‘Our plans are not yet fixed,’ she managed.
Mrs Etherington was not easily daunted, it seemed. ‘Where is your home?’ she asked, with a piercing look.
This was rather direct. ‘We normally reside in Brussels.’ Elizabeth regarded her evenly. Oh, I hope she does not ask me about my husband, or how long I have lived there.
Thankfully, Mrs Etherington was easily diverted. ‘Brussels? That is in France, is it not? Where that monster Napoleon hides? I declare I shudder at the very thought of Brussels!’
‘Oh, but it is not so bad.’ I do hope they will not seek to persuade us to stay here. Talk of Napoleon may prevent us from returning, and we must return. ‘That is, we have always lived there peacefully.’
‘I have heard,’ asserted Mrs Etherington, without a shred of doubt, ‘that these places are full of Disease.’
No, you haven’t. You just wish to be controversial. ‘Oh, no!’ Elizabeth said aloud, aware that she sounded rather pathetic, ‘No more than any other place.’
Harry stepped in to rescue her. ‘I have been to Brussels many times, Mrs Etherington,’ he said with a smile, ‘and I can assure you I have never had so much as a stomach ache!’
‘Fie, Captain Fanton!’ the lady retorted, ‘That means only that you have been blessed with a strong constitution, unlike my poor son Hubert! He was a most delicate child, you know.’
What should anyone say to this? Elizabeth herself had no idea. Really, Mrs Etherington is shockingly frank.
There was a brief silence. Miss Etherington, perhaps conscious of her mother’s unfortunate way of conversing, stirred herself, then spoke directly to Harry.
‘Captain Fanton, at Almack’s, I saw you conversing with General Hunter. He lives near us in Kent. Are you well acquainted with the general?’
CHAPTER FIVE
As Miss Etherington’s words fell into Elizabeth’s ears, there was an instant of empty disbelief, before their impact flooded through her.
General Hunter! Almack’s! She felt as though she were falling, spinning like a winged seed, spiralling slowly downwards.
Juliana was there that night. Might she have encountered the general?
Harry knows him.
The Etheringtons know him.
After twenty years abroad, she had become accustomed to a world where no-one knew her father, no-one had met him, no-one had even heard of him. While travelling to England had made her anxiously aware that she might not be able to hide from him, this was the first moment when theory had met reality.
Her father had been in Almack’s on the same night as Juliana and her friends.
Oh, Lord! It is all going to fall apart! Juliana will discover that her mother destroyed her reputation through an ill-advised elopement, and that she is the result of a union never blessed by a clergyman. My daughter’s reputation may be stained by my actions. Oh, why did I ever agree to come here?
Harry was making arrangements to take Miss Etherington driving. Their words washed over Elizabeth, who was focusing on controlling her face and her body as best she could. She could feel her hands trembling and grasped the book in her lap tightly to try to disguise the tremor.
To her great relief, the Etheringtons departed shortly afterwards. Her ordeal was not yet over, however. Juliana came to sit beside her, taking her hand. ‘Mama,’ she said anxiously. ‘What ails you?’
Seeing her dear face so close, Elizabeth had only one thought in her mind. ‘Oh, Juliana!’ The words tumbled out before she could stop them. ‘It is just as I feared! I knew how it would be if we came to England!’ She stared into Juliana’s eyes. ‘We must return to Brussels immediately!’
Dimly, she was aware that her reaction was dangerous and might draw more attention to her anxiety—not helpful when one was trying to keep secrets!
‘My dear Mrs Milford, why should you return to Brussels? Have we done something to upset you?’ Harry wore a concerned frown and seemed genuinely vexed.
Lord, now it is I who is behaving rudely! I must not seem ungrateful for the generous hospitality of this wonderful family. ‘Oh, no, dear Harry. Of course not!’ Her voice trembled a little. I must get out of here, before I break down and tell them the truth! ‘I cannot speak of it! Juliana, please take me to my room!’
Juliana agreed, and they walked slowly together upstairs. Elizabeth was shocked to find that even the simple act of walking was difficult, such tremors were racking through her body. She kept her lips firmly closed and focused on placing one foot in front of another, until they reached the safety of her bedchamber. She sank with relief into an armchair.
