by L. Divine
“Mama, I’m done dealing with Rah. Do you know he’s been courting me like he wants to really make our relationship work, only to find out he’s been using me to make his custody case against Sandy stronger?” I cry into my cell.
“Well, Jayd, I know he only has the best of intentions, even if he went about it the wrong way.”
“Are you defending him?”
“No, I’m defending y’all. You two have been real friends for a long time, Jayd. Just like you, Rah’s still growing up and trying to figure his way through life, and how to resolve this situation he’s created with Sandy. I’m not saying his behavior’s excusable, but I will say that he’s done more right than wrong, and you need to see it from his perspective. He’s already lost his father to prison and his mama to the strip clubs. Now he’s in jeopardy of losing his daughter, again. Rah’s scared, Jayd, and he needs his best friend there to help him.”
“Mama, it’s not that simple,” I say, parking in front of my mom’s apartment building and turning my loud car off.
“Isn’t it? When you do stupid stuff I forgive you and so does everyone else who truly loves you. All you talk about is whether or not he loves you. What about you loving him?”
“I do love him and I show him every day I’m talking to him. After he slept with Sandy behind my back and got her pregnant, I never thought I’d get over that. But I did, and we’re friends again.” I walk up the stairs to my mom’s apartment and open the door, ready to chill for the rest of the evening. I have to be up early to get to Netta’s.
“Yes, but you haven’t forgiven him. And until you do that, you can never truly help him. It’s like the conscious part of you knows what it wants to do but the emotional side is winning. To get through the unknown you have to let go of your emotions and trust in your path. You’re in Rah’s life for a reason, and vice versa. Focus on the end result, not on how y’all got to this point.”
“Whenever I think we’re getting closer something happens that challenges us. Why does it always have to hurt?”
“When you feel bad it’s because it’s getting good, which makes it even worse. It’s karma in the making, Jayd, so be careful with your next move.”
Mama’s right. I need to consider my next step. And I’m going to stay to myself all weekend until I figure it out.
10
I Get Around
“It’s a lot of real G’s doing time/
Cause a groupie bit the truth and told a lie.”
—TUPAC
I spent the entire weekend hustling, studying, and stacking my paper up. I even found a branch of my new bank not far from my mom’s house and made another deposit. It’s the first day of the last week of this semester and it can’t end soon enough for me. I’m looking forward to the change.
My car made it to school this morning, but it wasn’t going to make it home this afternoon. Luckily Mickey offered her brother’s tools for Rah and Nigel to use to try to fix my problem, so we drove to her house. This gives me and Mickey time to catch up on our weekends, while Rah and Nigel work on my ride.
“That fool really has his nerve,” Mickey says, chewing on her Chick-O-Stick like she didn’t just finish three of them back to back. I finally have a chance to vent to her about Rah soliciting me as his instant girlfriend. “But you know you should do it, right?”
“That’s not the point. He’s been playing me like Boo Boo the fool and I’ve been falling for it, when all he wanted was for me to fill a vacancy. What the hell?”
“Well, he could’ve asked Trish to do it.”
“Trish’s brother is his supplier. He’s already in enough debt with them and it’s not a good look.”
“So he wasn’t trying to pimp you, really. You seem like his only option.”
“I never looked at it like that.” If I didn’t know better, I’d say Mickey’s becoming more insightful with this pregnancy. I hope it doesn’t disappear once the baby’s born.
“You know who you and Rah remind me of? Kim and Reggie,” Mickey says, eating my entire pack of Tic Tacs at once. This girl will eat just about anything these days.
“Who the hell are Kim and Reggie?” I watch the boys working on my car and miss my uncles and Daddy doing the same back in the day. When I was younger they were always outside working on someone’s car around the neighborhood. That’s all said and done now. Drugs can do that to a family.
“Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush,” Mickey says, like it was the natural assumption to make.
