‘I know the one,’ I said.
‘He told me he loved me.’
I shook my head and shrugged. It wasn’t something I didn’t already know.
‘And then he…kissed me,’ she whispered.
My jaw clenched tight, my muscles bunched in my shoulders, arms. ‘He kissed you?’
‘Yes, and I kissed him back.’
I pawed a hand through my hair. ‘What does that mean, Anthea? You don’t want to be with me? You want to be with Brendt?’
‘No!’ she said quickly, voice squeaky. ‘I don’t want to be with anyone but you.’
‘That’s a big contradiction right there. If you don’t want to be with anyone but me, you wouldn’t be sitting in a coffee shop kissing Brendt.’
As the words kissing Brendt fell from my lips, it was like being whipped across my back and kicked in my chest, each rib splitting.
‘I know how that sounds, but it felt…it felt like when I first kissed you and I don’t understand why.’
My head shot up, eyes wide. ‘Oh, no!’
She arched her brows. ‘What?’
‘Don’t you get it?’
She shook her head.
‘Brendt told you he loves you, and then he kisses you, and you don’t stop him, instead you kiss him back, because he feels like me.’
Anthea threw her hands to her mouth and gasped. ‘Oh. My. God. How could you not know that beforehand?’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t know. I didn’t even really think about it, because I was only concerned with finding you. But of course I would be where you are. I should’ve known. It makes sense now.’
Anthea laughed hysterically, tears falling down her cheeks. ‘I’ve just betrayed you with you.’
My body was vibrating, head light. Brendt was supposed to meet Anthea that night at the ball, but I cut in. I destroyed their moment and cut my own throat. Was that why Anthea and I hadn’t been together for a thousand years, because I stupidly rushed in and interrupted their intended union in 2014, thereby altering the entire fabric of the universe?
Anthea laughed and laughed until her laughter turned to frenzied crying. ‘I don’t even know how to feel about this. Should I feel guilty, or angry, or happy?’
She was nearly hyperventilating. ‘Anthea. Please, take a deep breath.’
She nodded, taking raspy gasps.
‘Let’s go upstairs and get you some clothes. You’re going to stay at my house for the next few days.’
Again she nodded.
‘Because you’re in no condition to talk to Rachel about this.’
Nodding, breathing in, breathing out.
‘I’m going to have to go home and get some advice about this,’ I said, very matter-of-fact.
‘Like home, home? 927 home?’
‘Yes.’
Anthea’s eyes widened. ‘Will you come back?’
If I go home, I may not be able to come back. I wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place.
When I didn’t answer, Anthea frantically opened the door and leant her head over onto the sidewalk, throwing up all over the ground. My throat was so tight I could barely breathe.
‘Promise me you’ll come back, Lucas,’ Anthea demanded.
I could not promise without lying.
She screamed this time, a choked scream. ‘Promise me!’
‘I promise.’
***
Anthea
I fell asleep in Lucas’s arms and woke alone in his bed, clutching at my chest, gasping for air, for the pain in my heart had returned because Lucas was no longer here. I rolled over and patted the space beside me where his body should be. It was cold, empty. So was I.
Chapter 23
Anthea
The mobile vibrated against the bench, shrill against the silence of the kitchen. My heart thudded. I grabbed for it. ‘Hello.’
‘Hey, Anthy. It’s me.’
‘Brendt?’
‘I was ringing to see how you are, after what happened yesterday?’ His voice was quiet, cautious.
My mind frantically clutched for anger, so I could scream at him, for making Lucas leave me, for making me cry, but I couldn’t find anything, as though my emotions had slunk away. ‘I’m not doing too well.’
‘I’m sorry, Anthy. I never meant to hurt you.’
I sighed. ‘I know.’
‘I want to apologise for…I know you’re with Lucas…I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t have even let you know how I feel.’
‘Please. Don’t apologise. Believe me, there is more to all this than you can possibly imagine.’
‘There is?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m sorry anyway.’
‘Thanks.’
