by Angela Blake
White spots danced in her field of vision as her chest rose and fell, the sound of her heavy breathing filling the room, making the air between them even more charged.
She let herself lean against his shoulders, feeling limp as every part of her body thrummed with energy.
“Are you ok?” he asked quietly.
Anya’s head snapped up to meet his, “Am I okay?” She laughed, a hoarse laugh that had her coughing, “I’m better than okay. I think you just killed me.”
Russel gave her a devilish grin, “Believe me, if I wanted to kill you, you wouldn’t be able to stand when I was done much less look at me and have this conversation.”
“Is that so?” Her lips curled into a smile as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Anya, what I showed you is just the tip of the iceberg, there’s so much more than that,” he said matter-of-factly.
Anya shifted, so Russel was pressed up against her core. “There’s that tip you’re referring to,” she murmured huskily, “How is it that I want more already when I could literally see stars behind my eyes five minutes ago?”
Russel laughed, a deep sound in the back of his throat, “It’s because your body recognizes that it’s never felt anything like this before, and it wants to feel it again.”
Anya moved forward, so she was mere inches away from his lips. She smiled at him, and he smiled back as she bucked her lips against his. Russel’s eyes turned a shade darker as he breathed deeply. “You really ought to be careful not to make the dominant lose control.”
Anya’s heart skipped a beat. “What happens if a dominant loses control?”
Russel frowned as he ran his fingers across her lower lip. “Well, nothing bad, don’t worry. It’s just that the pleasure level skyrockets then, and if the submissive isn’t ready, that much pleasure could probably short wire the senses, and I guess they’d black out.”
Anya gave him an incredulous look. “You’re joking, right?”
Russel scratched his chin thoughtfully. “I’m not. I’m not actually sure that’s what happens, mind you. But I have friends who told me.”
“You’ve never experienced it?”
“I’ve never lost control,” he said simply as he kissed the tip of her nose. The absurdly sweet gesture had butterflies forming in the pit of Anya’s stomach. She studied his lean, handsome face, and felt a familiar pang in her heart, wondering if this could ever go anywhere.
If she were being honest with herself, what she felt for Russel wasn’t just lust though, there was plenty of that. She liked him, she genuinely like him.
“Where’s that pretty little head at?” he asked quietly as he leaned his forehead against hers.
“Russel,” she breathed deeply as if she could somehow inhale his name and keep it deep down in her heart where no one could take it away, or tell her that it isn’t real.
“Yes?”
“I like you, and it’s not that I don’t like what we just did. Hell, I loved it, but I feel like my heart could seriously be in danger here because you’re the only guy I’ve ever met that I can have conversations with about books, music, philosophy, and you won’t look at me like I’m high maintenance. You actually make me feel like I’m a smart, funny, and sexy woman.”
Russel traced her face softly, “Oh, Anya. Sweet Anya,” he whispered as he kissed her forehead, “I like you too. I wish you were older. I wish I had met you in college because you would’ve rocked my world then.”
“I’ve met many women twice your age who don’t have half your brains or maturity. Your brain is always coming up with interesting questions and thoughts, and talking to you, it just makes me wish I were younger, sitting on a beach somewhere discussing prose or music.”
“But?” she hedged.
Russel sighed as he took her hand between his and placed a gentle kiss on it, “But in our reality, we come from two different worlds. You’re my daughter’s best friend. You’ve just graduated university, and in a lot of ways your life is just starting. I’m a father in his late thirties who has kinky sexual preferences and classical taste in books and movies.”
Anya gripped his hand, brought it up and placed it on her heart, and she placed her own hand on his. “Do you feel that? Look at how our hearts are beating in sync.”
“Yeah,” he laughed quietly, a look of wonder on his face, “They are.”
“Tell me that feels wrong. Tell me that doesn’t fit into our reality. Because from where I’m standing, we don’t come from two different worlds, we come from the same world, I just happened to be born later, that’s all, but you and I, it’s like we’re…” she paused as her mind raced to come up with a way to explain it.
“On the same wave length?” he suggested.
A smile tugged on the corner of her lips. “Exactly.”
Russel gave her a sad smile, “I think so too, but honestly I don’t know. I’m afraid of letting go of you, walking out of this room, letting you out that door, and realizing that what we felt while we were here might not last. I’m afraid of watching those feelings curl up and hide in a corner where we won’t ever take them out again.”
“Don’t say that. What we feel here right now, that’s real, that’s more real than anything else. Right here, right now with you, that’s more tangible and potent than anything I can feel out there.”
“If Lisa wasn’t my daughter, I wouldn’t hesitate. I don’t care what society thinks, and something tells me neither do you, but I can’t risk my relationship with my daughter,” his blue eyes pleaded with hers.
Anya swallowed past the lump in her throat, “I understand,” she said thickly.
She wished she didn’t. Worse still, she wished she didn’t care. That Lisa’s friendship didn’t matter so much to her that it physically hurt to think of betraying her this way. As it was, it was hard enough knowing that they had crossed a line tonight, a line they could never cross again.