Juliana eyed her anxiously. ‘Mama,’ she said softly. ‘Please tell me what ails you.’
It was too much. Seeing her daughter’s beautiful face creased in concern served only to underline the impossibility of the situation. Juliana was entirely innocent, yet Elizabeth’s past actions threatened to destroy her reputation.
‘I can’t!’ The words erupted from her. ‘Oh, I can’t! I thought maybe, after all these years, I would be safe, but I shall never be safe! My wickedness will haunt me forever!’ Misery consumed her, as she considered the foolish actions of her youth and the twenty years of deception that had followed. Her tears flowed freely—tears of self-pity, remorse, and wickedness. She deserved no sympathy from Juliana or anyone else. This entire catastrophe was of her own making, and it was now increasingly clear that the day of reckoning would soon be upon her.
She refused all offers of tisanes, laudanum, and sympathy, and in the end, took to her bed. She cried until her soul was empty of emotion and a blessed numbness came over her. After two decades of standing strong for her daughter’s sake, the burdens of fear, guilt, and self-hatred had finally broken her.
In the days that followed, a fatalistic acceptance remained with Elizabeth. There was no point in running away to Brussels. Her father was inevitably going to find her, and the truth would come out. Some last, persisting trace of cowardice within her meant that she made excuses to avoid leaving the house, although she knew it would be ultimately pointless. The presence of visitors was a major talking point for everyone within the small circle of London society. Her only hope had been that Papa had become reclusive. Now that she was aware that her father was acquainted with both Harry and the Etheringtons, it was simply a matter of time.
Mrs Thornton and her son visited twice during the week, and Elizabeth could not help but notice that Mr Thornton sought out her company while Clara and his mother chatted. You would not do so, if you realised who I truly am. In any other circumstance, she would have been both flattered and excited, but the dream of finding love again had been put firmly behind her many years ago.
‘Am I boring you, Mrs Milford?’ he asked quizzically, bringing her back to the present.
‘Oh, no!’ She could feel her colour rising. ‘Not at all!’
‘I am glad to hear it!’ There was a decided gleam in his eye. ‘Anyone might think that a lady who sat staring dreamily into the distance was not listening. I am relieved to hear it is not the case.’
‘I apologise.’ Lord, what must he think of me? ‘That was unforgivably rude.’
‘Oh, I suspect,’ he returned dryly, ‘that I would forgive you a great deal. Now, should you like to walk with me one of these days—perhaps in the Green Park, since it is so close by?’
I should love it above all things! But she knew better than to agree to further the friendship, so she stammered an excuse about Clara needing her. It was met with a sceptical raised eyebrow.
‘Miss Langley is indeed fortunate to have you for a companion. Such loyalty! Perhaps there is a solution, however, such as choosing a day and time when my mother will be visiting her?’
This left her exposed. ‘I… um…’
His jaw hardened. ‘Mrs Milford, forgive me for being so direct, but is there something in my person or my manner that offends you?’
‘Oh, no! Quite the contrary! I think you are…’
He waited.
H
er shoulders slumped. ‘I should be delighted to walk with you in the Green Park, Mr Thornton. Thank you for inviting me.’
This seemed to anger him. ‘Such a noble sacrifice. And yet, I think you actually do wish to go with me.’ He frowned. ‘Mrs Milford, you are a mystery. A riddle. And one that I hope to decipher.’ He stopped abruptly, realising belatedly that his mother and Clara were watching this exchange with great interest.
Elizabeth flushed again and bowed her head.
‘My dear Clara,’ said Mrs Thornton with forced vivacity, turning towards her friend, ‘have you heard that the army is sending all available men to northern France, in the full expectation of war?’
Clara shook her head sorrowfully. ‘I am aware. Our own dear Harry will travel to France in the next few weeks.’
Mrs Thornton reached for her friend’s hand. ‘Oh, my dear!’
The visit ended shortly afterwards, and after they left, Clara sent her a quizzical glance. ‘Mrs Thornton says her son has never been so attentive to her needs as he has been recently. He makes himself available to her every time she plans to visit here and coincidentally seems to call on his mama each time we visit there.’
Elizabeth looked at her blankly.
