Caesar's proximity to Antinous drew their eyes together. A silent message passed between them. Caesar coughed mildly and drew back. He turned to the two Horse Guards swallowing their wine.
'You are dismissed for the night, men. Scorilo, ensure an exchange of watch covers this villa in the usual way, I'll be staying here overnight,' he instructed. 'On your return to the Household villa inform Geta and the Chamberlain of my intention. Tell Geta to collect me here at first light. No later, Scorilo. It's a busy schedule tomorrow.'
Antinous gulped. This was unexpected. Was he prepared for an overnight assignation? It had been some hours since he last washed and spruced. After an evening's Dionysian partying was he sweet smelling enough for an impromptu encounter? Especially, he contemplated, one likely to negotiate the physical terms of a liaison which could confirm or refute its viability?
He recalled he still owed a bodily debt to Hadrian, and perhaps now was the time that debt would be called in? This was a daunting prospect.
The two guardsmen saluted and withdrew. Herodes' steward became apprehensive.
'My Lord, you will be sleeping at this house tonight?!' he asked in escalating panic. 'We are not prepared to a suitable standard for such a great honor! My master will be dismayed, great sir!'
'Yes, I'll be sleeping here. I've slept in far less comfortable places, I assure you. Bring cushions, rugs, and lamps. More wine too. And some fruit.'
'Certainly, Excellency!'
'And then go back to your bed and give us some privacy, fellow.'
After a few moments of frenetic activity delivering the necessities, the steward drew together the four hinged leaves of the cedar shutters of the andron.
Hadrian and Antinous were alone at last.
'You told me earlier today you are now mine? Explain yourself.'
'It is so, Caesar, if it is your wish,' Antinous replied nervously, bowing his head politely. 'It was as I promised five months ago at Nicomedia. I keep my promises.'
'Yes, you held to your oath, Ant. I am impressed. Take note, I will call you 'Ant' when we are together, as I am told your intimates do,' Caesar proposed. 'Tell me about your relationship with Lysias of Bithynia. Are you lovers? Are you an erastes and eromenos?'
'No, no, my lord! By Apollo, we are good friends, childhood friends. We know each other well and respect each other. We were raised together, and our fathers were friends before us,' Antinous explained.
'Do you sleep together or have sex together?' Caesar asked.
Antinous thought this an odd query well beyond personal familiarity.
'We've slept side-by-side, body-to-body together very often since childhood during sleepovers and on hunts or militia bivouacs, like most boys do. Just as we wrestle body-to-body at the palaestra. These things occur between friends. But it's only recently that we've sported together once or twice, and then only to give quick relief to our urges. But in matters of Eros our tastes are dissimilar. To start with, I don't think either of us finds our own generation appealing, as most of our friends do,' Antinous explained.
'Tell me, Ant, what do you mean by 'you are mine'? What is it you want? What is your motive in submitting to my gestures at Nicomedia? Were you simply obeying my command? Do I intimidate you? Are you afraid of me as Caesar? Explain yourself. There are those in my retinue who suspect you,' Caesar declared. 'They say I should whip you to reveal your true motives.'
'What do I want? If you forgive me sir, I wish to deliver myself entirely into your intimate regard. Do you intimidate me? No, you have shown me a generosity which dispels all such fear. It is as you explained in the moonlight at Nicomedia. I will conform to your will as your eromenos, sir, your student of life. I hope to spend my final education in your company and under your patronage and tutelage, sir, just as you yourself proposed on that remarkable night.'
Hadrian eyed the sturdy meirakion before him with hesitancy. Antinous continued.
'May I speak freely, sir? I've never known a man of such substance before, my lord. Not only as Great Caesar, which is remarkable enough, but as a man who understands the nature of the world and men's ways so completely. I am overjoyed to be shown respect and friendliness by such a noble presence, my lord,' Antinous uttered breathily. 'I am amazed at my good fortune. I am certain I am not worthy of it.'
