by Max Walker
And now, after examining Troy and establishing a doctor-patient relationship, he didn’t know what else to do. It wasn’t like Troy needed constant medical attention, thankfully. Ethan was just there in case things got bad. So after doing his job, Ethan walked over to the couch, trying not to pay attention to Crow’s amber brown gaze following him as he crossed the bus.
“Don’t sit so far!” Jordan called, slapping an empty seat at the table next to him. “I might need my blood pressure checked,” he added suggestively.
Ethan chuckled as he got up from the couch. He went to the seat, which happened to be across from Crow. He could feel the man looking at him from where he sat. Ethan wanted to do the same. He wanted to stare at that face for hours, until he could sketch it exactly from memory. He wanted to memorize every single crease, every pore, everything.
What is going on with me?
“So, Ethan, as a newbie to the crew, I think we’re going to need to get you properly initiated.” Jordan smiled around his glass as he took a drink. “We won’t go with the full on blind-fold ceremony we do, but we still have to do something.”
“He’s just messing with you.” It was Crow. His voice was arresting. Damn, even when he wasn’t singing, Crow could still take over a room with his voice alone. “We’re not a frat.”
“Eh, have you seen how you keep your room?” Angela added, an eyebrow arched. “It looks like you horde frat guys underneath the bed. As if they only come out at night and throw their underwea—“
“Ok, we can stop there.” Crow cut her off, chuckling. Ethan glanced his way and was surprised to see a slight blush on his cheeks. It was so fucking endearing.
“Just saying.” Angela went back to her iPad, eyebrow arched.
“I think I’ll pass on the initiations,” Ethan said. Jordan exaggerated an offended look. Troy came in from the bathroom just then, drying his hands on his jeans. He went to a cabinet and grabbed a box of cards.
“The only thing you’ll need to do is play a round of Cards Against Humanity with us,” Troy said, motioning for Crow to scoot down the booth so he could sit.
“Well, in that case, I’m in.” Ethan was glad that the group thought to include him. They could have easily treated him like an outsider, there to do a job and that was it. Instead, Ethan was feeling more and more like this was the right decision. He had stayed up the entire night before, sick with worry that he had made a mistake. It was easier than dealing with the dreams, and so he was pretty anxious walking onto the bus.
The moment he saw Crow, that was when the anxiety was blasted away. He had to let himself ride with that, he needed to leave his fears and trepidations back in Los Angeles. This was all a new start, and he had no idea what was going on between him and Crow, but he knew it was something worth delving into a little more.
They played the card game, which involved matching random cards up with random phrases. The catch was that all the combinations usually led to something totally outrageous and sometimes offensive (hopefully funny enough to offset it). This had the group cracking up on multiple occasions with the different pairings they made. Ethan was particularly skilled, to his own surprise. He didn’t think he’d be so witty, but he guessed that came with being able to think on his feet. He could also read a room pretty well and knew that the group of people playing were down for some dirty jokes. That was probably why his combination of cards that read: ‘And the Academy Award for Fisting goes to Gandalf’ had the entire table in tears.
It was also a great way of getting to bask in Crow’s incredibly warm smile. And that laugh of his was just as warm and infectious. Even if some of the card pairings weren’t all that funny, Crow would still laugh, which in turn would have the rest of the group laughing. Ethan was quickly realizing that Crow had that effect twenty-four seven. Regardless of whether they were playing a naughty card game or not, Crow had a way of making people feel happy around him. Whether it was through his endless charm or charming laughs, he managed to do it.
It was a trait Ethan admired. He was the kind of person who was shaped by the energies around him, so he was glad that Crow only exuded positivity. That, in turn, made Ethan feel happy. It was an emotion that had felt out of grasp for Ethan for a long time. So long, Ethan had begun to think he could no longer even reach for it. What had been the point? There wasn’t even a use crying about it.
