by Lexie Ray
I ripped myself away from him with a gasp, as if I’d been burned, and glared daggers at him. My first urge was to apologize, but that was the last thing I wanted to do. If I were the one who said sorry, then I would be admitting fault. What had I done? All I’d wanted to do was get up close and personal with the man who was threatening what my brother and I had.
Well, I guess I had gotten up close and personal. Just not in the way I had imagined or desired.
Except, some tiny part of me said that I had wanted it. The niggling thought made me want to scream. Okay, maybe, just maybe, I’d thought he was cute. But that was right when I saw him. As soon as I heard what he had to tell me about my skills as guardian to my brother, including his arrogance about our particular situation, whatever mild attraction I’d had for him vanished.
In fact, I hated him.
So why had I kissed him? And, more importantly, why had he kissed me back?
My brain searched frantically for the right thing to say after the absolutely worst thing I could’ve done. It probably would’ve been better if I’d just cocked my fist back and punched him in the face the moment he’d pissed me off.
“This meeting is over,” I finally managed, aware of just how long I’d been standing there, opening and closing my mouth like a fish flopping out of water. I was so out of my element. Even if I did like a guy, I had no idea how to approach the idea of seeing him, dating him, or being intimate with him. Sure, Marcus had given me a basic primer, but he’d also been paying for the privilege. I was up a creek without a paddle when it came to simple attraction.
Only I wasn’t attracted to him — I wasn’t. I couldn’t be. He was my brother’s teacher. Even worse, he was a threat to my family. Nothing could come between Luke and me. I wouldn’t let it.
“I think we should talk about what just happened,” Adam said, clearing his throat as if it pained him to speak. Yeah, right. He loved to hear himself talk. He was probably just embarrassed that he had kissed someone as lowly as me. He’d just finished insulting me, after all. How shocked he must have been when I launched myself at his mouth.
I couldn’t bear to stay in the same room as him for another second. Making a sharp turn on my heel, I made a beeline for the door.
“You can’t just walk away, Ms. Morgan,” Adam said, lunging forward and seizing my arm, stopping me dead in my tracks.
“Take your hands off me,” I hissed at him, scowling up at his stupid, handsome face. At least I got this reaction right. “Is this how you treat your students? You manhandle them to get your way? No wonder my brother is having trouble relating with you.”
He released my arm as if I’d scalded him, and most of me hoped against science that I had. I had to get out of here.
“We’re not done here, Ms. Morgan,” he persisted, sounding almost unsure of himself. Good. Maybe he found himself as flummoxed by me as I was by him.
“We are very done, Mr. Shapiro,” I said, flipping my hair and stalking out the door. My heels made satisfyingly sharp strikes on the floor beneath me as I made my escape.
“Faith, wait!”
Hearing my name on his lips was enough to make me stumble, but instead of stopping and turning around, I increased my pace to a trot that turned into a run the moment I fled the front doors. I didn’t care who was staring. I had to get out of there.
I drove away from campus with one hand tangled up in my hair, worrying the strands as I gnawed my bottom lip. What the hell had that been? What had driven us to kiss like that? It would’ve been one thing if it had been just an ugly little peck of a mistake. But we’d … we’d practically made out, right there in the classroom, the door open for all the world to see. What would happen if some student had seen us? What if it were Luke?
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I muttered, banging my hand on the wheel with each quiet outburst. What was wrong with me? It was my job to deal with men, and at the club, I always knew what to say or do. Had I forgotten myself completely in front of just another pretty face?
Even though I was due back at the apartment — I’d promised Luke that he was going to get a stern talking to once I’d finished meeting with his teacher — I couldn’t bear it. I’d screwed up massively and I wouldn’t be able to face my brother or my friends.
No, I needed a distraction in the worst way.
“Hey, Jennet,” I said, holding my cell phone in the crook of my neck as I pulled a U-turn at a stoplight.
“Hey, how’d the meeting go?” I could hear the sound of Nick strumming the guitar in the background. It made me happy when they were both together with Luke. He loved them so much.
“It went all right,” I lied. “But I’m going to have to run back to work. Would you mind chilling with Luke for the evening? I’ll make it worth your while.”
“Ooh, worth my while?” Jennet laughed. “What, exactly, are you proposing?”
“Cookies, and lots of them,” I said. The quickest way to my roommate’s heart was through her stomach, especially since she couldn’t cook a lick.
“You, madam, have secured your child care throughout the evening,” she said grandly.
“Hey!” I heard Luke pipe up in the background. “I’m not a child!”
