He gripped her bottom and pushed her body up until they were nose to nose. Spearing his hands through her short hair, he held her head. “When it comes to you, there’s never been anything casual. I told you I’ve waited a long time for this. I’m not planning on going anywhere.”
As he gave her a long, lingering kiss, his heart beat hard and fast against her own. She’d tried to tell herself she was maybe half in love with Owen, but had realized the truth tonight. She loved him. Heart and soul, she loved him. He hadn’t said he loved her, but what he had said had disintegrated the last barrier guarding her heart.
He wasn’t planning on going anywhere.
After he reached for the lamp on the nightstand and turned it off, he pulled the sheet and comforter over them. Her body completely satisfied, her heart filled with hope and love, she laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes.
Chapter 18
FRIDAY
Rachel stirred, her active mind still caught between a fuzzy dream state and full consciousness. Clips of memories filtered through her head as she snuggled against the pillow and burrowed deeper under the covers. When Owen’s sexy grin filled her hazy thoughts, she took herself back to yesterday. To the playful teasing in his car, to the festival, to last night. Releasing a sigh of satisfaction, she replayed the way they’d made love, how he’d used his hard, gorgeous body to coax orgasm after orgasm from her.
A throb built between her thighs and she knew the one person who could fix it. Her body still lazy, sleepy and languid, she forced her arm to reach next to her.
Empty.
Damn.
Wishing Owen was still in bed, she shoved her hand between her thighs and cupped herself. She couldn’t help being greedy where he was concerned. She’d waited four years to touch him, hold him, live every fantasy she’d conjured about him. And now, it appeared they were a…couple.
Abandoning her need for sexual release, she rolled onto her back and rested her hands under her head.
They were a couple.
Knowing the type of man Owen was, she believed that he’d meant everything he’d said last night.
This isn’t a casual fling, and he doesn’t plan on going anywhere.
Thoughts of a bright future, one filled with fun holidays, family gatherings, a houseful of children, and late night love sessions filled her mind. Owen came from a good family. She’d had the opportunity to meet his parents a couple of years ago and had instantly liked them. Down to earth, loving, they were good people and had raised a fine man. Growing up with her flaky mother, she and Sean never had much. Holidays were just another day and there were no family gatherings. To be able to have a future filled with love gave her courage and hope. Giving herself to Owen, her whole self, allowing him to see the emotions she’d kept guarded would require trust. She trusted him, but being with him made her realize she hadn’t trusted herself. She needed to have the courage to be open with him, to not allow herself to close off the moment she didn’t understand a new emotion. Still, she wasn’t silly enough to believe Owen was in love with her like she was with him. She also knew that dreaming of the future when things between them were still new wasn’t necessarily smart. But it was hard not to become caught up in a fantasy when her reality hadn’t always been the greatest.
She stared at the rotating ceiling fan, reality now rearing its ugly head. They had an investigation to solve, a killer to stop and a missing boy in need of rescue. Although on the fence as to whether or not she wanted to pursue being a CORE field agent, she still had a job to do. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Just past six. She had time before she needed to shower and make their eight o’clock meeting with Jake and the Michigan State Police Inspector, Marty. Curling on her side, she let her eyes drift shut, then immediately popped them open. Tearing the sheet and comforter from her body, she quickly gathered her toiletries. Who was she kidding? Instead of lazing in bed, she had work to do.
As she showered and moved through her morning routine, she made mental notes of what needed to be done…things she should have done last night instead of going to the festival and messing around with Owen. Not that she had any regrets, but Josh’s life was at stake, and because of their investigation, Bill had been murdered.
Now ready to attack the day, she headed for her bedroom. As she turned the knob, she glanced down the hall where Owen’s bedroom door remained partially opened. Needing to gather her thoughts and do a little brainstorming, she entered her room, grabbed a notepad and pencil, then headed to Owen’s room. She knocked on the door and popped her head inside.
“Morning,” she said.
He closed his laptop, pushed the chair away from the desk and stood. “Morning.” Eliminating the distance between them, he pulled her into his arms and gave her a kiss.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” she asked and gave him a light swat on the arm.
He took her free hand. After leading her to the bed, he sat on the edge while she remained standing between his legs. “You looked all soft and peaceful. I felt kind of guilty for keeping you up late.”
“You don’t look like you’re feeling guilty.”
He grinned. “Okay, maybe I don’t feel that guilty. I’m a guy and it’s in our nature to be selfish.” He grabbed her rear and pulled her closer. “When it comes to spending time with you, I’m very selfish.”
She gave into temptation and kissed him. Her body immediately came alive. Before things spun out of control, she quickly stepped back. Wagging a finger, she shook her head. “If we’re going to get anything done, I think we’ll have to make sure a bed isn’t in the room.”
He leaned back on his elbows. “Who needs a bed?”
Her mind instantly conjured all the other places they could make love. Before she let her body rule her head, she moved across the room and took a seat in front of the small desk in the corner. “On that note,” she said with a smile. “I want to talk about a few things.”
