And Drake, I realise with a jolt.
Especially Drake.
“There’s no need to make a decision yet, surely?” Kate says.
“She’s just been excluded for bullying.” Alan is wearing his serious expression. “I think there’s every need. We took a risk and it hasn’t paid off.”
“I am here, people,” I say. “And I don’t want to leave.”
“I’m afraid it’s no longer your choice.” Alan picks up his bag. I’ve never seen him look so stern and I feel quite alarmed. “I’ll be in touch, Kate.”
While Kate sees him to his car I slump at the table with Scally at my feet and Saffy’s head resting on my knee. What an utter mess. I can’t tell Kate the truth because Maddy’s sworn me to secrecy and I can’t tell Drake the truth about the stirrup because he’ll be really torn. He needs the Laceys in order to keep on eventing. He can’t risk his career for me.
Either way I’m stuffed.
“So what really happened?” Kate asks once Alan’s gone. Hands on hips and eyes narrowed she has the look of someone who won’t be messed with.
“Nothing. Emily wound me up.”
“Oh come on, Amber! Don’t give me that. She’s been winding you up for weeks and we think she tried to hurt you too but that didn’t seem to be enough to make you react before so what happened today?”
I want to tell Kate, I really do but I’ve promised Maddy. Whatever they’ve been saying about Kate must be really hurtful and she wants to protect her mum. I get that I do. On the other hand keeping quiet is protecting Emily who’s the worst bully of the lot.
“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth,” Kate says.
I stare at the table. “There’s nothing to say. I lost my temper because of the stirrup thing.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t believe you. There’s something you’re not telling me. Why can’t you just be honest? Why can’t you trust us?”
“Stop going on at me!” I jump up and send dogs flying. “I’m excluded and it’s all my fault, OK! So just leave it, will you?”
I storm out of the kitchen and into the farm yard. It’s drizzling and as I climb the orchard gate I’m reminded that Chances will need a heavy weight rug for the winter and a clip too, all things I’ll need help with and all things I can’t do without my job or Drake. It’s a mess. The social workers will send me back to Bristol and who’ll look after Chances then?
I run across the orchard, throw my arms around Chances’ neck and bury my face in his mane. Shuddering with dread at the thought of losing him, I hope with all my heart that I can think of something soon.
Maddy doesn’t spill the beans and neither do I but Kate’s no fool and she knows something’s up. I would tell Harry but he’s preoccupied with farm work and the next morning when Drake arrives the serious expression on his face tells me Emily’s got her story in first.
“Is it true?” he asks, leaning against the barn wall while watching me saddle Chances. “Did you hit Emily? Is that why you didn’t show up for work last night?”
“If I had she wouldn’t have been in a state to tell you all about it,” I say grimly as I fasten the girth. “For God’s sake, Drake. Of course I didn’t hit her. Is that what you really think of me?”
“No, of course not, but that temper of yours can get the better of you at times.”
I stretch Chances’ leg forward to stop the tender skin of his elbow being pinched.
“And I also know Emily isn’t always the most truthful person,” he continues tactfully. “So what happened?”
I straighten up. “She was picking on Maddy, if you must know. Some of Emily’s cronies flushed Maddy’s books and mobile down the toilet and I lost my temper. I admit it. I saw red but what kind of person picks on an eleven-year old?”
“Are you sure it was Emily?”
I give him a scathing look.
“Sorry. Of course you’re sure. That was a stupid thing to say.”
“Losing my temper was a stupid thing for me to do because it’s just what Emily wanted,” I admit. “Maddy doesn’t want Kate to know what’s going on and I’ve promised to keep quiet. She thinks it will make things worse.”
Drake looks horrified. “But that’s the worst thing to do. That’s how bullies get away with it. You have to tell the truth, Amber!”
How stupid does he think I am?