“Whatever, Mickey. You know I never watch that show.” I get my dose of reality with Life in the Fab Lane and Run’s House but that’s where the reality boat ends for me.
“I’m serious. They’re always around each other and the family hates on her because of it. They’re just haters, you feel me? And your booty’s getting big like hers, and you know Rah’s loving that,” Mickey says, watching both of our dudes take off their T-shirts and wipe the sweat from their foreheads. Rah’s gray wife beater’s hugging up against his chest, making the heat in my body rise to my cheeks. I may still be mad at him, but damn, he’s fine. Nigel’s white tank looks pretty good up against his chocolate skin too, but his powers only work on Mickey and Nellie.
“I know you’re not talking about anyone’s behind, Missy Elliot,” I say, pushing Mickey’s shoulder with mine. It’s a nice evening to sit outside. The families on her block are watering their lawns and walking their mutts, much like they’re doing on my block right now. It feels strange not being at home at this time of evening. Having a car does change things.
“Yeah, but it’s different with me. I’m expecting. My ass is bound to spread a little. But my boo keeps me draped in clothes and will for the entire pregnancy. I can’t wait until we’re married and we buy our first house. My closet’s going to be the size of another room.” This girl is still dreaming, I see. She and Nigel spent the weekend making up after their bitter fight last Friday.
“If Nigel’s parents have anything to say about it, you and Nigel are going to end up without a family, Juno,” I say.
“What are you saying? That me and Nigel are going to give away our baby? That’ll never happen. Ever,” she says adamantly. Being married with children is Mickey’s biggest want in the whole world and I know she’s not giving in to that frame of mind.
“Why are y’all looking so serious over there?” Rah asks, coming up for air from underneath the hood of my ride.
“Because it’s serious shit, man. I need some food. How much longer are y’all going to be under there?” Mickey asks.
“As long as it takes,” Rah says, smiling at me. It was very sweet of him to come to Compton after school and help out Nigel with my car, especially since we’re technically not talking. Mickey’s brothers are good, but they take forever to get the simplest thing done. They have no respect for time, which is why they’re always doing time, in my opinion.
“You got some chocolate or something in that bag of yours?” Mickey asks, snatching my purse and rummaging through it. Mostly I have receipts, scrunchies and loose change floating through my bag, which she’s finding out now.
“Why, you want some chocolate?”
“Yes, I do,” she says, continuing her search.
“Well, I don’t have any.” She looks up at me, disappointed and frustrated.
“Why didn’t you just say that instead of allowing me to dig through all of this shit?”
“Because you didn’t ask until you were already violating my stuff.” I snatch my multicolored hobo back and look at Mickey like she’s lost her damn mind.
“Come on, baby. I’ll take you to get something to eat. Rah’s got this part anyway,” Nigel says, tossing his towel on the ground next to one of the toolboxes. He grabs his shirt off the top of my car and heads over to where we’re sitting to help Mickey up. She’s milking this pregnancy for all it’s worth and I don’t blame her because Nigel’s loving it, too.
“Yeah, we’re going to have to come back another day and finish
, Jayd. We need some extra parts and the sun’s setting, taking our light with it.” Mickey’s garage isn’t a full-service auto shop so there’s no outside light to help them see what they’re doing.
“Damn, that means I’m going to have to leave my car here.” And that also puts me back on the bus until my ride is ready. Ain’t this some bull?
“Come on, babe, it could be worse,” Rah says, rising from the ground and wiping his face with a towel before tossing it down next to Nigel’s. “At least you have a car to leave somewhere.”
“Yeah, but the point is that because I have a car I should be able to get around good. Now I’m pretty much back where I started,” I say, rising from my seat on the top porch step, ready to head in for the night. I have mad homework to get through and I have to work at Netta’s tomorrow, which means I need to be prepared should I have a quiz.
