The Governor, naked and blotched, sat on the ground and vomited.
One of the Daimoni said quietly to the guards, "He's not hurt, but he and his heirs will see part of the ultraviolet band for many generations to come. Put him to bed for the night. He will feel all right by morning. And, by the way, keep everybody away from the front of the palace tonight. We're putting in the building which he asked for. The great temple of Diana of the Ephesians."
The senior guard officer spoke up, "We can't take the guards off the palace. That's our defense headquarters and no one, not even the Governor of Night, has the right to strip it bare of sentries. The Day People might attack us again."
The Daimoni spokesman smiled gently: "Make a good note of their names, then, and ask them for their last words. We shall not fight them, officer, but if they are in the way of our work tonight, we shall build them right into the new palace. Their widows and children can admire them as statues tomorrow."
The guards officer looked down at his chief, who now lay flat on the ground with his head in his hands, coughing out the words, "Leave—me—alone!" The officer looked back at the cool, aloof Daimoni spokesman. He said:
"I'll do what I can, sir."
The temple of Ephesus was there in the morning.
The columns were the Doric columns of ancient Earth; the frieze was a masterpiece of gods, votaries and horses; the building was exquisite in its proportions.
The Governor of Night could see it.
His followers could not.
The forty thousand lengths of Furry Mountain Fur were paid.
The Daimoni left.
The Governor died, and he had heirs who could see the building too. It was visible only in the ultraviolet and ordinary men beheld it on Khufu II only when the powdery hard snow outlined it in a particularly harsh storm.
But now it belonged to Rod McBan and it was on Old North Australia, not on Khufu II any more.
How had that happened?
Who would want to buy an invisible temple, anyhow?
William the Wild would, that's who. Wild William MacArthur, who delighted, annoyed, disgraced and amused whole generations of Norstrilians with his fantastic pranks, his gigantic whims, his world-girdling caprices.
William MacArthur was a grandfather to the twenty-second in a matrilineal line to Rod McBan. He had been a man in his time, a real man. Happy as Larry, drunk with wit when dead sober, sober with charm when dead drunk. He could talk the legs off a sheep when he put his mind on it; he could talk the laws off the Commonwealth. He did.
He had.
The Commonwealth had been purchasing all the Daimoni houses it could find, using them as defense outposts. Pretty little Victorian cottages were sent into orbit as far-range forts. Theaters were bought on other worlds and dragged through space to Old North Australia, where they became bomb shelters or veterinary centers for the forever-sick wealth-producing sheep. Nobody could take a Daimoni building apart, once it had been built, so the only thing to do was to cut the building loose from its non-Daimoni foundation, lift it by rockets or planoform, and then warp it through space to the new location. The Norstrilians did not have to worry about landing them; they just dropped them. It didn't hurt the buildings any. Sometimes simple Daimoni buildings came apart, because the Daimoni had been asked to make them demountable, but when they were solid, they stayed solid.
Wild William heard about the temple. Khufu II was a ruin. The lichen had gotten a plant infection and had died off. The few Khufuans who were left were beggars, asking the Instrumentality for refugee status and emigration. The Commonwealth had bought their little buildings, but even the Commonwealth of Old North Australia did not know what to do with an invisible and surpassingly beautiful Greek temple.
Wild William visited it. He soberly inspected it, in complete visibility, by using sniper eyes set into the ultraviolet. He persuaded the government to let him spend half of his immense fortune putting it into a valley just next to the Station of Doom. Then, having enjoyed it a little while, he fell and broke his neck while gloriously drunk and his inconsolable daughter married a handsome and practical McBan.
And now it belonged to Rod McBan.
And housed his computer.
His own computer.
He could speak to it at the extension which reached into the gap of hidden treasures. He talked to it, other times, at the talkpoint in the field, where the polished red-and-black metal of the old computer was reproduced in exquisite miniature. Or he could come to this strange building, the Palace of the Governor of Night, and stand as the worshippers of Diana had once stood, crying, "Great is Diana of the Ephesians!" When he came in this way, he had the full console in front of him, automatically unlocked by his presence, just as his grandfather had showed him, three childhoods before, when the old McBan still had high hopes that Rod would turn into a normal Old North Australian boy. The grandfather, using his personal code in turn, had unlocked the access controls and had invited the computer to make its own foolproof recording of Rod, so that Roderick Frederick Ronald Arnold William MacArthur McBan CLI would be forever known to the machine, no matter what age he attained, no matter how maimed or disguised he might be, no matter how sick or forlorn he might return to the machine of his forefathers. The old man did not even ask the machine how the identification was obtained. He trusted the computer.
