“I may just be a simple country doc with limited knowledge on shrink medicine, but I’m serious. Think about the school thing again.” She reaches over and turns out her light.
“Yeah, yeah. Can I think about the fact that I agreed to marry someone first?”
“Meh, for like another five minutes but that’s it. Y’all gonna have an actual wedding or courthouse it?”
“I can’t stand the thought of a crowd of foul-mouthed fuck heads watching us say that private shit to one another. Courthouse for sure, and maybe a barbeque after.”
“Spring is around the corner, perfect time for gettin’ hitched. Even if it is to a dark overlord.” Bex snickers, and I play slap her arm.
“G’night, trouble.” I yawn.
“G’night, babe.”
Ω
Two months later
“You sure you want to do this?” Leo asks as I zip up my leather jacket and stop in front of his bike.
“Yes.”
“All right, let's ride.”
Swinging a leg over the back of the rumbling bike, my ass plants into the bitch seat, and off we go. The warming, late May air washes over us as we head onto the big wide open road, racing toward something that was long overdue. Summer school was getting ready to start online, Tank and Bex helped get me set up with the support of my fiancé. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. As far as the school and the rest of the world had been concerned, Luna ran away. No one could even find a missing person's report for me. Which led me to believe that my mother drank herself into an early grave soon after I was taken. What other explanation could there be?
We fed the University some lines of BS about a traumatic family event, apologized profusely for my inability to properly notify them, since I was on a coveted scholarship and told them the grief and trauma caused me such great depression, I spiraled. Due to overwhelming amounts of shame around my actions, I didn’t know how to proceed. The admissions and financial office was hard to convince at first, but soon after Tank gave them a call posing as my shrink, they began to direct me on what needed to be done. Not sure how Tank managed to get a copy of my real social security card and birth certificate, and I don’t want to know either, but I was well on my way to resurfacing as a semi functioning member of society.
Now it is time to find more answers. I didn’t ask Tank to look into my mother’s situation, and he and Leo didn’t offer any information or an opinion on that either, which just supported my idea that she was dead, but they didn’t want to be the ones to tell me. My IQ is a pile of horse shit in comparison to the real life things I needed to learn.
The sun is coming up strong, casting out the shadows, warming us as the countryside stretches out as far as our eyes can see. I’ve always known this state was beautiful but don’t feel like I’ve stopped to really appreciate it. In seeking solace from my own mind, I’ve started to refocus more and more on nature, and the animals around me, it’s been extremely therapeutic. There is something about the loud growl of a motorcycle drowning out your thoughts as the beautiful road opens up to take you on your next adventure, it’s almost as calming as the horses. Even though my preferences veer toward the horses, I can see why the guys like their bikes when weather allows, and also why they choose to band together in this lifestyle. Gives you a sense of purpose, of duty, of family. That’s huge in a world that can seem against you.
I’ve begun to spend more time with a few of them, Silver included, whom I don’t think likes me very much but… whatever. Leo’s extended family on the reservation have continued to be welcoming and we head up there once a week. We’ve even gone down to the club a few times for short stops, but I haven't been able to join the parties they sometimes have. Apparently, barbeque season is coming up, just the bikers and their families go; that sounds doable since it’s outside. Releasing my death grip from Leo, I slowly shake my arms out and test this new found freedom. For the last forty minutes or so, my hands haven’t been able to let go. The wind whips a little stronger, and it takes me a moment to find balance back here, but before long I am gaining my footing. Do I do the stereotypical movie thing and spread my wings? Awe fuck it. Flinging my arms out to the sides, I pretend they are wings as we fly. Joy lights up my soul as laughter takes over; I’m completely enthralled and in the moment, time disappears as true happiness takes over. Thank you God for this moment.
