by Kat Mizera
“Do what?”
“You didn’t come home last night.” His words held distinct meaning since we both knew what I usually did when I didn’t come home at night.
“What does that mean?” I demanded, suddenly a little offended. Did he think that little of me, that I would do something to hurt Ellie?
“You’re my brother,” he said quietly, “and I’m cool with however you want to lead your life, but you’re a man-whore with no limits when it comes to women and sex.”
“Oh, because you were a fucking saint before Naomi?” I scowled at him.
“I wasn’t, but I stuck to girls who knew what they were getting into. Ellie isn’t like that.”
“I know that!”
“So why’d you sleep with her? You know you’re going to be bored with her in ten minutes, and I’m going to be pissed if you hurt her.”
“First of all, who said I slept with her?” I demanded.
He paused, arching his brows. “You didn’t come home last night… You weren’t with Ellie?”
“I was.” I met his gaze with a defiant look.
“And you didn’t…” He seemed so confused, I wanted to laugh, but I was annoyed.
“It’s been two days,” I said. “We hung out and fell asleep watching movies. I like her and she likes me, but believe me, I’m not rushing anything.”
Paxton continued to watch me and then sighed. “Okay, but I’m serious—don’t be a dick.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I placed my order and then pulled out my phone, as if I was checking my email.
I was genuinely pissed, though. It took a lot to hurt my feelings, but Pax had kind of just done it. Who was he to judge? He’d been just as wild as I was, before Naomi. He studied more than I did, but he wasn’t some virginal monk who’d been saving himself for marriage.
Burlington University was a great school and had a top-notch hockey team, which was why Paxton and I were here, but living in Vermont was kind of boring. It was beautiful in the fall, but winters were a bitch and since we didn’t have a car, it was hard to go anywhere if we wanted to leave campus. There was no public transportation around here and very little to do that wasn’t related to hockey, classes or parties. So that’s what we’d done. Me more than him, but again, he’d had more than his share of women.
If he could fall in love with Naomi, why was it such a stretch that I might want to have a girlfriend too? I wasn’t ready for anything serious, but Ellie was special. Even I could sense that. And our connection was so strong, there was no way I was going to do anything to fuck it up.
“Hey.” Paxton was behind me as I picked up my omelet.
I didn’t turn my head. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off. It’s just that she’s so young and sweet…and you have your choice of other chicks around campus. That’s all. It wasn’t meant as an insult.”
“It’s cool. I get it. I have a rep. But you don’t have to worry. I like her.”
“After two days?” He seemed dubious.
“Yes. That okay with you?”
He held up a hand in mock surrender. “Okay. Got it.”
We headed back to the table where the girls were waiting for us, and I was a little uncomfortable. Now I had Pax’s voice in my head, making me second-guess myself. What was I doing, spending a platonic night with a girl, double-dating with my brother and his, essentially, live-in girlfriend, and talking about my feelings? What was Ellie doing to me? In forty-eight hours, I’d become someone I didn’t recognize.
Maybe Paxton was right and I needed to not do this with Ellie. I was interested but not in any position to be someone’s boyfriend, so maybe it would be better to keep things simple. A little tutoring, a few hockey lessons since I’d promised, and no more sleepovers. I was ready for something more than sex, but not the forever stuff, and I had to be cognizant of the fact that Ellie literally had no experience with any of it. She wasn’t the right girl to test the relationship waters with. Especially not with me potentially leaving in four months.
It was kind of a bummer, and as I looked into her bright blue eyes, I felt the first prickle of regret. She was laughing at something Naomi had said and I realized how addicted I’d gotten to the sound in just two goddamn days.
“Patrick?” Ellie had been talking to me and I’d been so lost in thought I’d missed it.
“Sorry, what?” I asked her.
“When are we having our first hockey lesson?” she asked, smiling. “Paxton and Naomi might join us.”
“Oh.” I paused, swallowing as I tried to think of a way to say what I was going to say. “I don’t know. We both have a lot going on. There’s no rush, is there?”
Her face fell a little, though she quickly masked it, and I felt like a world-class dick.
“Well, I guess I’ll let you know,” she told Naomi.
“Okay.” Naomi changed the subject, but now I was in an even worse mood. My brother had ruined my day, my date, and my potential future relationship, all in a matter of two minutes in the omelet line.
I really wanted to deck him sometime.
9
Ellie
I didn’t know what I’d done or what had gone wrong at breakfast, but my gut told me it had something to do with Paxton. He and Patrick had talked and now Patrick was being weird.
Ugh. Why did people have to stick their noses in other people’s business?
I knew it had come from a good place. Paxton and I were friends and he was probably looking out for me, but I already had an overprotective mother, so I didn’t need that from my friends. Even if I got hurt, I wanted to spend time with Patrick, kiss him, be with him. For however long he wanted me around. I knew he was out of my league, but I was okay with getting to experience it. I’d rather be the girl Patrick Graham dumped than the girl who never knew what it was like to be with someone like him.
