by Kirk Scroggs
“Absolutely not!” said Grampa. “I'd brave a Gale 7 hurricane, a sea of burning oil, a swarm of killer bees…why, I'd even trim my nose hairs with a rusty Weedwacker before I'd give up Moby Fizz!”
“Wow! That's dedication,” said Jubal.
CHAPTER 10
An Imperfect Strom
Blue Norther was right. The two storms collided directly over us just as we were entering the most dangerous part of Lake Putrid-The Devil's Armpit!
“Maybe we should put on our life jackets,” I suggested.
“Don't be silly,” said Grampa. “I've nearly drowned in storms dozens of times and I never needed a life jacket!”
CHAPTER 11
Take It from a Big Mouth
Before we knew it, we were face-to-face with the mother of all monster fish, Moby Fizz!
“Wiley!” Grampa bellowed. “Hold her steady! Jubal, prepare the net!”
“I don't think he's gonna fit in this net!” said jubal.
“He will when I get through with him!” said Grampa, raising his harpoon.
But before Grampa could throw the harpoon—Whap! Moby used our little boat to practice his power serve! We were plunged into the icy depths of Lake Putrid.
Beneath the water I was tossed around by the current like a pair of dirty drawers in a giant washing machine.
I was about to black out when I noticed something strange and horrifying—I could see Moby Fizz skimming the bottom of the lake and he was sporting a big, grotesque appendage that was sucking up fish by the hundreds. This thing truly was a monster!
CHAPTER 12
Captain's Log
I gathered my strength and swam to the surface, where I found the others floating on a stray log.
“Nice of you to join us, Wiley,” said Grampa.
“We were just kickin’ it. Tellin’ a few knock knock jokes.”
After a while, the storm clouds cleared and the waters were calm again.
That is, until suddenly, the water around us began to churn with bubbles!
“Oh no!” I yelled. “The bubbles! Moby's back for seconds!”
“Actually, that was me,” said Grampa. “I never should have had that second can of chili for breakfast.”
So, Jubal, Merle, and I got our own log.
Soon, night fell and we drifted off to sleep. My slumber was troubled by nightmares and visions.
In my dreams I saw Grampa, transformed into a grizzled old Captain Ahab, obsessed with avenging Captain Froggy.
I saw Gramma desperately searching for her missing loved ones.
And I saw myself, ruling over a colony of tiny talking pickles who worshiped me (ike a Greek god. (This part has nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was pretty cool anyway.)
CHAPTER 13
The Island of Lost Hippies
We awoke to find ourselves in grass skirts, surrounded by smiling hippies!
“Don't worry, kids,” said the head hippie. “Your clothes are drying by the fire.”
“If I'd known I was going to be wearing a grass skirt in public, I would have hit the gym first,” Jubal said, embarrassed.
“These things are pretty comfy,” said Grampa, “and they're great for hula dancing!”
“Ughhh!” i groaned. The sight of Grampa in a skirt was just too much for my young eyes!
“You're on the Island of Lost Hippies,” said a girt hippie known as Earth Mother “Tail, short, round, skinny—we all wear grass skirts. No one should be ashamed…
except for Artie, of course. I mean, that's just wrong.”
So we gathered around the campfire in our skirts, and roasted marshmallows and drank root beer floats. Grampa entertained the hippies with the story of Moby Fizz.
Later that night I had a heart-to-heart with Earth Mother.
“Earth Mother;” I said, “I'm worried about Grampa. He's not himself. He only thinks of catching Moby Fizz and nothing else.”
“Your grampa is plagued by the past,” she said. “Confront this mighty fish he must. Just look at him. He's been sitting on that cliff for hours, staring out the open water, waiting for the moment he can take on the scaly beast and move on with his life.”
Actually, Grampa was napping.
CHAPTER 14
Extreme Boat Makeover
In the morning, the hippies woke us with a surprise. They had found our boat and repaired it while we slept!
“First we sealed the leaks with tree sap and acorns,” said the head hippie, “then we coated the entire boat with a protective layer of snail mucus.’
“Then we added a 1,200 horsepower Liquijet 5000 jet-boat engine with a magnetron electronic ignition, outboard hydraulic tilt and trim, and a twist-grip throttle.”
“Wow!” I said. “Where did you get that?”
“Oh, on the other side of the island,” said Earth Mother. “There's a Manny's Boat World next to that veggie-burger joint.”
After bidding a sad farewell to our new hippie friends, we took off once again in search of the elusive Moby Fizz.
“Look at those nutty hippies,” said Grampa. “They're waving their hands, dancing around and screaming like crazy people. How cute.”
CHAPTER 15
Big Mouth Strikes Again!
So we waved back and jetted off straight into the open mouth of Moby Fizz!
At least, I thought it was Moby Fizz. The inside of the fish was all shiny and there were lights and signs and some soothing smooth jazz playing over a loudspeaker.
