“I have to get back.” She pushes off of me and reaches for the bag of clothes from Neiman Marcus and turns her back to me as she begins to get dressed. I know she’s upset, and it hurts.
I wish I could tell her I’ll see her tonight, but I’m not fucking inviting her to dinner. I’ve got one of her textbooks downstairs and I’ll text her later tonight to swing by and come pick it up at my parents' house. That way Pops sees her, and I don’t get my sweetheart wrapped up with my Ma. That shit’s not happening. Ma will have all sorts of ideas going through her head if I bring her home.
“Take your time.” I give her a small smile that grows as she turns and smiles back at me. She’s not that upset. Something’s off, but she knew what this was. I take a few steps towards her and kiss the crook of her neck. Her hand comes around the back of my head to hold me there and I admonish her by nipping her earlobe.
“I’ll see you downstairs.” She bites her bottom lip and nods with that blush staining her cheeks.
“You alright, sweetheart?” She’s been quiet since she came downstairs, even after we left my place. Maybe the high that was keeping the regret from her is wearing off. I don’t know what it is. But her sweet smiles are gone now. I hope her memory isn’t coming back to her. Seeing her anything but happy makes me nervous and uneasy.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” she answers with a forced upbeat in her voice.
“It was fun hanging out with you.” I rest my hand on her thigh. We’re parked in front of a decent enough house in an average neighborhood.
“Yeah,” she says. Her smile falls and she noticeably swallows. “It was fun for me, too.” My heart drops looking at the sadness in her eyes. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why she’s so upset.
That’s a fucking lie. I know she wants more. But she can’t have it. It’s over between us. It’s better this way. She can’t be coming around after the shit she saw. Even though she forgot, I’m not bringing her around the familia. I can’t.
For fuck's sake, I want her, too. But I can’t have her.
Her small hand grips the handle to leave before I can get out of the car. That’s not happening. “I’ll walk you up.” I don’t give her a moment to respond. I’m out and around to her side before she can swing the door fully open. I offer her my hand, but she’s hesitant to accept. Finally, she does. She gracefully steps out and we walk in silence.
This fucking sucks. I don’t know if I want her more because I can’t have her, or if what I’m feeling is more than that. It doesn’t fucking matter though.
I can’t have her, and I need to end this in a way that she knows that. She turns to face me as we get to her door.
But I can’t go through with it. Her wide blue eyes focus on me and I find myself leaning forward and wrapping my arms around her waist. She moans into my mouth and kisses me back.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
My tongue dips inside, tasting her. My hands find her ass and grip her cheeks. She pulls away from me. Her breathing comes in pants. She wants me. I nip her bottom lip and give her one more kiss.
I may not be able to see her after tonight. But I’m not going to crush her heart until I absolutely have to. I don’t want to see her sad. I don’t want her angry at me. Not like she was. I fucking love this side of her. I love that she wants me.
“See you later, sweetheart.”
She hums in satisfaction and watches me as I walk to the car.
I wait to leave until after she’s in the house.
I’ve gotta get some shit done and then I’ll send her a text. My heart hardens in my chest. The familia comes to Sunday dinner. I don’t want her around them. I know by now everyone will know. An intense urge to protect her makes my muscles tight as I drive away.
I’ll just show them she’s fine. Let her wait in the foyer or something where they can see her. Then she can go.
And then I’ll really have to say goodbye.
Elle
“I said I’m sorry, Elle.”
I hear my mom’s voice, but I ignore her as I look through the bills again. I can’t fucking believe this.
“I can’t afford this!” I yell, interrupting whatever she was about to say. I'm sitting at my desk chair, and I finally turn to look at her. She’s pale and gaunt looking. She hasn’t taken care of herself. Not recently. Not ever. And it’s noticeable. Her blonde hair is pulled tight into a ponytail which makes her skin look even more wrinkled and her face more sunken in. I don’t even recognize her.
