by Jo Leigh
“Now, let’s see what we have here,” the doctor said, flipping open her chart.
Jessica closed her eyes, hoping the man had some magic pills in his bag. No one could feel this awful forever. Right?
Los ANGELES INTERNATIONAL Airport. The most wonderful sight in the world as far as Jessica was concerned. She was home. She’d never wanted to be anywhere so much in her life. It had cost her, but she’d managed to change her flight plans yesterday afternoon. She wouldn’t have cared if it had meant spending her last dime. She needed to leave Rome. She needed to be home. She needed help.
It still hadn’t hit her fully. Not really. Not all the implications. All she knew was that she didn’t have the flu. She wasn’t lovesick. She wasn’t even dying.
She was pregnant. With Nick Carlucci’s child.
Chapter Two
It took him three days to get to America. Another to catch a flight from New York to Los Angeles. He’d had to do some fancy footwork to make the flights, and to take time off, but in the end, he’d gotten here. By the time he’d checked into his hotel room, he was exhausted, hungry, irritable, and completely convinced he was insane.
What was he doing here? Six thousand miles to say he was sorry? To a woman whom he barely knew, and would never see again? It was crazy. Almost as crazy as climbing up a balcony barefoot.
He smiled as he unpacked. Maybe that was it. The whole reason he’d changed his flight schedules, canceled plans, chased her halfway around the world. She’d done something so brave that he couldn’t chicken out himself, could he?
All he was going to do was apologize. Explain about Gina and Libby. Tell her he wished he could have shown her his city. Then he would leave. He could return home then and face Theresa and Mama. And one thing was for sure—no more American women.
He’d fallen in love with America the first time he’d set foot here, all those years ago. His decision to go to university in Los Angeles had been the best one of his life. The women he’d met! They’d all been so different, so American. They’d laughed so hard, loved so freely. He’d never wanted to go. He’d thought for a while that he wouldn’t. That he’d stay in this country. But the family needed him. So he’d done the next best thing. He’d taken the job with Alitalia, with runs to and from the States.
But America, especially California, always beckoned. He felt as much at home here as he did in Rome. More, maybe. There was something about the sunshine, the ocean... Who was he kidding? It was the women that kept him coming back here. Jessica
How to explain Jessica? What made him pursue her, even when he realized he didn’t know her at all? There was something inside her that called to him. Like a diamond waiting to be polished. A flower about to bloom. Jessica was on the brink of discovery, and he wanted to be there when it happened.
She was so closed, so proper. Yet underneath... There was a fire inside her. He’d felt it immediately. A heat so hot it would melt them both. Making love to Jessie once again would be—
Impossible.
He unzipped his suitcase and hung up his clothes, angry at himself for thinking such foolish thoughts. He was here to apologize. That’s all. To assuage a guilty conscience. To get his mother off his back.
No more American women. Good Italian girls for him, from now on. He understood Italian girls. They understood him. Basta. Enough. No more crazy thoughts.
He finished his unpacking, then called down to room service. A quick meal, a nap, a shower, then he would go. It would be close to five o’clock then. She’d be ready to leave her office. He’d catch her there, ask her to dinner. They’d have one final meal. Then he’d bow out.
JESSICA HUNG up the telephone and looked over at her boss. Jeff Hammond sat on the couch in her office, drawing furiously on his sketch pad as if he were angry at the world. Of course, Jessica knew it wasn’t anger that made his fingers fly, but concern. For her. Ever since she’d come to work yesterday and told Jeff about what had happened with Nick, her best friend had been in a tizzy. Then again, that’s what Jeff did best.
“It’s going to be all right,” Jessica said, as she got up to fix herself another cup of tea. “I just need a little time to think things through.”
His pencil quieted. When Jessica turned from the teapot, Jeff was staring at her. They were so different. Jeff was the height of artistic élan, and looked the part. Terribly tall and handsome, he wrapped his clients around his little finger, and intuitively knew what decor would work and what wouldn’t. He was the right-brain side of Main Street Designs, while Jessica, with her tailored suits and, as Jeff put it, her anal-retentive obsessiveness, was the left-brain side. Together, they made one terrific person. Apart, they needed each other for balance, and more important, for friendship.
Jessica finished pouring the hot water, then took her cup over to the couch. She sat next to him, once again incredibly grateful to have someone to confide in. Well, sort of. She’d told Jeff what had happened in Rome, but she hadn’t sprung the news about the baby yet. She needed some more time for that one. Time to adjust to the fact that it was even real.
“All I’m saying is that you wasted a perfectly good trip to Italy all because of one jerk. You should have stayed,” Jeff said.
“I couldn’t. Not after walking in on Nick with three other women.”
“You let him off too easy. That Gina, she had the right idea. Gelding.”
“She was something. I liked Libby, too. At least the guy had some taste.”
“What gets me is that I liked him. I really did. I thought you two had a damn good chance of making it work.”
“So I wasn’t the only one blinded by his looks?”
Jeff shook his head. “Sweetie, you know I love you, but if I thought I’d have a chance with him I’d have mowed you over like yesterday’s grass.”