“Not really. You have a license to drive any car, not just your own. Look at the big picture,” Rah says, trying to cheer me up, but I’m still hurt that he tried to use me. I haven’t decided if I’m going to stand up with him at his hearing or not, but if I do it won’t be because of my love for him but rather because of my love for Rahima. “Come on. Let’s get out of here before the devil shows up,” he says, referring to Mickey’s man. I’m surprised Mickey left school with Nigel. They’re getting really bold to be sneaking around.
I’m glad today was a short day but I hate that I’m back on the bus. I need to call my daddy before I get all the way to Netta’s shop. The last thing I want is to hear their teeth sucking when they find out I’m talking to my daddy about the trifling car he bought me. I’ve spent most of my money from doing hair and working at Netta’s on my car, and it’s going to cost even more to get the parts for Rah and Nigel to finish it. Mickey’s brother says he knows someone who can get them for half price, but I don’t want to go that route. Who knows what stolen car he gets his parts from.
After exiting the bus, I reach into my purse and pull out my slender cell to see another text from Rah, singing his apologies. I’m going to call him Usher from now on, as much as he’s trying to confess his wrongdoings to me and our friends. Nigel and Mickey have even gotten involved in the text fest and I’m tired of it. None of them pay my bills and free text messages aren’t included in my calling plan.
Rather than return Rah’s umpteenth text today, I scroll down to my dad’s number and press send. After letting it ring several times, he finally picks up. He’s dodged my last two calls and I didn’t leave a message because I can tell when he’s avoiding me. I’ve already told him my car is trippin’ so he knows what’s up.
“Hey, girl,” he says, sounding like he was asleep. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was. He’s the manager at the Infiniti car lot he works at, so he basically makes his own hours, leaving his afternoons free to lounge if he so chooses.
“Hey, Daddy. What’s up with you?” I ask, trying to make small talk before I go in for the kill.
“Nothing much. Why don’t you leave messages when you call so I can know what the call was about?”
“I’m your daughter. Just the fact that I called should be enough for you to call back, no?”
“No, it isn’t. So I assume this is about your car,” he says, stressing the fact that it’s my car now, outright. I made the mistake of telling him that Rah and I changed the registration over from his name to my name and I ordered my personalized plates. By the time they get here I don’t know if I’ll have a car to put them on, but I’ll still have them as proof that I had my own wheels. I’m only a block away from Netta’s shop and I need to wrap this conversation up before I get to work.
“Yes, it is. The last time we talked you said you’d help me get it fixed. I’ve already spent three hundred dollars on the thing and I need your share.” After a few moments of silence, he takes a deep breath before responding.
“Jayd, it’s enough that I bought the thing and paid for your first month of insurance, not to mention the driving lessons and the full tank of gas I sent you back to your Mama’s house with. Do you know how much gas costs these days?” The tears in my eyes begin to swell. I can tell where this conversation’s going.
“Daddy, it’s never worked. How are you going to give me a broken gift that I have to get fixed?”
“Having a car is a responsibility, Jayd. And if you’re not ready for that responsibility you can take the bus like you’ve been doing. Besides, where do you really need to go? Your job is walking distance from your grandmother’s house and your little boyfriends can take you everywhere else you need to go.” Who does he think he’s talking to, Nellie?
“Daddy, you can’t be serious. You’d rather me get rides from dudes than provide me with safe transportation?”
“You’re just like your mother, you know that? Always twisting up my words and taking things out of context. Ungrateful kids these days, boy I tell you,” he says to no one in particular. “Ask your grandmother for the money. Everyone knows she’s sitting on a fortune.” How does he know about Mama’s money? I stop short of the shop to finish my conversation and collect myself. I don’t want Mama to see me crying over this mess. She warned me, as well as my mom and Netta, but I didn’t listen. And now I’m paying the price and stuck with the aftermath.
“Mama’s not sitting on anything and besides, it’s not her responsibility to provide me with transportation. I have parents.”
“I give your mother enough money monthly for your bus pass. The car and the lessons were extra, Jayd, and until you get that, I’m done with the matter. Enjoy the rest of your day,” he says before leaving me hanging. Damn, he’s cold.
