by L. Divine
“It’s better now,” I say, turning around to greet his bundle of joy. “Hi, Rahima.” I swear this little girl is the sweetest thing ever. “How was your holiday?”
“It was good, huh, little mama?” Rah answers for her. She smiles back at her daddy through the rearview mirror before initiating a game of hide-and-seek with me. “She’s still hyped from all the sweets my grandparents gave her. We had a great time until my mom showed up.” From the look on his face he doesn’t want to go into too much detail. His mom’s a trip and then some.
“No stripping on the holidays?”
“Nah, she’s working later tonight, I’m sure. But she had to make an appearance with her new nigga and you know how that goes. So that’s the car, huh,” he says, eyeing my little bucket in his rearview. I’m sure he’ll take a better look at it in the daylight, even if there’s not much to see.
“Yup, that’s it.”
“Looks like it’s overheating. You shouldn’t drive it too far until I take a good look under the hood.” How come Rah can look out for my well-being but my daddy can’t?
“Well, I need to roll it to work tomorrow. You don’t think it’ll be okay to get to Compton and back?”
“I can’t say. I just know what I smell, and it ain’t good. I can take you to work if need be, Jayd. I’d rather that than you rolling around and get stuck somewhere. What was your dad thinking about, man? I wouldn’t let Rahima ride around in that thing.”
“Now you’re just being cruel,” I say, playfully pushing his shoulder. I know he’s still irritated about Jeremy being over at Mama’s yesterday, but that was Rah’s bad, not mine.
“No, I’m just being truthful. But maybe your rich, white boyfriend will buy you something better.” I knew that was coming. I turn away from Rahima and focus on Rah’s chocolate skin. Maybe if he wasn’t so fine I’d be able to leave him alone.
“Don’t hate on Jeremy for being there when you couldn’t be.” I know he had to go get his daughter, but he had plans with me, and Sandy was just hating on his time. He needs to put her ass in check once and for all and we’d have a lot less drama between us.
“Is that how it’s going to be, Jayd? Every time I can’t make it somewhere you’re going to call that punk to be your substitute?” Damn, I wish I’d driven my car, even if it is a death trap. It’s better than being at his mercy for the rest of the evening.
“What the hell? I know you’re not talking about someone looking for a replacement,” I say, flicking the keychain picture of my crew at the Halloween Ball that hangs from my purse. I guess since Nellie isn’t technically our homegirl anymore I should remove it, but I’m still hopeful she’ll come around. There’s no replacing a real friend. Now how can I make Rah understand that?
“Whatever, Jayd. You know that was wrong. Why can’t you just admit it?” I look back at Rahima and ignore him for the time being. Part of me does feel bad, but I shouldn’t. I just don’t like seeing anyone I love hurt. But Rah brought this pain on himself. The rest of the short ride back to his house is quiet, except for Rahima’s giggling and two-word sentences. Maybe we can play for the rest of the night while Rah sulks.
When we get in the house I immediately go into the studio and take Rahima with me while Rah goes to his room. Kamal stayed at their grandparents’ house for the night so it’s just the three of us chilling tonight.
“You hungry?” I ask her as I unwrap my food. Now I’m starving and ready to tear Faye’s feast up. I take a forkful of macaroni and cheese and give it to Rahima. She smiles with delight and I know how she feels. I take the remote and turn on the flat-screen television.
“Soul Food’s on if you want to watch it,” Rah says, entering the room a little more relaxed. I guess he didn’t want to smoke around his daughter and for that I am glad. He also changed out of his jeans and dress shirt into some navy sweats and a black wife beater, ready to chill. I’m glad I’m already dressed comfortably.
“Yeah, that’s one of my favorite movies.” He looks at me cross, like he didn’t know that already.
“Rah, you home?” his mother yells through the front door. What’s she doing here? I know it’s technically her house, but she’s never home and it isn’t good when she is.
“Yeah, we’re back here,” he says, taking a seat on the futon next to us.
