by Coco Cadence
“Why?” he says.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t see you as a father figure.”
“Excuse me?” he says, raising his brows.
“Oh, I didn’t mean it as an insult. I’m just really blown away. In a good way.”
“Yeah, right.” Everyone starts laughing a bit except for our mom. She just gives me this look … the same one she uses whenever she secretly thinks of killing me. It makes me chuckle.
“Or maybe because I’m your brother, and you’re seeing babies and marriage in front of you, thinking ‘how the fuck could I ever do this?’”
“Maybe,” I muse, rubbing my lips together. “Who knows.”
My brother shoves me. “I know what you’re thinking.”
“All right, all right, yes, I can’t fucking imagine all of this happening, especially not to me. I’m not even sure I’m going to be a good uncle to him … or her?”
My brother smirks. “Hey, I’m not telling you that yet.” He places a hand on my back. “But you’ll be a great uncle, of that I’m sure. If it isn’t for the rides on your back, then it will be for the rides on your motorcycle.”
“Hey!” Sam folds her arms, and we both laugh a bit because I know my brother is only trying to get under her skin. I know he would never let his kid ride on my bike. Me, on the other hand … Let’s just say that I’m not very responsible.
Especially when it comes to the people that I care about. Emily knows all about that. I can’t be trusted with anyone’s heart.
Which is why I won’t become a dad anytime soon.
Chapter 9
Chris
A few days later
I pull the handles on my bike, revving the engine, the roar a boost to my vigor. I’m racing along the tracks, pushing the limits of this bike as far as I can. I have to be better, faster, and more agile than last time because I have to win. Now that I know she’ll be watching me, there’s extra pressure to win. I can’t lose in front of her. Maybe that’s just my insecurity, but it’s the only thing I have going for me. I need to do this for me. I have to show her my worth.
She’s watching me from the stands, checking a few newspapers as well, and probably looking through the articles in search of news about me, but sometimes she looks up to gaze at me. When she does, I can’t help but smile. I love seeing that spark of curiosity in her eyes. Even though she tries to hide it, I know she wants me to succeed.
I hope that one day she can look at me without feeling ashamed.
Sweat drops trickle down my forehead as I burst through the sand, my legs aching as I drag my kneecaps along the ground for a quicker turn around the corner. The pads provide good protection, but I can feel my muscles burning, which means I have to work out even harder to maintain my strength. I have to stay on top, have to be the best, have to show her that I’m worth it. That I’m worthy of her love.
I know she hates me and rightfully so. However, now that she’s in my life again, I won’t give up the fight to reclaim her heart. Not ever again.
After thirty minutes of practice, I stop in front of the bleachers she’s on and flip my visor open. When she looks up, I give her a wink. For a second, I think I spot a flush on her cheeks, but then it disappears just as quickly. Too bad, because it looks so fucking good on her. It makes me wonder how red she will be when I fuck her senseless.
Once, a long time ago, I heard her moan from my touch. It’s been so long that I barely remember the sound, but I’ll never forget the way she felt in the dark. I couldn’t see a thing, but I know she liked it, and so did I. It was such a shame it had to end.
One day I’ll make her scream my name again.
***
Age 16
I’m sitting behind Emily in class, and I can’t for the life of me concentrate on the teacher. Ever since I bumped into Emily, I can’t stop thinking about her. That cute giggle, that bright smile, those sparkling eyes. There’s just something about her.
This is strange because I’ve never been hung up on a girl like that before. Most of the times, I just kiss ‘em, maybe bang ‘em if they’re good looking, but otherwise, nothing else. I’ve never felt anything like this before.
It’s like I … have a crush.
Well, fuck me.
Shaking my head, I laugh at myself, which makes the teacher look up at me with a frown.
I stay quiet for the rest of the class, but I can’t stop myself from staring at her and smiling whenever she raises her hand. She’s so freaking smart. It’s as if she always knows the answer. Or she likes to be a know-it-all. It doesn’t matter to me. I find it all funny, and if it makes me laugh, I like it.
I just like her.
So much so, that for the last few days I’ve been trying to get her attention. I’ve been throwing her glances, winking at her, even licking my lips, but she just doesn’t seem to notice. That, or she doesn’t want to.
Maybe she’s afraid. All the more reason for me to pursue it even further.
I like it when a girl plays hard to get. I enjoy a challenge from time to time.
Especially this time, when I actually want her to talk to me and go out with me, instead of just hooking up. It’s exciting not to know how she’ll react. I’m tired of having it easy, and Emily definitely doesn’t seem easy. I kind of like that about her.
She’s like my polar opposite, and yet so completely intriguing.
I want to get to know her better.
If she doesn't accept my advances, then I’ll have to play this game a little differently.
I have to bring us together in a way that she can’t refuse. And I know just the thing.
Time to ask my parents for a study buddy. They’ll probably think it’s their idea, but that’s okay. As long as I get to be with her.
