'But I'm not. Did I deny you just now? I'm yours, Alex, to take if you wish.'
'No!' he exclaimed violently. 'I can't do that. You're a good woman, Jan, and I won't let you violate your finer feelings.'
A complete reversal had come about. She, who had once upbraided him for not respecting Renata's innocence, was prepared to surrender her own, and he had refused her offer.
Silence fell between them. Alex had sunk his head in his hands, and Jan changed her position so that she was sitting beside him. Suddenly he slipped down on his knees, encircling her waist with his arms, and laid his head on her lap.
'Jan, my little Jan,' he murmured softly, 'don't you understand, I want you always by my side. I need you, Jan, so much. I know I'm often hard and domineering, but if you'll marry me you can teach me to be a better man.'
This appeal moved her profoundly. For the first time she glimpsed the lonely man beneath his pride and arrogance, who craved, as we all do, to be loved. Gently she began to stroke his bent black head, marvelling that he who had always seemed so inaccessible had humbled himself to plead with her.
'That's a strong inducement, Alex,' she said with a quiver of laughter in her voice, 'though I don't know that I want to change you.'
'You see, not only do I need a wife,' his voice was muffled against her skirt, 'but I want a family. Wouldn't you wish to have a child?'
Jan remembered Renata's recoil from motherhood and her own reaction. To bear Alex's son had been the height of her fantasies, and children would be a lasting bond between them.
'Oh, Alex!' she breathed, and there was assent in her voice. She bent down and cradled his head in her arms. He looked up at her with the familiar wicked glint in his eyes.
'We couldn't allow it to be a b... illegitimate, could we?'
'Of course not!' She was half laughing, half crying. 'So it'll have to be marriage, Alex.'
He raised himself with a hand on either side of her on the divan, and gazed deep into her eyes.
'It most certainly will, and I promise you I'll make sure you never regret it.'
They kissed again, long and lingeringly, but this time there was less of passion and more of tenderness. When they drew apart he said:
'And you'll grow your hair again?'
'Anything you say, my lord and master.'
He raised his eyebrows. 'Don't tell me you're going to be a submissive wife!'
'Isn't that what you want?'
He grinned. 'Not from you, you couldn't keep it up anyway. I once told you I didn't care for doormats.'
Jan's eyes sparkled mischievously. 'Yes, you said you would prefer a challenge to subdue.'
To her surprise he shook his head.
'Forget all that, Jan,' he said earnestly. 'There's no question of subduing or being subdued between you and me. You must be my partner and helpmate.'
This had always been Jan's view of marriage, but she had not expected Alex to share it
'I fear I'll be a little inadequate in that role,' she said sadly.
'Rubbish! You must rid yourself of that inferiority complex. My darling girl, considering the awkward situations you've surmounted since first I met you, being my wife will be a sinecure. Now let me take you out to dinner to celebrate our engagement.'
All Jan's fears and apprehensions suddenly fell away, and she seemed to grow in stature as she took the hand he offered. She could not be so ineffective after all since she had won her love against overwhelming odds.
'I've always thought it would be very satisfactory to be a matriarch,' she told him gaily, 'one of those superior ladies everyone looks up to and secretly fears.'
'Plenty of time for that,' he returned. 'No doubt you'll become one eventually, but first we have to found a family, and to do that, you'll have to accept my cooperation.'
'I'm counting on that, Mr. Leandris.'
Laughing, joking, they went out into the street, and the future stretched fair before them.
Borrowed plumes Page 16