‘So, I’m guessing you don’t want to see me again?’ he asked, voice cracking.
‘No. That’s not right.’ But as soon as I said the words, I wondered how it could possibly work, us being friends after what happened, now that I knew his true feelings. ‘I hope we can still try to be friends. I’m not sure how you would feel about that, considering.’
‘I’m willing to remain friends, if that’s what it takes to have you in my life. I know you love Lucas, and I know he makes you happy and that’s all I want for you — to be happy.’
‘How can you be so selfless?’
‘What’s the alternative?’
The alternative was what I’d been running from and towards my entire life — no love at all. My heart stuttered because the reality of the situation became all too obvious. Hearing Brendt now, being so selfless, I knew how it was going to end and it thieved all my breath, crushed and stabbed at my heart. Lucas was going to leave, for good. He would choose the selfless path, even though it meant sacrificing his own happiness and breaking my heart. He would leave me. The back of my throat thickened and I swallowed hard, trying to push it down to the frothing acid of my stomach.
‘Anthea? Are you still there?’ Brendt asked.
‘Yes,’ I managed to choke out.
‘If you need anything, please call me. I’m always here for you.’
‘Thanks.’
‘I love you,’ he whispered.
‘I lo… I’ll talk to you later.’
I ended the call and sat there, staring at the kitchen bench. I had no tears left, not even the pain in my heart. So this is what it felt like when the final thread had been unstitched and your heart broke completely in two.
Chapter 24
Anthea
I ran my hands down the length of my torso, smoothing the deep red silk that fit snugly against my skin. I lifted my head high and breathed in deeply as I made my entrance into the hall. An entrance I had all intentions of making with Lucas. I masked my eyes with feathers, which would, at least, hide the emptiness behind them, and clutched my hand tightly to my sparkling silver purse.
I strode across the room, noted Sabine dressed immaculately in a long black gown, standing with the dignitaries of the evening and nodded in her direction. The sight was surreal as I carefully stepped deeper into the hall, past men in tuxedos and twirling masked women clad in long gowns of every colour. A bar lined the back wall, tall glasses of champagne waiting at the ready. I headed straight there, thankful that all my work for tonight’s masquerade ball was finalised yesterday. All I had left to do was turn up. Tonight was Sabine and Katie’s time to shine.
‘You’re fashionably late,’ said a woman dressed in a beautiful gold dress and ornate mask.
‘Katie. I barely recognised you.’
‘I know,’ she said, patting at her dress. ‘I don’t get to play dress-ups as often as you do.’
I sipped my champagne. ‘You look gorgeous.’
‘Thank you. So do you. Where’s Lucas tonight?’ Katie asked, scanning the room. The mere mention of his name was like a defibrillator to my chest, jolting my heart, trying to start it beating again.
I swallowed a deep mouthful of champagne and pain. ‘Um, he had to work unfortunately.’
‘That’s too bad.’
‘So did you bring a date tonight?’
Katie shook her head. ‘I’m a little ol’ wallflower tonight.’
‘Well, we can be wallflowers together then.’
Katie’s eyes glanced behind my head and she rolled her shoulders back. ‘It doesn’t seem like for too long.’
‘Excuse me.’ An unfamiliar male voice with a definite Irish brogue. I spun to face him. He was reasonably tall, attractive and dressed in an excessively expensive black suit replete with bow tie.
I painted a smile on my face.
‘Hello,’ he said, holding out his hand. ‘My name is Patrick.’
I shook his hand. ‘I’m Anthea.’
‘Anthea.’ He rolled my name over his tongue. ‘What an interesting name. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before.’ His eyes were cool, comforting blue.
Again I pretended a smile.
‘So, Anthea, are you a dancer?’
‘I wouldn’t say I’m a dancer. But I can dance, if that’s what you mean.’
He smiled. ‘Would you like to dance with me?’
‘Sure.’ I gulped at my champagne glass before resting it on the table behind me. Patrick took my hand and led me onto the dance floor. A hand on my waist, and mine on his shoulder, he moved me across the floor.