Nick and Jennet laughed, and I wanted to, too, but I was just too upset with my brother right now. He was still a child, especially when he was acting like one, but even as frustration made my nostrils flare and my head throb, I knew I was being unfair. Yes, my brother was still a child, and yes, he deserved to act like one. His adoptive family had robbed him of so much, and I felt unfair putting extra pressure on him to fit in and be normal. He’d stabbed the man who’d been a father figure to him. There was probably nothing normal after that.
I should’ve been celebrating that Luke had made the strides forward that he had in such a short period of time. When he’d come to me after the incident, bloody and trembling and practically mute and numb with terror, I’d uprooted him from everything he knew in order to save him.
For the first time, I wondered if that had been the right decision. And that was only because Adam Shapiro had planted a seed of doubt in my mind.
“Faith? You still there?”
“Oh, I think the call must’ve cut out for a second,” I said quickly, lying yet again. It was getting to be second nature, at this point. “I was saying that I was probably going to be late, and to not wait up or anything.”
“No worries,” Jennet said, and I could visualize her doing a smart little salute into the air. I probably bossed her around too much.
“I put together some enchiladas,” I wheedled, trying to make everything up to her. I owed her everything, and I really couldn’t afford to strain our relationship. I wouldn’t know what to do without her. “They’re in the fridge. All they need is the oven.”
“You are going to spoil me rotten,” Jennet declared. “Good luck at work.”
“Thanks.”
“Want to talk to Luke? He’s right here.”
I hesitated for a few moments. “No, that’s all right. I’m just walking in the door to the club.” I was living a lie. It shouldn’t matter that I was spitting out all these little fibs, but they were making me wince at myself.
“All right. Have a good one.”
“Bye.”
I ended the call only to have the phone vibrate in my hand again. What had Jennet forgotten? Had Luke really wanted to talk to me?
“What’s up?”
“Ms. Morgan, this is Adam Shapiro.”
Shocked to my bones, I nearly ran a red light in my haste to end the call. There was no way I was going to have a phone conversation with that man about what happened. If it were up to me, I would just avoid ever talking to him or thinking about him again for the rest of my life. I was mortified, angry with myself, and wished I had a time machine to go back about an hour or so in my life.
No. If I had a time machine, I’d go back ten years to prevent Luke from being adopted by those people. Better yet, I’d go back
just a little bit further and stop my parents from going out the night they were killed in the wreck.
Yes, perfect. Excellent thinking. Science fiction was the answer to all the problems in my life.
My phone buzzed again and I recognized the number — Adam again.
“Nope,” I muttered, flinging the offending device down onto the seat next to me. Mr. Shapiro was just going to have to forget about that kiss — and the angry words we exchanged.
I pulled into a parking spot at the club with no small amount of relief and jogged inside. I was so ready to slip into my fantasy world, a place where I could control everything and everyone, a place where I never made mistakes. I’d always knew that the money I earned from my work would help me escape the problems that came with poverty, but I’d never really imagined that the job itself could provide an escape for me from other problems.
“Hey there,” Parker greeted me as I entered the club. “I wasn’t expecting you back here today.”
“I was able to get my roommate to watch my brother,” I said, eyeing the club floor, assessing the men that sat at the tables, ogling the dancer currently up on stage. There were so many bodies filling those chairs. So many possibilities to lose myself in.
“That’s fine by me,” my boss said, making a notation in her ever-present ledger. Parker was meticulous about record keeping at the club. “I didn’t expect it to be so busy this afternoon. We need the extra help.”
I was glad she didn’t press for details, thankful she didn’t ask any questions that she didn’t need to. Parker was a consummate professional, secure in the belief that she didn’t need to know everything that was going on in all of her employees’ lives. I’d opened up to her at the beginning, when I applied here, but only because she didn’t think I had what it took to be a dancer at her club. When she had all the pieces she needed to understand where I was coming from, she made her decision — one that had meant everything to my family.
“You know,” I said, cocking my head at her, “we never debriefed after I escorted your friend, Marcus.” Parker knew more about me than I would’ve preferred, and I realized that I knew virtually nothing about her.
“No need to,” she said briskly, snapping her ledger shut.
“Really?” I asked, surprised. “Why not? Aren’t you curious how it went?” I think I was even more surprised by the fact that Parker herself hadn’t brought it up before now. He was her old friend, after all, and she’d taken so much care in arranging the escort and personally introducing me to him.
“I think it’s safe to assume that all went well,” she said, leveling a look at me. “If it hadn’t, I would’ve heard about it.”
“So you haven’t heard from Marcus at all?” I asked, halfway disappointed. I would’ve at least hoped he’d been in contact with my boss to tell her I’d done well.
“No,” she said, the temperature in her voice dropping noticeably. I repressed an urge to shiver. Parker was very fair — generous, even — but I’d been wrong to try to get anything out of her about Marcus. He was evidently off limits. “You got want you wanted, didn’t you? Your brother going to St. Anthony’s?”