“Wow!” exclaimed Grampa. “They've really done a lot with this place! It used to be so…slimy.”
“This isn't a real fish,” I said. “It's some sort of—”
“Submersible android fish research vessel, to be exact!” said a familiar voice. It was Dr. Hans Lotion and his grandson, Jurgen. “I call it Robo-carp! You must forgive me for attacking you yesterday. Ze Robo-carp mistook you for an enemy threat.”
“So what do you do on this tub of bolts, Doc?” asked Grampa.
“Come, I vill show you.”
“Ze fish shape of zis vehicle allows us to conduct our studies vithout disturbing ze natural habitat of Lake Putrid,” said Hans as he gave us a tour of the ship. We saw the mess halt, the Captain's quarters, the poop deck, you name it.
“Jubal,” I whispered, “something about this smells funny.”
“Are you sure it's not the poop deck?” asked Jubal.
“No,” I said. “There's something about Hans I don't trust.”
Hans showed us an impressive model of his vessel. “Ve all know zat pollution is ze biggest threat to our beloved lake right now.
“Robo-carp is equipped vith a retractable suction device zat vacuums ze pollution and scum from ze bottom of ze lake. I plan to clean up Lake Putrid vithin three months. I call my plan, Operation Scumsucker! I am also currently vorking on a giant scumsucking pig. Look for it in stores next Christmas.”
Hans then showed us to our quarters. “In ze morning, ve vill return you to your vorried Gram-mam-ma. For now, rest. I must varn you-stay avay from ze engine room. Robo-carp runs on a top secret and dangerous energy source. In fact, do not leave your rooms. I vouldn't vant any mishaps.”
CHAPTER 16
A Pleasant Development
We took Hans's warning very seriously and immediately decided to go exploring. Robo-carp was enormous. There were doors and hallways everywhere.
“Let's try that door right there,” said Grampa, “the one that says ‚Go Away!’ on it.”
So we went inside and found…
Hans had the biggest fish tank I've ever seen and in it must have been almost every fish in Lake Putrid!
“Something's not right!” I said.
Then I found Hans's blueprints for a new, swanky development called Lake Pleasant.
“I think I've figured it out!” I said. “Hans is digging his fancy new Lake Pleasant while he scares everyone away from Lake Putrid with this phony monster bass and steals all of the fish with that scumsuck
ing vacuum attachment. Hans is just a lying, greedy, evil fishnapper!”
“Well, nobody's perfect,” said Grampa.
“Veil, Veil, veil!” said Hans. “I vas going to invite you to play Parcheezy and instead, I find you've been snooping around! Yes, it's true. Lake Pleasant vill be ze new vacation destination in Gingham County and ze tourists vill spend all zeir money in my hotels, restaurants, and doggy day cares. Lake Putrid vill dry up and die. Vhat good is a fishless, polluted lake haunted by a monster bass?
“Now I have to decide vhat to do vith you. Torture perhaps? Maybe…termination?”
“My vote's for Parcheezy!” said Grampa.
CHAPTER 17
Hanging Around Fish Organs
Before we knew it, we were hanging from the rafters in Hans's music room.
“Vhile my grandson beats you vith a piñata stick, I shall entertain you vith some organ music,” said Hans maniacally. “Vhat vould you like to hear? Some disco? How ‚bout ‚Who Let Ze Dogs Out?’”
“All this time I thought Hans was just a good foot doctor,” said Grampa. “Who knew he was such an accomplished psychopath?”
Suddenly, Hans's organ music was interrupted by a loud alarm. An unidentified object was approaching! Hans whipped out his periscope and scanned the horizon.
Meanwhile, Merle started to gnaw on our ropes.
“Zere is a triangle of large elderly vomen approaching!” said Hans.
“Sounds like your Gramma,” said Grampa.
While Hans was distracted, Merle finished gnawing through the ropes and we made our escape.
But first we had to make a stop and release the scaly citizens of Lake Putrid.
We found the escape hatch in the rear of the Robo-carp and we plopped into the lake.
“This is strangely degrading,” said Jubal.
Just as we suspected, Gramma had come to the rescue and she was perched atop the reunited Gingham County female waterskiing team!
And boy, was she was angry! “I'm gonna teach that fish a lesson!” she bellowed as they sped toward the Robo-carp.
The robot fish readied its torpedoes, did a quick U-turn, and was heading straight for Gramma, when the unthinkable happened!
Cleta Van Snout's artificial hip suddenly gave out! The Ladies of the Lake went flying!
Gramma launched into the air like a mighty albatross!
Then she grabbed hold of a latch on the side of the fish.
Gramma accidentally moved the latch, opening up a large compartment. About 2,563 AA batteries spilled out into the lake!
“So that's Robo-carp's secret energy source, Grampa said, disappointed.
