“Oh?”
“Yes. She called the act of reconciliation, burying the hatchet. I’m afraid I’m not certain exactly how one goes about doing so.”
“I assume anywhere but in the back,” he replied dryly.
Of course he’d deflect to humor.
And then she heard him saying something else, but his voice was so low she couldn’t make it out.
“What?” she asked, annoyed that he was taking such a cavalier approach to something so important. It was typical George.
And then he sat up, looked at her, his intense blue eyes boring into her. “I said I’m sorry.”
*
George didn’t know he was going to apologize until the words were already spoken. And once such powerful words were out, it was impossible to put them back in. There was no going back. They were finally going to have the conversation he’d been dreading for years.
“What?”
He felt like a damned fool sitting in the tub of water, but if this is how it had to be, he was willing to do just about anything find some sort of resolution. “I said I’m sorry. I’ve harbored a grudge for years, and it wasn’t until I saw you again that I started to reflect upon everything I’d done and I realize now that it wasn’t just you. In fact, it was mostly me. I should have done more for you. But I didn’t and I apologize for my actions, or lack thereof.”
Willie sat down on the edge of the bed. “I never expected to hear those words from you.”
“Well, it’s not the first time that I’ve apologized. You know that.”
“The night of that awful argument. You remember?”
“I could never forget.”
She looked at the floor as she spoke. “I saw in the gossip rags that you were practically engaged to that woman.”
“And I told you I wasn’t. Just like I told you when you saw me at that dance.”
“But you asked me to just stand by and watch as you gallivanted around Town with her. You should have known me better than that. I could never accept that as an answer.”
“I told you why. My father was certain that you were only after my money. He threatened to rob me of my inheritance had I not done what he said. He demanded I appear with Lady Evelyn in public and give her a proper chance. It was all for show, I had no intention of committing to more than that. I would have thought you would have known that. And if you waited, I’d hoped it would give me time to prove to him that you weren’t just using me for my title.”
She shook her head. “You knew I was nothing like the person he accused me of being. I was never with you for riches, I loved you despite them. You could have left them all behind, I wouldn’t have cared a fig. I just wanted you, George. Just you.”
“Yes, I know. And if you remember, I apologized then, profusely. But I begged you to give me more time. Why did you give up on me so easily? You only proved my father right.”
Willie stood up and paced the room. “You didn’t come with me. I told you to run away and we could be married. I was willing to leave behind my responsibilities, Kitty, my aunt, all so we could be together. It was the only way we could be done with your controlling father, my meddling aunt, and away from everyone who seemed so hell-bent on destroying what we had.”
She looked at him, her eyes weary. “Why did I give up? You were the one who gave up on me. Even after that terrible argument, I still heard talk. My aunt’s friends were adamant that you were certain to be engaged. I waited for you to contest the stories, to disprove the rumors first-hand. Only, you never did. Sometime later, I wrote to you. I wrote you a letter with questions you never answered. I needed you more than you could ever imagine and you didn’t even give me the common courtesy of a proper goodbye. I never even saw you again until I showed up in your foyer.”
George listened to the words, more confused than he’d ever been. Nothing she was telling him made any sense. “But I went to your home. I called on you the very next day. Your aunt said you wouldn’t see me. I kept coming back and you would never accept me. I know you told me you didn’t want to see me again, but I was never going to let that stand. I loved you too much. I’d come to my senses, I was willing to do whatever you needed me to do. And then I found out you were betrothed to Victor Turner and I couldn’t believe you’d gone and fallen in love with another man. I was outraged.”
“I never knew you called on me.” Willie covered her mouth, choking back her tears. “I was in my room for weeks. First, I was heartbroken, and then I fell ill. I wasn’t always aware of my situation, but I was never told you visited.”
“I didn’t know that.” He had no idea she’d taken ill. Why wouldn’t her aunt have said something?
She wrapped her arms around her middle. “I never thought you loved her, but I thought she was better suited. Your father hated me so much and told me that I would never be good enough for you. That woman was so beautiful and she had a title…”
“He was a fool,” George interrupted. “Lady Evelyn meant nothing. I’ve known her for years, she was like a sister to me, and not even a sister I liked very much. There was no love between us, nor could there ever be. She never held my interest, no one ever could after meeting you. I am sorry that I ever went along with my father’s wishes. I should have refused his demands and given it all up. But I was young and I thought I needed my fortune to provide for you. I wish I had left it all behind because you were worth it. I was just too foolish to realize it.”
Unable to sit idly by any longer and watch her fall apart from across the room, he tried to lift himself up. His leg was still stiff and refused to cooperate. “Help me out,” he demanded. “Please. I just need your arm for leverage.”
She shook her head. “No. I prefer you there.”
“I need to be out. I need to be near you.”
“That’s exactly why I can’t help you. I need to think clearly and that’s always been impossible with you close by. When you’re near, it’s like you rob me of all logic. And if there’s ever been a time where I needed all my faculties, it is at this very moment.”