Anya’s cell phone went off, and she met his gaze sadly, “It’s Lisa.”
She unhooked her legs from around his, and he slowly helped her pulled her dress down. He undid the lock with a quiet click and stepped aside, so she could pass through the door.
She grabbed her phone and answered, “Lis, I’m so sorry. My mum called with some sort of emergency. I told your Dad to tell you, I’m finishing up, I’ll be on my way soon.”
She could see Russel slip on his shirt out of the corner of her eye, and she gave him a small smile which he returned. She felt him step up behind her and hug her waist from behind. He placed his head on her shoulder and sighed.
“No, don’t worry. I can handle it. I’m so sorry again. I’ll see you soon, okay?” She hung up, and she leaned back into Russel’s embrace allowing his smell to wash over her.
“You’re not making this any easier,” she mumbled gruffly.
“I know, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself,” he buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply. He spun her around, so she was facing him before he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. Her head fit neatly into his shoulder, and they stood like that for a moment, each unwilling to let the other person go.
“If right now is all we have, then stay for a while longer. I just want to hold you.”
She nodded as she took his hand and pulled him to the couch. She tugged on his hand, so he sat down on the couch, and she sat next to him. She curled her feet underneath her and leaned against his side with his arm wrapped around her. He kissed the side of her head and took her hand in his. She marveled at how good it felt just to simply feel his hand in hers.
She traced his hand with the tip of her thumb and brought it up to her mouth and kissed it gently. He squeezed her shoulder and pulled her closer, so there wasn’t any space between them.
They talked quietly for a few minutes as if they were any other couple in the world, delaying the inevitable separation that loomed on the horizon.
Ten minutes later, Anya regretfully pulled away and gazed at him, “I never
got to pleasure you.”
Russel shook his head and gave her a rueful smile, “Are you kidding? Seeing you like that was enough pleasure for me. Besides, it’s probably best that we didn’t. Might’ve made this harder than it already is.” He forced a chuckle.
She gave him a grim smile, “I guess you’re right, but maybe at least from on top?”
Before he could protest, Anya’s hands had found their way to his zipper, and she freed him before she set to work stroking him up and down. She didn’t need much work because he was already ready to go, probably due to their earlier escapades.
Her gaze met his squarely as she watched him struggle to maintain eye contact all the way until the end when his eyes rolled in the back of his head. He breathed heavily as his head rolled back.
He expelled a deep breath before he came back up and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
“Happy birthday, Anya,” he said softly as he removed his arms from around her. He stood up and gave her his hand. She wordlessly took it and headed to the kitchen to get her purse. Neither of them said anything as Anya put on her coat and grabbed her purse.
She took one last look at Russel, who stood there with his hands braced on the kitchen counter, his jaw set, and a resolute look in his eye before she shut the door behind her, letting the door click with a finality that had her heart ache painfully.
Chapter 5
She thanked the taxi driver as she handed him his fare and stepped out of the car. The smell of alcohol, smoke and stale sweat hit her from the pavement. She wrinkled her nose at the smell, never really liking the smell of clubs.
She felt the pavement vibrate slightly because of the pulsing music that came from the big double doors. She stumbled slightly, unused to being in heels before she righted herself and strode towards the door with purpose.
She just had to walk away from a great guy to save a friendship and a father-daughter relationship, so she was determined to get trashed tonight to forget.
Once she stepped inside the club, she winced as the music assaulted her ears, making her skull vibrate with the frequency. She shrugged off her coat and made a beeline for Lisa who wasn’t hard to find, standing off to the side with a huge group of people.
She weaved in and out of the crowds. As soon as Lisa spotted her, a smile broke out across her face, and Anya was reminded me of why the decision was made. Sweet, loyal and fierce Lisa. How could she have even considered betraying her like that?
She hung her head in shame at what had transpired between them in that office. They had gotten swept up in the heat of the moment, but they could never allow it to happen again.
“Never again,” she murmured to herself as she approached Lisa, a small smile playing on her lips.
“I’m so sorry, Lis. I made it here as fast as I could.”
Lisa waved her apology away as she signaled to a waiter who was passing by. She ordered shots, two long island iced teas and a glass of red wine.
“That’s a lot to drink,” Anya’s eyebrow went up as she realized those drinks were mostly for them.
“We’re Celebrating, An! Tomorrow, we will both free of the hell hole they call college, and as of yesterday, you are officially an adult.”
“Are things okay with your mum?”
Anya gave her a blank stare. “My mum? What about her?”
Lisa gave her a puzzled look. “Didn’t you say there was some sort of emergency with your mum? Or was it your Dad?”
Anya shrugged uncomfortably as she studiously avoided Lisa’s gaze. Their drinks arrived a minute later, and Anya took a long gulp of her screwdriver before she was able to face Lisa, “Yeah, everything’s fine. She just had an emotional moment, you know how it goes, realizing that her little girl is all grown up and will probably move away soon.”
“You already live in the dorms though, so it’s not that big of an adjustment,” Lisa pointed out as she sipped on her drink.