CHAPTER 18
Sayonara Robo-carp!
The clunky metal fish was powerless without its batteries, and it quickly capsized.
“You have not seen ze last of me!” shouted Hans as the Robo-carp sank. “I vill be back! And next time I'm bringing a giant metal chicken! Or perhaps a salamander!”
“How did you ever find us?” I asked Gramma.
Gramma held up Paco's fishbowl. “We used Paco to track your trail of Pork Cracklins all the way to that island full of nice hippies. They told us we could find you in the belly of a giant metal fish!”
Wow!” I said. “A Cracklm-trackin’ goldfish!”
“So I guess it was Hans's fish that has been scaring folks these last few years,” I continued. “I wonder whatever happened to the real Moby Fizz?”
“I can't help but feel a little silly,” said Grampa. “My crazed obsession with finding that fish put everyone in danger. Moby Fizz is just a faded memory, like tiny bubbles in a bottle of flat black-cherry soda.”
Once again, the water around Grampa began to churn with bubbles.
“Let me guess,” I said. “You had a third can of chili for lunch.”
“Nope,” said Grampa. “As much as I'd like to take credit for these bubbles, it wasn't me.”
CHAPTER 19
Will the Real Moby Fizz Please Stand Up?
Suddenly, the real Moby Fizz surfaced beneath us, and let me tell you, after 60 million years, his breath was kickin’!
Grampa jumped onto the bloated beast and flailed away!
“This is for Captain Froggy!” he yelled as he smacked Moby with his bony arms.
The Ladies of the Lake struck back at Moby in their famous Swooping Falcon formation.
But the monster put up a fortified force field of fish breath that stopped them in their tracks.
Not even Merle's soft-ripping cat claws could penetrate Moby's thick hide.
The fishy foe leaped into the air, and his mammoth body was going to crash directly on us!
“Well this it, boys,” said Gramma. “I only wish I could've lived to yell at your Grampa for getting us into this mess!”
As a last resort, I held up Paco's fishbowl.
“You wouldn't harm a fellow fish, would you?” I pleaded.
That's when the strangest thing happened–Paco jumped up and communicated with Moby. It kinda sounded like a chipmunk on helium.
Whatever Paco said, it stopped Moby dead in his tracks. He got a sad look on his face, turned around, and swam away.
Moby resurfaced briefly and gently let out a tremendous fish burp. A mysterious object was dislodged by the burp and it flew straight toward us.
The object landed with a splat in Grampa's arms. It was Captain Froggy!
CHAPTER 20
Reunited and It Feels So Slimy
“Froggy!” Grampa shouted with glee. “My brave, little, green, fish mucus-covered friend!”
All was well with the world. Froggy was back in Grampa's arms, the Ladies of the Lake were back together, and the lake was putrid again.
“Let's all go home and put on some dry drawers!” shouted Grampa.
So, Moby Fizz wasn't the monster he was made out to be. Captain Gerald confessed, “So okay, my hand didn't get bitten off. I had a splinter that got infected, but that just doesn't sound as cool.”
“What about my Dinky?” asked Marjorie Millner.
“Maybe Moby mistook your poodle for a cream puff or a wad of cotton candy when he ate him,” said Grampa. “I know I've done it!”
Captain Froggy was placed on the mantel in the living room. Gramma found this highly disgusting.
And Hans and jurgen were locked up at the Gingham County Institute for Criminal Masterminds and Their Grandchildren.
As for Paco…
Paco achieved his dream of competing in the finals on America's Most Talented Animals.
But, unfortunately, he faced some big competition.
Something's fishy about this family portrait! We got double prints at the local photo lab, but one of the pictures looks wacky. Help us figure out the differences.
The answers are on the next page. Anyone who cheats will walk the plank, sleep with the fishes, and mow the lawn!
If you love Wiley & Grampa more than at big bowl of Pork Cracklins, then be sure to sure to catch all their wacky adventures!
Dracula vs. Grampa at the Monster Truck Spectacular
Thrills! Chills! Vampire trucks and mechanical lobsters?! This is one monster truck show that Wiley & Grampa will nevei forget!
Grampa's Zombie BBQ
When hungry zombies crash Grampa's annual barbecue, lunch lady Vera whips out her secret side dish. Get ready for the ultimate foot-FRIGHT!
KIRK SCROGGS is originally from Austin, Texas-not too far from Gingham County. He moved to Los Angeles, to pursue his dream of drawing monsters. He loves vampires, werewolves, truck shows, and chili con queso.
Monster Fish Frenzy
If you think a school of man-eating piranhas is scary, wait until you see Grampa do a hula dance on the island of Lost Hippies!
Super Soccer Freak Show
Things get hairy when Grampa is bitten by the Carpathian Coyotes’ mangy mascot. This tale will leave you howling with laughter!
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