***
Age 16, a few months later
She sifts through my book, looking for the chapter I’m supposed to be working on, but all I can think about is being close to her. I lean in to catch her scent, pineapple and some other fruit that fucking riles me up. My fingers almost reach for her, wanting desperately to touch her, but I know I’m not supposed to.
She’s my study buddy, after all—selected by my parents for her outstanding efforts in math. Meanwhile, I’m the degenerate not capable of forming one correct sentence. According my parents, I fail at pretty much anything except sports, which is what I love the most, but that’s the last thing they had in mind for me. My parents think Emily can teach me how to do my homework more efficiently, as if that’s going to help me be anything other than myself. Although, I do love that they actually listened to me when I told them to pick her as my study buddy. Not that it’ll do much good. I’m not interested in learning; I just want her by my side.
Not that it matters, because I wasn’t good at learning anyway. I mean, let’s face it; I’m just a muscled jock. I’m good with my hands but not much else. Of course, these hands can also be used for other things … like massaging the girl lying on her bed.
I crack my knuckles and work her shoulders like a pro. She’s not protesting, so I guess she doesn’t mind. I know she’s here to help me, even though she didn’t want to, so I have to give her something in return. After all, my buds weren’t that nice to her. They call her a nerd, but I don’t see it as something negative. I still want to make her feel comfortable around me, though.
I massage her back too, and I think I hear a soft moan coming from her mouth. Fuck me, that sound is hot. That’s it; I’ve lost my self-control. I told myself that I wouldn’t touch her because I can’t stop myself when I’m around her. All I want is to show her that I’m more than what she thinks of me and that I find her intelligence sexy. I can’t wait to see her every day at school and smile like crazy when she’s sitting next to me. I can’t stop thinking about the next time we’ll study together.
“Did you do this chapter yet?” She turns her head and looks at me as if I’m supposed to know what she’s talking about, but all I can think about
are those luscious lips moving and her tongue licking them at the end of her sentence.
Fuck me; I can’t handle this shit anymore.
“Uh … what?” I say, totally flabbergasted.
I don’t even remember what she said. I’m completely zoned out, focusing on her sparkling eyes, her mouth, and the way she smiles when she notices that I’m not paying attention.
“C’mon, Chris, this is important. Your parents are counting on me to help you, so let me help you.” Her face is so radiant. Even in the dark night with only the lamp above to light her, I can’t stop looking at her.
“Yeah, I know,” I say, taking a breather. “No, I don’t think I’ve done that chapter yet. I want to close it the moment I see those numbers.”
She giggles, which makes my body rigid because all I want to hear is more of those sounds. They make me want to pounce on her like a beast … It makes me want to ravage her.
Yep. It’s not the studying part that I like but mostly just being around her. She has something about her, something I admire. The attention she gives me makes me feel good, which is what I need right now, considering my situation at home.
My parents aren’t exactly on good standing, to say the least. Things have been rough these last few years, so having her close to me as an outsider really helps.
Maybe I’m just losing my mind. Or maybe I’m falling in love.
Weird, since that’s just so not me.
I only ever toyed with girls, experimented with them, and kissed them whenever I saw fit. I wanted to be the man, the macho, the one who got them all. But none of that seems to matter anymore when I’m around her.
It’s as if all I can think about is kissing her.
I move in closer and stroke the back of her neck, sliding aside her soft brown hair. She’s lying on her belly, her elbows supporting her as she flips through the pages. Her eyes sometimes shoot my way, flashing me a look that says ‘what are you doing?’, but she hasn’t asked yet. I get the feeling that she’s afraid of the answer because I feel the exact same thing.
What will happen if I do this?
I lean in further, my hand cupping her jawline softly, and her body arches toward me, waiting for me to make a move. So I move in and press my lips to hers. She’s sweet, delicious, just like I expected, and it’s the best kiss I’ve ever had. Not because she’s good or experienced, but because I actually feel something for the first time in my life. I’ve kissed plenty of girls but never like this. I never wanted to lash on and hold her forever.
Her mouth welcomes me, warm and enticing, and she gently kisses me back. Her body is right beside me, and it’s turning me on just to kiss her. Damn, I’ve never been this excited to get my hands on a girl. But this is no ordinary girl. She’s all I ever dreamed of.
Desire quickly takes over as I wrap my arm around her and pull her close, locking her body against mine. Her kisses turn more desperate the rougher I get, almost as if she’s been waiting for this moment to happen. One minute I’m kissing her, and the next I’m crawling on top of her, taking over her body completely.
I have to have her, whatever it takes, because I know forever won’t last, but tonight is more than enough for me.
***
Present
Thinking about it tugs at my heart, but I can’t change the past. What’s done is done. I gotta look at the future and work to regain her love. It’s all I can do, all I want to do, and all I’ll fight for. Her.
Chapter 10
Emily
I’m writing a statement for the press to atone for Chris’s sins, or at least that’s what I call it, even though he probably thinks otherwise. He’s inside the office, wandering around and looking over everyone’s backs to see what they’re doing. I don’t believe he’s truly interested, and I think he’s just trying to annoy people so they’ll ask me to make him leave. And that’s exactly what he wants; for me and him to leave the building and go do something fun.
