by Nikki Ash
“Ok, mi amor. I will see you soon.”
I hang up the call and grab my gym bag from the side of mat.
“Gotta go! Gabrielle is in labor.”
Everybody cheers wishing us luck as I run to the car to go get my wife. I get to the house in less than ten minutes and she is sitting on our porch swing staring down at her belly, probably talking to the baby. She is always talking to him.
“You ready?”
She looks up and smiles. “I am! I can’t wait to meet this little guy.”
Grabbing her bag from next to her, I hold her arm while she adorably waddles to the car and gets into the passenger seat. I reach over her and buckle her in.
“I can buckle myself in, silly!” She giggles.
I give her a kiss on her cheek and laugh. “I know you can but you are in labor. I am going to make sure you don’t have to do anything but bring this little guy into the world.”
“You spoil me, Kaden. Te amo, baby.”
“I don’t spoil you enough. I love you, too, Gabby.”
I back out of the driveway and begin heading to Foothills hospital. It’s only about fifteen minutes from our house and the hospital her obstetrician delivers at.
“Ohh… wow!” Gabby holds her stomach.
“Are you ok?” I look over at her concerned.
“Yeah, the contractions are just getting stronger. Distract me.”
“Are you rethinking the no-drugs decision, yet?”
“Very funny. I’ll let you know once we get there.”
“Ok.” I chuckle wondering how long it will take for her to start begging for the drugs. Her pain tolerance is probably a three.
“Do you think he will look like me or you?” Gabby asks.
“I hope he looks like you. I hope he has your dark curly hair and your black chocolate chip eyes.”
“No way! My hair is a mess! I hope he has your green eyes with my tanned skin.”
“What are you saying? I’m pale?” I joke.
“No!” She laughs out loud. “Well, yeah… but you know you’re pale!”
“Yeah but only against your beautiful Venezuelan skin.”
The light turns red and I take a moment to glance over at my wife. She is smiling at me, excited to finally get to meet our son.
“I bet he’s a beautiful mixture of the both of us,” she says looking down at her belly once again.
The light switches to green and I press the gas moving forward slowly into the intersection. There must be some sort of accident because the road in front of us appears to be backed up.
It happens in slow motion yet so fast. In the corner of my eye I see the tractor-trailer and he’s coming right at us. He must have run the red light. He’s already too close and I know it’s too late.
Instinctively my hand goes over Gabby’s chest to protect her as the tractor-trailer hits the passenger side of the vehicle taking us with him. And then our vehicle starts rolling.
There are screams.
A crushing sound.
More screams.
And then silence.
The vehicle has stopped rolling and we are back to being in an upright position. I frantically start shouting to call nine-one-one. With shaky hands, I unbuckle my seatbelt and reach over to Gabby.
“Gabs, are you ok?” I am shaking her shoulder trying to wake her up.
She doesn’t say anything. I search her face but her eyes don’t open. I jump out of the car and run to her side of the vehicle.
“Sir, don’t move her. The ambulance is on its way.”
“She’s in labor!” I yell.
I open her door and reach over to unbuckle her seatbelt. There’s blood everywhere: A huge gash on her forehead, cuts from glass all over her arms and legs, and then I look down and see blood all over the seat.
“Gabby, baby. Hang in there. Help is on the way.” I rub her belly just like she always does and tell our little guy everything will be ok.
The EMT’s arrive and within minutes they have Gabby in the ambulance. They ask to check me out but I refuse treatment. My wife and unborn son are the only things on my mind.
We get to the hospital and they take her back not allowing me to follow. I take the time to use the nurse’s station’s phone to call our parents and her brother letting them know what has happened. They all let me know they are on their way.
After about an hour of waiting and pacing back and forth, a doctor walks out. “Family of Gabrielle Scott.”
“Yes, I am her husband.”
“I am so sorry but Gabrielle and the baby didn’t make it. The internal bleeding was too severe and she lost too much blood. Her heart stopped and we couldn’t save her.”
“What about our son? Couldn’t you take him out?”
“We attempted to deliver him via cesarean but the impact from the crash was too much. He didn’t survive. I am so sorry.”
I hear our family around me crying. My mom tries to hug me and I let her. I feel numb. This all feels so surreal. Like it’s a bad fucking nightmare. One I will wake up from. Only it’s not. It’s reality and in this moment, I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
“Can I see her?” I ask.
“Yes, you can see her, if you wish to.”
I follow him back to the hospital room but before the doctor opens the door he says, “I must warn you. The accident left her banged up. She might not look like the same woman. She is covered with a sheet. Many don’t wish to remove it, they would rather have the memory of them alive then of them after they have passed away.”
I simply nod my head then open the door. Gabrielle is lying on the bed with a white sheet covering her body.
I grab a chair from the corner and sit down next to the bed. I don’t know what to say so I do the only thing I can think of. I beg her to come back to me.
“Please Gabs, I am begging you with everything in me not to leave me. Please! I am so sorry for not protecting you.”
I Push the chair away so I am kneeling in front of my wife.
Begging her not to leave me.