‘What brings you here tonight?’ I asked, that well-rehearsed part of my brain kicking in, allowing me to be social almost robotically.
‘My boss made me come,’ he said, smiling, always smiling. ‘He says it’s a good place to network. But I think he has different ideas about networking than I do.’
‘Is that right?’
He nodded. ‘What brings you here?’
‘I actually helped put this ball together.’
‘You did?’
‘I couldn’t do all this hard work and not see the fruits of my labour.’
‘Perfectly reasonable,’ he said, twirling me under his arm. ‘Would you mind if I ask why such a beautiful woman would turn up without a man on her arm?’
I lowered my eyes. ‘He’s temporarily unavailable.’
‘More fool him. And fortunate for me.’
He pulled me closer as the band transitioned into the next song, the tempo adagio. I rested my head on his shoulder as we swayed side to side. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine it was Lucas dancing with me, hear his deep voice and breathe in his sweet scent.
‘Excuse me, sir. Would you mind if I cut in?’
The sound of his voice was another shock to the heart, desperately trying to bring me back to life. My head shot up, needing to see Lucas with my own eyes to believe he was really here.
‘Sure,’ said Patrick. ‘Thank you so much, Anthea, for the dance.’
‘It was wonderful to meet you.’
Patrick stepped aside and Lucas took his place, looking stunning in a black tuxedo and bow tie. I threw myself into his big warm arms and held him as tightly as I could.
‘I missed you so much,’ he whispered in my ear.
‘I missed you, too.’
He kissed me with breath and heat and tongue. ‘I love you.’
I peered up into his honest eyes. ‘I love you too. With everything I am.’
He pulled me close, and I could hear his heart beating fast as I rested my head against his strong chest. I was tingling with happiness, but it began to lose its sparkle. Something wasn’t right. Lucas was too rigid, reserved.
I looked up at him. ‘I can’t live without you, Lucas.’
He pressed my head close to his chest again. ‘I’m here now. Let’s have a wonderful evening together. It’s only you and me tonight.’ His voice was calm, but the pain behind them drenched my flesh with thick despair, filled my lungs with sticky black gloom.
My throat tightened. I could hardly pull breath past my throat. Already tears were welling. Lucas lifted my chin with his finger so his gaze was directly on mine. His beautiful green eyes were exploding with anguish — the very same eating at my insides, turning my bones to powder.
Tears spilled on my cheeks; I could taste their saltiness as they rolled over my lips. He bent down and kissed me, heavy breaths. ‘Tonight’s only you and me, Anthea.’
His eyes were shining with moisture, but he blinked quickly, forcing the tears away. ‘Just you and me. Please do this for me…for us.’ His voice had a strained urgency and I nearly sunk to my knees. I didn’t know what was worse, knowing that he was leaving me for good, or seeing how much it hurt him to do so.
‘Dance with me, Anthea, like it was the first time.’
He wrapped his arms around my waist and I slung my arms around his neck. The music was racing, but we danced to our own song, to our own beat. I closed my eyes, holding him close, feeling his warmth, but wicked thoughts kept biting at my fabric. This was the last dance, the last song, for us both.
Lucas brushed his mouth against my ear, breath sensual on my skin, and he sung softly, the song he was singing the first time I ever saw him. A song that now had meaning. Meaning that almost killed me to feel.
His voice was raw, strangled by emotion, but the words kept flowing as though they were written for us. Tears fell down his cheeks, choking the sound, but he kept singing, telling me our story. And when he finished, his voice was only a spoken whisper. Leaning over, he kissed me. A kiss that knew we will soon say goodbye. It was too much to bear knowing that I would never kiss these lips again.
‘When?’ I asked, a strangled whisper.
His lips were trembling. ‘Soon.’
The room spun around me, moving in and out of focus, darkness replacing the light, until there was nothing but a thick, enveloping blackness and I was floating in it. Only Lucas and me, floating together and no one could take him away, because there was no one else. Relief tumbled over me as I nestled into the weightlessness; no pain existed here and there were no goodbyes, only togetherness.
