He sat close enough for Nicole to feel the heat radiating from his fingers, warming the back of her hand. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s the evening sun you can feel, not him.
“Penny for them?” he asked.
She looked at him and noticed an undeniable glint twinkling in his rich, brown eyes. “I’m just relaxing, not really thinking about anything. This is a lovely spot. Do you come here a lot?”
He shook his head, the warm smile vanishing. “I’ve been away, remember? I came here once with my parents when Kyle and I were kids.” He pointed at the play area. “That’s improved since.”
“That’s right, you have a brother. How is Kyle? Is he married?”
His head shot round to face her again.
Why on earth did I ask if he was married? Why not ask where he was living now or about his career? Her cheeks flushed.
“No, he’s not married. He’s far too young to entertain that thought. He’s still a baby.”
“Oh? He must be around twenty-four by now, isn’t he?”
“Well remembered. Actually, he’ll be twenty-three in a couple of weeks. I’ve persuaded him to come for a visit at the weekend. I’m hoping he’ll join me here permanently.”
Her eyes bulged and her jaw hung open for a split second before she slammed her mouth shut again.
“You look surprised, why?”
She hitched up a shoulder. “Not sure, I suppose I thought you were here for a visit.”
“Nope, I’m here to stay, I told you that in the nightclub, Nicci.”
He was doing it on purpose. Calling her that name. Back all those years ago when they were dating, she’d revealed to him what kind of affect the affectionate nickname had on her. Stop it! Don’t react, please.
His gaze bored into hers.
She said flippantly, “Why do I look suprised? I ask you, why come back after all these years? No…sorry I shouldn’t have said that…just ignore me.”
He laughed, the soft laugh she recalled him using during their most intimate times together. An intense shiver catapulted down her spine.
“It’s a little hard to ignore you when you’re sitting right in front of me.”
“Don’t mock me, Josh.”
His hand reached out to touch hers, she flinched. Pulling her hand away, she accidently sent her glass flying. The contents spilled on the wooden table.
He rose from the bench. “I’m sorry. I’ll get you another.”
Nicole was too embarrassed to respond. She hadn’t expected him to touch her like that. Why had she reacted that way? She was a nervous wreck—whether it was because of the threat the intruder had over her or because of Josh, she didn’t know. She spun around on the bench, away from the stares of the people on the other table and buried her head in her hands. Josh returned, placed her glass on the table, and sat on the bench beside her.
“Nicole, please, don’t push me away. I regret what happened when we were younger. I’m begging you not to hold it against me. I’d like to explain if you’ll let me.”
She shook her head. “There’s no need. We both went on to lead separate lives. Mine is totally fulfilled with—”
“Your daughter?” he interjected.
She turned sharply to face him. “You know? How?”
His head bowed in shame. “I followed you yesterday.”
Nicole jumped to her feet and angrily confronted him. “You what? Why would you do such a thing?”
“Sit down, Nicci…”
“Stop calling me that! My name is Nicole, not Nicci. Nicci died when you ran out on her ten years ago, have you got that?” She stormed back to the car, his car. If they hadn’t been so far out of town, she would have walked home. Damn, why did I let him bring me out here?
Instead of following her, she turned back to see him still seated, his forearms resting on his knees. He looked shell-shocked, a lost, lonely figure who, for some stupid reason, yanked on her heartstrings. Guilt wrapped around her shoulders, and she shivered, despite the warmth of the dusk. She changed direction and strode away from the car down to the water’s edge. Nicole took off her cardigan and placed it on the grass verge. She sat down and wrapped her arms around her knees. Gazing into the reflective, still water, she questioned her irate behaviour.
Why had she snapped, gone off the handle like that? Because I’m under a great amount of stress, that’s why. The inner conversation continued, not really throwing any light on how or why she’d overreacted. Yes, she was definitely under stress, but did that stress really warrant lashing out the way she had? Since his return, Josh had shown her nothing but kindness, except when he’d tried to make her jealous at the club, dancing with the slapper.