“I know that,” I say. “And usually I’d have totally told someone what really happened except that it’s all a lot more complicated, isn’t it? Seeing as Kate and Harry both work for Malcolm. Whose side do you think they’d have to take? Maddy might be only eleven but she’s not stupid. She knows they can’t afford to lose their jobs. Any more that you can.”
“So she’s protecting her family by putting up with it.”
“Yep. So how can I do anything else? If Kate and Harry think I’m guilty, if the school think I’m the problem, if my social workers take me back to Bristol then that’s how it has to be. Kate and Harry already struggle quite enough to keep the farm without losing their jobs too.”
“You really care about them, don’t you?”
I suppose I must do. I have no idea how it’s happened either. When I came to Cornwall all I cared about was getting away again but somehow the Crewe family and Chances and my life here have all taken a hold on my heart. I love my little attic bedroom with its drunken sloping floor and wonky ceiling. I love the animals and the way even Malcolm the pig seems pleased to see me when I bring his food. I love warming myself against the Aga. I even love the quiet and being miles from anywhere.
Leaving’s going to hurt. A lot.
I don’t answer and Drake trails after me as I lead Chances through the weed strewn yard and to the stubble field I use as a school. The lights of the farmhouse shine gold into the grey morning and it feels so homely that I can hardly bear to look.
“It’s not fair,” Drake says softly. “Not fair at all.”
“No.”
But then what is? Is it fair that Mum suffers from a horrible illness that sucks the life and colour from her world? Is it fair that Harry and Maddy’s father died? Is if fair that they still blame Drake’s family for what was really a tragic accident? Is if fair that Emily has all the lucky breaks?
Of course not. But I learned a long time ago that life’s far from fair.
I pull down my stirrups and spring up onto Chances, winding my fingers into his flaming mane.
“Good boy,” I whisper and one chestnut ear flickers backwards at the sound of my voice.
“We’ve still got so much work to do too,” Drake continues. He rests a gloved hand on Chances’ neck and looks up at me, brown eyes filled with worry. “There’s the competition next week to think about.”
“Do you really still want to train me? What about Malcolm? He won’t like it.”
Drake scowls. “I couldn’t give a toss what Malcolm thinks. This is nothing to do with him.”
“Won’t he be angry? What about your job?”
“That’s my concern. Of course I’ll train you. I was also wondering if…”
A flush spreads across his cheeks.
“If?” I prompt.
He takes a deep breath. “I was wondering if you’d think about coming to the Hunt Ball with me.”
Nervousness spangles from his eyes and I feel touched. Touched and a bit taken aback. Is gorgeous Drake Owen really asking me to be his date for the Hunt Ball? Me? Skinny, ginger nobody me? When he could pick anyone?
“Is that a joke?” I ask suspiciously.
He raises his eyes to the sky.
“You’re as prickly and as difficult as your horse! No, it’s not a joke. I thought it might be fun. It’s just a party really but it’s a good excuse to dress up and I’ll be able to introduce you to quite a few people who may be able to help you. The horse world’s a small place and if you want to event properly in the future then you’re going to need support and connections. That’s how this sport works.”
&
nbsp; Oh! He’s thinking about networking. That makes sense. It’s not a date then, Duh! Of course not. Drake’s my trainer. Nothing more.
“Yeah, fine. If I’m still here,” I agree.
“You’d better be,” Drake says. “We’ve got a competition to win, haven’t we? So I guess the question is – are you ready to win?”
Chapter 19
It’s dark when I wake up to the sound of Maddy’s voice telling me to get up.
“Come on, Amber! Get up! Mum’s made porridge and fed Chances already!”
I groan and burrow underneath my duvet where it’s warm and safe and there are no big cross country jumps waiting to get me. I must be crazy thinking I can do this. There will be really good riders there today, people who’ve been competing for years. One girl from a Bristol estate and her crazy Arab don’t stand a chance.