“Oh, isn’t this cozy,” she says sarcastically. Rah’s mother has never cared much for me and I can’t stand her ass. She reminds me way too much of both Sandy and Trish. That’s why I can’t understand how Rah could pick those broads to deal with.
“Mom, what is it?”
“I need a sack. Kevin wants to smoke.” What the hell? Please tell me his own mother isn’t a client. That’s just too trifling for me.
“Mom, not now. I’m busy.”
“What, playing house? Jayd sweetie, don’t get too comfortable. That baby ain’t yours and neither is my son,” she says with the venom of a rattlesnake on her tongue.
“Mom, not now.” Rah’s jaw tightens and so does his mother’s. They look a lot alike in the face, but Rah has his father’s large build.
“Come on, Rah. He’s in the car waiting and we want to smoke before I go on stage. Hook me up.” Rah reluctantly gets up and goes back to his room, leaving me alone with this broad. We stare at each other and keep our silence, or so I think.
“Rahima, you thirsty, mommy?” I say, picking her up and putting her in my lap to take a sip from the water bottle sitting on the table.
“Don’t get too attached, Jayd. I’m warning you,” she says, taking a sip out of the plastic cup in her hand. I can smell the hard liquor from here. “Consider it my gift to you.” I look up at her and something tells me to listen to her warning, even if it is coming from a hateful place. Her voice gives me goose bumps. Rahima takes the water bottle from my hands and downs the drink. She then looks up at me and smiles big, ready for more food, and I’m happy to indulge the little princess.
“I’d think you’d be happy I’m nice to your granddaughter,” I say, but I should know better than to give his mother any credit. She barely watches after her own children. She’s probably never spent a day with her grandbaby. Mama would have a fit if she couldn’t see me on a regular basis, and as she would put it, babies are a blessing not a burden.
“You can be nice to her all you want,” Carla says, tugging at her too-tight and too-short mini skirt. Her halter top hardly covers her flat breasts but even I admit the rest of her body is fierce. I guess working at a strip club all week keeps her in shape. “Just remember what I said.”
“Why do you care?” I don’t mean to be rude but she’s never had too much to say to me before now. I continue to focus on Rahima, who’s now rubbing her tired eyes and chewing simultaneously. She’ll be knocked out soon with a full tummy. What a life this little girl has.
“I don’t, not really. But you know Sandy’s just teasing my son with that little girl. I know the game, sweetie. And if you think you, Rah, and that baby are going to be one big happy family you’re more delusional than I thought you were.” Carla takes another sip from her cup and looks over her shoulder. What’s taking Rah so long? He knows this woman works my nerves.
“Who said anything like that?” Rahima takes the plastic fork from me and starts feeding herself as well as she can with her tiny hands. I guess I’m not moving fast enough for her. “She’s a sweet little girl and I happen to like kids.”
“Tell me you don’t have dreams about that little baby being yours.” After a moment of silence, I look up at Carla, who hasn’t stopped staring at me for a moment. I guess she’s waiting for an answer and I’m not in the mood for her at all.
“For your information, I’m still a virgin, so it’s not even possible for me and Rah to have a baby.” Maybe that’ll shut her up.
“You think you’re slick, trying to be all sweet and shit. Bitches always win, honey. Always.” So much for wishful thinking. I now see she’ll never shut up about this.
“I�
�m not trying to be or do anything but feed the baby so she can get a good night’s sleep. Isn’t this actually more your job than mine?”
“Yeah, so you should ask yourself why you’re volunteering to do it when I’m not.” She got me there. Even my mom warned me about getting too close to Rahima. “Would you be here if that little baby wasn’t?” That sounded too familiar, but not from my own memories. I’ll have to remember to ask Mama about that one tomorrow when I see her at Netta’s shop.
“Here. Bye,” Rah says, throwing the small plastic bag at his now happy mother, and not a moment too soon. She can really work a nerve.
“Bye,” she says, and walks out as quickly as she walked in and I’m glad she’s finally gone. At least now we can relax and enjoy the movie before falling asleep, because she just drained us all. But I am happy to be here. And whether or not Rahima’s the bigger reason is of no consequence to me. I like her and her daddy and I don’t see anything wrong with that. This is the most joy I’ve felt all day and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
5
Sweet Tooth
“Who got they own flow/
Who ain’t looking for/
Who sugar no more.”
