by Essen, JA
“Seriously?”
“Yep. Seriously.”
“So, did you mean it?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I know that I care for him. I definitely hated hearing the sadness in his voice.”
“You want my opinion? Just go with it. See where it takes you. Maybe Robbie leaving will let you explore things on a deeper level.” She looks around like she just heard something. “What the hell? Now I sound like my mother.”
I smile at her for her two cents worth. “Maybe I will.”
Chapter 19
“I can’t believe this. Six years. Six. Fucking. Years. Just thrown out the window.” I’m on my third glass of whiskey already as I’m pacing through the apartment. I know I’ve got to be at the firehouse in four hours, but, shit. My life just got turned on its head.
I knew something was off two weeks ago when Robbie was gone on all my days off. One of the days, sure, no problem; but, all of them? He never does that.
Flopping down onto the couch, I begin to replay the last couple of months in my mind, and try to figure out where things started to slide. Was it even further back?
Upending the glass of amber liquid, I stare at the ceiling and watch the blades of the fan swirl on low. Whirl, whirl, whirl.
Whirl, I close my eyes and let my mind wander through the ether. Whirl, the scene of Robbie and the other couple flashes. Whirl, scenes of Robbie, Macy, and I. Whirl, a scene of me, Robbie, and Abigail, the last girlfriend he brought into our arrangement.
ABIGAIL!
That’s it. That’s where it all started. That’s when our fighting started to get more intense. Robbie accused me of taking Abigail from him, which was absolutely absurd. The two of us NEVER did anything alone. It was always our threesomes. There’s no way I’d step across that boundary line. Especially with someone I’ve spent five plus years with.
We went months without a third after that. It wasn’t until I brought Macy into the fold that our civility leveled back out again. I guess I never stepped back far enough to see it; to see how much we were falling apart. I just passed it off as Robbie being Robbie. We’ve had plenty of ups and downs over the years; it just comes with the territory.
Or so I thought.
And now here I sit, just this side of drunk, less than three hours from having to go spend ninety-six hours at the firehouse with nothing but my thoughts and one immature, no life-experience kid. I contemplate another glass, but I know in the end, I’ll wind up regretting it in more way than one.
Abigail.
My mind wanders back to her, and I try to pick out what would’ve made Robbie think that I was pulling her away from him. The only time I saw her was when he brought her over to play. It’s hard to even remember our time with her. Macy has been such a breath of fresh air. I thought the three of us would honestly spend years together.
Abigail.
I just can’t shake it. “Fuck.” I sit upright and dig the cellphone out of my pocket. The only reason I have her in my cell in the first place is because Robbie’s phone crapped out on him, and it was the only way to get ahold of him for almost a week.
I press send and wait, hoping that she will pick up, hoping that she hasn’t changed her number for some reason. It takes three rings.
“Seth?”
“Hey Abigail. How are you?”
“Fine?” It’s more of a question than a statement.
“Listen, I know this is strange, calling out of the blue like this, but there’s something I needed to ask.”
“Is everything okay? Is it Robbie? If so, he can go jump off of a bridge for all I care. I can’t believe that son-of-a-bitch put you up to calling me.” She’s starting to get belligerent.
“No, no. Nothing like that. Quite the opposite actually.” I pause and let out a long, slow breath. “He left me, Abigail. Just out of the blue, up and left. I’ve been replaying the last year in my head, trying to see where things went wrong. Towards the end of our trio’s time together, he accused me of trying to steal you away from him. Can you think of any reason why he would accuse me of such a thing?”
The other end of the line is deathly silent. What the hell did she tell him.
“I don’t think steal was the right word. It wasn’t like that.” She pauses again, and I can hear the blades of the fan whirring though the air. “You weren’t doing anything, per se. It was me. I felt more of a connection with you when we were together. I enjoyed my time with Robbie in the beginning, but when the three of us were together, it was you I was focused on.”
Oh shit.
“You always made sure I was taken care of; always made sure I came first. Made sure I was satisfied. With Robbie, it was all about him and his satisfaction. I know we never really talked outside of the relationship, but when it was just me and him, he was very, um, selfish. I felt just used. So when the three of us screwed around, my attention was always on you and making sure you felt fulfilled and satisfied.”
“Shit, Abigail. I had no idea.” I lean back into the couch and run my fingers through my hair. How did I not see it? Was I that caught up in myself?
“It’s not your fault, Seth. It’s mine. I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I couldn’t help it. It was just natural instinct to me.” I can hear her voice catch and know she’s trying to compose herself. “I’m so sorry, Seth. I know how close the two of you were. I hate that I caused this.”
“Don’t even think that, Abigail. This is on Robbie.” I hate to even say it, but this opens my eyes up a lot more. Robbie and I didn’t talk much about our relationships outside of the walls of the apartment. Maybe we should have.
“So, what happened? Was there a huge falling out or what?”
“Actually,” I reach down and take the short note he left on the breakfast bar and look at it again, “he just up and left. There is a short note and a lot of empty drawers.” I leave out the details of our time with Macy and how the past month of school taking her away from us brought us here to the breaking point.