But Maddy isn’t taking no for an answer. She bounces on my bed and when Saffy and Scally join her I feel so seasick have no choice but to give in and face the day. Kate dollops porridge into a bowl and I do my best to eat a few mouthfuls but I’m so nervous I think I’m going to be sick. I walked the course the day before with Drake and my dreams were full of of looming jumps, deep drops and yawning ditches. At this moment I can’t think of anything I want to do less than to ride cross country.
An hour later, Chances is loaded into the cattle trailer we’re cruising down the high banked Cornish lanes as Harry drives us to the event. The sun’s rising and it’s a bright frosty morning with iced spider’s webs lacing the hedges and the ridged plough sparkling.
“You couldn’t ask for a better day,” says Harry.
I don’t reply because I can’t speak. As we pull into the lorry park I realise that on comparison to this the last competition was nothing. Lorries and trailers are parked up for as far as the eye can see and the cross country course is already dotted with competitors walking the course and striding out the approaches to jumps. Hard faced horsey women in cream jods chat to men in tweed jackets and country boots, the place bristles with Jack Russells and Labradors and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many Land Rover Defenders in my life.
This is a serious event.
For obvious reasons Harry’s towed me and he’s been an absolute star because I’ve been worse than useless so far. I was all fingers and thumbs as I attempted to fasten Chances’ travel boots and when he saw the tail bandage unravel for the umpteenth time, Harry gently took it from my hands and propelled me into the truck before taking care of it all himself.
“Go and sort out your entry. I’ll take care of Chances,” he orders once the cattle trailer’s lined up neatly between two gleaming brand new Ivor Williams models. “Go on. Have a look round too if you like, chill out for a bit. It’s all under control here.”
I do as I’m told. I’m so wound up I’ll start to tick soon and the last thing I need is Chances picking up on my nervousness. Harry’s right; I need to chill out.
I sign in and collect my bib before wandering back across the lorry park. The event’s in full swing. Glossy horses canter around the warm up arena and I pause to watch them for a moment, marvelling at the ease with which the riders hold such power at their fingertips. Hooves drum past, bits jingle, leather creaks and my heart beat accelerates. Soon Chances and I will be in there warming up too and then we’ll be galloping out onto the course with all the jumps ahead of us. He’ll fly them, I know he will. This is what we do.
I feel a tingle of excitement that’s more powerful than any nerves. We can do this!
A grey horse has entered the arena and is cantering around in perfect rhythm, nose tucked into his chest and powerful hocks tracking up beneath him. His tack gleams, the five-point breast plate is lined with fluffy sheepskin and there’s not so much as a speck of dirt on the brand new cross country boots that guard his unblemished legs. The rider is equally glossy in her midnight blue cross country colours and gleaming leather boots and as she puts the horse over the practice fence with ease her blonde pony tail streams behind her.
It’s Emily, of course, and she’s loving the fact that everyone is watching her. She certainly looks the part. She’s been sweeping the board with this latest horse and I can see why. He might not have the fire and sparkle of Chances but he’s schooled to within an inch of his life and with that Dutch gag on the bottom ring, he’s going nowhere.
Whereas for me it’s death by snaffle…
“Stop it.” Drake has joined me at the side of the collecting ring.
“Stop what?”
“Comparing yourself to Emily and all the others. All the kit and money in the world can’t compare to Chances’ talent. Or yours. Believe in him, Amber, and believe in yourself.”
I do believe in Chances. Believing in myself is not quite as easy.
“If I didn’t think you could do this I wouldn’t be here now rooting for you to win,” Drake adds.
“You’re rooting for me to win? What about Team Rectory? Do they know they have a traitor in their midst?”
“I think they have a few suspicions but I’m beyond caring what they think,” Drake shrugs before he leans forward and brushes my cheek with his lips. “Good luck, Amber. And remember! Two jumps only. That’s all Chances needs.”
He turns away and heads back to Emily, who’s pulled up shouting something about needing a breast girth. I stare after him in total surprise, my hand rising to my cheek where his mouth touched it only seconds earlier. Two months ago I was sneaking glimpses of articles about Drake Owen from the pages of equestrian magazines and now he’s asking me to hunt balls and telling me he wants me to win and kissing me? I know it’s just a peck on the cheek but even so! Things like this don’t tend to happen to girls from the Shakespeare Estate.
