by Mary Wood
‘I’m sorry, Sarah. We didn’t want . . . well, we knew yer had to know, but . . .’
Lizzie had told Sarah whose son Jacques was, and she’d deduced that he was half-brother to Patsy. And now at the end of that Sarah just stood and stared at him.
‘I didn’t know, ma’am, I . . .’
‘No, I know. I’ll be reet. It’s just so incredible, it’s knocked me for six! Eeh, but none of it is down to you, neither of you. Aye, it’s brought it all back. It does whenever any of those . . . I mean, your family are mentioned. But I’m not one to carry that forward down the generations. You should know that, Lizzie, with how I took Patsy in and then you.’
Her voice sounded hurt as she said this. Lizzie tried to put it right. ‘I do know, Sarah. You’re the kindest person I know, but I have seen yer upset and yer have so much to put up with at the moment. I didn’t want us to add to that. I thought I’d get Richard to tell yer . . .’
‘Oh. I’m sorry, love. I misunderstood. Eeh, there’s so much to keep coming back to me. But like Richard says, I won’t get rid of any of it if I hang on to the hate. And of late, I’ve come to think that’s reet an’ all. I can’t keep hating folk. They did what they did, but they’ve all paid in various ways.’
Jacques felt as though he could at this moment throttle his mother and his Uncle Terence as well, if he wasn’t already dead. How could they have behaved as they did? Mother taking this lovely woman’s husband within a week of her being married, and having a child by him! And according to what her aunt had told Lizzie, and his mother had concurred with in her memoirs, his Uncle Terence had tricked Lizzie’s aunt into burning Sarah’s father’s stud farm down! And all so that he could step in and buy the business at a knock-down rate! Unbelievable! And then there was the other sickening behaviour that Benjamin had said was rumoured, about them having an incestuous relationship! God, he felt sick to be related to such people. He was beginning to think he no longer wanted to meet his mother.
‘Ma’am, it has all shocked me. My family owes you an apology, and I hope you will accept that from me. I’m really sorry for what successive ancestors of mine have caused for you and your ancestors.’
‘Thank you, that means a lot to me, Jacques. And I think as it will help me in me intention to stop thinking of you all as me enemies who are out to harm me and me family.’
‘I hope so, because you already have one of us in your home, and I would like to become the second one – to visit often, not to move in, of course.’
‘Eeh, you’re very welcome, Jacques. We’d be pleased to have you. That’s if Lizzie and Patsy think so.’
He looked towards Lizzie. That lovely way he had noticed that she had of blushing at anything that involved the attention being on her happened again now, but with it she gave a shy smile, and his heart seemed to flip over. ‘Well, there’s no time like the present to find out, from one of them, at least. Lizzie, will you be okay with me visiting on a regular basis? And, while I’m asking, would you let me take you to dinner – when I can find somewhere to go for dinner, that is?’
For a moment she looked as though she would say no, but being so tuned in to her in such a short time he realized she always had to consider her disability. She must wonder whether, if she said yes, she’d physically be able to get into where he chose.
‘Not that I would book anywhere that didn’t have your approval, of course. We could start with a drive out to find and inspect all likely venues. How about I pick you up tomorrow?’
‘I’d like that, thanks.’
He winked at her, and once more was treated to her beautiful smile. She was so delicate and fragile-looking, and he wanted to take care of her and make sure she never suffered again.
Thirty
A Helping Hand for Recovery
Patsy and Ian
Patsy opened her eyes. ‘What time is it, Ian?’
‘It’s seven-thirty. They’ll be ringing the bell in half an hour for all visitors to depart. They’ve already warned me that they’ll not let me stay the night now that you’re on the mend.’
‘But I thought we were waiting for them to come and say I could go home? Oh, Ian, I can’t bear another night in here! I’m fine now.’
‘They still might. The sister said they’ve had an emergency – a train crash. There are a lot injured and they are under pressure. If she can get a doctor to you she will, but she doesn’t know if she can.’
‘Bugger! That would happen.’