Jessica laughed. “I wouldn’t wish him on you. You deserve better.”
“And so do you.” He looked at her critically, his brows furrowing as he studied her face. “This has really thrown you, hasn’t it? You don’t look good.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean it. Your complexion is all off. Maybe you ought to get a massage. Or a colonic.”
“What a choice.”
“Well, you need something.”
“Ever hear of jet lag?”
“Hmm. I don’t know.”
Jessica drank some tea and sighed as the warmth spread to her stomach. Her very unreliable stomach. Just her luck that this little surprise pregnancy had also brought her a raging case of morning sickness. A case that, unfortunately, didn’t know how to tell time. She felt queasy all day, every day. “I just wish I could forget about him,” she said, purposely changing the subject. “I just can’t seem to shake him.”
“Nick?” Jeff asked.
“No, Tom Cruise. Of course, Nick.”
“Time will take care of that,” Jeff said. “Although it took me a hell of a long time to get over Craig. But then, we’d been together for two years.”
“And I barely know Nick.”
“Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe he really does care for you.”
“Please, Jeff. Don’t make me laugh.”
“Okay, so it was a long shot. It just bothers me to see you so miserable.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“I know.”
“I just wish I wasn’t so stupid about men. I seem to have an uncommon knack for picking out louses.”
“Come on, Jess. That’s not true.”
“No? When’s the last time I had a healthy relationship?”
Jeff sipped some coffee. “What about Charlie?”
“The one who stole my underwear?”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.”
“He did look pretty good in them. I’ll give him that.”
Jeff smiled. “Wow, I hadn’t thought of that in a long time. That was some Christmas.”
“I’ll say.”
“What about Trevor? He was nice.”
“Trevor was a boob. The man could only talk about one thing—his blessed computer.”
“Yeah. Okay. I admit it, your luck hasn’t been all that great when it comes to men.” Jeff sighed. “For what it’s worth, this time I thought you’d found someone special.”
“So did half the women in America, evidently.”
“He just sat there? Smiling?”
“Oh, I think he was uncomfortable. But man, he was smooth. He acted like four women showing up in his bedroom happened twice a week. I mean, he hardly blinked.”
“The bastard.”
“It was my own fault. It was crazy of me to go in the first place.”
“It wasn’t crazy. It was brave and wonderful. I’m still so proud of you I can’t stand it.”
Jessica laughed. “Brave? Wonderful? I just spent four thousand dollars to find out I’m a chump. A world-class chump.”
Jeff leaned forward and took Jessica’s hand. “No. You’re not the chump here, kiddo. You did great. You followed your heart, and no matter what the outcome, doing that was absolutely the right thing to do. Remember that. And don’t let one Italian idiot take any of that away from you. I’m proud of you, sweetie. Prouder than I can say.”
Jessica’s chest tightened. For a woman who didn’t cry, she’d been awfully close in the last few days. “Thanks. But I think next time I make a fool out of myself, I’ll try to do it on American soil.”
“Oh, please. He did everything but whisk you away on a magic carpet. You wouldn’t have been human if you hadn’t fallen for him.”
“It just scares me. I mean, you know me. I’m a judicious person. A thinking person. And I not only slept with this man, whom I barely knew, I flew to Italy on a whim.” She looked down at her teacup. “But that’s not the worst of it.”
“Go on.”
Jessica slowly looked up. “I still care about him, Jeff. Way, way too much.”
“Hey, it’s only been a few days. What did you expect?”
“I didn’t expect this.” She stood up, suddenly anxious to move. “I didn’t expect that I’d care. I don’t know him. He made no promises. It’s just not possible that I actually fell—” She stopped dead still.
“Fell in love?” Jeff said, his voice low and kind.
Jessica didn’t turn to look at him. She just nodded, shame and humiliation flooding through her veins. “How stupid is that?”
“It’s not stupid at all. It’s human. And even you can’t deny that beneath those prim little suits, you’re only flesh and blood.”
“But it hurts.”
“I know, honey. It’s not easy being part of the great unwashed, but there you have it. Love hurts. It sucks. It’s not pretty. Except...”
“Except when the guy loves you back.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So why didn’t he?” Jessica whispered. She slowly turned, now that she’d asked the question aloud. The question she’d been asking herself for three days. “Why didn’t he love me back?”
“Oh, Jess. Who knows? There could be a million reasons.”
“I know. Really. What did I expect?” She waved her hand, as if swatting away her own silliness. “Besides, I didn’t love him. Not the real kind of love. I couldn’t have. We weren’t together long enough for that to happen, right? I’m just being a sentimental fool.”
“I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss your feelings. I think you did feel something very special for Nick. I’d never seen you like that before.”
“Like what?”
“So happy.”
Jessica smiled. “Yeah, I was floating there for a while, wasn’t I?”
Jeff nodded. “It was great. It can be like that again, you know.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Nick isn’t the last man out there.”
“He’s the last man for me. I’m not going to go through this again, Jeff. Not for anything. I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.”
Jeff stood up. “You don’t have to decide everything right now. What you do have to do is make sure you’re taking care of yourself. So don’t rule out that colonic. It can do wonders for jet lag.”