Why did life have to be so damn confusing? Up until a few days ago, her life was settled with Sammy Jo. Was she that vulnerable, causing her to misinterpret everything Josh did or said? To question his motives without thinking them through first was madness on her part.
“Please, Nicole, hear me out.”
She jumped when his voice interrupted her emotionally charged thoughts. Instead of looking up at him, she patted the grass bank beside her. “Sit. If you have to.” Why did she have to be so bitchy? Give him a chance to clear things up at least.
“Thank you. Look, I didn’t mean to follow you yesterday. I was concerned about you. In my mind, a doctor’s visit was in order. You could have had a concussion, for all I knew.”
He was right—she had received a violent whack to the head. She whispered an apology, “I’m sorry for overreacting.”
He expelled a large breath beside her, and silence befell them for the next few minutes as each of them searched for the right words to say next.
Eventually, he asked quietly, “What’s her name?”
Nicole smiled as her daughter’s beautiful face filled her mind. “Sammy Jo.”
“That’s a pretty name. How old is she?”
She’d been expecting that to be his next question and had a lie prepared already. After all Sammy Jo was small for her age. “She’s eight.”
“And what happened to her father?”
She thought her answer over before letting the truth spill out of her mouth, “He took off, ran out on me, on us.”
Nicole heard him suck in air, and again, silence filled the gap between them. A mother duck with four cute ducklings swam past them. She smiled and thought how nature compared to real life. The onus always seemed to lie with the mothers to raise their young, alone.
“That must have been hard…after what happened between us,” he said, his voice breaking noticeably.
She turned to look at him, her eyes searching deep into his, and replied with absolute honesty, “Yes, extremely difficult. Sammy Jo never asked to be born.”
As if he were hit with a body blow, he winced. “I understand. You’ve done a remarkable job. Running a successful business and bringing up a child single-handedly, I mean.”
She faced the water and searched out the mother duck that had nestled under the draping branches of a willow tree on the other side of the river. “It was hard, I can’t deny that. Without the support of my parents and sisters, I would probably have been sitting depressed in a bedsit right now, living on benefits.”
His feet fidgeted, and he crossed his ankles a few times before he spoke again. “Do you ever hear from the father?”
“Nope. Nor do I wish to,” she added and reprimanded herself once again for being unnecessarily nasty. She blamed the sharpness of her tongue on her defence mechanism. Didn’t all vulnerable women have one of them?
“I want to make amends, Nic…Nicole. I’ve moved back to the area now so we’ll be seeing more of each other around town, I want us to be friends again.”
What? Could my heart really be content with having this man as a friend after the intimacy we once shared?
“I really don’t think that’s such a brilliant idea, Josh. I’ve moved on…we both have. I’ve seen firsthand that you don’t have a problem enticing women to spend time wi
th you.”
“Ah, you’re referring to the other night at the club. What if I let you into a little secret?”
“Go on,” her interest piqued.
“It was done intentionally.”
She faced him, and her brow creased into a deep frown. “What do you mean?”
He swallowed. She saw the lump move in his tanned throat, and the desire to touch his skin almost overwhelmed her.
“I was determined to make you jealous.” He laughed at the shock on her face. “It worked too.”
“Are you insane? What with stalking me, you’re not showing yourself in a good light, Josh. Why would trying to make me jealous entertain you?”
“Oh, it wasn’t for entertainment purposes, Nicole.”
“Then why?”
“It was a test. To see if you still had feelings for me. I could tell we still had a certain amount of chemistry between us. That little spat outside the toilet was more than enough evidence.”
“I was angry. You’d stalked me then as well, if I remember rightly.”
“Admit it, Nic…Nicole, it wasn’t anger, it was passion. I saw it burning brightly in your eyes, and I’ve seen it since that night too. Please won’t you give us another chance?”