I tried not to wince. If only I were able to show a little more discretion around the club, like Parker. I kind of viewed everyone as a sort of extension of my family, however, and was pleased to share certain things about my life I was proud of — like Luke going to private school. I guess I just wanted at least the illusion of a community, to help myself not feel so alone in this place.
Even as I tried to justify my own failings, I felt immense guilt. Here I was, trying to find reasons for telling the truth about my life to people in my circle, and discouraging my brother from doing the same in his own life.
I thought again about what Adam had said — in fact, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was I the best person to raise Luke? I was trying my best, or at least I thought I was, but Luke’s actions and behaviors were still raising red flags with teachers. That meant I wasn’t doing things right. I wasn’t enough for him.
Did my brother need professional help, or counseling, as Adam had suggested? As much as I hated to admit it, my brother’s teacher was making a little more sense now that I had put some time and space between us. That still didn’t mean that I had to like him, though.
“Faith?”
I blinked and realized that I was standing like a fool in front of my boss. Parker was staring at me politely.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “You’ve been putting in a lot of hours lately. Are you sure you want to work this afternoon?”
“I definitely want to work,” I said, trying to pull myself together, trying to be as cool and composed as Parker. “And you said it — we do need help. There are too many customers here and not enough girls. Are you thinking about calling anyone else in?”
The corners of Parker’s mouth curled up. “How about you go get ready and let me worry about schedules, okay?”
“Fair enough,” I said, smiling back at her before hurrying off to the dressing room. There was money just waiting to be made here, and I needed the distraction from my thoughts. I wanted to lose myself to the music and the rhythm and the fantasy. I didn’t want to analyze my failings and Luke’s apparent downfall. My brother had stabbed a man. Of course he was torn up inside about it. He was too young to remember our real parents, or their deaths, but that event had left its mark on him all the same. Did he need counseling? Of course he needed counseling. But there were things that were too sensitive to discuss, things that would have repercussions that I couldn’t allow for Luke. I had to protect him, but I felt like I was backed into a corner. What was the best option?
I did a backward glance as I ducked into the dressing room and stopped. Sol was dancing on the stage, but instead of the pretty little smoldering pout we’d both practiced in front of mirrors, she was scowling fiercely. She looked like a warrior, like she was at battle with something that she wasn’t sure she could defeat. Even so, that look on her face told me that Sol wasn’t about to give up. Plus, it was turning on a lot of the customers. They were flocking up to the stage, waving handfuls of bills at her, trying to get her to give them just a little taste of that intensity.
Something was definitely going on with Sol, and I wasn’t altogether convinced that it was just man problems. Was it true that everyone you met was going through a problem much worse than you could imagine? I couldn’t imagine anyone with issues more serious than mine — a deteriorating brother who killed a man who’d raised him, and both of us orphans just holding on by a thread. When was that thread going to snap? I was sure Adam would have a good laugh at my expense when it did happen.
Not if. When.
Something needed to be done about my brother, but I wasn’t sure what. Preferring to focus on things that I could control, I got dressed in a flashy costume, did my hair and makeup as quickly as I could, and then gave Parker the thumbs up to get me in on the dancer rotation.
Just as I was making my way across the floor to the stage, something caught my eye. A flash of yellow as the front door opened — Adam!
I gasped and ducked into an alcove, desperate not to be seen. What was he doing here? Was he looking for me? That would be impossible — no one, least of all the private school my brother was attending, knew where I worked except for my boss, my coworkers, and Jennet. It was easier to keep it from Luke that way, easier to pretend that all the money I was making was a responsible, legitimate enterprise.
Guilt cut again through my panic. If Adam knew I worked here, he would only use it as leverage against me raising Luke. Almost everything I was doing here was perfectly legal in the state of Florida, but the stuff that happened during the escorting was subject to extreme judgment. The thought of Adam exacting judgment upon the choices I’d made to survive made me second guess myself, filled my head with doubts.
He couldn’t see me here. He couldn’t. I had to somehow make it back to the dressing room, just wait it out for a couple of hours
, tell Parker that I wasn’t feeling well or something.
“Faith? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
I jumped out of my skin as Sol poked her head into my hiding spot. If she found me so easily, I couldn’t stay here. I needed to make a quick move to somewhere safer, somewhere away from the prying eyes of our customers — and my brother’s teacher.
“Are you all right?” Sol asked, taking me by the shoulders. “You look like you’re hiding from someone. Why would you have to hide from anyone?”
I shook my head quickly and dared to use my friend as a human shield, my eyes darting around the club. I let out a long breath. The guy with the blond buzz cut was seated at the table, but it definitely wasn’t Adam. The customer was too muscular, too thick in the neck, and it looked like someone had recently vented frustrations on his face.
