6.) Never go to bed mad
7.) Always say I love you. Time is precious, don't ever waste the moment.
8.) Don't regret anything. Your past has made you who you are and you should be proud of any scars you show.
9.) Continue with your bucket list
10.) Last but not least, always be there for your friends. You are a strong man, Axel, and all of them look up to you in one way or another. Some may try and tell you that they are fine, that they don't need your help, but don't let them push you away, son. Always be the one they can depend on.
Okay, my sweet boy, this isn't goodbye. This is a simple note that ends with I LOVE YOU—so much—and I will be watching over all of you. Be good and have fun. Remember to smile and laugh. This is not a sad occasion. I am with Tony and we are rocking around to Snoop Dog up here in Heaven. Smile, baby, and know that I love you xoxoxox
P.S. Thank you for loving me and giving me the privilege of being your Ma
I slowly lower the letter and look up, with tears in my eyes, to see Axel smiling.
“You okay?”
He smiles at me and nods.
“Yeah, baby, I’m good. I needed to hear those words. I needed to know that she knew that I loved her. I know that she is in a better place and with Pa, so, I'm good.”
I fold the letter, place it back into the envelope, and hand it back to him. I wipe away the tear that has fallen and shake my head, because he is right: her words were perfect.
We sit in silence for a little while before we head down the ladder and into the house. Ellie was in everything around us. I see him walk past the walls and look at the pictures hanging and just brushing his hands over everything as he passed.
“Baby, I don't know what to do? I have no idea where to start.” I walk up behind him, wrap my arms around his waist, and look up into his dark saddened eyes. “We’ll start tomorrow. Today . . . today we’re going to grieve and we’re going to surround ourselves with family. Come on, grab your keys, we’re heading to the shop and then Kester's.”
The night is exactly what I needed. We went to the shop and then headed to Kester's, where all of the pricks, everyone but Camaron that is, toasted a drink to Ma. We talked about the times she would show up at the shop and try to talk ink. She would go on and on; it was great and all we would do is smile and agree. You always agreed with Ma, because she was always right. Allen and I played some pool and tried to talk shop. I look over and see Samantha sitting at the table, smiling up at Gabby, and it hits me this woman she loves me. I told her today that I am in love with her and she said she loves me back.
“Dude . . . it's your shot. What is that look all about?”
“What look?”
“That look like something big just happened.”
I grab my stick off the wall and walk around the table.
“I told Samantha that I am in love with her today.”
“Seriously? That is fucking awesome man. How did she take that?”
I line up my shot and raise my eyes to him. “She loves me too,” I say as I hit the cue ball and land the eight ball in the pocket.
Allen shakes his head because he hates to lose, especially at pool. I put the pool stick back and shake his hand.
“Well, man, I am happy for you.”
“Thanks, Allen”
“How do you think Camaron will take the news?”
We start to walk back to the table and I really think about his question. Will Camaron be pissed about this? I mean. He never cared for her. Hell, he fucking ruined her and he is lucky I didn't fucking kill him for it.
“Seriously . . . I don't give a fuck.”
All the girls and Paul turn and have a questionable look on their faces. I guess I was pretty loud in my response.
Samantha is the first to question me. “What don't you give a fuck about?”
I settle down into the chair next to her and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me.
“I was just saying that I don't care how Camaron reacts to the fact that I am in love with you.”
I grab her chin, bring her mouth to mine and claim it. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on and she is all mine. I am the luckiest bastard alive.
We pull back and I hear, “AWWW.” I turn and see the pricks and Gabby all cooing at us. Samantha lowers her head and starts to laugh while I hang them the finger.
“Whatever, pricks, this woman right here is in love with me, and she is all mine, so fuck off. Maybe you all can learn something. Ma always said don't waste a moment to tell the ones you care for that you care for them. Maybe you should take her advice as well.” I look up and see Paul and Allen are giving me a look that I can only smirk at.