“Well, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here, but I just want to put it out there first that I am in a relationship, so talking is as far as I can help you with this.”
“Thanks for the offer, but I actually have someone as well. She’s what’s left of the most recent trio, and she’s really great.” Really, really great.
“That’s wonderful.” I can hear her smile through the phone. “You deserve someone special, Seth.”
“Thanks, Abigail. I’m glad I called. This conversation has honestly straightened up a lot of things in my head.” I think about Macy and wonder if maybe this wasn’t meant to be. If maybe this needed to happen this way.
“No problem, Seth. Be safe out there.”
“Bye.” I hang up, a little less confused and a little less depressed. But definitely not any less buzzed. I head into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee and grab a half liter of water in the meanwhile.
Sitting at the breakfast bar, I look out the dining window and take in the Pacific Ocean as the sun starts its downward run toward the horizon. Maybe it is time for me to start moving in a different direction. Did I really think that a threesome was a true, permanent reality?
I let my mind focus on Macy and myself. The possibility of a long lasting relationship, on permanency. Could she be the one that I spend forever with? She was the first one to say those three little words after all.
At least, I think that’s what I heard.
Chapter 20
“Where are we going?” I can’t see anything since Seth has blindfolded me.
“Just wait, and NO peeking.”
Seth took some vacation time and grabbed me in the middle of the night. We’ve been together for seven and a half months now and my birthday is this upcoming weekend. Since it is the first week of Christmas break, he decided we should be spontaneous.
“Seriously, where are we going? You’re not like taking me out to the woods somewhere, far away from Santa Barbara where no one would
ever find me and chopping me up into little pieces, are you?”
I love the sound of Seth’s laugh. It makes me warm all over. “I work for a fire department. Trust me; there are much closer and easier ways to get rid of a body.”
He suddenly sounds very serious, and I hate that I can’t read his facial expressions. I go completely quiet as my heart rate and breathing picks up.
Apparently, Seth notices. “Geez, Macy. Take a chill pill. You should already know by now that I would never let any harm come to you. I’m just giving you a hard time.” I swing a blind fist and connect with something. “Fuck that’s gonna leave a mark on my forearm.”
I cross my arms over my chest, quite pleased with myself. The Hummer begins to decelerate and eventually comes to a complete stop. “What’s going on? Are we there yet?”
“Yep,” he says, removing the blindfold. The sun has just started to come up, but after being blindfolded for God knows how long, it’s still brilliant and blinding. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, and I suddenly realize where we are. “Vegas! Oh, my God. This is just perfect!” I undo my seatbelt and lean across the console, throwing my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his. “Thank you so much.”
“Well, it was the best Christmas present I could think of to give the woman I love after all the hints you’ve been dropping over the past few months.”
Love? Did he really just say it?
“You love me?”
“Of course I do, Macy. You’ve been the light that’s helped bring me out of the darkness after Robbie left. You were there when you didn’t have to be and made sure that I moved on. The years I spent with Robbie is a lot of time to invest in someone, but the future I’m looking at with you, well, I hope it will be a lot longer than that.”
I start to tear up. I’ve been waiting for months to hear those three little words from him. Now, without warning it happens. Seth reaches down into his pocket and pulls out a little blue velvet box with ‘ZALES’ on top of it.
No, no, no. This is too soon. I start to shake my head when I start to put things together; where we are, what he’s just confessed, and what he’s just placed on the console in front of me. I start to shake, visibly. “Seth, no, it’s too soon.”
“Just open it.”
I take the little box that I know is going to contain a beautiful golden band with a sparkling diamond sitting on top of it. I hold it with both hands and take a deep breath. I grasp the bottom with my right hand and the top with my left thumb and forefinger. Slowly easing the lid back and open, I let it snap back down.
“Seth, I can’t. I love you too, but here in Vegas? No. This is not how this is going to happen.”
“You stubborn ass.” He takes the box from me and pops the top. Inside is the most beautiful set of diamond and ruby earrings. “Look, I love you too, but if you think my mom would ever let me live down a weekend marriage in Vegas, well…I would say you should know better, but I haven’t even introduced you two yet. I was hoping, however, that I could change that next week after Christmas.”
Relief washes over me. “Yes, oh my gosh yes.”
“Well, I paid for last night, that way whatever time we arrived, we could immediately check-in. What do you say we get out?” I realize we are in Vegas, but it didn’t dawn on me immediately as to what resort we were in. “I’ve got us a one-bedroom Sky Suite at Aria for the next three nights.”
“Holy crap. You spoil me way too much.”
“I know, but I bet it just means you’ll spoil me too.” He winks playfully.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Okay, so you promise there’s not going to be an Elvis impersonator waiting in the room when we walk in to marry us?”
“Yes, Macy, I promise.” He takes my hand and kisses it; then proceeds to pop me on the leg. “Now get your sexy ass out and let’s go get the next seventy-two hours of fun started.”
We both hop out and are greeted by concierge service. “Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Avery. Welcome to Aria. How long will you be staying with us?”
Seth and I smile at one another. “We’re not married,” I try to explain, but Seth butts in with ‘Yet.’ “Quite sure of yourself there aren’t you, Mr. Avery?”