George raked his hand through his damp hair. “You got engaged, Willie. I still can’t believe that you would move on so quickly. I thought perhaps there’d been something, well, I thought maybe you’d known him while we were still—”
“Never. I didn’t know him.
“But why?” His voice was strangled and hoarse.
“I had no choice,” she choked out the words.
“And when I was shot, you didn’t even inquire after me. I waited for you to come to me.”
She was crying now, silently. Tears rolled down her cheeks and her nose was running. She’d never been a pretty crier. He always questioned the motives of those who were. These were real tears, filled with grief and heartache. “I couldn’t see you. I was doing quite poorly myself. I told you that. I wrote it in a letter.”
“Willie, I swear to you. I never received a letter from you.”
“But you did. I sent it. I told you in the letter.” She kept repeating herself, as if saying the words over and over would finally make them truth.
“I never got it.” It could have been his father, her aunt – either one could have easily intercepted the post. He never thought either one would stoop so low or he would have hired a private courier. In hindsight, he should have never put anything past them.
Willie walked to the window and looked out. “I married Mr. Turner because I had no other choice. I didn’t want to, but my aunt insisted. I’d hoped you come for me before it was done, but you never did. You never came. And there was no other option. My aunt turned me out and I had Kitty to care for. There were circumstances…”
“What circumstances?”
She shook her head. “I would never have left you alone, knowing you were injured. Even with the argument and all the conflicted feelings. But I didn’t know until it was too late. Once I was recovered from my own illness, Aunt Louisa told me of the incident, but she said it was your fault and that she’d been
acting in defense of herself. She said you’d gone mad, and given your state the last time I’d seen you, well, it seemed a likely enough story.” The words came quickly, tumbling over each other as she recalled the details.
“I had gone mad,” he admitted. “I was insane with jealousy, but not demented enough to hurt anyone, not even your aunt. Even though, I’d argue the old bat could use a proper flogging. Your aunt shot me because I was trying to see you. I was making my way up the stairs. She stopped me the only way she could.”
“That’s not how she told it.”
“I’d imagine not. Would you admit to such a scandal? She has my father to thank for keeping the story silent. He blamed it on a hunting trip.”
“So, I am to believe you over my own family,” she said quietly.
“You have no reason not to.”
“You’re wrong,” she answered. “I have every reason not to. For if you’re lying, then I am no worse off. But if you indeed are telling the truth, then I can think of nothing more tragic.”
He knew exactly what she was alluding to. “Because it means we’ve carried around a fair amount of resentment for no reason.”
“That’s looking at it optimistically,” she said, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“It means I’ve wasted years of my life.” George finally realized just how much he’d lost. The feeling swept across him like a storm, swiftly destroying him. He was left feeling broken, battered. All these years of thinking he was wronged…for nothing. Everything he’d done to forget her, when there was never any need. It was as if a weight had been lifted, only to be replaced by an equally heavy sadness.
“There’s nothing we can do about it now,” she remarked with an eerie calm. “What’s done is done. There’s no sense in lamenting what could have been. No, the past has done enough damage already, we just need to look toward the future.” She turned to him, her eyes full of hurt. “I’m going downstairs to…do something, anything. Maybe I’ll find another book. I’ll send someone up to help get you out of there. You shouldn’t try by yourself, you could easily get hurt.”
Willie left the room without saying another word.
*
Willie walked down the stairs, trying not to draw attention to herself. The last thing she needed was Mrs. Follmer trying to strike up friendly conversation during the midst of her emotional catharsis. She needed time and space to reconcile herself with the most distressing knowledge she’d had in the last ten years.
She didn’t have to believe him. It was simpler not to. She could have gone on happily blaming him for her marriage, the years of struggling trying to keep Kitty and herself afloat with what little money they did have, her aunt leaving her to deal with it all on her own. Resentment was so much easier than forgiveness or even simply forgetting. It took almost no effort at all to resent someone. The feeling was like something you’d keep in your pocket and forget it was there after a while – effortless. But letting go…well, that took real effort and dedication. Letting go was hard work.
But if he was telling the truth, then the years of resentment, cursing, blaming…well, there’d been no real reason for it. George refusing to go against his father had been the catalyst for the end of their affair, an end that had been a long time coming. Truth be told, it was destined to fail from the very beginning. There were simply too many pressures for their love to withstand, a lesson that took years for her to understand. Her aunt was too opinionated, his father too controlling, not to mention their respective rank and fortunes, namely her lack thereof. They would have had difficulty sustaining in the best of situations, so the probability of their affair ever culminating into a happy marriage, well, the chances were slim.
And that isn’t why she’d been so angry. All that was understandable. It was the rejection that stung the most. She’d asked him to make a choice, and he had. Only, it hadn’t been the outcome she’d hoped for. He didn’t choose her. He chose wealth and privilege, not love…not her.
“Lady Chesterton?”
Willie inwardly groaned. “Mrs. Follmer.” She turned around, forcing a smile. “How nice to see you again.”