“Axel is right. If you care for anyone, you should scream it from the rooftops,” Samantha chimes in.
The awkward silence lasts a few moments until Gina walks by and hands us all some shots. We all tip them up and enjoy the burn.
It's Thursday and Axel and I are packing up some of Ellie's things. We are donating her clothing to a local church and they will be here soon to get the boxes. I walk past the closet when it hits me.
“Hey Axel, you need to make sure to clean out the hall closet.”
He walks towards me from the kitchen with a box of cookbooks that Mrs. Williams, next door, had given to Ma. Axel thought that it would be nice to let her have them.
“Okay, baby, I’ll get to it.”
Shaking my head, I say, “No, babe, I promised Ellie that the first thing I would have you do, if something happened, is clean out the closet. Hand me the box, I’ll put it by the door. You start with the closet.”
I leave him and take the box to the front door. I set it aside and head back up to see if Axel needs any help, when I see him carrying a large box and he sets it down on the coffee table.
“That was the easiest project.”
I look up at him confused. “What do you mean?”
He smiles at me and points to the box.
“This was the only thing in there.”
“Really?” I walk over toward him and the box. On the top of the box, Ellie has written:
AXEL OPEN THIS.
“Seriously, babe, Ellie thought of everything and is walking you through each step.”
He leans down and kisses my lips and replies, “Yeah, sweetheart, she is. She truly was an amazing woman.”
He brushes his hand across the words and pulls the tape from the top of the box. He opens it up and there are a few different items. Axel reaches in and pulls out a large yellow envelope. Across the top of the envelope, Ellie has marked:
Axel—Here is the copy of the deed to the house. You need to meet with Mr. Jenkins, he is our lawyer. His card is inside. Call him as soon as possible.
“Wow, she seriously did take care of everything. She’s still telling me what to do,” he says with humor in his voice, but I can tell that everything is finalizing. He places the envelope on the table and takes out five white envelopes, each envelope is personalized to the pricks. One for Allen, Paul, Carrie, Jay, and Camaron.
“Babe, can you put these in the kitchen? I want to make sure that we give them their envelope tomorrow at the barbeque.”
Axel decided that, after the service, he is going to have everyone back here and we are going to do what Ellie loved most: a barbeque. I take the envelopes and put them in the kitchen so that Axel doesn't forget to give them to everyone.
I walk back in and the box is now empty and on the floor. Axel is sitting on the couch with tears in his eyes. I walk over, grab his hand, and see that he is looking at a wooden box. I don't say anything, I just sit and place my head on his shoulder and squeeze his hand. I hear him clear his throat and when I look up, he takes my face into his hands and gives me the sweetest, most gentlest kiss. I pull back and can't help but smile.
“You okay, Axel?”
He bites his lower lip and nods at me.
“Yeah, baby, I’m fine.”
&n
bsp; He reaches for the box and hands it to me.
“This is for you.”
I look into his eyes as he smirks.
I take the box and look at it—it’s gorgeous. It's definitely old and has a faded picture of the ocean on the front. I slowly and carefully open the top and a ballerina pops up. There is a small mirror on the back and I look and see there is a small knob. I twist it and the ballerina twirls to a nice, soft melody. I squeeze the box in my hands and close my eyes. I can't hold it in right now, I can't be strong, and I lower my head and cry.
I feel his arm around me, his chin on top of my head. The smell of his cologne and the feel of his touch eases my tears.
“Samantha, no tears, baby. Shhh, everything is going to be alright, remember.”
Picking up my head and wiping my eyes, I bite my lip and nod.
“Here.”
Axel hands me a piece of paper and I am so nervous to read it. I look down and once again start to cry.
To Samantha, the love of my son’s life,
This music box was given to me by my mother when I was 12. I know it’s not much but I always hoped that one day I would be able to give it to my daughter. Samantha, you are the love of my son's life and you, honey, are my daughter. So please, take this box and fill it with memories. Hopefully, one day, you too can pass it on to your daughter. Thank you so much, Sam, for loving my son and making him happy. Seeing Axel in love is one of the best memories I will take with me.