“Of course you can. They wouldn’t let me take out the loans if you couldn’t afford them.”
“No! I can’t!” I can’t help the anger heating my blood. I’m going to have to drop out of school. There’s no way I can afford to live on a grad student’s wage and only work part-time in the lab in order to pay this shit off. My heart sinks in my chest. I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have to do this.
“How many more?” I ask her. She’s done this shit before. I know she’s hiding some. Ones that she isn’t that overdue on.
“Those are the only ones with your name on them.” Her eyes widen as she puts her hand over her heart. Her voice lowers as she cries. “I only did it because I had to.”
“You didn’t have to do it!” I’m still angry and still screaming, and that’s not what she expects. I can’t help it though. It’s so true. “You don’t have to make my life hell.”
She shakes her head and starts to speak, but I stop her.
“Don’t! Don’t you dare. I’m going to have to quit school now. You know that?” Oddly enough though, quitting school seems like more a relief than anything else.
“You have to know I didn’t mean for this to happen. I promise you, Elle. I’m going to fix this. I kicked him out. I did. It was stupid of me. I’m going to my AA meetings, I swear!”
Her eyes plead with me to forgive her as her hands clasp in front of her and tears fall down her face. It melts my anger and just makes me sad. I feel pathetic believing her, but I really do. I can help her. I know I can.
“I’ll figure this out, Mom.”
She practically runs to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, crying as she says thank you and sorry over and over again. I pat her back and try to comfort her until I can send her away.
I stare at the closed door and feel sick to my stomach. She hasn’t paid a single dime on the mortgage. So there’s a couple grand that I owe there. But what’s even worse are the credit cards. Cash withdrawals of thousands of dollars at 22%. I’ll consolidate. I don’t know who’s going to give me a loan for that amount. But I’ll find a way. I sift through the papers and mentally calculate what I need. A little over 26k in total. My heart sinks. I made 22k a year at my old college, and a measly 14k being the night shift part-timer in the lab. I have nothing saved up because of her last “situation”. And I make 26k at this university and haven’t found a job here yet.
My head falls into my hands. There’s just no way. I don’t see how anyone would loan me the money.
I’ll try. The least I can do is try. I stand up from the desk and breathe in deep. I’m not going to cry because that accomplishes nothing.
I take one step and wince. I can still feel him inside of me. I feel raw and sore, but I love it. It’s a strange feeling, finally giving myself to someone.
I shake my head and sigh as I lay down on the bed. It’s not even made. All my stuff is still in moving boxes, along with my sheets. I don’t have much. But it’ll feel better once this room looks like my old bedroom.
I close my eyes and remember his hands on me. The heated looks he gave me as he fucked me. I moan and clench my thighs, loving the soreness. I want him again and again. I loved the way he fucked me. I’ve really been missing out.
I pop up and and dig in my purse for the birth control pills. It’s a few hours late, but it’ll be alright. I bite the inside of my cheek. Maybe I should get the morning after pill too. I feel my cheeks flame and I start feeling … dirty. I don’t like the tightness in m
y chest. I wanted the whole experience and I got it. Maybe I’m naïve or stupid. I don’t know, maybe I’m a slut for wanting that. I swallow the lump in my throat and grab my bottle of water to swallow down the pill. It doesn’t matter now. I got what I wanted.
My heart hurts. I don’t know what to think. One moment he’s noncommittal, the next he’s kissing me like he needs the air in my lungs to breathe.
I understand it probably seemed like a hookup last night, but I can’t help wanting more.
I roll my eyes. Of course I’m being a clingy bitch. No man wants that. And that’s not what this was. It may have felt like more to me, but I’m sure that’s only because he was my first. I wonder if I told him that last night. I’m too embarrassed to ask. I pick up my phone and scroll through the contacts. Before we left he called himself from my phone so he’d have my number. I like that. I like how in charge he is. My eyes widen as I look at the screen and see it light up with a text from him.
