“Off to go find myself,” I grunt and throw my bag in the back.
“Well babe, we talked a lot about it before the last incident, and it’s definitely a good thing. But, you just got hitched, you sure?” Wingz puts the car into drive and flips a bitch.
Our distant conversations that I’d always taken as a joke become all too real in this painful moment. “Your friend you said that lives by the college and needed another caretaker in the house for her mother… that job still open?”
“Yeah.” Wingz seems weary but she doesn’t let me down.
“Can you take me there?” It was quite a drive to be asking her to make at this hour and under these circumstances.
“Did you leave your cell back at the house?”
“Yeah, I deleted everything too.”
“Good. We better stop at the gas station on the way for snacks.” She smiles through her sadness, proud of me even though this was going to hit our family hard.
“You’re smiling. He’s gonna flip his shit.”
“Well, yeah. But, I’ve been honest how I feel from day one about you two. You are a good pair but all three of us want you to finish school and make something of yourself instead of getting stuck in this lifestyle so damn young. I wouldn’t change my story for nothing, but you are different, Luna, you are on another level. You aren’t saying goodbye forever, just for right now. A little distance will do you good, give you some perspective. You can come back any time.”
“If he will ever take me back after a move like this.”
“Girl please, you are not running off to bang his best friend. You need space. You’ve mentioned it here and there, not sure you even realize it when you do.”
“I don’t want him to hate me.”
“He may be hurt but that man will never be capable of hating you. He loves you too much.”
“Maybe this will help us both learn that love is not possessing.” He’s always had this thing about wanting me to be his on all of these different levels, and I’ve hated the fact that I revel in being owned by him in any capacity. Hell, he owns me body, mind, and soul… I hate that I love that so much. All the more reason to put some space between us. To find the perspective I feel like we are missing when we are wrapped up in what we share.
The dark country road is like a never ending blanket of darkness, her headlights shining forward, all else on the periphery hardly visible. I shift my sore ass and try not to think about him, and how he claimed every part of me as his, branding me in his own way. Reaching down to the seat controls, I shift mine back so I can relax. Wingz turns up the country station and sings along as we forge on. I could have easily called Bex or Sugar to take me, and they would have come. But those two would have made the goodbye harder. Wingz didn’t make me feel guilty for wanting to get completely away from the controlling aspects of the lifestyle, of these kinds of men. She’s always seemed to understand how overwhelming anything remotely related to my last few years of hell, good or bad, can get. Perhaps with some distance, my view point will change for the better. My heart feels like it is being ripped out of chest the further we get from my man, and I do the best that I can to try and hold myself together.
You can do this Luna. It’s gonna all work out. This is not the end. This is the start to a new beginning. You’ve been saying over and over how you don’t think you can survive if you were to lose another one you love on this level, well let’s go prove it to ourselves while we know he is still alive and well. Whether this is the right thing to do or the worst mistake of my life, I draw my knees to my chest and quietly weep, hanging onto a faith in something I couldn’t quite explain. Goodbye, Leo, I’ll never forget you. My lips move to silently form the words as I fall apart, breaking open to embrace new possibility in a world that I can barely make sense of.
The End
Epilogue
Two years later
Luna
Early afternoon spring rain belts me in a torrential down pour as I duck into the coffee shop around the corner from the house I rent a room in. This time of day is perfection, two hours before the rush hits, most people still back at their offices, knee deep in whatever form of work they did. This is where I’ve put in many hours studying as well as daydreaming. There is something about the aromas, people, and atmosphere here that make public life tolerable. The sounds are calming and melodic voices rarely rise to an intolerable degree, all which allow me to put my shoulders down and stomach pleasantries here and there. This entire town has had little escape pockets like this that have been good for me. I’ve learned a lot about being independent again, as well as how to function on other levels smack dab in this bustling place.
Every once in a while, my troublesome besties from down south come up for a girls night, and while it would take me a shared blunt or cookie to allow them to drag me out the door, I’ve even managed to experience a little night life. You would think after all this time, I wouldn’t need that stuff to keep my nerves under control, and for the most part I don’t, just when it comes to loud, crowded places. Our last experience at a college bar flits through my mind as I wait in line. Thoughts of them automatically bring thoughts of him, the man that haunts my dreams, and every waking moment. The man who never came after me, never breathed a peep after I hightailed it and left. Shoving my emotions back down, I step up to the counter to order. Well, more like pay as they know me so well here, the minute they see me they simply make my drink without an actual order.
Lost in my yearning that is getting harder and harder to stand these days, I pick up my cup of black gold, no frills, and turn toward the chairs by the window. Except my view of my favorite sitting area is now blocked and my cup crashes into an expansive, unforgiving chest wrapped in leather. My eyes don’t even register the familiar emblem on the jacket.
“Oh shit, I am so sorry!” I choke on my words as his cologne hits me like a battling ram. Recognition forces my chucks to take a step back to gather the balls to meet the icy stare now daggering my flesh. Grey upturns to meet a hardened blue that makes me want to run and find a rock to go hide under.
“Luna.” His sexy voice caresses my name, even in the midst of the hate pouring off him.
“God, Leo,” I gasp, unable to believe it. It’s as if the apparition that haunts my memories just made itself corporal. His obvious pain at seeing me cuts me like a knife. I did this to him, I turned a closed off man into an even worse asshole, if that was even possible. The guilt I’ve never stopped feeling from walking away turns up a million degrees. We stand there, staring at one another, millions of jumbled emotions flitting back and forth between us.
“It’s been awhile,” he finally manages, his shoulders marginally dropping.
“Too long.” It slips out before I can reach out into the space between us and take it back.
His brow arches high as his eyes bore through me. “Oh?”
“Yeah. What brings you into town?” My nervousness obvious.
