by Freda, Paula
His answering machine picked up her call. “I guess he's not home,” she said, disappointment threading her voice. “Or maybe, he's just not up yet.”
Linda and Tanner glanced at each other. “We'll catch him later, I'm sure,” Linda said.
“Yes, definitely, we'll catch him later,” Macey affirmed.
“How about some coffee?” Tanner asked.
“Oh, of course. Sorry. I'm in a state; such a welcome surprise. Mom, Dad.” She gave them each another hug, and moved behind the kitchen aisle to the counter against the wall and the coffee machine.
While they sat enjoying their coffee at the small table in the eating nook with a window that overlooked the Hudson River and the parkway, Macey rang Cal a couple of times more. Each time the answering machine picked up, she made a face. “Where is he?” she grumbled. “It's Christmas morning.”
Linda asked, “Did you two have plans for today?”
“No, not really. My date, Michael, is coming to pick me up around noon, to attend Christmas Services. You know him, he's the son of Leatrice's friends, Harriet and Val.”
“That Michael,” Linda said. “He's been away at college, hasn't he?”
“Yes, but he recently graduated, with honors, and is working as a financial consultant.”
“That's a good start,” Tanner said.
“He's really quite nice,” Macey said. “Even Cal likes him.” She glanced at the phone on the counter. “Let me try him again.”
“Sweetheart, you just called him ten minutes ago,” her mother said.
“Oh, that's right. I don't know why I'm so nervous. M-maybe it's just the Holiday Spirit.” She sat down again and clutched at her coffee cup, sipping in between smiles and casual conversation with her parents. During the moments of silence, she glanced out the window, preoccupied, and missed her mother whispering something into her father's ear, and his ensuing grin.
The doorbell rang and Macey hurried to answer it. She looked through the peephole. “It's Michael,” she called over her shoulder to her parents as she opened the door. “You're early,” she said, giving him a quick peck on the lips.
“The Church is usually packed on Holidays. I thought we should get an early start so we won't be left standing.”
Michael noticed the two sitting at the table. “Aren't those your parents?”
“Yes, they're visiting me for the Holidays.”
“That's great,” Michael said, moving toward them.
Tanner rose and met him halfway. “Hi, Mike, long time no see.” He smiled warmly and extended his hand.
Michael clasped it in a solid handshake. “Yes, it has been a while, and it's wonderful to see you both.”
Linda eyed him from the top of his neatly combed hair to the bottom of his black leather loafers. She remembered the scruffy young impulsive boy she had last seen at a Fourth of July barbecue that Cal's parents had thrown for family and friends. “You've grown into a fine-looking young man,” she greeted, rising and joining her husband. “How are Harriet and Val?”
“They're doing fine. Getting used to the nest emptying.
Linda asked, “Your sister and brother, they've left home as well?”
“John is in the army; Sharon is in France, finishing her education. Mom misses her company most.”
“That's a tough time for some parents.” She gazed at Tanner. “We both can attest to that.”
Tanner said, “At least Sharon is furthering her education.”
Macey could well guess what her father was thinking at the moment. She spoke up. “Not everyone is geared for a college education. I graduated highschool with excellent grades, and never pined for higher learning or a career.” She waited for someone to comment, but no one did. She remembered what Cal had told her one spring morning during their teen years, as they rode through windswept, grassy fields. What mattered to him was “not the learning in the mind, but the kindness in the heart, and how well it's used.”
She glanced at Michael. His affectionate smile told her he accepted her just as she was. Michael exuded confidence, had graduated college with a Bachelor Degree in English and was proud of it. He had mentioned to her during one of their dates that he intended to pursue a Master's Degree as well, his goal to become a college English Professor. Macey returned his smile, but it was half-hearted. She tried to see into the future, an aspect of character that living on her own was making more and more imperative she develop. Her old adage, enjoy today, for you don't know what tomorrow may bring, no longer applied, because tomorrow was a consequence of today, she reasoned. The word Consequences had never meant much to her, but of late she'd grown aware of its deeper meaning.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Macey rang Cal again. The answering machine came on. Frowning, she left another message. “I hope he's all right,” she murmured. This wasn't like him. He always checked his messages and returned her calls. Ever since the episode at the bar with the Englishman, she'd come to rely on Cal to advise her on so much that she didn't know about living on her own in the City. And besides wanting his company to complete her enjoyment of Christmas, she faced a problem at this time that she felt uncomfortable discussing with her parents.
Michael and her parents appeared to be getting on well. Her mother must be thinking, here was good husband material. Cal had been the one to introduce him at her birthday. “The right kind,” he'd said, cleary implying that the Englishman was the wrong kind. And he had been absolutely correct about the Englishman, who had turned out to be a peddler of flesh.
“It's getting late, Macey,” Michael interrupted his conversation with her parents. “Cal still not answering?” he asked.
Macey shook her head. “I'm starting to worry about him.”
Linda said, “Maybe he went to an earlier Mass.”
“Yeah, but he always let's me know where I can reach him, if I need him.”
Michael started to say something, but stopped. He eyed Macey curiously.