Four hours later we pull into my little home town just outside of Missoula. Leo steers us down the welcoming bend that hits right before the main drag, and my childhood begins to flash before my eyes. Each little landmark and even some of the lamp poles on the shopping strip have memories firing off that I haven’t thought of in years. Like that time my daddy chased down the ice cream truck because it wouldn’t stop for me on the corner of our drive. It’s all overwhelming but not in a bad way. My chest is flush as my nervous fingers toy with the zipper seam along Leo’s jacket. Pressing my nose into the leather, I breathe him in to calm my nerves. Talking about doing something and actually following through are two different things. Just like intellectually knowing something and fully knowing the same thing from a place of personal experience isn’t the same. The damn hamster wheel in my noggin begins to spin as I fight with my ego, fears, and insecurities all dwelling on this expedition. Tanks voice echoes in the back of my head. Not even a missing person’s report was filed. Jesus, maybe I should tell Leo to turn back.
My throat begins to tighten as Leo glides to the long drive I had been down hundreds of times. The front tire of the bike begins to eat up the gravel, and the clean, well-kept state of the grounds begin to chip away at my little amount of resolve. It hasn’t looked this good since my grandparents were still alive. After they passed, I did the best I could keeping things up, but that only went so far on my crazy schedule of work and school. Even the tire swing that my parents pushed me on has been repaired, and the old oak tree that it is attached to? It no longer looks sick and wilty, it's now bigger than ever. No cars are in the drive, leading Leo to pull right up to the front stairs of the wraparound porch. Caught between past and present, images of mom and I bringing out lemonade to my dad relaxing on the porch filter in. His ghost is almost visible now, sitting in the rocking chair, the pitcher on the table to his left, the dampened sweat beading down the side as the ice crackles inside under the pressure of the summer heat. Momma used to put mint leaves in it from the garden, giving it that special taste.
Leo cuts the engine, and my eyes go wide as I take in every inch. Even the flower beds are blooming with tulips, something I gave up on years ago. The bike shifts and there is movement in front of me as I remain stuck.
“Luna?” Leo extends his hand to help me off.
Blinking rapidly, I take it and swing my leg over. In a daze, we clump up the steps to my family home, reality shifting back and forth as we go through the motions of knocking on my own door that somehow isn’t mine anymore. My instincts are screaming that none of this is.
“Doesn’t look like anyone is home.” Leo runs a hand over the back of his short hair that fades perfectly down his neck.
Standing up on tiptoe, my body is on auto pilot as my fingers reach into the hiding place behind the porch light fastened to the pristine white siding to grasp a key. Without another thought, I let myself into the house. The big bastard reluctantly follows behind as I walk in a trance through the time portal. My boots reverberate on the old wood floors that I used to slide across in my socks. Everything is clean, neat, tidy, and in place. There are no empty liquor bottles rolling around the floor, no balled up newspapers or broken dishes that shattered against the wall in another fit of drunken rage. Circling around the living room, my fingers dance down the dustless fireplace mantel full of pictures and suddenly stop. I’m nowhere to be seen.
Both sets of my grandparents photos in their youth as well as old age in the ornate, antique frames sit in their same spots, even my father’s image is proudly next to his parents, looking handsome as ever in his fatigues. Leo takes it
all in with me, from a different perspective no doubt.
“Who are these people?” Leo asks while pointing to where my high school photo used to sit.
My world tips and twirls as my eyes try to make sense of what they were seeing. My mother stands proudly next to a tall man with a furrowed brow. She’s in a sleek white dress, holding a bouquet of white lilies, the waves of her brown hair pinned neatly back. Two boys about high school age flank them, their resemblance to their father unmistakable.
“What the hell?” I spin on my heel and storm up the stairs, seeking more information as fast as I can find it. All the family photos that used to line the stairwell have been replaced with art work. Running up the rest of the way to my old room, I throw the door open only to find it full of boy things, my belongings nowhere in sight. Leo’s heavy steps stop midway on the landing as I tailspin into my parents’ room only to reach the same conclusion.
“Luna?” I lean back to meet the sadness in his eyes.
“You knew?” My voice drips with acid.