“Why are you jumpin’ like a squirrel? You didn’t used to be afraid of me.”
“That was before I decided to be an asshole.” I shrug and wrap my arms around myself, wanting to disappear into the oversized sweater that is showing a bit too much cleavage now that I think about it. Or does it seem that way because his eyes keep sweeping there.
His shoulders completely drop at the admission, the hate he was throwing coming down from a ten down to a five. “It was pretty fucked up of you.”
I wince. “I understand if you hate me, Leo.” I drop my chin and fight the tears, unable to look at the gorgeous man I broke in an attempt to find myself.
Leo blows out hard through those sexy, pursed lips. “I don’t hate you, Luna.”
My eyes bounce to find his. “You don’t?” My brow hits the ceiling.
“No. I’m still mad as fuck at you, but I don’t hate ya darlin’.”
He called me darlin’, a sweet pet name I’d never thought I’d hear ever again. A sound I never realized how much I loved
until it was gone. The paper cup drops from my trembling hand as I run the few steps between us and jump into his arms. Thankfully, he catches me and holds me tight instead of letting me fall on my ass. His iron grasp locks me in as my head finds its favorite nuzzling place in the crook of his thick neck. I never want to let go.
“Let’s get out of here.” I nod and he carries us out the door. I don’t even realize when he starts heading in the direction of my place. I’m too wrapped up in this unbelievable moment. So many times I’ve literally found myself placing packed bags by the front door, phone in hand about to text the girls to come get me, but never could complete the call. Inevitably I’d talk myself out of it and haul everything back upstairs. My body is vibrating with happiness and excitement, my lips soon finding his with a hunger I had forgotten. True to my promise, I haven’t been touched by anyone else. He meets me head on, our bodies desperation for one another like nothing we’ve ever shared.
He rips his lips from mine. “Keys?”
I look up to find the shared house looming. “How’d you know?” But I knew. He never did let me completely go, he just let me have my wings.
“Now, Luna.” I jump down from his arms and reach into my purse at his command.
That dominant bark from him is all it takes. Words no longer hold us as we barely make it up the stairs and into my room before we are completely naked and lost within each other. We fuck all day long and well into the night, as if no time has passed between our honeymoon night and now. The world has really lost all meaning as we lie here, intertwined in one another. The night air breezes through the open window, cooling our overheated skin.
“Jesus,” I breathe, needing to fill the silence with something.
“Amen.” His dark chuckle making that heat in my belly flair, again.
“I haven’t been touched in so long, not since our wedding night.” I sniff, burrowing deeper into him.
“You know what today is?” He swallows hard.
Lost, I shake my head. Other than my graduation coming up fast, nothing popped into my head.
“It’s our anniversary.”
And… I lose it. Right then and there. Everything, all the pain, guilt, fear, comes coursing out in snot-filled mess, all over his tatted chest. His hands draw circles around my back as he too, silently shakes with emotion, not near as audible as me, but the breakdown is mutual.
“I’m so sorry,” I attempt through heaving shoulders.
“I am too,” he mumbles.
“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong, you did everything right.”
“No, I was a selfish prick that wanted to claim you every which way I could, I rushed you. I was selfish. I never stopped to explain that you had all the power from the start. Darlin’, I can only ever take what you give freely, the control was always yours.”
I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe he was right.
“Luna, I should have done a lot of things. Hell, it shouldn’t have taken me two years to come. You saved me from myself, and then you walked away. I was hurt.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know that now. Took me awhile, and I didn’t like it, but I understood.”
“You did?”
“Yes. More than I wanted to admit. I pulled some of the same shit with my family. Just ask Silver.”
“You forgive me?” I ask with too much hope as I swallow back some of the emotion trying to choke me again.
“Of course. That’s why I tracked your ass down.” He gets up from the bed, his sudden absence creating a hole. His sexy naked ass bends to his jacket on the floor as he roots around for something. I sit up on the edge of the bed and watch, loving every moment. I’ve never seen a more beautiful man. He finds what he was searching for in the pile of leather and jeans before walking back to the bed, kneeling on the carpet before me.
“What are you doing?”
“Baby, we’ve been through hell and back and then some. We both fucked up along the way. I’ve given you the space you asked for. I’ve stayed away and let you do what you need. It’s been two fucking years of loneliness. I’m too old for that shit. I know you are gettin’ ready to graduate, you’ve worked your ass off for it, takin’ bigger class loads than you should have. Overcomin’ obstacle after obstacle to get it done. I stayed in the shadows and watched, even though it killed me to keep my distance.” He holds up a ring, the moonlight glinting off the large diamond sitting in the center of two small skulls. It was perfection. “Let’s both stop being stubborn assholes. Put me out of my misery. Come home, and be my wife again, please?” His voice tightens, his vulnerability showing.
“Yes!” I jump from the bed, and tackle him backwards to the floor, smothering him with kisses everywhere my lips could find.
“You sure? You got what you needed from this hiatus?” He pushes me up so he can look into my eyes.
“Leo, I got that after the first year. I was just ashamed to come home. I never stopped loving you, I never stopped wanting to be your wife, and I finally figured out how to love myself, fucked up past included. Gimme that damn ring.” I snatch it from his hand and shove it on my finger before attacking him again. He begins to laugh a deep, rich baritone sound. “Now there’s a sound I missed.”
“There’s a lot of sounds I know I missed,” Leo wickedly purrs, changing the mood immediately. “Come here Mrs. Louvel.” The title has me tickled from head to toe, not a panic attack in sight.
Good Lord, I am in serious trouble. Thank you, God, thank you for this man and all of the opportunities that have led to this very moment. Peace, love, and happiness really can exist for a girl like me in such a fucked up world.
The End
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Winter's Absolution (Obsidian Blades MC Book 1) Page 23