Not anymore, though. Happiness was no longer something he thought he had permanently lost. Ethan felt it as he sat with the group, stealing prolonged glances across the table at Crow, laughing along with the rest. His mind would wander back to that kiss they shared only a few nights ago. It was seared into his memory like a brand. He could still feel Crow’s lips on his. Their warmth and wetness. And he could also feel the fear that had spiked in him. Fear of falling back into something so deep, so powerful, that he was opening himself up to a world of hurt again.
Then he looked into Crow’s eyes, and an entirely different story unfolded in his head. This one had nothing to do with fear. He found himself smiling, looking back down at his hand of cards as if he was actually paying attention to the game. They kept playing for another hour or so before they broke for lunch. By that point, the bus had pulled into its first stop of the tour: a gas station that also had a Dunkin Donuts and a Burger King inside.
They all got off the bus and split off into little groups. Without even seeming to think about it, Ethan found himself walking side by side with Crow.
“Wow, that’s nice,” Crow said as they walked through the sliding glass door and into the air-conditioned rest stop. The recent rain had also bought an unusual humidity, which was great for keeping lips unchapped but was fucking terrible when it came to being outside. So the blast of cool air was welcome, even though the walk from the bus to the rest stop wasn’t very long at all.
Inside, they saw a row of stalls filled with all kinds of trinkets and souvenirs. From sunglasses to weird hats and funny t-shirts. The smell of cinnamon filled the air as they walked past the Cinnabon store, making Ethan’s mouth water. He had a weakness for the sweet stuff, and a bun smothered in melted vanilla and cinnamon swirls sounded like heaven.
“That card game was hilarious. You had me cracking up.”
Ethan shook his head. “You took the cake with the one about roller coasters and orgasms.”
Crow laughed at that, once again drawing Ethan in with the sound. They entered the line for a burger. “That was good. But your’s with Gandalf totally gave a whole new meaning to Lord of the Rings.”
“Good one,” Ethan said, the laughs bubbling up from his chest. It had been a while since he had laughed this much. “One cockring to rule them all.”
Crow snorted at that. Ethan joined in. A few people behind them shuffled in line. He didn’t even care if they were being loud, he just felt so full of joy again. The giddy kind of joy that lowered Ethan’s walls much faster than he even realized. He felt like a kid again. He was in his mid-thirties and yet he felt like he had been thrown back to when he was a twenty-year-old.
Back to when he met Adam.
They reached the front of the line. They ordered and went to go find a table. The place was pretty packed, apparently a few school buses on a fieldtrip had stopped there minutes before they did. There were kids running around, clearly excited out of their fucking minds, all wearing the same bright yellow t-shirts with a smiling cartoon alligator on the back, wearing a bright blue shirt with the school’s name on it.
It was like shirt-ception.
Luckily, an exhausted looking family finished up their onion rings and started clearing off their table the second Ethan walked by. He claimed the table and called Crow over. They looked around for the rest of the group but couldn’t spot them, so they started digging into their lunches. Ethan was going to need to be extra vigilant about getting his workouts in whenever and wherever he could, because he could already tell that this tour was going to wreck his diet.
“Thanks again for jumping on the tour s
o last minute. You saved me from either rescheduling the tour or going on without Troy. Obviously, both of those things sucked major balls. Beside from heights, I think my other major fear is having to let down friends or fans.”
“No need to thank me. I became a doctor because I love helping people, and now I get to do that while traveling through different parts of the country. It’s not a bad gig.”
“True, but it still must be hard to just get on and uproot yourself. You know, leaving things behind from one day to the next… did you leave anyone behind?”
Ethan could tell Crow wanted to ask that question from the start. “No one,” Ethan answered with a simple finality to it.
“Ok, good, because then I’d have to second-guess that kiss of ours, and that’s the last thing I want to do.”
Ethan grabbed his coke and drank, finding another situation in which his quick thinking doctor abilities were coming short. “I, uhm, —”
“Do you travel a lot?” Crow asked. He bit into an onion ring, looking so damn nonchalant even though he had brought up a kiss that had rocked Ethan’s entire world. How could he do that? How did he manage to keep his cool so well?
