something that they just didn’t talk about.
‘Since we made the stupid mistake of sleeping together? Well, you were right about that.’ He gave a crooked smile. ‘It changed everything.’
Her heart skipped a beat. ‘So is that why you don’t come near me any more? Because it was such a stupid mistake?’
To her utter mortification she burst into tears and Sam cursed fluently.
‘OK, stop that, Riggs. Don’t cry.’ He lifted his hands and for a moment she thought he was going to touch her for the first time in days. Then his hands dropped to his sides again and a muscle worked in his jaw. ‘I can’t stand it when you cry. That’s a low trick. It’s a girly trick and you don’t do girly stuff.’
She didn’t need reminding of that.
If she did more ‘girly stuff’ then he probably wouldn’t be leaving.
Anger and frustration burst free inside her. ‘I’m crying because I hate you. I hate you, McKenna.’ She sniffed loudly and scrubbed the tears away with the back of her hand. ‘I really hate you for making me feel this way.’
His hands were still by his sides but she noticed that his fists were clenched. ‘What way?’
‘Angry.’ She blew her nose hard. ‘And—and—as if I could strangle you with my bare hands. And sad.’ Her eyes filled again. ‘You make me sad.’
He was looking at her in horror. ‘Sad?’
‘Yes, sad. Because what we had was good and it couldn’t last.’ She blinked and sniffed again. ‘Oh, damn. This is all so stupid. It’s fine. I’m fine. The sooner you go, the better. At least I get to run this practice in peace, without your input. Your ideas never work anyway, McKenna. You’re always wrong.’
‘I’m never wrong.’ He frowned and raked long fingers through his hair. ‘And my ideas always work. Which one didn’t work? Name one that didn’t work.’
She dropped the tissue in the bin and swallowed, back in control. She could do this. She could watch him walk away and she could carry on her life without him. ‘Well, the teenage clinic, for one. We’ve got the entire village youth congregating here every Friday. It’s a nightmare.’
He folded his arms across his chest and looked smug. ‘So, in other words, I was right and you were wrong. I said people would come.’
‘You were not right. Half of them don’t even bother talking to the doctor or the practice nurse. We’re not supposed to be running a youth club.’
‘But they have the chance to talk to someone if they want to. And don’t underestimate the power of peer pressure. If a few of them are talking to the doctor, the others will. Admit it. I was right.’
‘They’ll stop coming as soon as winter sets in.’
‘They won’t stop coming.’
She glared at him again. ‘Well, you don’t care anyway. You won’t be here to see it. You’ll be back in your fancy television studio, advising people on ingrowing toenails.’ Except that wasn’t what he did. She knew that now. ‘I’m going to ring that guy, that Dr Hampton, and offer him the job.’
‘I’ll do it.’ He held out his hand and took the details from her. ‘That way I can co-ordinate dates with him.’
She felt the tears start again and bit them back. ‘Fine. Just as long as someone is here to do the work.’
‘Fine. I’ll arrange it.’
* * *
Sam stared at the details of the doctor.
Anna liked him.
The thought made him want to smash his fist into something.
And he was about to offer him the job. Once he picked up that phone, this guy would become a GP in a village practice. He would surf in the evenings and at the weekends, he’d eat Hilda’s beautiful seafood dishes and lemon tart and he’d join the lifeboat crew for drinks on the quay. He’d walk the cliffs, run on the sand and sail yachts. But most of all he’d work alongside Anna. They’d make decisions together, develop the practice together, plan for their patients.
Would they sleep together?
Sam’s fingers tightened on the pen he was holding and he reached for the phone.
He’d better get it over with.
* * *
‘There’s a trailer for Sam’s new series this afternoon. I’ve set the TV and video in the coffee-room,’ Glenda said happily as Anna handed her a pile of forms. ‘He and Polly have been thick as thieves all day.’
Anna gritted her teeth.
She shouldn’t mind. It shouldn’t matter to her. She and Sam were over.
‘Have you heard anything from Dr Hampton?’ She was surprised that he hadn’t been in touch with her. It was all very well for Sam to have confirmed all the details, but surely the man would still want to contact her?
‘A letter came this morning.’ Glenda handed it over, oddly hesitant.
Anna scanned it, blinked, scanned it again and then her temper exploded. ‘Where is he?’
Glenda flinched. ‘If you mean Dr McKenna, he’s just parked his car and he’s walking through the doors as we speak. But, Anna—’
Anna whirled round, lights flashing in her brain as she came face to face with him. ‘Of all the miserable, vile, small-minded b—’
‘We’ve got an audience, Riggs,’ Sam interrupted her, an answering flash of anger in his blue eyes as he faced her head on. ‘You might want to hold onto that temper of yours
.’
‘I don’t care who hears this.’ She tossed her hair back, her gaze furious as she waved the letter under his nose. ‘You were supposed to offer him the job, McKenna. You were supposed to tell him that he was the one.’
‘He wasn’t the one.’ Sam tried to step past her, a muscle flickering in his jaw. ‘I didn’t think he was the right person for the job.’
‘Well, I did!’
He turned on her. ‘I’m well aware of that.’ He growled the words like a man goaded to the extremes of his tolerance. ‘You made it perfectly clear how much you liked him.’
‘And what’s wrong with that?’ She spread her hands in a gesture of disbelief. ‘I was going to work with the guy. I was supposed to like him. Or is that what this is all about?’ Her hands fell to her sides and she glared at him. ‘Is it jealousy, McKenna? Is that’s what’s wrong?’
They were both breathing rapidly, eyes locked in combat, totally indifferent to their growing audience.
Polly cleared her throat. ‘Sam, your new trailer is on air in about two minutes. Why don’t we all watch it?’
Sam sucked in a breath, his eyes still on Anna’s. ‘Fine. Let’s watch it.’
Anna had to stop herself from screaming. She didn’t want to watch his trailer. She didn’t want to see what his plans for the future were because she knew they didn’t involve her and that knowledge made her want to cry like a baby.
She stuck her chin in the air. ‘Fine. Let’s watch the trailer.’
She stalked into the staffroom where Glenda was already glued to the screen. ‘Here we go…’
‘This autumn, Medical Matters moves from London to the seaside, following the trials and tribulations of life in a busy harbour practice…’
The narrator’s voice droned on and then there was Sam, standing on the beach, his dark hair blowing in the wind as he talked.
When he’d finished, Glenda pressed the ‘pause’ button and stared at Anna.
Anna stood in silence.
She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again.
Sam’s eyes were fixed on her face. ‘Say something.’
She swallowed. ‘You’re going to make the programme here?’
Polly grinned. ‘It was that or he was going to resign, and I’m not about to lose my best medical presenter.’