“What’s up, baby girl? Can a brotha holla?” Mickey’s man says through his cracked-open, tinted window. I didn’t even hear the Monte Carlo pull up next to me. My dad’s got me all off. “I thought Mickey’s brothers were fixing your car. Need a ride?”
“Oh hell, no. I got it,” I say, resuming my walk to Netta’s shop. I’m in the side parking lot connecting Netta’s Never Nappy Beauty Salon to the gas station, and Mickey’s man is right beside me.
“You ain’t got to say it like that,” he says, pulling his car in front of me and blocking my strut. What does he want now?
“Can I help you with something?” I ask, putting my hands on my hips, ready to tell his ass off. I just need to give him one good cuss-out and maybe he’ll leave me alone.
“Yes, you can. I told you I wanted your psychic ass to tell me if my baby’s having my baby or some other nigga’s. If so, you know I have to handle that, and I just want to be sure I pop the right fool for messing with what’s mine.” He licks his lips and gives me a look that sends shivers down my spine. The other two cars in the gas station ignore the scene because it’s nothing unusual. I want to scream murder even though it hasn’t happened yet. Just the mention of him shooting a gun brings my dream of him shooting at Nigel back to my mind, front and center.
“I’m not psychic. And if I were I wouldn’t tell you shit,” I say. I try to walk around the car but he reaches through his now fully opened window, grabbing the string on my backpack and pulling me to him. Oh no, this fool didn’t. I slap his arms and he enjoys playing with me.
“Temper, temper,” he says, pulling me around to face him. “But that’s okay. I like my girls with a little spice in them.” He smiles at me as I struggle to get free from his grip. He grabs my left arm with his free arm, pulling me down to his level, and holds me close to the door like he’s going to kiss me. It’s times like these I wish I were taller so I could knee him in the nose and run for it.
“Let me go, punk. My family’s right through that door and if I scream you’re going back to jail for a long ass time.”
“You think I’m scared of you, little girl? I’ve been around this block a long time and ain’t nobody ever kept me from what I want until your little high-and-mighty ass came around introducing Mickey to other men. I say you owe me. What you think?” His beer-ridden breath is hot against my neck as he pul
ls me in closer. How did I get in this weak position?
“I’m only going to ask you one more time,” I say, gearing my nails up to scratch the shit out of him until he lets me go. I don’t want to antagonize him any more than he already is, but I’ll be damned if he’s going to get the best of me, especially in broad daylight.
“You tell your boy Nigel that his days are numbered, you hear me? And we’ll continue our conversation about how you can make all of this up to me another time, preferably in private while you’re braiding my hair, as well as other activities I’ve got planned for us.” He pushes me away from his car and speeds off. Mickey’s messing around has landed us all in hot water and her man’s the fire up under all our asses. She needs to come correct with him and stop sneaking around before we all end up dead.
“Jayd, what took you so long, girl? And where’s your car?” Netta asks, lining up all of Mama’s hair tools at her station. Mama must be in the back. I’m glad too, because I can’t look her in the eye right now. She’ll see everything written all over my face. I need a moment to straighten myself out before facing her.
“It’s at Mickey’s house. Rah and Nigel are going to finish it as soon as I can get the money for the parts. Until then, I’m back to busing it. I’m surprised Mama didn’t tell you,” I say, closing the front door and walking to the locker with my name on it. I can hear Mama in the back washing her hands.
“No, she hadn’t gotten around to it yet. She was running late this afternoon. Something about the bank,” Netta says. Mama has endless errands, among other things that she does all day long, which are unknown to me.
“There’s my girl,” Mama says, walking out of the bathroom and giving me a hug. She feels so warm and smells so sweet, her embrace makes me instantly feel better. What would I do without my grandmother’s love? I don’t know, and I never want to find out. “How was your day, baby?”