He straightened and grew serious. “Us, you mean.”
“I…ah…no. I wanted to talk about the case, where we are with it and what needs to be done.” While she did want to talk about them and define their relationship, now wasn’t the time. “Unless…did you want to talk about us?” she asked anyway. Based on his assumption, maybe he wanted to talk about their relationship.
Relief crossed his face. “I thought we covered things last night, but if I wasn’t clear…I don’t want what we have to stop anytime soon.”
Okay, now he was opening up a can of worms. Now she questioned exactly what they had together. She had major feelings for him. Not like, but love. Maybe she’d read him wrong. Maybe this was just sex to him. “Good. I don’t want that to happen, either.”
“Thanks for the enthusiasm.”
She cocked her chin and looked at him. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m totally enthused. You want sex between us to not stop anytime soon.” Damn it. Think before you speak. “Sorry, what I meant—”
He held up a hand and sent her a wry smile. “You meant exactly what you said. And I’m an ass for not making myself clear.” He shoved off the bed, then knelt in front of her. “When I told you this wasn’t casual, I meant it. We’re good together. In and out of bed.” Taking both of her hands, he held them to his chest. “Do you realize that other than my family, you’ve been the only other constant person in my life? I look forward to my mornings because I know you’ll be the first person I talk to. The nights…when I’m out of town, I can’t stand it if I miss your call or don’t have an excuse to put a call in to you.”
Heart racing, she stared at their joined hands. “I…I’ve felt the same way for a long time.”
He tilted her chin and snared her gaze. “You’re important to me. And I’m not about to take what’s happening between us lightly. I don’t want casual, I want complex. I want to give what we have together a shot.”
Throwing her arms around his neck, she kissed him. When she pulled away, she smiled. “I want to give us a s
hot, too.”
Grinning, he looked over his shoulder at the bed, but she cupped his chin and forced his attention back on her. “Don’t tempt me.”
“I’m not,” he said and had the nerve to look innocent. “I was just stretching my neck. Of course, if you want to, we could—”
“Nope.” She chuckled. “Well, I do, but we have to work.”
He rose and went back to his spot on the edge of the bed. “All work and no play…when was the last time you had a vacation?”
“Christmas.”
“I’m not talking time off, I’m talking getting on a plane and flying off to someplace fun vacation.”
“Never.”
Shock crossed his face. “Never?”
“How could I? I had either Sean to take care of, or school, then there was the Army, now my job…there just never was a good time to up and leave. If I did, I’d feel…selfish and guilty.”
“You put too much responsibility on yourself.” He leaned back on his elbows again. “That’s going to change.”
“Really? Got a magic wand on you?”
He looked to his crotch. “Well…I don’t know if I’d call it that.”
Laughing, she acted as if she was going to throw the notepad at him.
“Be nice,” he warned with a grin. “I’m taking you on vacation. I think some tropical island resort would work, don’t you?”
She instantly pictured him shirtless and lying on a beach, the sun dipping as the waves lapped along the shore. “That’ll definitely work. But for now, we have work to do. We’re supposed to meet with Jake in an hour.”
“Fair enough. Let’s get at it.”
“Okay.” She looked at her notes. “We need to stop at the university’s human resources department and hope they have that list of visiting professors for us. I didn’t have a chance to dig into their database last night to see if I could find something dating back further than last year. Like you said, we really need to make sure none of the current faculty had been here at any point prior to their current position.”
“Like Stronach?”
“Yeah, he’s on my radar. And not because he’s an ass.”
“Mine too. He orchestrated the Bigfoot festival at a time of year when he knew Hell Week was a possibility.”
“Plus he considers it nothing more than a legend. It’s a stretch, and doesn’t make him guilty of anything but being eccentric.” She tapped the pencil against her lips. “Okay, Jake took care of speaking with former deputies…”
“I guess that means you didn’t have a chance to look into GSI?” He rose from the bed. “What were we doing that kept you so busy?” he asked with a grin and moved to the opposite side of the room where he began rummaging through his suitcase.
“No, I didn’t. And don’t start with that again.” Damn, she hadn’t even jotted down the name of the company that had provided Wexman University with the malfunctioning security equipment. The dean’s secretary had called just as she had entered her brother’s hospital room. Distracted and focused on Sean, she’d forgotten about it. Last night, she’d intended to research the company after the festival, along with the visiting professors, but once Owen had her clothes off, she couldn’t think about anything but him.
She glanced at Owen’s laptop. Time to rectify her inexcusable absentmindedness. Every CORE member had the same computer system. Hers was a little more elaborate, but for what she was looking for, his would do. She opened his laptop, and froze.
Her throat closed as she stared at an email from Ian. His message had been a reply to an email Owen had sent yesterday afternoon. She scrolled down, and as she read through Owen’s original email, each and every one of her fantasies fizzled and died, along with her hope for a future with Owen. Betrayed, shocked and hurt she looked across the room and glared at his back as he pulled a black sweater over his head.
“Rachel has proven that she, as we already know, is an excellent investigator,” she read the first line out loud, then looked at him again.