'But in what way are you mine?' Caesar persisted in cool precision.
'What little I am, sir, is entirely yours,' Antinous responded, 'in body, heart, and spirit. I wish to engage fully with your person in all its dimensions, wherever they lead, within my status. My arete is yours to mold.
If it's a respectful companion, a page, a squire, or your cupbearer you seek, I am eager to comply. I am yours to forge.
If it's Eros you desire, sir, my being and my body are entirely at your disposal. Your gesture to me of sexual satisfaction at Nicomedia was as a lightning bolt to me that night. I had never been so intoxicated in another's company previously, my lord. I was powerfully turned on by the occasion. Is this a fault or failing?
However, sir, if it's a lover you seek, as you told me under the cloudy stars that night, then you should know how I too am seeking a companion in life. I too crave closeness with someone special in my eyes. It amazes me how the one person in the world whose very presence stirs my emotions so dramatically appears to return a similar favor to me.
I cannot say I know what love is, sir, but I find I am swept with sensations of which I have no previous understanding. I ache with needs I have no control over. Do I speak out of order, sir? Is this childish talk unworthy of an eromenos?'
'Indeed, you speak with remarkable lucidity. Your command of ideas is excellent, Ant. But I still wonder at your motives, or those of others behind you.'
Antinous's voice lowered.
'Sir, the day of the Hunt when you knifed the boar which threatened my safety and then patiently unfurled my fingers from the impaled lance, was a day of revelation to me,' Antinous murmured softly. 'No one before in my life has taken the trouble to combat such a threat on my behalf, and then follow with equally gracious attention to my fears and excitement.
You might not believe it to be true, sir, but I ejaculated spontaneously beneath my tunic as you unwound my hands from the lance's shaft. I came excitedly without control, my bloodstream was so surging, so enthralled. My tunic was stained, though I managed to hide it from everyone I hope.
Later unexpectedly that same night when again you aroused my horniness beneath the moonlight, I felt myself falling headlong into an abyss of excitement. It was a driven urge I had not experienced previously. Am I being irrational, my lord? Is this foolishness? Does this offend? My body's sensations are seriously in debt to your goodwill and touch.'
Hadrian smiled calmly.
'Did the physician provide you a nostrum to ingest, Ant?' he asked. 'Your tongue is loosened charmingly.'
Antinous shook his head.
'No, my lord, only wine. I always speak from the heart, or else I don't speak at all.'
Hadrian was moved to act. There had been enough talk.
'I am told, Ant, how it is traditional for an erastes to confirm his homage to an eromenos by gifting a token of his intentions? A weapon or other small gesture is the custom I'm told.'
'You have already supplied fine gifts in the form of treasures and our Latin tutor, Thais of Cyrene,' Antinous reminded his company. 'These have been extremely adequate tokens, sir, without par.'
'That's so, Ant. However I'm reliably informed it's also the custom to offer a catch of game, such as a hare or wild fowl, as proof of an erastes' skills as a provider. It's usually something edible or life sustaining, a leftover from ancient trials of proof. Is this true?'
'So I've been told too,' Antinous responded, wondering where this quirky conversation might be leading as no crowing cock or wild game was in sight.
Hadrian took a small cloth purse from his belt. He stripped off the leather tie and emptied its contents into his hand. A single object fell onto his palm.
It was an elegantly carved intaglio signet ring of deep blue lapis lazuli in a setting of silver. Delicately engraved into the vivid azure stone was a cockerel, a farmyard rooster with a high cock's comb. Yet this bird was depicted with a human body and legs represented by two twisting snakes. It had words inscribed around it in an archaic script.
'I have been carrying this jewel for two years now. It was found for me in my domains at Antioch where the most precious magical amulets and talismans circulate from across the East and Egypt. This ancient find is a rare blue stone named lapis lazuli carried from a distant land named Bactria. It has been carved on both sides with special charms and blessed by Magi of the East at rituals invoking exotic gods. It is supercharged with magical spells for the wearer's protection and eternal life.