‘Eeh, Patsy . . .’
‘What?’
‘Never mind. Look, I’ll go and ring Dad. See if there’s owt he can do. He might be able to pull some strings. I’ll not be a mo.’
As he walked down the corridor to the public telephone, every part of him ached from the long hours he’d sat watching over Patsy. Not that he’d have had it any different. His stomach rumbled, reminding him that it had been hours since he’d eaten. They’d brought a dinner for Patsy, but she’d refused it. He’d thought then that he could have snatched it out of their hands as they’d taken it away.
Walking back after talking to his dad, he felt a lightness in his step and couldn’t wait to tell Patsy the news.
‘You look pleased! Hope it means you’ve managed to get me out of here?’
‘Not yet, though Dad said he would see what he could do. It might work if they know you’re going home to a doctor, but he didn’t hold a lot of hope as we’re so far away from him. Anything could happen on the way – a relapse, for instance. He doesn’t think they’re likely to let you go without seeing a doctor.’
‘So why the smiley face?’
‘Eeh, Patsy, I’ve got some news as you’re never going to believe. I think it’ll lift you an’ all.’
‘Harri didn’t go after all?’
‘No, and that wouldn’t be good news, ’cos she’s very much in love with Greg and not going would make her unhappy. You shouldn’t want that; I know I don’t. Look, Patsy, love, you have to let go. I know as you’re going to miss her – we all are – but it’s a natural progression. What did you think, that you’d be together, side by side for ever, with no one else coming between you? That’s silly and you know it.’
‘You’ve taken on the role of “Me Who Knows It All” all of a sudden! Well, you don’t know it all. Harri was like a prop to me. She gave me life purpose. These last four years she provided a hook for me to cling on to and to get away from me past, and now that has all gone and I feel like I have been dumped for the second time in me life, and it hurts.’
‘By, lass, if that is how you looked upon her, then of course it does. Eeh, Patsy, love, you were wrong to do that. Harri was alius going to fail in that role, ’cos she was alius going to move on in her life, as you should an’ all. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t still love you. But, just as it will for you, she has found the kind of love that takes precedence over all others. There’s a lot of different kinds of love, you know. And none of them diminish each other; they just demand different levels of standing in our lives.’
‘Ian, you seem so different. When did you gain all this philosophy of life? I never noticed it before.’
‘Aye, well, you never took the time to check what I was like. I’ve just been there in the background of what you think you want. This is me. Yes, I am what you said earlier, a bit of a lazy bugger and maybe a bit of a wimp an’ all, though I’d say that was more me liking to keep other folk happy no matter how much it puts me out. But there is another side to me as you’re now seeing.’
‘I can only say sorry so many times, Ian. I ain’t going to spend the rest of me life saying it.’
‘Oh, so you see yourself spending the rest of your life with me, then?’
‘I didn’t say that. I – I don’t know. But even if I don’t do so in the way you want of me, You’ll still always be there.’
‘Aye, I will. Look, do you want this news or not?’
‘Go on, then.’
‘Your brother has turned up. He—’
<
br /> ‘What? Oh, my God! When? Where? Oh, Ian . . .’
Her joy had her sitting up now. It shone from her face, radiating from it with all the beauty he’d ever want to see in his whole life. Taking her hands, all he could say was, ‘Eeh, lass.’
She didn’t take hers from his. ‘Tell me, Ian. Where is he? Oh, God, this is wonderful! A brother! A real brother that’s just mine!’
This statement worried him as he wondered how she’d take what he had to tell her. ‘He turned up in Breckton yesterday. He . . . well, he came across Mam and Lizzie in the churchyard and he . . . it seems he was smitten with Lizzie.’
‘Lizzie! Why?’
‘What do you mean, why? Lizzie’s a pretty girl. Delicate. The type a man wants to take care of. It’d be easy to be smitten by her. Anyroad, he called round later. It seems Lizzie had already thought she’d seen him somewhere before, and that was because he takes after his dad, whose pictures were in those things of your mam’s. His name’s—’
‘Jacques Rueben. I know. Lizzie told me about him, but I can’t get over him being attracted to Lizzie. How do you know that? Christ! I haven’t even met him and someone’s grabbed him . . .’