The woman took her seat across from Willie’s. “The coaches were running today. We’ve emptied out a bit, gotten some new guests in. Dinner should be quite good tonight. Our cook’s got her shipment in and she can finally make up for that drudge she served last night.”
“I’m sure it was just fine.”
Mrs. Follmer leaned in closer. “Might I interest you in a cordial? A fine lady like yourself…”
“Mrs. Follmer?” she interrupted. “Would you be so kind as to stop referring to me as Lady Chesterton? My husband and I were hoping to remain relatively inconspicuous.”
“Of course, of course! It’ll remain our little secret.” Mrs. Follmer giggled as if she were a young girl trading confidences with a dear friend.
“Thank you,” Willie mumbled, quite certain nothing ever remained secret for too long around the inn.
“Would you like me to bring you a plate, dear?”
She didn’t feel much like eating, but couldn’t quite remember the last time she had proper nourishment. There was some bread, cheese, and a few pieces of fruit in the room, but other than nibbling, she’d eaten almost nothing at all.
As if on cue, her stomach rumbled. “That would be wonderful, Mrs. Follmer. Thank you.”
The woman was eager to please and returned quickly holding a decanter and a glass with a servant behind her carrying a tray.
“My goodness! Mrs. Follmer, you didn’t have to do all that.”
“Well, since there’s two of you now…”
George stepped into the sitting room. “Would you mind if I join you?”
He walked with a cane, his leg recovered enough to limp along. The bath had done him a world of good. His hair was slicked back, curling ever so slightly at the nape of his neck along the collar of his shirt. He was wearing a clean change of clothes, a fine burgundy waist coat with a black jacket; the bright white of his cravat starkly contrasting with the olive of his skin. The matching black trousers stretched tightly across his muscled thighs. Not even a pronounced limp could addle such a handsome appearance.
“No, of course not,” she answered, knowing that to refuse would only incite the curiosity of the already curious innkeeper’s wife.
In mere moments, the work table had been transformed into an intimate candlelight dinner for two. Mrs. Follmer was bending over backward to make a good show for her distinguished guests.
George poured the wine. “Thank you for taking your supper with me, Willie.”
She’d already begun eating, but nodded.
“Is it all right if I speak candidly?”
She was ravenous, taking no time to savor the parsnips flecked with parsley, barely listening.
“I’d like to make you a proposition.”
Chapter 14
She slowed her chewing and set her fork down beside her plate.
Granted, he appreciated a healthy appetite, but he was desperate to divert her attention from the venison, tender as it might be, to him. Especially since he found the food in front of them barely palatable in comparison to the delectable woman sitting across from him. She was still wearing the same gown from earlier that pushed her breasts so far up, that given the slightest jiggle, she’d expose that perfect chest to the entire company of the inn.
“You have a proposition?” She made the word sound downright salacious.
“It’s not at all improper if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
A glorious pink blush spread across her chest. “What kind of proposition did you have in mind?”
He finished off the glass and poured himself another. “I know nothing we say or do tonight can erase the bitter taste of the last ten years. I still need answers, but doubt I will find them anytime soon. But a long time ago, I was devastated to have lost you. And as much as I tried to deny your memory, it would still find a way to creep into m
y thoughts, my dreams. Now you’re here, in the flesh. I didn’t realize how much I missed you until you reappeared in my life. Tomorrow morning we will leave this place, locate my brother and your sister and go our separate ways. I wish it weren’t so, but given our history, I’m certain that is how it will be. But tonight, for one evening only, I thought we could try and be friends again. Because that’s what we were once.”
“Your proposition is friendship?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“Yes. Dinner, conversation. Let’s put it behind us, just for one evening. I know we’re both worried for Kitty and Henry, but there’s nothing we can do tonight. As much as we question their intelligence, we know that they’re together, and even if my brother’s a complete sot, I’m certain he’d assure her safety above all else. Tonight, let’s just be together. No interruptions, no worries.”
She stared silently, her green-eyed gaze unwavering, trying to figure it all out.
He leaned forward, his pulse racing, anxiously awaiting her answer.
When she’d left the room, he couldn’t stop thinking about all he’d missed. He couldn’t believe that he’d lost her for no good reason at all. He felt as if he’d been robbed of her company and that left a barely palatable taste in his mouth that he just couldn’t swallow. But they were together now and that had given him some hope for their future. Hope had been denied to him before, and now it was all he had.
“What do you say?” George asked. He had never felt the hollow pain of rejection before her, and he hadn’t felt it since. But right now, at this very moment, he felt every nerve in his body alert as to the possibility of that distantly familiar feeling.
“Yes,” she answered without another moment’s hesitation. Willie visibly relaxed, her expression softening and her shoulders falling back. “I missed that the most, our conversations. It is only one evening after all. I suppose we don’t need to spend it pensive and avoiding each other.”
The joy he felt at her acquiescence was almost embarrassing. After all, he was a grown man and the mere prospect of conversation with Willie sent him to a level of divine elation. “Good,” he said, carefully disguising his excitement behind a curtain of English ennui.
Second Chance Marquess (Second Chance Series Book 1) Page 11