“Thanks,” she said, looking up at him. “I’ll think about it.”
“Do that. And stop beating yourself up. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Jessica smiled. But all she could think of was if she didn’t do anything wrong, why was she being punished?
NICK LIKED HIS HOTEL ROOM. It was midway between Jessica’s office and apartment, it was large and bright and very American. The first thing the bellboy had shown him was the cable television.
He’d already eaten, napped and cleaned up, and now he sat on his balcony considering his options. He wanted everything to go well. Of course, she could just throw him out on his ear, but he had a feeling she wouldn’t. Not at her office. Not in front of Jeff and her colleagues. She’d act civilized, which would give him the foot in the door he needed.
But would she go out with him again? Would she give him a chance to explain? Somehow, he had to get her alone. Away from the office. He needed to get back to the way it had been before Rome.
He’d thought about that all the way across the ocean. He hadn’t slept. He never did when he flew. But this time, he hadn’t read or watched the movies. At least not the movies they were showing on the screen. He just relived the movie in his mind. Each moment spent in the company of Jessica played over and over in his head.
She had such a wonderful laugh, although she didn’t use it often enough. He remembered a night at the beach, at Malibu. Her hand nestled in his, her shoulder just touching his own. She’d taken off her shoes, and they’d walked the shore, marveling at the moon and the white glitter the waves left in their wake. He’d made her laugh that night with stories that had once been so familiar, then transformed by the listener. He’d laughed, too. But mostly out of pure pleasure at the woman beside him.
He wanted to hear that laugh again. To make things right with her. Then what? What was he going to do if he got his wish? If Jessica forgave him?
That was problem number two. According to his sister, he had only one option—marry her. But Theresa was Theresa, and marriage was on her mind a lot these days. He didn’t have much faith in the institution, himself. Theresa dismissed his opinions as his attempt to stay a child, to run from commitment. But that wasn’t it. He just didn’t understand why so many people wanted to marry.
Marriage had made sense at one time. Back when people lived to a ripe old age of thirty, if they were lucky. A lifetime commitment then meant ten, fifteen years. A marriage now could last fifty, sixty years! It was unnatural. Terrifying. No sane person could want that. And Jessica was the sanest person he knew.
They hadn’t discussed the subject, but he did remember that she’d told a joke about the terrible divorce statistics once. That had to mean something.
Now, if she would only understand what had taken place at the villa...
He grabbed his sunglasses and went downstairs. The valet brought him his rented Porsche. Surprisingly, he found himself a little nervous. Not in the usual way. He always looked forward to a conquest, but now his stomach was a little tight, his breathing a little rapid. Maybe it was because this time he had a bigger wall to climb over. Jessica was formidable. That was undeniable. Then again, that would make it all the sweeter when she succumbed. And if she didn’t? That wasn’t something he cared to think about.
He pulled out of the drive and headed toward her office. The first thing he saw was a car completely covered in grass. Real grass! He laughed. America. THERE WAS NO REASON for Jessica to stay at the office. All her phone calls had been returned. Everyone, including the secretaries, had gone home already. She’d paid the bills, done a backup of her computer files. She’d even repotted her little violet. But home wasn’t a place she wanted to go. Not yet, at least She wished Jeff was here. No, that’s actually not what she wished. But what she wished for, she couldn’t have.
Damn it, why couldn�
��t she stop thinking about Nick? He had been a mistake. If the world were fair, she would have been depressed for a few weeks, eaten way too much chocolate and moved on with her life. But no. The world wasn’t the least bit fair. She was going to have to live with this mistake for the rest of her life.
Her hand went to her belly. Not that she would ever think of this little one as a mistake. Girl or boy, she’d love it with all her heart. As for adoption? Nope. There was no way she would ever give up her child. Nick’s child.
Would this baby always remind her of the love she almost had? Of the magic that had been in her life for a heartbeat, then vanished like dust in the wind? Or would time sculpt new memories? She wanted to remember some things. The night on the beach. That first dinner. The night they’d made love and she’d let go for the first time in her whole life.
All she wanted was to forget one summer day in Rome. One climb up a balcony. That couldn’t be too hard, could it? Unfortunately, only time would tell. Right now, she had some decisions to make. She had to tell Nick about the baby. But that could wait a bit. At least until she had time to adjust to the pregnancy herself. Nick came from strong roots. He was an only son. The family wouldn’t ignore an heir.
It would be simpler for her not to tell Nick. To keep the baby a secret and just raise him alone. But would that be fair to the child? To grow up without a father? To deny him his heritage?
Lord, she was confused. And her stomach was acting up again. Great. Jessica opened her bottom drawer and pulled out her bag of crackers. She’d heard that dry crackers were supposed to help, but she wasn’t so sure. Of course, she wasn’t sure about anything. She barely knew the first thing about being pregnant. That’s what she’d do. Go home and finish reading her pregnancy books. So far, they’d been illuminating.
Having a child was no different from starting a business, after all. She’d done a great deal of preparation before she’d undertaken that task, and she’d do the same for the baby. Once she had it figured out, then she’d deal with telling Nick.