Begging God not to let her leave me.
Knowing my begging will do no good.
But still begging.
“We promised each other forever. Dammit Gabs! Remember our vows. I love you. Please, baby!”
Lifting the side of the sheet up, I place my hand into hers, entwining our fingers and squeeze gently, but she doesn’t squeeze my hand back. I know, no matter how much I beg and plead, she will not squeeze back. She’s leaving me and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do to change it. The truth is, while she is right here in front of me, she has already left. I promised to protect her and I broke that promise.
Ashley
“You didn’t break your promise. You couldn’t have possibly done anything different, Kaden. You are not to blame.”
Kaden looks at me with such sadness in his eyes, hot tears flowing down his cheeks. All these years, he’s been blaming himself for his wife and son’s death. I want to grab ahold of him and shake him until he realizes there was nothing he could have done.
“I know that on some level. I know it was the truck’s fault for running the red light. I know it was bad circumstance, the accident in front of us leaving us in the middle of the intersection. I know all of this but it doesn’t ease my guilt. I was the one driving. I promised to protect her and in the car with me driving, her and our son died. The most fucked up part is that the day my son was supposed to be born, he died. He never even got a chance to live.”
“Tell me about her. How you two met, how you fell in love.”
Kaden gives me a small smile. “We met when we were sixteen. We were sophomores. I was at the gym working out, and she decided to try out the gym. I recommended the boxing class to her while she was checking out the calendar. She showed up to the class the next day and asked if I wanted to be her partner.
We found out we both lived in the same community and went to the same school. I couldn’t believe I never no
ticed her before. We didn’t really hang out in the same crowds, though. She was a cheerleader and I spent my time at the gym. School wasn’t really my thing. I went there, did what I was supposed to do, then spent my afternoons and weekends at the gym.
We started dating and became inseparable. After graduation, we got engaged. Gabby went to college here in Denver to get her business degree. She wanted to work with her dad. I got a job training and teaching classes locally. A couple years later, we got married, then she got pregnant.”
“Why did you move to Las Vegas?”
“After she died, I tried to live here but it was hard. I ended up taking a job with Cooper’s dad’s gym. We owned a home in the same neighborhood as our families but I couldn’t live there anymore. I sold the house and moved in with Coop and Bentley for about four years.
“But even working somewhere else and living somewhere else wasn’t enough. Friends of ours would see me and give me a look of pity. I just couldn’t take it anymore. When they decided to move to Las Vegas, I made the choice to move with them. I decided to get my own place, though. I needed to somehow move forward, so I purchased the home I live in now. Caleb was going through his own shit, so Coop asked him to join so he could room with Bentley since Cooper was buying his own place as well. This is my first time coming back to their graves since we buried them.”
“So, this is why you’ve been single and only do one-night stands.” I know now this is the reason why my best friend doesn’t want to settle down and it breaks my heart.
“What if the love I have left to give isn’t enough? What if I go to give my heart to someone and the pieces which are left aren’t enough. If you are putting together a puzzle and only have half the pieces, can someone really feel satisfied only seeing half the picture?”
“When you find somebody, who loves you without limitations, she will accept any pieces you give, and her pieces will fit into that same puzzle creating a picture, it may not be perfect but it will be beautiful nonetheless because it will be your picture. Who needs a corner piece anyway? Tristan always loses them.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, giving me time to think about how I am going to word what I need to say to Kaden. Finally, I speak.
“I can’t marry you.”
Kaden turns his head to me, his eyes widening. Before he can ask why, I explain.
“I want what you two had. I want a love like that. I met Tyler when I was in college and knew he wasn’t good for me, but was too young to fully get it. Listening to you tell me about Gabrielle and you, what you had was real love. I want real love. And you deserve real love. You are an amazing man, Kaden. The fact that you thought you had to stay single for the rest of your life to stay true to your deceased wife speaks volumes about the person you are. One day you are going to meet a woman who will knock you off your feet, and she is going to come with all the pieces to the puzzle you are missing. You will fall in love and while it won’t be the same as what you and Gabby had, it won’t be any less. It will just be different. You are older and wiser, and you are capable of love.”
I wipe the tears that are falling down my face. I would give anything to experience, even for a short time, the love Kaden and Gabrielle experienced.
“I can’t fake marry you. I can’t let you stand up in front of your family and say fake vows. I’m sorry. I have never been married before and I hope one day, if or when I get married, I will have a love like the one you and your wife had. It sounds like a truly amazing kind of love.”
I get up and head back to the car, not being able to sit here any longer. Kaden never says a word. He drives us back to the house in silence. While he’s driving, I think about everything he told me and everything I said in return. I love Kaden. I love him with all my heart, but I know that if I married him for fake, it would leave me heartbroken in the end. And knowing he is capable of loving a woman so strongly, I can’t accept just a piece of him. He deserves to meet a woman he can fully give his heart to. I know with all my heart, he would fill all the pieces to my puzzle, but it can’t be one-sided. I can’t put the puzzle together myself. I need his pieces to intertwine with mine.