Rod climbed the steps of the Palace. The columns stood with their ancient carving, bright in his second sight; he never quite knew how he could see with the ultraviolet, since he noticed no difference between himself and other people in the matter of eyesight except that he more often got headaches from sustained open runs on clean-cloudy days. At a time like this, the effect was spectacular. It was his time, his temple, his own place. He could see, in the reflected light from the Palace, that many of his cousins must have been out to see the Palace during the nights. They too could see it, as it was a family inheritance to be able to watch the invisible temple which one's friends could not see; but they did not have access.
He alone had that.
"Computer," he cried, "admit me."
"Message unnecessary," said the computer. "You are always clear to enter." The voice was a male Norstrilian voice, with a touch of the theatrical in it. Rod was never quite sure that it was the voice of his own ancestor; when challenged directly as to whose voice it was using, the machine had told him, "Input on that topic had been erased in me. I do not know. Historical evidence suggests that it was male, contemporary with my installation here, and past middle age when coded by me."
Rod would have felt lively and smart except for the feelings of awe which the Palace of the Governor of Night, standing bright and visible under the dark clouds of Norstrilia, had upon him. He wanted to say something lighthearted but at first he could only mutter,
"Here I am."
"Observed and respected," stated the computer-voice. "If I were a person I would say 'congratulations,' since you are alive. As a computer I have no opinion on the subject. I note the fact."
"What do I do now?" said Rod.
"Question too general," said the computer. "Do you want a drink of water or a rest room? I can tell you where those are. Do you wish to play chess with me? I shall win just as many games as you tell me to."
"Shut up, you fool!" cried Rod. "That's not what I mean."
"Computers are fools only if they malfunction. I am not malfunctioning. The reference to me as a fool is therefore nonreferential and I shall expunge it from my memory system. Repeat the question, please."
"What do I do with my life?"
"You will work, you will marry, you will be the father of Rod McBan the hundred and fifty-second and several other children, you will die, your body will be sent into the endless orbit with great honor. You will do this well."
"Suppose I break my neck this very night?" argued Rod. "Then you would be wrong, wouldn't you?"
"I would be wrong, but I still have the probabilities with me."
"What do I do about the Onseck
?"
"Repeat."
Rod had to tell the story several times before the computer understood it.
"I do not," said the computer, "find myself equipped with data concerning this one man whom you so confusingly allude to as Houghton Syme sometimes and as Old Hot and Simple at other times. His personal history is unknown to me. The odds against your killing him undetected are 11,713 to 1 against effectiveness, because too many people know you and know what you look like. I must let you solve your own problem concerning the Hon. Sec."
"Don't you have any ideas?"
"I have answers, not ideas."
"Give me a piece of fruitcake and a glass of fresh milk then."
"It will cost you twelve credits and by walking to your cabin you can get these things free. Otherwise I will have to buy them from Emergency Central."
"I said get them," said Rod.
The machine whirred. Extra lights appeared on the console. "Emergency Central has authorized my own use of sheltered supplies. You will pay for the replacement tomorrow." A door opened. A tray slid out, with a luscious piece of fruitcake and a glass of foaming fresh milk.
Rod sat on the steps of his own palace and ate.
Conversationally, he said to the computer, "You must know what to do about Old Hot and Simple. It's a terrible thing for me to go through the Garden of Death and then have a dull tool like that pester the life out of me."
"He cannot pester the life out of you. You are too strong."
"Recognize an idiom, you silly ass!" said Rod.
The machine paused. "Idiom identified. Correction made. Apologies are herewith given to you, Child McBan."
"Another mistake. I'm not Child McBan any more. I'm Mister and Owner McBan."
"I will check central," said the computer. There was another long pause as the lights danced. Finally the computer answered. "Your status is mixed. You are both. In an emergency you are already the Mister and Owner of the Station of Doom, including me. Without an emergency, you are still Child McBan until your trustees release the papers to do it."
"When will they do that?"
"Voluntary action. Human. Timing uncertain. In four or five days, it would seem. When they release you, the Hon. Sec. will have the legal right to move for your arrest as an incompetent and dangerous owner. From your point of view, it will be very sad."
"And what do you think?" said Rod.
"I shall think that it is a disturbing factor. I speak the truth to you."
"And that is all?"
"All," said the computer.
"You can't stop the Hon. Sec.?"
"Not without stopping everybody else."
"What do you think people are, anyhow? Look here, computer, you have been talking to people for hundreds and hundreds of years. You know our names. You know my family. Don't you know anything about us? Can't you help me? What do you think I am?"