“No,” Ethan answered, realizing that he was being way too short. He was just getting too lost in his thoughts. “I’ve wanted to, though,” he continued. Crow remained quiet, which made Ethan open up even more. “I was born in San Diego, my mom was a teacher so we didn’t really have much extra money for long-distance vacations. Then I went to medical school right after undergrad and started working as a doctor eight years later, with no time off in between. So then when I finally had the money to leave LA and travel, I was too busy.”
And lately, I just haven’t wanted to leave.
Not until you came.
9 Crow Kensworth
Crow could have stayed in that rest stop and written an entire album in an hour, all he had to do was sit across from Ethan and listen to him speak the entire time. The man had a voice that encapsulated the essence of a muse. Even over the din of the conversation that surrounded them. Crow had never felt so inspired. He wanted to jump on the table and break out into a song about sapphires that fell from the sky and heart beats that painted a mural. Crow wanted to raise the roof off of the place, all in the name of Ethan Winter.
Instead, he remained seated and tried to bottle up all that inspiration for a later time. He focused instead on the crispy onion rings and decent burger. He had to look away from Ethan’s sexy lips before he accidentally drooled all over the table. “Where’s the one place you’ve always wanted to go?” Crow asked, wanting to dig deeper into who Ethan was as a person.
He chewed on his bottom lip, thinking of the answer and simultaneously sending a fireball straight to Crow’s crotch. Ethan looked so damn sexy when he was thinking about something. Crow had noticed that during the card game. He would sometimes bite down on his lip, revealing a set of pearly whites that Crow immediately wanted to lick and then have biting on his own skin. “Hmm,” Ethan said. “In America?”
“Anywhere.”
“Paris.”
“Nice, any special reason?”
Ethan smirked. “I’m into museums and The Louvre is one I’ve been wanting to go to since I could remember.”
Crow recognized that glint in those sapphire blue eyes. He could tell Ethan was being genuine about liking museums, and—somehow—that was even sexier than the lip bite. “I love an evening spent in a museum, and the Louvre is definitely one of my dream visits,” Crow said, squeezing his thighs together under the table. “But I also really love the small, weird ones. The side-show museums. Those are always a blast.”
“Those are great too. Have you been to The Museum of Jurassic Technology back in LA?”
Crow chuckled, remembering a good time in that museum. “Love it. It was so weird, and half the exhibits make you wonder if they’re even real, which is such a cool way to experience a museum. And the rooftop tea garden is somehow weirder than the entire place put together.” He smiled, not looking away from Ethan now. The man somehow made the fluorescent rest stop lighting look like a professional setup, ready for a photo-shoot. “There aren’t any museums, I think, but I’d really love to go to Santorini. I could be a huge beach bum when I have free time, so I really want to check out the black and red sand over there. Plus, I love those buildings with the bright blue roofs.”
Ethan looked down at the crumbs on his tray. Crow couldn’t exactly tell, but he had a sense that Ethan was no longer smiling. Crow looked over his shoulder, wondering if maybe Ethan spotted someone he knew, someone that made him retreat from the conversation like he had.
“You ok?” Crow asked.
Ethan didn’t look up, but he did nod. He grabbed his soda cup and sucked up nothing but air through the straw.
“I’m going to get a refill.” He got up and reached for Crow’s cup. “Need one?”
“Thank you,” Crow said, watching Ethan walk to the soda machine, a crowd of kids running around him toward one of their field-trip leaders.
Was it something I said?
His phone buzzed in the pocket of his gym shorts. He pulled it out and saw it was a message from Jordan. He was about to respond when he felt someone sit back down at the table. He looked up and was surprised when he didn’t see Ethan.
“Oh, Jordan,” Crow said. “I was just about to text you.”
“It’s ok. I get it. You don’t have to explain why you’re ignoring me.” Jordan mimed rubbing away tears. “I have enough confidence to know that no one can replace me.”