The rest of the day flies by. Kaden tries to get me alone to speak with me, but I don’t allow it. I am already too emotional as it is and I don’t want to talk with him under his parents’ roof. I excuse myself to bed early after Tristan is asleep, and Kaden tells me he will be in later; he wants to hang out with his parents since it’s our last night here. Tomorrow, after his grandmother’s birthday party, we will be taking a late flight home.
The birthday party is being held in a private room at the Country Club. The tables are filled with various beautiful flowers, and there must be over a hundred people in attendance. Rose sits in her seat at the head of one of the tables like a queen at her throne while everybody comes over to wish her a happy birthday. She seems more tired today, reminding me why she wants Kaden to marry soon. She wants to be present. I feel bad that I can’t go through with marrying him, but I don’t think deceiving her with a fake marriage would be what she would want for her grandson.
“Having a good time?” Kaden’s mother, Giselle, comes to sit down next to me.
“I am. Tristan has made some new friends.” I point to my son in the corner playing a board game with a couple other kids.
“He’s a sweet little boy. You are a wonderful mother.”
“Thank you.”
“So, Kaden told me he went by Gabrielle’s and Gabe’s graves yesterday. I take it he finally told you about them?”
“He did.”
“And how do you feel about all that?” I am not sure what she is asking me. Am I able to love a man who already gave his heart to another woman? How do I feel about the fact that he already had a child with another woman? Some women might feel threatened by the ghost of a wife and son, but if Kaden was really mine, I wouldn’t be. I have learned from experience, there’s different kinds of love. One isn’t better or more than another.
“I hate what he went through, but I am glad I met Kaden. He came into my life at a time when I needed a friend, and while I hate he moved to Las Vegas because of what he went through, I feel blessed to have met him. He’s a strong man. He has held me up so many times when I wasn’t able to stand on my own two feet, and I know one day he will make an amazing husband.” I make sure to leave anything out about being friends and not really a couple. I’m not sure if Kaden has told his family we won’t be getting married after all.
“I am so glad my son met you as well, Ashley.” Giselle gives me a soft kiss on my forehead before heading to sit next to her mother-in-law.
Chapter Eleven
Kaden
Bringing Ashley to the graves where my wife and son were buried was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do aside from actually burying them. I feared what she would think or say, but she handled it with such grace. I shouldn’t have expected anything less from Ashley. What I didn’t expect was that she would fully understand the young love Gabby and I shared. And not only did she understand it, but she accepted it.
When she told me, she couldn’t marry me because she wanted to find that kind of love and that she wanted me to find it again, the image of me and Ashley popped into my head because I have already found that love, again. And she’s right, it’s not the same kind of love, but it’s just as meaningful. The only difference is, with Gabby I went in head first, while with Ashley, I have kept her at arm’s length.
I felt the ring burning a hole in my pocket, but knew no matter how understanding Ashley is, asking her to marry me for real at a cemetery is a no-no. I tried several times to tell her how I felt once we left, but she avoided me the rest of our time at my parents’ house. She put Tristan between us on the plane and slept the entire drive back home.
She left Sunday morning early with Tristan, leaving me a note saying she needed to buy him school supplies. I used the quiet time to get myself together. I need to make it clear to Ashley that I want more w
ith her. I have lived so long with the guilt, blaming myself for my wife’s death, that I don’t even know what it feels like anymore to just focus on my own happiness. Speaking with Gabby’s family was a huge turning point. When they told me they wanted me to be happy, I felt like I was finally set free. Danielle is Gabby’s identical twin sister, part of why I had to move. I couldn’t handle seeing her around, the same face as my wife, but still living and breathing. Her telling me it’s ok to love again meant a lot to me.
“Kaden! Look what Auntie Hayley got me.” Tristan comes running into the house holding a backpack with the letters UFC sewn onto the back.
“That’s awesome!” Tristan runs back outside, so I follow him to see where he’s going. I walk outside to see Ashley’s hood popped open and the sweetest ass bent over the front of the car. She is in tiny white jean shorts and as she reaches onto her tippy toes to look farther inside, a bit of her ass cheeks peak out causing my dick to twitch.
“Ahem.” I make a noise in my throat, and she stands up, turning around to look at me. I’m not sure what happened but Ashley is covered in what looks like grease. She puts her hands on her hips, letting out a loud huff as she frowns.
“What happened?” I attempt to wipe some of the grease off her nose but it’s pointless, it just spreads worse leaving her looking cute as hell.
“I don’t know. The oil light came on, so I thought I would check the oil but I can’t find where it’s located.”
I chuckle at her obvious frustration. “Let me have a look.” I open the cap to the oil, pulling the dipstick out to check how much is in there, and see it’s extremely low, which makes sense since it all seems to be on my driveway.
“You definitely need more oil. When was the last time you got an oil change?”
Her nose scrunches up in confusion. “I’m not sure. One time I needed a new tire and they were running some special on oil changes, so I got it done… Maybe like a year ago?”
I break out in laughter at that. I mean, it’s not funny but it really is. “Ash, you are supposed to get your oil changed like every three to six thousand miles.”