“Had an idea when we found her recent marriage certificate, and did a little research, didn’t think it was this bad.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I stomp toward him, fury burning deep in the seat of my long forgotten soul.
“We needed to come, we needed to see the full picture in person, paper only goes so far.”
“I’ve been fucking erased!” I screech. A severe sense of abandonment and pain hemorrhages through my words. Pushing past him, I descend and go back to the mantel, snatching up my father's picture, clutching it to my chest as tears stream down my face. There I stand, registering the enormity of what this means, and all of the possible how’s and why’s. Not sure how long I stand there with Leo by my side, processing the searing knives that cut deeper than the last three years, past the mopping up after a mother who abandoned me to drown her sorrows in a bottle, all the way to the death of my grandparents. It didn’t go as far down as losing my father, but it came damn near close. Why God, why do you put me through so much, I am only one person, I can only take so much. How much more do you think I can possibly take without falling beyond the point of repair?
Leo’s arm snakes around my waist as he leans his cheek onto the top of my head.
“Sounds like we are about to have company.”
Tuning in, the sound of approaching tires crunching up the drive becomes audible.
“Let’s go.” This place no longer feels like home, all of the happy childhood memories that I attempted to hang onto are fleeing as we speak. These walls only breathe fire and pain.
We step out onto the porch as the tall man from the picture approaches, fury radiating off of his too erect body.
“Can we help you?” He’s standing protectively, blocking another arriving figure.
“Nope, we will be leaving,” I say dismissively.
“Luna?” My mother's demure voice comes out from behind the man as her disbelieving eyes peek out. I hadn’t realized that I too, was attempting to see around the protective, pissed off male also now standing in front of me.
“Mom?” I ask in skepticism, not trusting my puffy, red eyes.
“Impossible.” The man with a douchewad air breathes. The more he speaks, the more certain my hate becomes.
“Why is it impossible?” Leo spits, picking up on the same things about this man that I did.
The midday sun beats down and sweat beads on the man's permanently angry looking face.
“Because you were presumed dead.” The man finally speaks.
“By who? Y’all never even filed a report or tried to see after her.” Leo’s jaw tightens, his anger clear as day.
“We didn’t because we were told you were dead.” My mother’s voice attempts.
“By who?” I manage to speak for myself.
And that’s when the man starts shifting around too much for my liking, reminding me of my departed captors, but no one answers.
“Let me guess, I stopped showing up and my drunken ass mother took a little too long to figure it out and didn’t know if I ran away or just got up and walked away. So full of shame, she couldn’t face the truth about any of it so settled with the runaway story. This fuck head sees an opportunity to turn you back into a housewife to help him take care of his kids, and feeds you some bullshit lines. Being lonely and desperate to fill your pain with some other addiction, you bought it, hook line and sinker. One day, you start wondering about finding me, this douche likes the life ya’ll built and doesn’t want complications, so he tells you he already did because he loves you yada, yada, yada, and tells you I’m actually dead. You, never being someone who could actually do anything on your own, swallowed that shit sandwich right up. You never could think for yourself after daddy died. Baby, let’s go.” And Luna just hit her ceiling. I’ve had enough pain to last ten lifetimes. I didn’t need a response, I knew I was right. One of the things that made me good at this kind of stuff is my intuition and perception always could put shit together pretty damn fast when it came to others. Myself? Well, that was a whole other story.
Leo happily pushes past the stunned figures, opening the way as we jump on the back of his bike. My mother’s stunned eyes track the frame in my hands as I slip it into my leather coat.
“Baby girl, please stay, please don’t run off. God, I am so sorry.” Her face is cherry red, her embarrassment and shame obvious. “This is your home, you don’t have to run away again.”
And that is the final straw. Getting off the bike, I walk right up to her, and look her straight in her clouded, grey eyes.