Nicole rose to her feet, snatched up her cardigan, and marched towards the car. Once she’d reached it, she called out, “I’d like to go home now, if you don’t mind?”
The public display and her offhand tone made the customers snigger. One man jeered and shouted, “Go on, mate, take her home. She’s crying out for you to show her how much you love her. Any idiot can see that.” Again the occupants of the table broke into laughter.
Appalled, Nicole shot the two women in the group a dirty look. Their response was to smile and wink at her. Her gaze drifted to Josh, who was grinning, though he tried to disguise it behind his hand.
He stood up and returned to the car. “I’ll take you home if you promise we can have a good talk when we get there.”
“Open the door and stop expecting me to jump through hoops for you. I want to go home, now!”
He gave a defeated shrug and started the car. The silent journey back to Nicole’s house was interrupted by both of them sighing helplessly at regular intervals.
“Thanks for the lift.” Nicole opened the door and headed towards the front door of her house. She closed her eyes in despair when she failed to hear him drive off. The sound of his car door shutting and his footsteps boomed in the evening air. She tried to enter her house and close the door before he managed to reach the front garden, but his foot prevented her from shutting him out.
“I’m not leaving, Nicole.”
“Fine.” She stomped into the lounge. The first thing she did was cross the room and slam down the photo of Sammy Jo, just in case he noticed any resemblance and started asking more awkward questions other than those she assumed were already likely heading her way.
He followed her through the house and went into the kitchen to switch the kettle on. Nicole let him have the run of her house; she was saving her energy for the ‘talk’ ahead of them. After making the coffee, Josh placed the cups on the table in front of the couch and sat down beside her. Then he surprised her by taking her hand in his. She tried to snatch it back, but he held firm, encasing it in both of his so there was no chance of her getting free.
Nicole didn’t feel trapped though. Maybe she should have. But for some reason, the warmth of his skin next to hers eased her anxiety instead of increasing it.
“Why isn’t Sammy Jo here with you now? Does your mother look after her during the week, is that it?”
She wanted to lie, to tell him that his observation was true, only she had an inclination that he’d instantly see through it. “I needed time to myself, and yes, that’s a hint for you to go.”
He laughed softly and squeezed her hand. “I’m not sure who you’re trying to kid, Nicci. I can see the desperate need in your eyes. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not talking about need in that respect. You’ve been through a traumatic experience, one that should be openly discussed. My dad always used to swear that ‘a trouble shared’…well, you know the rest of that saying. So, how about it? I’m here, ready and willing to listen.”
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can. You do this: open your mouth and say what’s wrong.”
“I can’t, Josh. Please don’t nag me. You should go; you shouldn’t be here.”
Shaking his head he said, “I’m not going anywhere until we’ve discussed this.”
How could she tell him that she feared for her life? That at this very moment, her attacker was probably outside somewhere, watching the house through binoculars?
“I won’t be bullied into anything either.” Her tone was sharp, and she tried to withdraw her hand again. His hands gripped hers tighter. Now, she felt suffocated and out of control of the situation. Memories of that man attacking her filled her head, and she snatched her hand from his. “Just go!” she shouted and marched towards the door. She briefly looked at his face and guilt seeped into every pore when she noticed the hurt etched into his features.
Slowly he stood up and walked towards her. She turned her head to the side as he bent to kiss her, his warm lips brushed her cheek. For an instant, she wanted to grab his shirt and beg him to stay, beg him to make love to her, to soothe her, tell her everything would be all right, but she didn’t. She closed the door, bolted it shut, and rustled up an omelette that she messed about with on her plate for the next twenty minutes, only managing to eat a few morsels.
Nicole put a CD on while she bathed in a lavender bath. Tonight she would try to sleep in her own bed as normal, now the eeriness of the storm from the previous evening had passed. As she closed her curtains, something moved outside her window. She cursed under her breath that the nearest streetlight was around fifty feet away. She peered through the darkness at the hedge near the window. She was just about to stand back and hop into bed when a face appeared at the window. Her stomach muscles clenched in fear—she let the curtain drop and stumbled backwards. Had the face been her imagination playing dirty tricks on her? Needing to find out, she hitched the curtain back to find the man still standing there, sneering at her.