—CHRISSETTE MICHELE
“I love you, Jayd. Why can’t you see that?” Jeremy asks, holding on to me as I stand suspended in midair. I should be falling into the abyss below, but I’m not. Instead, I’m secure in Jeremy’s hands yet I still have the impulse to run.
“Jeremy, I can’t stay. You’re in danger.” Before I can finish my thought, Rah appears out of nowhere wearing the same suit my great-grandfather wore in my daydream with Mama. What the hell?
“Back up, fool. Jayd’s my girl,” Rah says, snatching my free hand and pulling me toward him. I feel like I’m in a tug of war. “We belong together. Tell this punk to step off, Jayd, before someone gets hurt.” Jeremy, unmoved by Rah’s threats, holds my other hand tighter and pulls me hard in his direction.
“You’re hurting me,” I say to both of them. “For real, let me go.” Neither of them honors my request and I stay in the middle, being pulled back and forth between the two of them. My arms feel like they’re going to snap out of their sockets. I can hear a baby crying in the background, momentarily distracting me from my uncomfortable situation. It sounds like Rahima. I turn around looking for her, but I can’t see where the sound is coming from.
“Jayd, hold on to the rope,” my mom says, appearing in my dream. “Whatever you do, don’t let go. You are all you can depend on to stay up.” Just then, both boys let me go and I begin to fall.
“Jayd, hold on,” my mom shouts, but I can’t see a thing. I’m falling and gaining speed the farther I drop. I don’t see a rope anywhere, but I’m not scared. On the way down I notice I have Rahima wrapped on my back like our ancestors carried their babies. I look back at her and she’s now sound asleep. She trusts me to keep her safe and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
“Give me my baby,” Sandy shouts from the bottom of the pit. Finally the rope appears above my head but now I’m falling so fast that I can’t catch it. Sandy’s at the bottom with a huge catcher’s mitt on her right hand and she’s socking it like a professional baseball player.
“I got this one,” Sandy says. I look around the bottom of the pit and see it’s in the shape of a diamond, like a baseball field. What kind of game is this, where I’m the ball? I see Laura, Misty, Nellie, and Tania in the outfield, also with mitts on, but it’s Sandy who’s going to get me caught up. I can’t stop myself from falling right into her arms.
“No!” I yell. I reach harder for the rope and barely touch it with the tip of my fingers. With Rahima on my back I have to work hard to do something that normally would have been easy.
“If you let Rahima go you’ll get farther and then you can go back for her, Jayd.” My mom’s right but I can’t let her go. I struggle to reach for the rope but it’s no use. I’m now falling through clouds and soon I’ll be within Sandy’s reach.
“Jayd,” Rah calls out to me from the top of the abyss. I can see now that he’s the one who threw me the rope. Jeremy looks over Rah’s shoulder but they’re both completely helpless. I look back at Rahima, who’s now wide awake and looking down at her mother. She starts to cry and I try to comfort her by patting her back, but it’s no use. We look at each other and realize there’s nothing I can do to save her.
Before I land in Sandy’s hands, she steps aside and lets me crash. The moment my stomach hits the ground the change in my pockets falls out and the other girls swoop in to scoop it up. I’m paralyzed from the waist down, but luckily Rahima’s fine. Sandy smiles as she steps over me, staring down at my crippled body. She snatches Rahima from my back and disappears.
“Jayd, I trusted you,” Rah yells down at me. As I glance up I can see the disappointment written all over Rah’s face and even worse, Jeremy has the same look.
“Stuntin’ is a habit, put it in da air.” David Banner’s ringtone wakes me up from my nightmarish dream just in time. I never want to think about losing Rahima again. I pick up the phone and flip it open without looking at the Caller ID.
“Hello.”
“Good morning, Jayd. How was your Christmas?” What time is it? If Jeremy’s calling me I know it must be late. I look around Rah’s den and notice that he and Rahima are nowhere to be found. I hope her daddy’s got her because to let my dream tell it, I certainly don’t.