“Mums can be emotional,” Anya offered as she sprinkled salt over her hand, and tilted back her shot. She immediately began sucking on a wedge of lemon as Lisa watched her carefully.
Lisa took her hand and lead her to a couch in the corner where they both plopped down.
“You’re not a big drinker, Anya. What’s wrong?”
Anya cursed her inability to hide her feelings. She wished she had a good poker face because then she could easily avoid situations like this.
Anya sighed as she felt the alcohol burn through her system. She was already starting to feel it work its magic, and since Anya was a light head, she felt her muscles loosen, and her inhibitions slowly begin to lower themselves, so she leaned back against the couch and watched Lisa, wishing she could tell her the truth.
“There’s this guy I like,” she hedged.
Lisa put her drink down and turned to face her, “What? Since when? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Anya shrugged uncomfortably, “I guess because until tonight I wasn’t sure he liked me back, but today I discovered I don’t just like him, Lis. I have feelings for him, and he feels the same way.”
Lisa frowned, “Why do I feel like there’s a but coming on?”
Anya brushed her hair out of her eyes, “Probably because there is, he’s older.”
Lisa cocked her head to the side, “yeah, so? We already established that you like older guys, what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing’s wrong with that, he’s amazing, we talk for hours about all sorts of stuff, and he makes me feel incredible, Lis,” Anya trailed off as she noticed the funny look Lisa was giving her.
“An, I’ve known you a long time, and I’ve never seen your eyes sparkle the way they are right now, and I’ve never seen you go on about a guy like that. You’ve got it bad.”
“Yeah,” she miserably laid her head in between her arms.
“So what’s the problem?” she pressed gently.
“If he dates me, his daughter might never forgive him because I’m about her age, and the thing is I know his daughter, I care about her, and I really don’t want to hurt her either.”
Lisa pursed her lips as she studied her, “I see, well if you and this guy think it’s worth it then you need to talk about telling his daughter in a way that she might be sympathetic to. Surely, if she sees that what you feel isn’t wrong, she’ll come around.”
Anya gave Lisa a small smile, “Maybe.”
“Alright, enough of that, you’re not allowed to be sad on your birthday, so let’s dance.”
Lisa stood up and yanked on Anya’s hand till she was on her feet, they made their way to the dance floor where Lisa began twisting and twirling looking very attractive as a lot of the guys on the dance floor gravitated towards her, but she only had eyes for her boyfriend who came up from behind her.
She pressed her body against his and began to move her hips while he ran his hands up and down her body. Anya stood self-consciously for a while before she grabbed a shot from a passing waiter. She downed it quickly and allowed her buzz to escalate into full on tipsy before she started to dance.
Before she knew it, she was pressed up against a guy who was doing a very good job helping her forget all about Russel. She spun around, so she was pressed up against his chest, and she ran her hand up and down his chest as she lowered her lashes and gave him a flirty grin.
Her dance partner gave her a devilish smile as his hands traveled down till they lay on her ass and squeezed. A flash of annoyance shot through Anya before she stamped it down telling herself that she wanted this. That she couldn’t have Russel, and that tonight of all nights, she didn’t want to feel undesirable or lonely.
The man’s hands moved forward, so they were cupping her breasts. Lost in the haze of alcohol, Anya pressed herself to him and hooked one leg around his, and her dress hiked up a little bit.
The man made a low guttural sound and buried his head in her neck where he began to lightly nibble. Flashes of Russel doing the same thing had Anya freeze in her spot as she tried to think clearl
y. She might not be able to think clearly, but she definitely didn’t want this guy hanging all over her.
She brought her hand up and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. He looked up at her through hooded eyelids, “Want to leave already? Wow, you are impatient.”
“Actually, no,” she tried to keep the disgust out of her voice because it wasn’t directed at him, it was at herself, “I just want you to stop.”
The man chuckled as he pinched her ass, “Very funny, sweetheart. That’s not the vibe I was getting just now.”
Anya shot him a look, “I know what was happening earlier, I just don’t want to anymore.”
All traces of humor vanished from the man’s face as his eyes darkened, “So you think you can just lead a guy on like that? Dance all provocatively then stop when you get bored.”
A tiny prickle of fear began to worm its way up, and Anya glanced around for Lisa or her boyfriend, but they were probably off somewhere making out. Anya steeled herself and swallowed back the fear, she was sure he wouldn’t try to force her here in the middle of a crowded dance floor.
“I shouldn’t have lead you on, but dancing provocatively doesn’t mean I’ll sleep with you. Now if you’ll excuse me,” she stepped to the side, but he blocked her path.
He gazed at her, his nostrils flaring, his putrid breath suddenly hitting her senses as she wondered why she even started dancing with him in the first place, “Where do you think you’re going?” He placed a hand on her arm, and Anya deftly removed his arm and twisted it behind his back, “Don’t ever touch me like that again.”
He nodded painfully before she released him, “Whore,” he spat out. She walked up to him menacingly before she felt a pair of broad arms wrap around her from the back.
“Let me go.” She struggled furiously before she heard Russel’s face in her ear, “relax, Anya. He’s already afraid of you, he’s just trying to salvage his pride.”