Shit! I didn’t press send or anything, did I? I stare at it for a moment trying to figure out what the hell I did before I realize he’s the one who sent me a text. My heart beats rapidly and I find my body heating with nerves.
What the hell? I feel like I’m in high school again. I calm my nerves and realize the reason he's texting is just that I've left one of my textbooks back at his place.
That was stupid of me. Also… I’m gonna need that so I can sell it. These books aren’t cheap.
As I’m debating how to reply, another text comes through:
Meet me at my parents' house, it’s closer to you and I’ll be there tonight at 5.
The text is followed up with an address. I wonder if I should wait a few minutes before responding, but I’m pretty sure he can see that I’ve read them anyway. I cringe. I wonder if that looks clingy. I don’t want to look that way. I wanna seem laid-back. Eh. Whatever. I shrug my shoulder and send a reply.
Thanks. I’ll see you then.
And thanks for the orgasms this morning. May I have another? I laugh at my inner thought. I am not sending that, although it’s exactly what I want to say. He’s sweet and funny. And fucks my body like it was made for his dick. My thighs clench again.
Damn, one time and I’m a sex addict. I put down my phone and sit up, ready to get my mind on something else. But then I remember the shit my mother left me saddled with, and my heart sinks. I bite the inside of my cheek. I need to get my ass up and go look for a job. Make that jobs. One for myself, and one fit for a recovering alcoholic. I’m not going to waste my life taking care of her. She needs to get her shit in order. I nod my head with anger as I pull my laptop from my bag and open it up on the desk.
Everything’s going to be just fine. Even as I think the words and try to believe them, something deep in my gut is telling me it’s a lie.
Vince
I put the phone back in my pocket. She’s quick to answer and agreed to meet me tonight, just like I knew my sweetheart would. She’s giving me a clingy vibe--usually that turns me off, but on her, I like it.
I blow out a long exhale and face the docks. If only the rest of my day could be this easy.
“Boss, we got another problem.” Tommy walks up behind me. I turn to look at him and see his chin is bruised up nice. Seeing it almost makes me feel like a prick. Almost. I know he was doing what he thought was best for the family, but fuck that. I’d do it again if I had to.
“It’s all fucked today.” I shove my hands in my pockets and stare at the water, listening to the waves beat against the dock. Three orders came in, but all three were only partially filled. “What’s wrong with this one?”
“Supposed to be 50 pounds.” I nod my head. I know how much we should be getting from the Marzano Cartel. It's the same we’ve been getting for nearly 7 months now. “We’ve only got 42 here.”
“Someone is skimming. Who is it that counted? I want all the names, Tommy.”
“I was there for this one, boss. I saw it opened.”
“And the container?” It’s possible someone fucked with them on the ship. In which case we have all their names and addresses. Someone would have a real rough night if it came down to that.
“Locked and untouched.” He’s confident, and that tells me everything I need to know.
“So it’s their end that’s fucking with us.” That’s not good. It’s never good ending business relations in the line of work we do. But I’m not putting up with this shit. “Did they think we wouldn’t notice 8 pounds were missing?” Not to mention the guns. They were light, too.
“Could be someone in packing on their end.” Tommy’s got a point.
“I’ll send a message to Javier. We need this shit dealt with immediately.” I have to walk back to the docks to get the phone we use for that shit. Tommy walks with me.
“How’s the other situation going?” he asks. My hands flex and I crack my neck trying to keep my temper at bay. I know he’s concerned, but I don’t like him asking about her.
“It worked. She doesn’t remember shit.”
He nods his head and grins. “That’s fucking fantastic.” He doesn’t sound as thrilled as he’d like me to believe he is. “You sure about that?”
“Positive.” He shuts his mouth and nods his head, walking silently beside me. I’m the underboss, he knows not to question me. I can see his worry though, so I decide to put him out of his misery. “She’s easy to read, and she’s gonna come over tonight for a quick second to grab a book I took from her.” I open the heavy door and grin at him. “You can see for yourself, Tommy.”