“Newsflash, mother dearest, I never ran away. I was kidnapped and sold into sex slavery, right off the college steps. You know, that place I went to in between jobs, in between taking care of everything for you, the house, and me. I was brutally and repeatedly raped, over and over and over for guess how long?” She squeaks, snot pouring from her contorted face as she’s pummeled with the truth I’ve had to live with for far too long. “Two motherfucking years. Two years of praying, wishing, and asking to die. But alas, that end never came. No, I actually survived it. I freed myself, and since then I’ve spent the last nine months learning how to heal, learning how to function without jumping at my own shadow. Figuring out how to get this brain to work somewhat on the level that it once did.”
A nasty taste fills my mouth, and I spit at her feet before jumping my jean-fitted ass back on the bike. Leo fires up the engine but my sharp ass tongue isn’t quite done.
“So no, this isn’t my home. I have no home, no name, no family. My last name means nothing.” Thoughts of my dad’s smiling face now tucked inside my leather make me want to take that back as soon as it leaves my mouth, but I don’t even try because it is pointless. “I wish you the best.”
And with that, we are off, leaving a crumbled, balled up mess on the drive next to a towering figure that didn’t even seem concerned about her wellbeing. Part of me really wanted to care, to have compassion for just how sick she was. And to a degree, I did. But a bigger part of me couldn’t care less as that was her pain story, her issues, her wounds that she needed to heal. I sure as fuck couldn’t do that for her, no one could. Just like no one can go inside of me and put the pieces back together.
The sun sets as we reach Big Timber, and Leo eases the bike over at some building I didn’t recognize. He shuts off the bike and pulls me around to his lap.
“Baby, this ain’t the most romantic but all that back there and your partin’ words got me to thinkin’, it’s time to give you my last name. It’s time we make our own home and family on our terms, at our pace. What do ya say?”
Glancing over his shoulder, I see the building’s sign reading courthouse and catch on real quick.
“You want to go get hitched in the courthouse?”
“Yes.”
“Well hell. I reckon that would be a mighty fine endin’ to this shit day.” I mock his twang. His big fingers tickle me in the ribs, making me laugh before kissing me har
d.
“That mouth of yours,” he warns, lips attempting to move with mine.
“You can put it to good use tonight.”
“But it’s too soon,” he groans, pulling me closer.
“It’s my body, I know it best, I will fuck my husband on our wedding night if I damn well choose.” This woman is tired as hell at not being able to do what she wants, when she wants.
“That’s it, we best hurry then.” He scoots back, jumps off, offers his hand, but the minute our skin connects, I’m up and over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
“Leo!” I snort. “You can’t carry me into a place of law like this, ass in the air.”
“That’s my ass, and I do want I damn well choose.” He snickers as he smacks it hard, causing me to yelp and wiggle in his arms.
“Mhmmm yes, you just are makin’ it better and better.”
“One of these days, I’m going to get my pay back,” I warn.
“Baby, I can’t wait to see ya try.” He plants a kiss on my upturned rear and off we go, two crazy kids about to get hitched.
Chapter 16
Leo
Luna’s heady moan reverberates out from the mattress where her face is pressed. My hands roam her luscious ass sitting propped up and pretty; inches from my face. Her arms lie patiently by her sides as she rests, kneeling on the edge of the mattress. One day I will be able to restrain her and break out all of the kinky fuckery that enamors my dark side. Every time we are together, we build a step closer to that. Lord knows, I will never do anything to push her harder than she’s ready to go. Hell, some of the dirty shit she’s begged me for I ignore because I know that it isn’t the right time. That’s what a good Dom does, tests limits within reasonable bounds, never taking a submissive farther than they are ready to go. It’s my job to know her every trigger, boundary, and desire. It is my honor to be entrusted with her body, pleasure, and strong mind. She’s hands down the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and I’m not saying that because she made me the worlds happiest man mere hours after one of the shittiest days a person could have. It is the simple truth. Her porcelain skin, contrasting jet-black hair, deadly curves, stormy, intelligent eyes… an angelic work of art. Don’t know what I did in the eyes of God to ever deserve her, but I am the lucky one, hands down.
Winter's Absolution (Obsidian Blades MC Book 1) Page 21