I love you, Sam. Remember you are a strong, beautiful woman. Don't ever doubt that. If you do, just look into his eyes because, baby girl, you are the perfect ingredient for my Axel.
Xoxoxo
Ellie
It's Saturday morning and we are getting ready to head to the graveyard. The service will start at 11, and Axel is having everyone back here for a barbeque afterward. Carrie and Gabby have been so helpful, they went with me to get the food and prep it for today. I hear Axel coming down the stairs and I can't help but stop in my tracks. He walks toward me, wearing a black suit with a crisp white shirt. I know I must look like a goof with my mouth hanging open. This man is truly the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. He stops in front of me and I see that he is also wearing a red tie. I run my hand down the tie and he smiles and winks.
“Ma liked red.”
“Well, you look amazing, Axel.”
He grabs my hand, twirls me, and brings me against his body. His right hand is holding mine and his left is firmly against my lower back. He starts to dance around the kitchen just like Ellie and Tony did. With one more twirl and then a dip, he brings my hands up to his mouth and kisses both.
“Thank you, Samantha, for being strong all this week. Thank you for everything, baby, I know that I would not be able to get through this without you.”
I kiss his lips one last time. “No problem, baby. It's you and me, okay? Always.” I turn and grab my clutch, Axel grabs his keys and my hand and we head to the service.
The service went beautifully. I made sure to have tissues, as the pastor spoke such beautiful words, and then opened the floor for anyone who wanted to share a memory of Ellie. To my surprise, the first person to the podium is Camaron. This is a shocker. Camaron is usually too nervous to speak in front of large groups and he is bad at dealing with loss; for him to walk to the podium, that alone, had me in tears. He stands there, looking out at the crowd and he sees me in the first row between Axel and Paul. He gives me a small nod and looks down at what I assume is a piece of paper, he clears his throat and begins.
“Good afternoon, everyone. For those of you who don't know me, I am Camaron Willis. I am a friend of Ellie's son, Axel; that is how I came to know her. What can I say about such an amazing woman? When I moved here, I was alone. I flew across country, started a business with Axel, and knew absolutely no one. The first night here, Ellie brought me a bag of groceries and at least seven containers of frozen food. She said that any friend of Axel's was family and she took care of family. She accepted me for who I am and never expected anything in return. She would constantly worry—not only about Axel, but about all of us at the shop. She would call, check in, and make sure that we were eating.”
I can see that he is starting to struggle, as he is now pulling at his collar. He looks up and he has a look of fear in his eyes. He again looks down and continues.
“Not only would she worry about our stomachs, she worried about us: about our lives and our hearts. I remember, not too long ago, I screwed up. Man, when I tell you I screwed up, I mean big time. I lost the woman that held my heart. I treated her badly and she left me. The days and nights started to look the same as I was surrounded by darkness. I had no light shining through and it seemed no matter what anyone said, I couldn't forgive myself for what I did. Then, one day, I hear a soft knock on my door; a door that had been closed to everyone who came to it. Of course, being stubborn, I didn't move from the couch. I just sat there. Then, I look up to see Ellie walking through what would have been my doorway. She had two men remove my door from the hinges. I remember sitting there looking at her like she was crazy. She was far from crazy, she was a concerned Ma making sure that I was okay. Well, I wish I could say we laughed, but, no, Ma, she lectured me and then we had coffee. She taught me a few lessons about being a friend and being a man of his word. She taught me that you don't let go of people who matter and you never let go of yourself. When you want things in this world, you fight for them. She told me that love will come and when it does, the rough waters and the battles will all be worth it, because love is worth fighting for. Ma truly was the wisest woman I have ever met and I am so glad that she loved me like I was one of her own.”