“Of course not, Jordan,” Crow said, clearly joking with him. Jordan knew they weren’t anything romantic, he was simply having a little fun, and Crow wasn’t going to refuse to play along.
“Seriously though,” Jordan said, swirling his coffee cup with one hand before holding it with both. He looked put together for someone who had been on a bus all morning. Most of them were wearing casual athletic wear since it was the most comfortable, but Jared opted for a dark gray polo and designer jeans with some serious tan leather shoes. He was definitely the PR guy out of the group, that was for sure. “You’re not seeing anyone are you?”
“Why are you so interested?” Crow asked.
“Because I’m picking up on a few cues lately and I wanted to confirm it straight from your mouth.”
“I don’t know what ‘cues’ you’re talking about, but I’m as single as can be.”
“So… you don’t have a secret ten-year relationship with this new doctor, like some kind of soap opera story line?”
Crow laughed at the outrageousness. “Yes, that’s exactly what it is. How do you read people so well?”
“Years of watching Oprah.” Jordan took a sip of his coffee. “Years.” He emphasized.
They were both laughing when Ethan came back to the table. Jordan looked up at him but didn’t move down the booth, which didn’t leave him any space to sit back down.
“Here,” Crow said, scooching down before Ethan turned to go back to the bus.
Ethan took the offer. He sat down, looking a little less taken aback than he was a few minutes ago. Crow still had no idea what he had said, but he definitely wasn’t going to bring it up in front of Jordan. He was already acting a little weird, he didn’t want to dig into Ethan’s psyche while Jordan watched.
“Sorry,” Jordan said, his voice taking on an odd tone. “Was I interrupting anything?”
“No, not at all,” Ethan said, a little too quickly. If Crow was being a hundred percent honest, then yes, yes Jordan was interrupting something.
“Ok,” Jordan said, not seeming to be accept the answer fully. He started looking around the room, making Crow wonder if maybe his flirty jokes were a little more serious. Was Jordan getting jealous? He had to know that it wasn’t like he had dibs on Crow. Sure, they never talked about it, but Crow didn’t think he had to have a discussion about it. He thought he made it clear in the multiple times Crow shut down Jordan’s more forward advances in
the past. He was sort of used to it. The same thing had happened with both Angela and Troy, too. Angela had made a move on Crow before she knew he was gay and Troy did the same thing, except both of them seemed to have taken no for an answer just fine. Crow thought Jordan’s persistence was playful, but maybe not…
“So, doctor Winter,” Jordan said, still looking around the room. “What’s your story?”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah, your story.” Jordan was looking at him now. “What kind of baggage are you carrying? What’s underneath those deep baby blues of yours? We’re going to be traveling together for the next three months, we might as well know the best and the worst of each other.”
“There’s no need to go that deep,” Crow interjected. He saw what Jordan was doing, and he didn’t like it. He was trying to get Ethan to air out all his dirty laundry, probably in hopes of detracting from Crow’s attraction toward him.
As if.
Ethan didn’t look bothered by the question. He looked much more composed than when Crow was talking about visiting Santorini.
I wonder why?
“I wanted an adventure,” Ethan said, “that’s all.”
Jordan cocked his head. “Eh, I’m not buying it. You seem like someone that’s carrying something big on their shoulders. You’re not as easy-going as you sometimes put on, I can see that. So what is it? A rough divorce? A—“
“A ‘none of your business’, Jordan.” Crow was getting upset now. He could feel Ethan next to him, only inches away, and he wanted to reach out and put an arm over his shoulders. Then, he’d draw him in and tell Jordan to go fuck off.
“No, that’s ok,” Ethan said. He could feel some of the tension growing in the air. “He’s partially right. I am running from something.”
Crow turned in his seat, looking at Ethan, watching his jaw tighten and flex, cutting a sharp outline on his face. He was looking across the table at Jordan, who’s eyes went back to drifting around the rest stop, as if he wasn’t the one who opened up this can of worms in the first place.