“He was here again. Did you tell him?” he shouted through the glass of the closed window.
She shook her head emphatically. “No, I swear I didn’t. You have to trust me. I’d never put my child’s life in danger. I can’t help it if he’s persistent and wants to help me.”
“Get rid of him, or you can be sure that I’ll carry out my threat. You hear me?”
Nicole nodded and watched the man disappear. She went in search of alcohol and stopped dead in her tracks when she entered the lounge as the phone rang. “Hello?” she whispered, her eyes scanning the room in case the man had got into her house.
“Nicole, darling. Sammy Jo was expecting you to drop over after work. Is everything all right?”
“Yes, Mum. Crap, tell Sammy Jo I’m sorry. I had a headache and came straight home from work. I’ll drop in and see her tomorrow, how’s that?”
“Are you sure that’s all it is, dear? She’s been crying her eyes out all evening because you forgot her. I’ve managed to calm her down now, but it took several bribes on my part. The promise of ice cream finally had the desired effect.”
“Do you want me to speak to her?”
“No, I’ve just put her to bed. I’ll tell her to expect you tomorrow. Go to bed early. I hope your headache eases soon.”
“Thanks, Mum. I’m sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”
“I love you too, Nicole. Goodnight.”
The phone clattered as her trembling hand re-housed it in the docking station. Although her mother had talked pleasantly over the phone, Nicole could tell how angry she was about letting Sammy Jo down. Why couldn’t people see that she was only doing what she thought was right? Keeping her loved ones out of harm’s way. If she turned up at her mother’s house, there was
no telling if the burglar might follow her. She couldn’t take the risk and put her family in jeopardy like that.
Pouring a glass of brandy, she reflected on the time she’d spent with Josh this evening. Mostly it had been full of angst, but it hadn’t stopped old emotions emerging—enough to cause doubts in her mind as to how she still felt about him. How she had rid herself of the silly notion that he could have somehow been involved in the crime at the salon. If only this attacker wasn’t watching her every move. Maybe, just maybe, she would find herself succumbing to Josh’s advances enough to know if there would be any likely future for them.
What am I saying? There could never be anything between us after him deserting me in my hour of need.
But Josh had never been aware of her pregnancy. How could she accuse him of running off “in her hour of need,” when he’d had no idea? Still has no idea.
SEVEN
Nicole was subjected to yet another sleep-deprived night, which caused her to open the salon later than usual. Luckily, she had no customers booked until ten. First thing, she rang the bank and arranged for them to transfer her daughter’s savings into her own bank account. The girl on the phone said they couldn’t do that without Sammy Jo’s approval. Really? While Nicole understood the bank’s rules and regulations, she ended up being rude to the girl who passed Nicole’s call onto the bank manager.
Reluctantly, she agreed to bring her daughter in that afternoon to fill out the necessary joint forms. Next, she rang her mother and arranged for the three of them to meet in town for a pizza around four. While her Mum was busy shopping, Nicole intended taking Sammy Jo to the bank. She’d need to lie to her daughter in order for her to keep the visit a secret from her grandmother though.
Well, at least she had something to look forward to later that day—seeing Sammy Jo. The morning and afternoon flew past for Nicole, and despite feeling exhausted, she somehow managed to smile and share a laugh or two with her customers. However, when she closed the door at three thirty and walked into town, constantly aware of what was going on around her, she couldn’t help thinking about Josh. He hadn’t popped in to see her during the day like he had on other days. She shouldn’t really be surprised about that, should she? After virtually telling him to piss off and leave her alone? Still, it didn’t stop the disappointment emerging.
Crimes of Passion Page 150