Unfortunately for him, there’s something called a ‘job’ that I really must do properly in order to be his PR lady. Sometimes I wonder if he doesn’t care that I might lose my job if I don’t do this for him.
From the looks of it, with him sauntering toward me with a giant smirk on his face, I doubt it.
My coworkers are all staring at him. I can see them talk amongst each other, muffling laughs, hiding their smiles behind their hands, while pretending to drink coffee. They’re gloating at his presence, probably admiring his muscled and tan body, his bright eyes, and his dirty grin, which promises trouble. No wonder the media is all over him. If my coworkers are swooning, then who knows how many girls stand in line just for a date with him.
It’s as if everyone adores him—or at least his looks.
I don’t belong to that group. Nope. Not a chance.
I swallow away the lump in my throat as he approaches me. He casually sits down on my desk, and the thing almost breaks underneath his weight. I didn’t know muscles could break wood this easily, but I could definitely hear it crack. I really hope he’s not going to bother me because I need to get this email done.
“So … when are we getting out of here?” he asks, leaning down on my desk, right between me and my keyboard.
I sigh. “I have to get this done first.”
“Why? Work is boring,” he muses, yawning to prove his point.
“Some of us actually have to do this to make an income.”
He shrugs. “I don’t see the appeal.”
“Neither do I when I think of sweaty suits, cocky assholes, and the constant need to be better than someone else. No, thank you; I prefer this any day.” I roll my eyes.
“Sure you do.” He rips away the paper I was checking for dates and info.
“Hey! I need that,” I say, trying to fish it out of his hand, but he holds it up too high for me to reach.
“Try a little harder,” he jests, jumping off the desk to increase his height even more. Now I have no chance of reaching it.
“Chris! You know I need that. I can’t write this email if I don’t know the dates and info.” I frown, pushing him to get the damn paper back, but he won’t let me.
He looks down at me with that playful smile he so often sports. “Write it later then. Let me take you out for coffee. You obviously need a break.”
“How am I supposed to do your PR for you, huh?” I say, putting my fists against my waist. “You’re not letting me do my job properly.”
“What, me? I’m not doing anything.”
“That’s the whole point; you’re just here to bother me.”
“No, that’s not true.” He lowers the paper, only to pull it back up again when I attempt to grab it. The smirk on his face makes me want to smack him.
“Chris!”
“Come and get it then,” he says with a grin.
I don’t think my face can show any more hostility. “Give it to me. Now.”
“Oh … I like it when you get feisty,” he growls.
“You won’t when I’m done kicking your ass,” I spit, pushing him forward. “Now hand it over so I can actually do some work.”
“You want this?” he says, cocking his head. “C’mon, then. Show me how much you want it.”
If I wasn’t boiling yet, I am now. “Chris!”
All my coworkers are looking at us, and this ridiculous show is starting to embarrass me. Why can’t he just let me work in peace?
“Are you just here to annoy me? Because you’ve succeeded, all right. Good job. Happy now?” I snarl.
“No,” he says, looking down at me with that smug smile of his. “But I like it when you’re all up in my face. Beats having to watch you stare at that computer screen all day.”
“Why are you here anyway?” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
He stops moving around to avoid me for a second, which allows me to grasp the paper and rip it away from him. He seems flabbergasted, and I wonder why.
“I don’t know,” he mumbles.
&
nbsp; I shake my head. “I don’t get you.”
“Me, neither.” He laughs. “But I know that sitting at that PC won’t help you help me, if you get me.”
“I get you,” I say, sighing. “But this really has to be done.”
“Can’t you give me tips or something? To prevent that shit you’re trying to fix?” He points at the paper in my hand.
“Maybe,” I say. “But this comes first.”
His smile disappears, almost as if he’s sad that I have to do this. As if he actually wants me to come with him, instead of him just trying to annoy the hell out of me.
“I’m not trying to be a bother, honestly,” he says.
As I sit down behind the PC again, I say, “Okay, but let me do my job and then, maybe, we can grab a coffee and talk about it later.”
“Really?” he says, which surprises me.
“Yeah, I guess,” I say, shrugging.
I don’t know how to answer. Part of me likes the idea of taking a break, but I’m not sure if I want to do it with him. I mean, I don’t really trust him to care about anyone else but himself, so him being here feels like he’s just trying to mess with me. Again, like always. That’s just the way he is, and I have difficulty seeing it any other way.
It’s probably because he was such a dick to me in the past. I have a hard time forgiving him for that. Or maybe I’m just afraid to. Who knows what the consequences could be. I don’t even want to think about it.
Nope, he is and always will be that asshole stepbrother of mine.
***
Age 16
Walking around the school, I feel like a freak show because everyone is looking at me. I wonder if I have something on my face, or if my hairdo looks horrible, because they’re all giggling and smirking. Some even start to whisper, so I turn the corner and head straight for my locker. Right then, I bump into one of the guys Chris hangs out with.