Undaunted, Clara continued, ‘He is quite the prize, you know, as I mentioned before.’
‘Is he?’ Elizabeth hoped that her face showed polite disinterest. She knew exactly what Clara was doing.
Clara chuckled. ‘I declare he has never had a lady show such little interest in him!’ She patted Elizabeth’s hand. ‘You have intrigued him, it is clear. Brava!’
‘Oh, no!’ Elizabeth was dismayed. ‘But I would not trifle with a gentleman by feigning disinterest!’
‘I know, my dear Elizabeth. It is what it makes it particularly effective.’ Clara picked up her embroidery. ‘After your first encounter, he quizzed his mama on your situation and was particularly interested to hear that you are a widow.’
‘Oh, dear!’
Why must her situation be ever more complicated? For the first time since Jack’s death, she was interested in a man. Furthermore, he seemed to be interested in her. And this miracle had finally happened just as she was about to be exposed as a scandalous female who had lived with a man and borne his child without benefit of church—anathema to the high-sticklers in London society. When the truth came out, it would hurt Juliana, Papa, Clara, and all her family. She did not wish to hurt Mr Thornton as well.
CHAPTER SIX
Every morning, we open our eyes, innocently unaware of what the day will bring. Each new morning is a page unwritten, a song not yet sung. When Elizabeth awoke on that fateful Saturday, she had no idea that it would be the day when she would finally see her father again, after more than twenty years.
As fate would have it, on that particular day, the drawing-room in the Fanton townhouse was again busy with people. As well as Elizabeth and Clara, there was Juliana, Charlotte, Olivia, Harry, and Adam, and they had been joined on this occasion by the entire Etherington family. Mrs Etherington and her daughter had returned, this time with Mrs Etherington’s son Hubert and his wife Henrietta, who was Charlotte’s cousin. There seemed to be some tension between Henrietta and Miss Etherington, and Juliana did not seem enamoured of either of them. Both Henrietta and her husband were attired in unbecoming, lavish clothing, and Mr Etherington seemed to consider himself a leader of fashion. Elizabeth suppressed a shudder at his waist-coat, which he declared ‘all the crack.’ As they conversed, Elizabeth was content to remain quiet, as was her way, and allow others to lead the conversation.
They had agreed on a theatre trip and were discussing arrangements when the door opened, and the footman announced the arrival of a new visitor.
‘General Hunter!’ he declared.
Strangely, now that the moment was finally upon her, Elizabeth felt remarkably calm. Oh, her heart was pounding, and her mouth was dry, of course, but in a strange way, she almost welcomed the inevitability of it.
Harry rose to greet Papa and introduced him first to Adam and Charlotte, as was correct. Elizabeth took a moment to look at her father. How aged he seemed! His hair was silvered, his face lined and gaunt. He still carried himself in that same arrogant way, his height and imposing figure dwarfing even Harry and Adam. At the time she ran away, she had loved him and feared him in equal measure. She carried the responsibility for the hurt she had caused him by eloping with Jack. Whatever he does now, I deserve it.
Adam had taken over the introductions. ‘General, I am delighted to make your acquaintance. May I introduce our guests?’
General Hunter cast an eye over the room. His gaze paused briefly when he reached Juliana, then moved on. ‘Please do,’ he said evenly, ‘though I already know the Etheringtons—’ he bowed ‘—and Elizabeth.’
Elizabeth could feel the blood draining from her face. What should I say?
Before she had gotten her scattered wits together, Adam had replied, ‘Excellent. I shall not introduce Mrs Milford to you then. Are you acquainted with Miss Milford?’
The general’s eyes blazed into Juliana’s. ‘We have met,’ he said curtly, bowing his head towards her.
He has already met his grand-daughter! Elizabeth looked from one to the other. Juliana was bristling with indignation. Oh, dear!
Juliana dipped in the smallest of curtsies, then lifted her chin and eyed the general levelly.
‘This is my great-aunt, Miss Langley, and my sister, Olivia.’ Adam’s voice diverted the general’s attention to the others in the room.
The general bowed to the ladies. Charlotte then bade him sit and offered him tea, which he declined.