I acquired this ring with its mysterious cockerel to offer at the appropriate occasion as my erastes' token to my chosen companion, in place of a living cockerel. Unlike a live fowl, this ring offers unique protection against illness, misadventure, and even death, it is claimed. This surely is the most one human can offer to another — health, safety, and eternity? My chosen companion is to wear it always.'
Hadrian took Antinous's left hand and pressed the slender band onto his index finger.
Antinous held the delicate treasure before his eyes to inspect its beautiful color and its strange markings. It was certainly an object of distinction to his perception, but it was also a token of extraordinary significance.
'How does the cockerel provide these boons, my lord?' he asked. 'What is the magic?'
Hadrian again took the young man's hand and raised the ring to their eye level.
'This cockerel is the symbol of the god Abrasax from the East. His origin lies in ancient Babylon,' Hadrian explained. 'The cockerel is a creature which hails the advent of the day, at sunrise. He represents Phoebus, The Radiant One, just as Apollo too is described as Phoebus, shining like the sun. He is the deity of light set in a world of darkness. Beneath the cockerel's head is a man's body encased in a sturdy breastplate as protection against evil, while in one hand he clasps a whip to protect wisdom against ignorance, and in the other a shield to project his omnipotent power.
His legs of snakes tell us of Eternity, the faculty to shed their skins to renew their being.
In the Greek science of geometria, the method of calculating the numerical value of the letters of the alphabet making up a word, his name Abrasax achieves the number 365. This indicates his enclosure in the annual solar cycle. You can see the inscription AEON indicating his 365 eons emanating from his function as First Cause, one for each day of the year.
I am told this makes Abrasax the Pantheus, the total god of all manifestations, the One God. Other secret signs are carved on the reverse to enhance its power. The full complement of its mystical characters are said to provide protection and eternal life to the wearer.
It is this unique treasure I give to you, Antinous of Bithynia, to wear as a gesture from your erastes in place of an edible cockerel. I give you eternal life.'
Antinous was immediately swept deeper into his abyss of intense longing. He beheld the compact blue ring upon his finger and marveled at its provenance and purported wonders. This was truly a divine science, he thought.
'Who was, or were, the previous owners of this marvel, my lord?' he asked.
'I don't know, Ant, but I am told that Alexander the Great, our mutual hero, once wore this magical gem,' Caesar replied.
'But Alexander is dead, my lord. And at a very early age too. It didn't work for him, did it?'
'Ah, but yes it did, Ant. Death he brought upon himself, either by drink or disease, though some claim he was poisoned. Yet you must concede how Alexander became divine in our eyes and his fame lives eternally,' the emperor rationalized with a grin. 'The ring's magic may work in ways which are a mystery and an enigma to we mortals. Who knows? Egypt and Babylon possess secrets we are yet to understand. I hope you will acknowledge the nature of the gift, son of Apollo, and my good intentions in bestowing it. It is my special mark upon you.'
'I am humbled, my lord, by your gesture,' Antinous offered quite sincerely.
'Yes, we must discuss that too. In truth, Ant, you need not be so humble in my presence. You are not my slave, servant, or staff member, Antinous. You possess no military rank to submit to.
You are a freeborn independent entity with your own mind, body, and virtue. You are Greek, Ant. I do not own you, despite appearances. Independent thinking is one of your race's attractions. So you and I must now find a less formal way to respond to each other or else our time together will be wasted in interminable deference to my eminence.
So you need not call me 'Caesar' or 'My Lord, all the time,' Hadrian instructed with brisk clarity. 'And nor need you bow and scrape at every exchange. The entire world says 'Caesar'-this and 'Caesar'-that to me, which is proper and correct before me as Imperator or Princeps. But when you and I are alone together, or we are with our very closest intimates, we must relate less formally. I need to relax sometimes, too.