“Yes, that must be it. He went to an earlier service.” She injected her tone with a note of dismissal. “We better get going, or we'll have to stand through the entire service.”
Ensconced in warm winter coats and boots, they all filed out of the apartment and headed for the elevators. She couldn't ignore the urge to ring Cal's doorbell. “Oh, I forgot something. I'll just be a minute.” The elevator, arrow pointing down, pinged and opened its doors.
“Go on, all of you. I'll meet you downstairs in the lobby.” She turned quickly, and rounding the corner, checked once to see that everyone had entered the elevator and its doors had closed. She ran toward her apartment, past it to Cal's door, and rang the bell. When no one answered after the third try, she knocked loudly in case he was asleep. Finally, she used the key he'd given her to enter his apartment in case of an emergency.
There was no sign of him. Last night's dinner dishes, washed and dried, remained in the dishwasher. The bed was made, a bit haphazardly. Cal wasn't the best housekeeper.
Macey bit down on her lower lip. Was this yet another indication that Cal was letting go, now that she had Michael?
“Macey?”
She turned with anticipation at the sound of a man's voice.
“Is everything all right?” Michael asked.
Macey glanced down. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I was just worried. This isn't like him. He might have gotten ill overnight. L-like me, remember. If he hadn't made sure I was okay, the morning after we arrived in the City, when I almost fell into coma with the high fever—”
“Yes, I've heard the story. He probably saved your life.
“Or from possible brain damage,” she added, enthusiastically.
“Well, he isn't here. And I don't think he'd appreciate returning and finding us in his apartment uninvited.”
“Yeah, of course. We'd better go.”
She followed Michael out, and locked the door securely behind them. “Sorry, Michael. I just can't shake this feeling something isn't right.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
They made it in time to Church to find a few empty seats and observe the Holy Day together as a family. Macey prayed to the Good Lord, and said a special prayer to His Holy Mother. While her ex-boyfriend, Chris, had dated her on the rebound from Cal's sister, he had introduced her to a devotion he called “The Rosary.” Chris was not Catholic, but a friend of his who was, had taught him the prayer, and she knew he prayed the five decades often. He taught her The Hail Mary and told her it was a powerful prayer. “If your request is not against the Lord's will, and will not bring you more harm than good, than she will help you. If the metaphorical door cannot be opened, then she will intercede for you, and the Lord will open a window to bring you peace of mind and spirit.”
A short time before reconnecting with Lexie, he had given Macey a small corded Rosary with white beads and a small crucifix. At that time she had prayed the Rosary, begging the Lord and His mother for Chris' affection. Eventually she realized why her prayer had gone unanswered. Because he and Lexie still loved one another.
And because there was a Michael in my life, Macey contemplated, and a Cal.
Sitting in the pew with Michael on one side and her parents on the other, she prayed the Hail Mary quietly, not for a tangible request this time, but for wisdom to make the right decision. Of late, she realized the truth about herself, and of what she truly wanted in this life, where she belonged, and with whom.
After the Mass, she and Michael had planned to spend the day together, attend a play on Broadway, and dinner afterwards. Macey asked him if he'd mind her asking her parents to join them.
“Of course not,” he offered. “I'd like nothing better. If I can't procure two more tickets for the theater at this late stage, we can opt for a movie instead.”
“Thanks Michael. You're so very kind and generous.”
His brow creased as though some urgent afterthought crossed his mind. “Macey—,” he started, then on added reflection, turned and addressed her parents. “Would you two mind if I spoke to your daughter privately for a moment.”
Linda and Tanner exchanged puzzled glances, but the seriousness in Michael's voice didn't elude them. “No, of course not,” Linda said. “There's a small museum in the Church we've heard about that we'd like to visit. It contains historic diaries and photographs of noted Americans.
“Thank you,” Michael said. “It is an interesting museum. I don't think we'll be long,” he added, glancing at Macey meaningfully.
She'd rather not, but it would be impolite to refuse. And whatever he needed to say to her, must be important if he had asked her parents' permission. She had an inkling that it concerned Cal.
He took her arm and led her gently along the rail enclosing the old cemetery. “Did you know that Alexander Hamilton and his son are buried here? And they both died of wounds received during duals.”
“No, I didn't,” Macey admitted. “Much wiser if they had talked over whatever affronts suffered, and worked out amicable solutions. Duels never made sense to me.”
“Neither to me,” Michael said, smiling. “I'm certainly not about to duel Cal over who wins your heart.”
“There would be no need to. Cal and I are just very good friends. Have been so since we were children.”
“I beg to differ,” Michael said.
Macey opened her mouth to protest, but Michael placed a finger over her lips. “I wish I could believe you,” he said, his voice threading with a sigh. “But what I read in your face when Cal's name is mentioned, and in your actions, especially this morning, tell me different. He's been more on your mind than I have, when I'm not with you and when I am with you. Tell the truth, don't hide from it. You have feelings for Cal, far deeper than for a very good friend. And I bet I'm not wrong, when I guess he's expressed his love for you often.”
Macey shrugged, attempting to appear unaffected, but failing miserably. “Yes, it's true, he does harbor strong feelings for me. In fact, he's proposed to me a few times.”