There was a tense silence in the drawing room, broken by, of all people, Mrs Etherington. ‘General Hunter,’ she began, ‘I declare we have not seen you for an age! What do you think about this new turnpike road they are building in Kent?’
‘The state of the roads is abominable,’ said the general curtly. ‘I do not mind paying a toll if it means my wheels do not get stuck every winter!’
Elizabeth sat absolutely still as they discussed the turnpike and the rioting that had accompanied its introduction. Perhaps no-one will notice you, and he will leave, and all will be well.
Her attention was drawn back into the room. Juliana had the bit between her teeth and, eyes flashing, was engaging in a debate with her grandfather about the costs of the toll.
‘The poorest villagers may not be able to afford even a small toll,’ she was saying. ‘There ought to be some sort of free passage for those living in the area.’
Oh, Lord! Even the thought of challenging Papa had been enough to make the younger Elizabeth quake in her kid boots.
‘And how, Miss Milford,’ said Papa, his tone dripping with condescension, ‘do you propose enforcing this? Any token would be abused and sold on.’
Juliana was undaunted. ‘For shame, General Hunter. As a great leader, you can surely see the obvious solution!’
‘Enlighten me.’ His tone was clipped. Despite herself, Elizabeth could only be proud of her daughter. Juliana, you are magnificent!
Juliana shrugged. ‘Leave it to the gatekeeper. Locals will always be known at the toll gate.’
The general laughed briefly, a sharp bark. ‘You speak your opinions without fear, Miss Milford.’
‘And why should I fear speaking my opinion?’ she retorted. ‘I have a heart, and a brain, and a stomach, and I have a taste for debate. Why should I remain silent?’
‘Others may disagree with you,’ he said. ‘Or they might think such strong opinions not suitable for so young a person. Particularly for a young lady.’
She tossed her head. ‘I like it when others disagree with me. I enjoy the battle and sometimes I learn new things that way.’
‘Your way of learning is most unusual,’ he muttered thoughtfully. ‘A spirited character through and through. I admit to being surprised, Elizabeth.’
Everyone looked at Elizabeth. Unprepared, all she could do was no
d mutely. See, Papa, my Juliana is wonderful!
But the general was not finished. ‘It has been some time since we were last in company together. Might I have a word with you in private?’ Papa was speaking directly to her.
She froze. I cannot do it! Even the thought of the interview that was ahead was enough to set her body trembling.
Juliana, ever protective, rushed to the rescue. ‘Mama, you are unwell! I shall take you to your room.’ She moved quickly to Elizabeth’s side.
Run! Every instinct was telling Elizabeth to escape, even as she despised her own cowardice. She squeezed Juliana’s hand gratefully.
‘General, I am sure you will excuse Mrs Milford,’ said Harry calmly. ‘She is clearly unwell.’
Papa frowned. ‘Very well, Elizabeth. But you cannot avoid me forever, now I have found you.’
Elizabeth did not respond. She was simply incapable of doing so. Somehow, she managed to stand and walk out of the room. Somehow, she managed to withstand Juliana’s concerned questions. For now. The feeling was no longer one of impending doom but almost a twisted relief that the doom was upon her. Juliana would soon discover the truth, and her life would change forever. Elizabeth knew herself to be a coward, but she consoled herself with the hope that at least her daughter could have a few more days of happiness with her friends.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘Mr Thornton sends his respects via his mama,’ said Clara with studied innocence.
‘Does he?’ Well, what else should I say?
Clara continued to read the note from her friend. ‘They intend to call on us tomorrow, and Mr Thornton requests that you accompany him on an excursion in the Green Park, as per his previous invitation.’ She glanced at Elizabeth, her eyes brimming with mischief. ‘I shall reply in the affirmative and shall be sure to say how much you are looking forward to the walk.’
‘Oh, pray do not!’ Although she could see that Clara was teasing her, Elizabeth could not help but protest. Her feelings towards Mr Thornton were so confused that she hardly knew what to think or how to behave with him. At times, she was steadfast and resolute—no friendship could be possible between them, so she should behave towards Mr Thornton as to any other acquaintance. On other occasions, her mind and heart were filled with foolish notions more suited to a green girl experiencing her first flirtation.
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