He turned and smoothed out the front of his sweater. His eyes were unreadable, his face expressionless. “Ian wanted me to keep him updated on our progress.”
“This isn’t just about our progress,” she countered, her voice rising. “It’s about me.”
“What I wrote wasn’t bad.”
“Really? Let me refresh your memory.” She looked to the laptop screen. “That being said, I’m not sure Rachel is qualified to work in the field. While she has led an aggressive investigation into the Hell Week disappearances, emotionally, she does not yet possess the strength required when dealing with a murder victim. She even voiced her concerns to me and has admitted to having second thoughts about working in the field.” Glancing at him, she shook her head. “Ringing any bells?”
Narrowing his eyes, he moved to the edge of the bed and sat. “I know exactly what I wrote. If you continue to read, you’ll see that I gave you a lot of props, especially considering you’re also dealing with what’s happened to Sean.”
“Aren’t you a prince? Thanks so much for the glowing report.” She slammed the laptop shut, then scooped up her notepad and pencil. “And for sharing something I admitted to you in private.”
He shot off the bed and blocked the door. “Where are you going?”
“To my room.” She needed time to think. Alone. Professionally, she’d trusted Owen. Personally, she’d been ready to dive head first into a full-blown relationship. But he’d betrayed both her professional and personal trust. That email would keep her chained to the desk and locked in CORE’s evidence and evaluation room. If Ian didn’t think she was capable of running an investigation and dealing with murder victims, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d give her a position in the field. Whether she wanted it or not.
“Rachel.” He gripped her shoulders. “Answer me honestly. Do you really want to be a field agent?”
“That’s not the point.” She shook his hands off and threw her arms in the air. “You of all people knew how much I wanted this.”
“And now that you’re doing it, you’re miserable.” He sighed and shook his head. “Honey, I know this week has been hard. There are days you act like a fish out of water. That’s one of the reasons why I bought all that stuff and turned Joy’s dining room into a mock evidence and evaluation room.”
She knew everything he said was true, but it still infuriated her that he would make himself part of a decision that didn’t concern him. People had been making decisions for her since she could remember. Her mother had decided Rachel should play the role of mommy to Sean in order to continue with her carefree, screwed up lifestyle. The Army had decided she’d been more suited to a desk job, and so had Ian. And while there was a very strong chance she’d choose working behind the scenes at CORE versus in the field, it should be her choice to make.
“Look,” he said, and reached for her, but she stepped away. He dropped his hands to his side. “You obviously saw Ian’s response.”
“Right. Keep an eye on her,” she quoted.
“Exactly. So no harm done.”
“No harm done? You’ve possibly jeopardized my career. And on top of that, it’s obvious I’m not the lead on this investigation, after all. Ian humored me by making you my babysitter. And you went along with it. Come on, Owen. After everything you said, after we…I told you something in confidence. When I was down and vulnerable, I trusted you. I trusted that I could talk to you about how I felt about seeing…” She glanced away when Bill’s lifeless, gruesome image emerged. “Your email, whether it’s true or not, takes away my opportunity to decide what’s best for me.”
“Being in CORE’s evidence and evaluation room is what’s best for you. That’s where you thrive. And I’ll be honest, that’s where I want you. Not out here where there’s a chance you could get hurt or worse.”
“Keep the little woman locked safe in a closet,” she said with an eye roll. “Doc Brown, time to refuel the Delorean and leave 1955 behind. I do have combat train
ing and can take care of myself.”
“I know you do, but when was the last time you used it? Basic training?”
“I’m not doing this. Please move. I need to look into the security company.”
“Not until we’ve finished discussing this.”
“There’s nothing more to discuss. You win, Ian wins…I don’t want to work in the field. Okay?”
“No, it’s not okay. I don’t want this coming between us. And for whatever it’s worth, although I don’t think you’re qualified to work in the field, I do know how important being here is to you and I want you to have the chance to finish what you started. Despite what you think, I’m not here to babysit you. I’m here to guide you.”
She’d known for days she wasn’t qualified to deal with certain parts of field work—like dead victims—but to hear Owen say it? That hurt. Bad. She’d tried hard to keep herself, her emotions in check. She’d failed miserably the day they’d found Bill’s dead body. While she’d held up throughout the day, she’d unleashed those tremulous emotions later. Cried for Bill, for his family, all while an overwhelming amount of guilt had plagued her. Owen had witnessed her breakdown. He’d held her, then later loved her body. And while he hadn’t put in his email to Ian anything about her emotional collapse, she’d read between the lines. She couldn’t hack it, and the only thing she could hack was a computer.
She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “We leave in forty minutes. Let me go to my room and look into the security company before we go.”
He kept the door blocked. “Are you going to let this come between us?”
She didn’t want it to, but in her heart she knew it would. She’d trusted him and he’d betrayed that trust by not being upfront with her…by not supporting her. He’d made love to her, made it clear he’d wanted a relationship, but how could they have anything—professionally or personally—between them without trust and reinforcement?
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