“A few?” Michael said, seeing through her attempts to sound casual.
“All right, more times than I can keep count of,” she admitted, shamefaced.
“And why, did you refuse him.”
“Well, in the beginning, he didn't fit my idea of the perfect man. As a teen, I wasn't the brightest or wisest. I had silly notions about the Mr. Right. I thought mostly about outward features and how great I'd feel if I was the center of attraction in that perfect man's life. Silly, immature thoughts, I know that now. Living on your own is a wakeup call. Especially when you do find that man that fits your revered image and does fall for you.”
“Keep talking, Macey. You're making a lot of sense.”
“Well, I guess in the past few months, I've grown up more than in the past few years. I look further now, than a handsome face. You, dearest Michael, fit my ideal of the right man. And, as the Good Lord is my witness, you are what I've been looking for all my life. And yet—”
“Let me fill in the rest,” Michael said.
Macey's supplicant gaze told him perhaps he shouldn't.
He went on, “I'd say that of late you are beginning to question that ideal image I fit. That of late you're feeling more and more comfortable sharing time with Cal. That when he's not with you, there's an emptiness. You feel something's not right and the good time you are trying to have, is missing something, or someone? Am I right so far?”
Yes, he was. No use denying it.
“Your silence is answer enough. Not to worry, I can return the ring I meant to offer you this evening. I purchased it on approval, because I've suspected for a while now, that there was someone who had already captured your heart. I am in love with you. I fell in love with your lovely face and spirit; your high moral standards, your gentle heart, and of course, your charming curves.” He heard her intake of breath at his latter words. “Macey, I wouldn't be a man, if I didn't notice those,” he laughed. “Your naiveté attracted me from the first, kept me hoping to win your heart. I could well see you as my wife for the rest of my days. And I'd be faithful also. Just as my father has been faithful from the first to my mother. Their love has always been for me the best example of happiness between a man and a woman. I want that happiness in my married life as well. And I can't have that happiness with someone who is in love with another. Am I right, Macey?”
She nodded. “I guess I needed you to help me admit what I've been running from. Oh, Michael dearest, I'm sure there is someone waiting for you that will give you that happiness, someone you have yet to find.”
He kissed her, a beau's goodbye kiss, the last one she knew he would ever bestow upon her.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
So where was Cal? Macey groaned in the ladies' lounge, when she rang him again, after lunch at a posh restaurant. Again only the answering machine had replied. If Tanner and Linda noticed the sullen air about her and Michael while they dined, they didn't comment. Everyone tried to keep the conversations light and filled with the Christmas spirit, but the mood of spontaneous joy was gone.
After dessert, Macey asked to be excused for the remainder of the day, citing an upset stomach. Concerned, her parents asked if they might return with her to her apartment to help her in any way needed. Macey shook her head adamantly. “No, Mom, Dad. Thank you all the same, but what I really need is to be alone and quiet.”
“Okay, sweetheart,” Linda agreed reluctantly. “But you have our cell phone number, if you need us, for anything, however trivial.”
Macey hugged her mother. “Thanks, Mom.”
She turned to Michael, who waited quietly beside her. Tanner had offered willingly to pay for the luncheon, but Michael had insisted on treating them all.
She gazed up at him, fighting tears of recrimination for leading him on, in a sense. The quality of wisdom came slowly to her, and as result he was hurting. He hid it well, but Macey knew she had broken his heart.
Michael offered generously, “I'll drop you home, and your parents at the hotel.”
“Thank you,” she whispered earnestly.
When they arrived at the high rise, her parents waited in Michael's car, while he accompanied her in the elevator and to her door. She took out her key. Feeling lower than the lowest, she turned to Michael and threw her arms about him, murmuring against his chest, “I'm so sorry, so very sorry.”
“No need to be, dearest Macey. Metaphorically speaking, our hearts have minds of their own. I'll live. You find Cal and tell him how you feel about him. And don't ever let him go. That man loves you so much, that he found for you, someone who fit your image of Mr. Right, someone who could love you as much as he does.” He pulled her arms gently off him. “You don't really have an upset stomach, do you?”
Macey shook her head. “No, not at all. I didn't want to prolong our play acting for the sake of my parents, or the hurt you were feeling, and my own.”
“I told you, I'm all right. I'll live.”
“There is someone out there for you, better than me,” Macey said.
“Maybe, but not at the moment. Let's leave it at that. Goodbye, Macey, and God Bless You, always.”
He turned and walked away.
Cal did not return to his studio that evening. At wit's end, Macey called the Nelsons.
“Oh my goodness,” JoAnn gasped. “Didn't he let you know?”
“Know what?”
“That he was vacating the studio and going back to Montana, to his parents' ranch and the foreman job.”
“No, he didn't,” Macey said, hackles rising. “When did he leave?”
“Christmas morning. He wanted to be home with his family by evening.” JoAnn called to her husband. “Jim, you spoke to Cal. Did he mention Macey, or leave any message for her.”
Jim's voice on the other end of the line sounded thoughtful. “No, no message, but he did say that he thought it was time for him to leave, as Michael was there for you. No doubt, Cal felt his presence here was now superfluous.”