‘Lizzie hasn’t grabbed him. They are attracted to one another, that’s all, and he came round to have a chat with her because of that. It was when she learned his name that she knew who he was. He’s staying with his granny – well, your granny an’ all, come to that.’
‘How? God, this is all incredible. I’ve never met me granny, so how has he?’
‘You never wanted to. You could have found her. He did.’
He told her what he knew about how Jacques had found his family and how Theresa, who was on the mend, told her doctor about her having a daughter. ‘So your granny knows about you now as well. And listen to this: she is angry that she never knew about you before. It appears that your granddad and uncle were the only ones who knew, and that they sorted out you being given away. Your granny cried and said that if she had known she wouldn’t have allowed it. You would have gone back to them and they would have passed you off as being the child of your Mam’s ex-husband. Jacques told them that she even said she would have taken care of you while your mam did her thing in the war. It all beggars belief how folk can change the course of a lifetime. Eeh, love . . .’
Silent tears had filled her eyes and wet her face as they ran down her cheeks. Her look was one of utter devastation. She crumpled in his arms.
Holding her and stroking her hair set up emotions in him, and he couldn’t hold back from telling her, ‘Don’t cry, me little lass. I’m here for you. I love you. I love you with all that I am, and I’ll never let you down. Everything’s going to be reet, I promise you. You’re going to get all your family back, and they all love you. I knows that. Me dad said as they do. Your Mam’s never forgot you, and says in them books how she was planning on getting you back after the war and setting up a proper family with you and your brother and the man she fell in love with, but she lost them. She lost so much, her mind included, poor lass. But life’s not over. If you can accept them, they are ready for you. Oh, Patsy, I love you, lass, I love you. So much, it hurts.’
Lifting her face she said, ‘I know you do. And I’m grateful, but I have such a lot to come to terms with. Me life were hell, and for years I thought of me mam as the cause of that. I hated her. I didn’t know all of this . . . Oh, Ian, what am I going to do? What if they don’t like me and . . . Well, is me brother posh like them? I mean, will I fit in with them?’
‘Course you will. By all accounts your brother’s American, and he hasn’t met your mam yet. Dad says he’s a real likeable fellow and said, as Mam put it, “he has no side to him”. He even apologized to her for all that his . . . I mean, your family, has done to her and hers over the years.’
‘Why did he do that? I’ve never done that.’
‘Well, he knows them. He’s living with your granny at the moment. He probably feels because of that that Mam might think of him more as one of them. You’re one of us and have been for four years. You’ve not and shouldn’t feel any responsibility for anything they have done. Not that he should either, and Mam told him that. But it was a nice gesture and it pleased Mam no end.’
‘Is he going to see our mother?’
‘He’s planning on going tomorrow. Dad asked me to ask you if you want him to tell your mam about him knowing where you are. Her doctor is telling her about him in the morning, and they are expecting it to be a big shock to her. She may not even be ready to see him. They don’t know, but he has said that once she has met him and if that goes alright and she copes, he will tell her about finding you and then you can both go along together. But you have to agree with this too. Jacques doesn’t want to do anything without your say-so, and will delay them telling his mother about him if that is what you want.’
‘I – I don’t know. I . . .’
‘Look, love, think about it, eh? It’s all been a shock to you.’
She laid her head back on his chest. His heart beat so strongly at this that he felt sure she could feel it as well as hear it. ‘I love having you near like this, lass. I wish you could always be so and not in just a comforting way.’
‘It’s a start that you’re the one who gives me the most comfort, Ian. Just let it be like that for now. I need time. I’ve so much to contend with.’ She lifted her head again and looked up at him. ‘I only know that how I feel about you has changed.’
They were quiet for a moment, and in this time he allowed himself to hope. Oh aye, he knew she was a handful, and would probably always be so, but he’d cope with that. He’d have to. He only wished he’d get the chance.