I grab a tissue and wipe my eyes, I see Camaron look right at me. We lock eyes and I smile even though the tears are streaming down my face, but his smile falls when he notices Axel’s hand on my knee. He shakes his head and walks back into the crowd. My stomach is now in knots because he never should have found out about me and Axel this way. I feel like crying, but now for an entirely different reason. I feel Axel stare and I turn to look at him. He studies my eyes, and then takes his hand from my knee, but I grab it and hold his hand. I may be feeling bad, but it’s not because I am in love with him, I just think that, as his friends, we should have talked to him, but really should it matter? No, it shouldn't. I squeeze his hand, rest my head on his shoulder, and continue to listen to the wonderful stories everyone is sharing.
I’m in the kitchen getting all of the food ready. With what we already prepared and the food that people have dropped off, we can feed a small country. Axel is outside starting the grill and talking to a few neighbors that just stopped to give their condolences. Gabby is gathering all the bowls I put on the counter and taking them outside. I hear the door close and I look up over the refrigerator door and see Camaron standing there with his arms crossed.
“Camaron, that was a beautiful speech.”
He has this blank stare on his face and he walks closer to me.
“We need to talk.”
“About?”
He shuts the refrigerator door, grabs my hand, and walks us to the living room. I gently pull my hand from his, and start to fiddle with the magazines on the coffee table.
“What's wrong, Camaron?”
He rubs his hand through his hair and brings his eyes up to mine.
“Did I lose you?”
I must have made a confused look as he continues on, “Did I lose you?”
“Camaron, I’m right here. We worked through everything and I’m standing right here. I’m one of your best friends, Cam, and I always will be. Nothing and no one will ever change that.”
I know he is analyzing each and every word I say.
“You didn't answer my question. Did I lose your heart, Sam? Did I lose you?”
I take a deep breath and before I can respond, he reads it all over my face and his face drops. He starts to pace back and forth and he is shaking his head.
“No! NO! You can't say t
hat. Don't tell me this, Sam. I’m sorry, baby, I really am. I am so sorry that I did what I did, but I’m different now. I need you, Sam, you are my anchor. Please, don't do this to me. Please.”
He stands in front of me, inches from each other. He takes his hand and tries to touch my face when I step back. The look on his face breaks my heart.
“Camaron, I am here for you. Seriously, you need to know I am always here as your best friend, but you don’t love me. You never loved me like that. You’re just confused.”
“No, Sam, I’m not confused. I know that you have had my heart since we were kids. You have always been there for me. I love you, Sam, I do. Please just tell me you love me. Tell me that I still have a chance to win your heart.”
He steps towards me again, but there is no place for me to move, as I am up against the wall and he has his arms against the wall trapping me in. He starts to lower his head when I hear it.
“Camaron, man, you are my friend, and because of that I am going to tell you this, rather than kick your ass. Get your ass away from my woman now.”
Camaron turns his head towards Axel who is standing in the archway from the kitchen. Camaron, being the prick he is, starts to chuckle. He lowers his arms and I make my way out of the way and walk over toward Axel.
“Seriously, Axel, your woman? What the fuck?”
“Yeah, Cam, my woman. I’m sorry, man, I should have told you.”
Camaron is now in Axel's face—nose to nose. I don't know what to do. I try to interfere but Axel grabs my hand and puts himself in front of me.
“What the fuck do you mean you should have told me, Axel? Told me what? That you are a fucking piece of shit friend. That you went after the one girl that has my heart. Is that what the fuck you should have told me?”
“No, Camaron, I should have told you that I fell in love with her. I should have kicked your ass back when you fucked her over, because I have been in love with this woman since the day I met her. I had to stand back and watch you, the one person she was loyal to, fuck her with every fucking choice you made. Like I said, I’m sorry but I can't help it, man, she is the fucking world to me and there’s no chance of me letting that go.”
Guided Love (Prick #1) Page 30