Lucas was talking to me as we drifted in the void, his voice was anxious.
‘Anthea,’ he said. ‘Anthea.’
‘There is no pain here, Lucas,’ I tried to say, ‘Please don’t worry,’ but the words wouldn’t form on my tongue.
‘Anthea,’ he said again.
‘I’m here and we’re together, and I love you with all my heart and with all my being. I love you, Lucas. Don’t worry. Please don’t worry.’ But my mouth was too heavy to speak here.
Different faces and frames appeared. Katie, Sabine, strange voices. Patrick’s Irish brogue drowning Lucas out.
‘No, stop it,’ I tried to scream. But more and more faces kept creeping in, until their voices were continual soft murmurs of nonsense and their voices were turning the blackness into light. Blinding light that brought the pain I was trying to evade, until I could see all the faces clearly. But there was only one face I was desperate to see. Frantically, I searched through the light until I found him.
‘Lucas?’
‘I’m here, Anthy. I’m here,’ he said.
‘I love you, Lucas.’
His tears were like tiny knives, pushing into my heart, shredding it apart.
‘I love you too, baby.’
I could see Sabine out the corner of my eye, Katie standing behind her. The masquerade ball. I was still at the ball, but what was I doing? A cold floor was beneath my back. I slowly looked around. I was surrounded by unfamiliar, frowning faces. The music had stopped and I was lying supine on the cold dance floor.
‘Anthea, you fainted. How are you feeling now?’ asked Sabine.
I blinked. ‘I’m fine.’ I sat up. Lucas helped me. Someone handed me a glass of water. I slowly sipped at it while a blur of conversation took place around me.
‘Do you think we should call an ambulance?’ Sabine asked Lucas.
‘I don’t think that’s necessary. There’re some personal issues she’s trying to work through at the moment. I think it finally caught up with her.’
‘I didn’t realise,’ said Sabine.
�
�I need to get her some food and then bed and she should be fine,’ he said.
‘Right. If you think that’s best.’
Lucas looked down at me. ‘Do you think you can stand, or would you prefer I carry you?’
I smiled at the fact he was willing to carry me out. ‘Um, I should be okay to stand up.’
Katie took the glass of water from me, while Lucas gripped under my arms and helped me to my feet. My head was still reeling.
‘How does that feel?’ asked Lucas.
‘Fine. But don’t let go.’
He blinked, swallowed. ‘I won’t.’
I didn’t lift my head, I didn’t want to see the people gawping at me as we made our way through the crowd and out the front into the crisp night. I sucked in the glassy air, it splintered in my throat.
With Lucas’s arm still firmly around my waist, we headed to his car and he drove to his house. He stepped me up the garage stairs, through the kitchen and into his lounge room. I sat down on his leather couch.
‘Would you like me to get you something to eat?’
I shook my head. ‘I’m fine.’
‘When was the last time you ate?’
I couldn’t remember. Surely I ate today. Yesterday? ‘I haven’t eaten since the night you left.’
His eyes widened. ‘You haven’t eaten anything in two days?’
I nodded slowly. ‘I guess I haven’t.’
‘That’s not good enough. You must take care of yourself, even if I’m,’ he hesitated before finishing, ‘not here.’
‘I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t anything. I can’t feel when you’re not here with me.’ The tears started again, tracing a path down my cheeks.
He closed his eyes, breathing heavy through his nose. ‘Wait here while I order a pizza. In the meantime I’ll get you something to snack on.’
He raced off into the kitchen, and I curled up on the lounge, trying to ease the throbbing in my chest, which I was strangely grateful for, for the pain, as much as it hurt, was at least a sensation, a step above being numb.
Lucas came back and I sat up so he could sit beside me. He placed a plate of cheese and biscuits on the coffee table in front of us.
‘Eat, please,’ he said, motioning towards the plate. With shaking hands, I placed a piece of cheese on top of a biscuit and popped it into my mouth. Lucas waited silently as I ate a few more.
Unstitched Page 16