“We’re going to the movies tonight,” Naomi said. “You guys want to come with us?”
“I have studying to do,” Patrick said.
“Me too,” I said automatically, pulling on my coat and gloves.
“Okay, then I guess we’ll see you later!” Naomi and Paxton headed in the opposite direction of my dorm and I eyed Patrick uneasily, wary of what was coming. I didn’t need to know a lot about relationships to understand something had shifted over the last hour.
“I was thinking I should probably go home,” he said after a moment.
“Because your brother warned you not to hurt me and you think I’m too nice of a girl?”
“Uh…maybe?” He looked uncomfortable but I didn’t care. I was getting dumped before I even had a chance to enjoy having a boyfriend, and that pissed me right off.
“My virginity more than you can stand?” I asked wryly.
“What?” He looked startled. “Of course not!”
“Then what is it? And don’t give me any bullshit about studying. If anything, you’re going to go home, have a beer, and watch hockey.”
He sighed, running a hand through the short hair on his head. “I didn’t even know for sure you were a virgin,” he said after a moment.
“Does it matter?”
“Kinda. Not that it’s a bad thing,” he added quickly, “but I might not be the guy you want to, you know, give that to.”
“What kind of guy should I give it to? The dorky kid from the vegan fraternity who knows less about sex than I do? Or should I have a genuine one-night stand with a faceless stranger? Because, honestly, that’s where I’m at with this.” I waved an impatient hand. “You know what? Forget it. It doesn’t matter. I’ll see you tomorrow night for tutoring.” I stepped into the cold and turned towards my dorm.
“Ellie, wait.” He fell into step beside me. “Please.”
“I get it,” I replied, not slowing down. “You don’t want any of the responsibility or emotions that come with that kind of thing, and that’s cool. I’m sure there are other guys out there who have no such qualm
s.”
“No, that’s not it. It’s just, you know, complicated. I’m really not a relationship kind of guy and I like you. A lot.”
“That makes absolutely no sense.”
“I know.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, falling into step beside me. “I like you more than I’ve liked anyone in a really long time. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to touch you every minute of the day. I fantasize about seeing you naked while simultaneously convincing myself to be a gentleman. It’s not normal for me.”
I slowed down and cocked my head. “That still makes no sense.”
“It’s scary to have so much intensity after two freakin’ days,” he said slowly. “This doesn’t usually happen and I’m afraid it’s going to burn itself out, leaving you singed. Or worse.”
I rolled my eyes. “Give me a break, Patrick. Look, if you’re having second thoughts because I’m not the easy lay you thought I’d be, just say so. Don’t play games with me. I’d rather you say you were only interested in sex than make up some ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ crap.”
We’d stopped walking and stared at each other a long time. He seemed to be at war with himself, emotions playing across his face as he struggled with whatever it was. Then, out of nowhere, he reached down and kissed me. His mouth found mine hungrily, his hands grabbing me around the waist and yanking me against him. Our tongues swirled together, deepening the kiss despite the frigid wind and amused laughter of passersby. And I was helpless to stop him. I already craved his kisses even though three days ago I hadn’t known they existed. He was right that none of this was normal, but it felt so damn good.
“I’m already crazy about you,” he whispered when we finally broke apart. “And it scares the shit out of me.”
“I’m crazy about you too,” I whispered back. “And it scares me just as much. But you have to decide if you want to risk it.”
“You’ve already decided, haven’t you?” He smiled faintly.
“Well, duh. Dorky genius gets chance to hook up with hunky hockey player… When am I ever going to get a chance like this again?”
“Is that all I am?” he asked, looking down into my face with a playful smile that lightened up the mood. “A hockey player for you to conquer?”
I bit back laughter. “Of course. What else could it be?”
He tried to hide laughter of his own. “You’re something, Ellie McGinn.”
“I know.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “And I believe you just said you like it.”
“I do.”
“Then let’s just go back to my dorm and study.”
“How about I go home, shower, and get some clean clothes in case we fall asleep again?” he asked. “I’ll meet you there in an hour.”
“Uh-oh. That’s just enough time for Paxton to talk you out of it,” I said.
He kissed me. “Not a chance. You and I have some things we need to talk about, but I’m not going to ghost you. I’ll give you the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line before I do that.”
I chuckled. “See you in an hour.”
Part of me worried he wouldn’t show up, but fifty-five minutes after we’d parted ways, he buzzed downstairs and I let him in. He had his backpack with him and he chucked it in the corner as he walked in, digging out a book and kicking off his boots.
He looked good enough to eat and I drank in the sight of him coming towards me in low-slung gray sweats, a black Henley that stretched tight across his broad chest, and a five o’clock shadow that made me itch to find out what it felt like against my skin. Damn, I had it bad for this guy, which meant I wasn’t going to get anything done today on my paper. Thank god I was an overachiever who always worked ahead and could afford to slack off here and there.
“Hey.” He sat on the edge of my bed. “I know you have to study, so I’m going to re-read everything and then do those stat problems again from scratch.”