“Let’s just say, I’d be willing to place a bet on it.”
“Well then,” I turn to him and with a flourish of my hands, I repeat one of my favorite recent movie lines, “May the odds be ever in your favor!” Seth looks at me like I’m crazy. “Katniss Everdeen. The Hunger Games?”
“Oh, sorry. Never saw it.”
I gape at him. “Back the fuck up! You never watched The Hunger Games? I just…. I don’t even know who you are anymore.” I play my absolute best poker face.
“Macy, I’m sorry. I, uh,” He stutters, totally caught off balance.
I crack under his uncertainty and start to laugh at him. Holding my hand over my mouth, I try to stiffle my incessant giggling as best I can. Turning to the concierge, I apologize. “Sorry guys, this is just ‘us.'”
“Here is your ticket sir.” They hand Seth a small slip as he tips them. “Your bags will be delivered to your room shortly. Enjoy your stay with us.”
After checking into the hotel, we head straight to the breakfast buffet and gorge ourselves on French toast covered in fresh strawberries, omelets, bacon, sausage, juice, and coffee. We spend a few hours in the casino, an hour at the pool, and two hours walking The Strip. I’m absolutely exhausted.
I shower off in the massively oversized, glass-walled walk-in shower as Seth lounges on the bed, watching some sports news show. The citrus scented shampoo is heaven to my senses as I rinse it from my hair. The lemongrass facial soap scrub is absolutely amazing, and I feel like I’m washing away years of stress from my face.
Once I feel like all my cares in the world have swirled down the drain, I grab the world’s largest and softest terry cloth towel, and wrap myself up tight. After roughing my hair up with a hand towel, I grab the hair dryer and blow-dry it to my satisfaction. Dried, refreshed, and completely naked, I walk to the doorway into the bedroom, “Hey babe. See anything you like?” I get no response.
Walking to the edge of the bed, I rub his back, and he falls off the arm he had his head propped up with. Are. You. Kidding me? Seth straight up passed out on me at six in the evening. I’d be mad, but he’s done such a sweet thing for my birthday that there’s no way I can be. I take his shoes off and grab a blanket, curling up behind him on the bed. Turning the TV over to FXX, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part One is on. I’ve seen it at least twenty times, so I can easily fall asl...
Epilogue
Five Months Later
Oh, my god. I’m not sure who’s more ready for summer vacation now, me or the kids. It’s been a crazy, eventful, eye-opening first year, but I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything. We’re outside today for Field Day after the Awards Day ceremony we had this morning. All the kids are running around having a fantastic time, and all I can think about is closing my classroom door for the last time this year, jumping in my Jeep, and heading down to the beach to catch some waves.
“Hey, girl!” I hear from behind me. Rachel has shown up out of the blue.
“Hey!” She runs up and gives me a hug.
“Congrats on making it through your first year. I got you something.”
“Ah, Rachel. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Well, actually Dad and Mom got you something, and I get to play delivery girl. Can you come out to the SUV for a minute?”
“I can’t, I’ve got to keep an eye on my class.”
“Can’t you get another one of the teachers to watch them for just like, two minutes?”
She seems awfully pushy and insistent, but she wouldn’t be Rachel otherwise. I tap Mrs. Andrews on the shoulder. “Can you keep an eye on my class for just a couple of minutes, please? There’s something I need to take care of real quick.” Mrs. Andrews has been my go-to for all questions this year. She’s in her nineteenth year of teaching,
so she knows pretty much EVERYTHING.
“Sure thing, sweetie. I’ve got them. Go take care of it.”
“Thanks. I’ll be back quickly.”
Rachel and I head through the building and out to the teacher’s parking lot. Being one of the new teacher’s, my spot is all the way on the backside, and Rachel is parked on the grass next to me. “So, how are you and Zander doing?”
“Great. Really great actually. We’re going to head to Cabo next week actually.”
“Hard to believe, Miss Rachel Upton is still with the same guy after, what now, nearly ten months?”
“I know right,” she says as she opens the door to her Audi. She rummages around in the back seat for a minute and shuts the door. Moving to the back, she opens the liftgate, sifts through a few boxes of stuff and closes it back up. “Well crap, I thought they said they put it in here. I wonder if I misheard and they told me to put it in. Oh well. You’re really going to like it I promise.”
“Well, it’s the thought that counts, right? I need to get back to the kids. There are only thirty minutes left until summer freedom, and I don’t need to end the year with some unattended kid falling off of a slide or something.”
I turn to start walking back and Rachel trots along beside me. “You don’t think they’ll mind if I just hang out with you for the last bit, do you?”
“Nah, it should be fine.”
As we make our way through the building, Rachel and I make plans to hit the surf tomorrow morning, first thing. Upon clearing the back double doors to the playground, the scene is completely different. All of my kids are lined up against the fence. Almost as if the entire class is in a time-out. I walk over to Mrs. Andrews, “What’s going on? Why is the entire class in a time-out?”
“They’re not dear.” She points to the kids who all bend down to pick up poster boards I didn’t see at first. Board by board, the kids lift them up in teams, and my eyes begin to mist up. ‘Macy. Will. You. Marry. Me?’