Still with no sign of coming out of his arms, she said, ‘Would you phone Dad again and tell him to ask Jacques not to do anything yet? Ask him to delay things just for a little while, until I get used to it all and can make my mind up what I want. And ask Dad to tell him that I can’t wait to meet him, will you?’
‘Aye, I will, lass.’ The bell ringing at that moment dampened his heart. He didn’t want to leave her, but the way she clung on to him and what she said as she did, took away the sad feeling in him and lifted him higher in his spirits than he’d ever been.
‘I don’t want you to go. I feel so alone when you’re not with me. Take me with you, Ian. Ask them to let me sign meself out.’
‘Eeh, lass, I want to do that more than owt else at this moment, but because I love you I’m not going to. I’d never forgive meself if owt happened to you as a consequence. As soon as I book into a hotel, I’ll ring here and give them a number for me. Then if the doctor does visit and releases you, then get them to contact me and I’ll be here like a shot. I’ll take you back to me hotel and then We’ll set off in the morning. How’s that for a deal, eh?’
‘it’ll do, but you needn’t think you’re getting me in your hotel room! I want a room of me own, so check they have vacancies before you book in.’
If she hadn’t had a wry look on her face as she said this, he’d have been hurt at her thinking he would do such a thing, but as it was, he laughed at her. ‘Who says I want you in me room? By, how the way you snore I’d never get any sleep. I used to hear you through me wall at night and I were across the landing!’
She laughed at this and gave him another hug. He hugged her back, not ever wanting to let her go. But if he didn’t, he’d do as she asked and get her signed out and that wouldn’t be the right thing to do, so he came out of her hold, told her to be a good girl until he saw her again, kissed her cheek and left before he changed his mind.
Thirty-one
Lizzie’s Doubts, Theresa’s Capture, Pierre’s Death
1963 and 1945
Lizzie couldn’t sleep. All kinds of emotions were assailing her, and her thoughts wouldn’t rest. She went from thinking, what if Jacques didn’t like her as much as she did him? And then to changing that to ‘love her’, as she knew she did him. And from asking herself, ‘Is this how love feels?’ To
being sure that it did.
But then, if he did love her, would he be willing to take her on, because that’s what it would be like: taking on a burden. Someone who couldn’t do half the things he’d told her he did when they’d sat together after their talk with Sarah: surfing, water-skiing, dancing and, well, everything that required two working legs. And a life a million miles from the one she’d led.
There was a lot they could do together. He liked watching films, and had the same taste in these as she did: true-life dramas, Westerns and thrillers, as well as the classics. She’d been lucky in this at home, as the cinema had been close enough so that her wheelchair battery would last to take her there and back, and had been on ground level. The manager had helped her into the building and onto a seat. These times had been some of her best, when she could lose herself in what was happening on-screen.
Jacques also liked eating out, something he told her they did a lot in the States, whereas here it was just on special occasions and something she’d only experienced eating snacks in the café up the road when Rita couldn’t get off the settee long enough to cook anything.
Thinking of this gave her another worry. She couldn’t cook for Jacques, as she couldn’t reach the stove. Not that she couldn’t cook. If she’d managed to get Rita in the right mood, she’d often gone to the local shop and bought the ingredients for a recipe she fancied. Then, with Rita’s help – chopping for her and passing her stuff she could manage, like beating eggs, that kind of thing, and then following her instructions on temperatures and taking things off the ring or out of the oven when she said – she’d achieved making some great meals. But it was this thing of always needing help . . . Surely that would put Jacques off? Oh, she hoped it wouldn’t!
Then her thoughts turned to how Patsy had taken the news. It had sounded really positive when Ian had rung Richard back, and he never said anything about Patsy not liking the fact that Jacques had taken a fancy to her and had asked her out to dinner. Ian had said Patsy was recovering as well – really recovering. Lizzie felt so glad at this news, and couldn’t wait for Patsy to come home. What they’d been through had brought them closer together, and she missed her.