“So what’d she think? You two just had a wild night together?”
I give him a smug look that lets him know that’s exactly what she thought and that I got some this morning too.
“Are you fucking for real? You tapped that ass?” He’s grinning from ear to ear, but shaking his head in disbelief.
“Damn right.” I hesitate to say more, but I figure why the hell not let him in on it. “I want her again, too.”
He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Going back for seconds isn’t your thing.”
“Wasn’t. But this girl is real sweet.” I don’t usually brag, but this broad is different. I want everyone to know I had her. More than that, I want them to know she’s mine.
“Good girls like bad boys. I want me one of those.” He says.
“A good girl?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Then go get one.” I park my ass at my desk and unlock the desk drawer. I reach in and grab the right cell phone and flip through the info on my notepad. I appreciate Tommy’s distraction, 'cause this shit fucking sucks.
“They aren’t all that easy to find, not with how often you’ve got me working.” He sits at one of the opposite seats and stretches his legs out in front of him. He nervously runs his hand on the back of his neck and opens and shuts his mouth a few times.
“What’s going on?” I just want him to say whatever the fuck is on his mind.
He spits it out without the need for further prodding. “I’m real fucking sorry, Vince.” His eyes turn sad. “You know I didn’t want to. I was just doing things according to protocol.”
I look him directly in the eye. “Witnesses don’t live to be witnesses.” That’s still protocol. It was stupid of me to risk this shit. Everyone knows it. I worry a bit that they think women make me soft. Specifically, this woman. After all, I’m going to be the one taking over. I can’t have them thinking that. “This was a one-off, Tommy. You did what you should’ve.”
“Alright boss.” He taps his hands on the armrests and looks like he’s getting ready to take off.
“Everything else good for going out tonight?” I ask him, while I have his attention.
“Everything is set. Unless you want to add anything in the shipment going to the cartel.”
I smirk at him. “Not yet, let’s make sure we play this smart.” Sending a message like what he’s thinking would be bad for everyone. I gotta make this call and let our business p
artners know what’s up. Eight pounds missing is over 200 grand of our money gone, but it's over a million in gross after it’s cut and sold. Whoever took it wanted a reaction from us. They’re going to get one. I just have to figure out exactly who it was that tried to fuck us over and what they thought they’d get from pulling this shit. Stealing some product to profit on the side is one thing. Skimming off the top--I’ve seen that, too.
But fucking with a shipment to start a war is also a possibility. The thought gives me an uneasy feeling. War is something we’ve dealt with not too long ago, with my brother Dom. And his woman got caught up in that shit. An uneasy feeling settles in my gut. I’m not gonna let that shit happen again.
Elle
I’m feeling more and more pathetic as I scroll through my phone. I literally have no one to talk to. I want to tell someone that I lost my V-card. Anyone. But I feel a bit pathetic that it took me this long, and who am I going to talk to anyway? I just realized I’ve essentially lost touch with all my friends from undergrad. We like each other’s FB posts, but I haven’t had a real conversation with Michelle or Amy in almost two years. Michelle is married now, and I think she’s pregnant. Yeah, she’s definitely pregnant. I remember seeing a picture of her with a huge belly, opening a box of blue balloons. Damn. I’m really out of touch.
That’s alright though. I’m going to start today. After all, I need to meet people in this town so that I can find a job. I applied for 20 positions, everything from waitressing and working at the hardware store, to working as a library assistant at the university. I’m almost out of gas now, too. I picked up a few applications for Mom, but she needs to get her shit together first.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I need to get mom to just sell this house. I can get a part-time job and still go to school, just like I did back in Maryland. I can do it again here. Only this time I’ll have Mom live with me so I can keep an eye on her.
Those Boys Are Trouble Page 24