“If you’re trying to impress me, it’s working.”
“Let’s get shit done this afternoon so we don’t have to do anything tonight but hang out and talk or whatever. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect.” I turned back to my monitor and forced myself to concentrate. I could do this. I had to do some coding, which was semi-mindless work I could do. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, most of my brain was focused on the blue-eyed hunk who was lying back on my bed, pillows under his head, textbook in his lap. Damn, a hockey player with a book was way hotter than I’d imagined it would be.
“Why are you staring at me instead of your computer screen?” he called out without looking up.
“Because there’s never been a guy on my bed before.”
“I beg to differ. In fact, I’m pretty sure there was a guy on your bed all last night.”
I threw a crumpled-up piece of paper at him and he caught it with one hand, still without looking up. I grinned and went back to work.
We worked through lunch, and by four o’clock I was hungry and done for the day. Patrick had finished his stat problems a while ago and was watching a hockey game on his phone without the sound on.
“Who’s playing?” I asked, peering over his shoulder.
“Vegas and Seattle,” he replied quietly.
“A preview for when you and Paxton are playing against each other in the pros, huh?” I sat beside him, looking down at the screen on his phone.
“Yeah.” He didn’t say anything else and I realized this was a bit of a sore spot for him.
“You should talk about it,” I said after a moment. “I mean, not to me or anything, but you and him. I don’t know your dynamic, but I assume as twins you’re close and share things maybe other guys your age wouldn’t.”
He nodded. “Of course, but he already knows how I feel about this situation. He feels it too. We’d hoped we’d get drafted together, even though it was a long shot, but since it didn’t happen, there’s nothing to do but go forward. And in a way, it’ll be good for us to be apart. We’ve done everything together, from the juniors to college, so it’s probably time for us to do our own thing. Even if the adjustment will be hard in the beginning.”
“You’re going to be so busy, and so excited to be in Vegas, you’re not going to have time to miss him,” I whispered, leaning over and resting my head on his shoulder. “And then you’re going to be a huge hockey superstar, so it’ll be that much easier to bear.”
“You’re sweet.” He kissed the top of my head. “Ready to call it a day with studying and go get some dinner?”
“Sure.”
We held hands as we walked across campus, back to the dining hall, and it was like déjà vu. We’d done the same thing just this morning and then almost broken up. Except I wasn’t even sure we were together enough to break up. It made sense that we were, that this qualified as dating even after such a short time. We’d spent more than forty-eight hours together almost nonstop, so it felt like we were. But I had to be sure because I was me and my analytical mind refused to accept things unless I had the facts.
“I have a question,” I said to him.
“I will attempt to give you a satisfying answer,” he replied.
I took a breath. “Are we dating?”
“Yes.”
I cut a glance up at him. “That’s it? A simple yes?”
“Er, should I have had a question mark in my voice, in case you weren’t interested… You know, because you didn’t already tell me you were interested.”
I wrinkled my nose. “That was dumb, right?”
“Actually, it wasn’t.” He slid an arm around my shoulder. “It’s kind of refreshing to be with someone who doesn’t play games and isn’t trying to mind-fuck me. So to speak.”
He grimaced at his choice of words and then we both laughed.
“I’m definitely not trying to do anything like that,” I said. “I just like to know things.”
“I think you’ve mentioned that. So yes, we’re dating.”
“Okay.”
“Anything
else you want to talk about?”
“You mean, like my virginity?”
“Well, no, that wasn’t what I meant, but if you want to talk about that, we can.”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Why? It’s not a race or anything. And you’ve been kind of busy being a genius, getting all these degrees. When did you have time?”
I made a face. “I don’t know, but I’m nineteen. I don’t know any other nineteen-year-old virgins.”
“There are probably more than you think.”
“But not the girls you usually date.”
He winced but shook his head. “No, but if it bothers you, let’s talk about that.”
“It’s not that it bothers me,” I said quietly. “It’s just that I’m all screwed up. I know all the book things. More than some people ever learn their whole lives. With my photographic memory, I can learn entire lessons in a day. Even stuff like hockey, where I’m not physically able to play, I’ve already memorized three how-to books for beginners. I couldn’t get on the ice and do it, but I could coach someone on how to do it. Based on those books, of course, but you know what I mean. Like, I learned the essentials of the sport in two days. That’s not normal, right? And we’ve kind of come full circle with this—I’m definitely not normal and you are.”
“If you’re not normal, then I don’t ever want to date someone normal again.”
10
Patrick
Damn, I’d tried to keep it light, but I didn’t know exactly what to say. The fact that she’d memorized multiple beginning hockey books was impressive. I probably should have said something like that, but she was on a roll and didn’t really give me a chance.
“I just want to be normal. I don’t want to be that nerdy genius girl everyone stares at when I do something brilliant, and laughs at when I do something dumb. I know all the book things but very little about real life. Which is why I couldn’t let you break up with me before we even really started dating.”