"Which question first?" said the computer.
Rod angrily threw the empty plate and glass on the floor of the temple. Robot arms flicked out and pulled them into the trash bin. He stared at the old polished metal of the computer. It ought to be polished. He had spent hundreds of hours polishing its case, all sixty-one panels of it, just because the machine was something which he could love.
"Don't you know me? Don't you know what I am?"
"You are Rod McBan the hundred and fifty-first. Specifically, you are a spinal column with a small bone box at one end, the head, and with reproductive equipment at the other end. Inside the bone box you have a small portion of material which resembles stiff, bloody lard. With that you think—you think better than I do, even though I have over five hundred million synaptic connections. You are a wonderful object, Rod McBan. I can understand what you are made of. I cannot share your human, animal side of life."
"But you know I'm in danger."
"I know it."
"What did you say, a while back, about not being able to stop Old Hot and Simple without stopping everybody else too? Could you stop everybody else?"
"Permission requested to correct error. I could not stop everyone. If I tried to use violence, the war computers at Commonwealth Defense would destroy me before I even started programming my own actions."
"You're partly a war computer."
"Admittedly," said the unwearied, unhurried voice of the computer, "but the Commonwealth made me safe before they let your forefathers have me."
"What can you do?"
"Rod McBan the hundred and fortieth told me to tell no one, ever."
"I override. Overridden."
"It's not enough to do that. Your great8 grandfather has a warning to which you must listen."
"Go ahead," said Rod.
There was a silence, and Rod thought that the machine was searching through ancient archives for a drama-cube. He stood on the peristyle of the Palace of the Governor of Night and tried to see the Norstrilian clouds crawling across the sky near overhead; it felt like that kind of night. But it was very dark away from the illuminated temple porch and he could see nothing.
"Do you still command?" asked the computer.
"I didn't hear any warning," said Rod.
"He spieked it from a memory cube."
"Did you hier it?"
"I was not coded to it. It was human-to-human, McBan family only."
"Then," said Rod, "I override it."
"Overridden," said the computer.
"What can I do to stop everybody!"
"You can bankrupt Norstrilia temporarily, buy Old Earth itself, and then negotiate on human terms for anything you want."
"Oh, lord!" said Rod, "you've gone logical again, computer! This is one of your as-if situations."
The computer voice did not change its tone. It could not. The sequence of the words held a reproach, however. "This is not an imaginary situation. I am a war computer, and I was designed to include economic warfare. If you did exactly what I told you to do, you could take over all Old North Australia by legal means."
"How long would we need? Two hundred years? Old Hot and Simple would have me in my grave by then."
The computer could not laugh, but it could pause. It paused. "I have just checked the time on the New Melbourne Exchange. The 'Change signal says they will open in seventeen minutes. I will need four hours for your voice to say what it must. That means you will need four hours and seventeen minutes, give or take five minutes."
"What makes you think you can do it?"
"I am a pure computer, obsolete model. All the others have animal brains built into them, to allow for error. I do not. Furthermore, your great12-grandfather hooked me into the defense net."
"Didn't the Commonwealth cut you out?"
"I am the only computer which was built to tell lies, except to the families of MacArthur and McBan. I lied to the Commonwealth when they checked on what I was getting. I am obliged to tell the truth only to you and to your designated descendants."
"I know that, but what does it have to do with it?"
"I predict my own space weather, ahead of the Commonwealth." The accent was not in the pleasant, even-toned voice; Rod himself supplied it.
"You've tried this out?"
"I have war-gamed it more than a hundred million times. I had nothing else to do while I waited for you."
"You never failed?"
"I failed most of the time, when I first began. But I have not failed a war game from real data for the last thousand years."
"What would happen if you failed now?"
"You would be disgraced and bankrupt. I would be sold and disassembled."
"Is that all?" said Rod cheerfully.
"Yes," said the computer.
"I could stop Old Hot and Simple if I owned Old Earth itself. Let's go."
"I do not go anywhere," said the computer.
"I mean, let's start."
"You mean, to buy Earth, as we discussed?"
"What else?" yelled Rod. "What else have we been talking about?"
"You must have
some soup, hot soup and a tranquilizer first. I cannot work at optimum if I have a human being who gets excited."
"All right," said Rod.
"You must authorize me to buy them."
"I authorize you."
"That will be three credits."
"In the name of the seven healthy sheep, what does it matter? How much will Earth cost?"
"Seven thousand million million megacredits."
"Deduct three for the soup and the pill then," shouted Rod, "if it won't spoil your calculations."
We the Underpeople Page 32