“It was cool,” I say, groggily coming to consciousness. I’m not sure what time it is but it feels late to me. I want to get at least five hours of work in at the shop today, so I’d better get a move on. “I got a car,” I say, unenthusiastically revealing the most important gift of all, or so I think. Just then I notice a small, wrapped box on the coffee table with the words “Happy Kwanza” written across the thin paper. I sit up and reach for the gift like I reached for the rope in my dream. Sometimes I wish I could forget my dreams once I wake up, but no chance of that happening anytime soon: one of the many blessings of being born with a caul over my face.
“A car? Well I guess you did have a merry Christmas after all.” Jeremy’s first car was a classic Mustang that’s been in his family for generations and his next one is likely to be a brand new BMW. I would be excited too if that were the case, but not for me.
“Not really, but like I said, it was cool. What’s up with you?” I stand up and stretch my right arm above my head, ready to get on with this day. There’s money to be made and I’m letting it slip from my hands the longer I sit and chill.
“Well, my parents are going skiing for a couple of days and I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over tonight for pizza and a movie. Nothing fancy, and I’ll be good, I promise.”
“Promises, promises,” I say. I hear the front door open and know it’s time to go. Rah will know instantly by my body language that it’s Jeremy on the phone and I’m not in the mood to argue, especially not with an unclaimed gift on the table.
“Is that an affirmative answer, Miss Jackson?” Jeremy asks, making me smile early in my day. And after my disturbing dream I need some comic relief.
“Sure, why not,” I say, kicking the fleece socks off my feet and under my bag on the floor. It should be a good moneymaking day with all of the sisters needing repair to their holiday hairdos. Between now and the six days until New Year’s I should make some pretty decent cash. That’s all the motivation I need to get up and out.
“Well, don’t sound so enthusiastic about it,” he says, a bit insulted by my response.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I had a long day and my car is busted and I just got it. So, I’ll still need a ride tonight.”
“Not a problem, Lady J. I’m always happy to be your escort.” Jeremy’s so sweet, sometimes I feel bad for not wanting to be his girlfriend again. Rah walks into the studio with Rahima in one arm and her sippy cup in his free hand. He looks at me and I know I have to go. I don’t want to start our morning off o
n the wrong foot.
“I’ll hit you later,” I say, rushing off the phone.
“Alright. Don’t work too hard,” Jeremy says before hanging up. Damn, that was close.
“Good morning,” Rah says, kissing me on the cheek. I open my arms to take Rahima, who’d rather walk around this morning from the way she just jumped out of her daddy’s arms and hit the ground running.
“Oh, so it’s like that,” I say to her. She smiles big and runs up to me, hugging me tightly before running off in the other direction toward her toy blocks across the room. Rah looks at his daughter and smiles.
“You see that? She’s already got skills. Wait until I get her out on the court. She’s going to ball all over those fools,” he says, balling up a piece of paper and tossing it up in the air like a basketball for Rahima to catch the rebound, which she does.
“Wow, I see skills are hereditary.” As if I don’t know about inheriting gifts. We look at each other and smile at Rahima’s excitement from catching the paper ball. I wish everything in life were so easy. I’m still disturbed from the dream I just awoke from but I’m not ready to talk about it yet, especially not with Rah.
“Did you see your Kwanza gift?” Rah passes me the small box I noticed a few minutes ago.
“I didn’t know it was for me.” I take the box from him and open it to find a brand new cell phone inside. “How did you know I needed this?”
“I didn’t really. I just figured it’s time for you to get an upgrade.” This is why Rah’s my boy for life. He can always anticipate what I need right when I need it.
“Oh Rah, I love it. Thank you,” I say, hugging him tightly before taking my gift out of the box. This is better than my car.
“You’re welcome,” he says, picking up Rahima and walking back into the kitchen. It’s a pink Razor, just what I wanted. I follow them out of the studio and take a picture of them both to save on my phone. Rah walks over, looks at the photo and smiles.