Feeling like I’m walking on air I practically float across the showground and back to the lorry park where Harry has unloaded Chances and tacked him up.
“You look a lot more cheerful,” he remarks, straightening up from fastening tendon boots.
I feel a lot more cheerful. The cross country course is still terrifying and the other competitors with their serious expressions and smart kit just as intimidating but none of this matters any more. Drake believes in me one hundred percent, just as my horse does, and I know I can do this. I can hardly wait to get going.
“I just want to get on with it.”
Harry nods. “The hanging about is the worst bit, isn’t it? It’s like waiting to go in to the dentist. Come on, let’s get you on board.”
I zip up my body protector and pull my bib over the top. Then it’s jockey skull on, medical arm band in place and that’s it - I’m ready to go. Harry holds the stirrup for me as I mount and walks at Chances’ shoulder through the crowds to the practice ring. Horses and people are milling around but there’s no sign of Drake or Emily which means she must be on the course. At least this time I know she’s not had a chance to go anywhere near my tack. I warm up and jump the practice fence twice but it’s getting crowded and Chances starts to dance sideways and snatch at the reins so I follow Drake’s advice and take the horse out again to calm down. While I soothe Chances, Harry watches the other competitors with a critical eye.
“Chances can jump better than anything in there. You’ll be fine.”
My stomach does a little flip. “The jumps on the course are huge.”
“That won’t faze him,” Harry says firmly. “Or you. You’re the bravest person I know.”
“Me? I don’t think so.”
“No, I mean it. You are.” He tilts his head and looks up at me, his laughing blue eyes serious. “I know we got off to a bad start and you were a total pain in the backside but I’ve always known you’ve been up against it.”
“You read my file though,” I say accusingly.
“Of course I did. Wouldn’t you have done the same in my shoes?”
I can’t deny it. “But all that stuff, those things…” my voice tails off as I struggle to put what I feel into words. “It’s all true but I don’t
want to just be that person. I don’t want people to look at me and feel pity. No way. I’d rather they all thought I was just a pain in the backside.”
“Oh you’re still that, don’t worry. Look at the state of my college account if you don’t believe me! Or the fact that I’m here on a Saturday instead of working. Or that Mum is worried sick you’re having a hard time at school and won’t tell her what’s really going on. Or that–”
I pull a face. “You’ve made your point.”
Harry shakes his head. “Not very well. What I’m really saying is that none of that defines you. When I think about you it’s your bravery that comes to mind, not the other stuff.”
Now it’s my turn to stare. I’m stunned he might think of me at all, apart from what a pain I am, but that I’m brave?
“I’m hardly that,” I say. “I felt like scratching from this whole competition earlier on.”
“I don’t mean all this.” Harry sweeps a dismissive arm across the showground. “I mean how you’ve fought to care for your mum for so long and how you had to come here and leave her behind. It must have been bloody tough. New school. New people. Worrying about her. That’s enough for anyone to deal with. You’ve jumped bigger and tougher hurdles in your own head than anything you’ll see out there today.”
“Number twenty-two?” A round tweedy woman clutching a clipboard to her bosom bustles over. “The Arab? You’re next so get down to the start. Chop chop! You can talk to your boyfriend later!”
She moves on to round up the next competitor before I can put her straight. Luckily I don’t think Harry’s heard because he doesn’t look too horrified.
“Good luck,” he says. “Go and show Emily how it’s done.”
As I ride down to the start, Chances feeling as though he has springs rather than hooves, I think that if we make it back in one piece that will be enough for me. I’m competing against myself and my nerves just as much as I’m competing against her.
“You can do this,” I whisper to Chances and as I say it I know right to my bones that it’s true; he really can jump anything.
Chances Page 15