You are entitled to use the name 'Hadrian' to me, and desist from too much kowtowing. Respect, yes, always Ant, I am a man. But excessive etiquette, no. Our time is too precious.
The nomen Hadrian is acceptable between us. It's less distancing than unending honorifics. My days are made up of interminable accolades and fawning petitions. I tire of it sometimes. So I expect my closest intimates to have a more relaxed manner in my presence. That is, unless I command otherwise.'
Antinous attempted an understanding, but with some uncertainty.
'We must get to know each other, Ant. I am no ogre. I am not a tyrant. I am Princeps to the world, yes, but I am also a fellow man. I am not dead, burned, and deified among my predecessors quite yet, though my day will come.
Nevertheless, there still remain definite rules between us,' Hadrian elaborated. 'Put simply, in our personal space we are entitled to relate in a personal, familiar way. I am a man like any other, even as your erastes. Yet in my official capacity as Caesar we must conform to due protocol. It boils down to being personal when in our own company but suitably formal in public. In one I am your personal friend 'Hadrian', in the other I am 'Lord'," he said. "These are the consequences of my station. Understand?'
'Yes sir,' Antinous responded cautiously. 'I think I do.'
'No, it's Hadrian, Ant. The titles of sir, sire, My Lord, Caesar, or other terms of honor are to be reserved for your duty role. I tire of everyone bobbing up and down, kissing my hem, saluting, or falling to their knee at every opportunity.'
'Duty role? I beg your meaning… Hadrian?'
'You and your friend Lysias will be entered into my Household as Companions of the Hunt. You will be attached to the schedule of the Master of the Hunt, Salvius Julianus. You know him from Nicomedia. He will act as your supervisor of duty assignments and so on, especially for my recreation. It gives you proper duties in my retinue which you will enjoy, and attaches you both to the Chamberlain's schedule of finances.
You and your young friend will be awarded an endowment suited to your needs. The stipend assigns funds, services, protection, and accommodations in my travels for you and your attendants to a suitable standard. This includes your Latin tutor from Cyrenaica and stewards. Meanwhile, as a Companion of the Hunt, you'll find the Hunt Master Julianus will teach you a great deal about hunting, including of larger beasts, as I will myself. This is your duty role.'
'I see, Hadrian.'
'Your primary duty is to enjoy the supervision of the hunt under Julianus. This will keep you both out of mischief. You'll find your duties give you access to good horses, horsemanship training, weapons and security training, and the company of selected sons of notables from around the Empire.
You and your staff will join me when I tour to visit the Legions. You will accompany me when I attend public audiences and Court celebrations. You will sleep with me when occasions permit, though you will be assigned your own apartments a
s well. My Household, my contubernium, are a lively crowd, if given to too much gossip, frivolity, love affairs, and wine, but you will probably enjoy their company. Any other questions?'
'Not that I can think of at this time, Hadrian.'
'Fine. Then pour some wine for us both and take your clothes off. I want to see your shape again after all these months. Your physical line pleases me. Then you can undress me too.'
Antinous hesitated before responding. His brain raced. After several moments' pause he made his advance.
'The wine is already poured, Hadrian. The servant filled the cups before he left. Help yourself. But I wish to view you unclothed too, and all of you this time. If I'm not to mimic a servant or even a slave, why don't we undress each other? I'll undress you; you undress me. Then we'll both witness the other's physical shape.'
Hadrian was taken aback for an instant, but smiled at the ploy.
Antinous gamely reached for his erastes' hand and drew it to the swelling package rising at his crutch. Caesar's unresisting hand was obliging, even willing.
The meirakion's audacity immobilized him momentarily. That is, until he was tugged firmly at his shoulder to press his bearded jaw down towards Antinous's groin. There was only an amused resistance by the master of the Empire.
'I said I am yours, Hadrian. All this is yours too, with more to follow,' Antinous whispered breathily close to his ear.
He felt the clothbound flesh of the young man's firming member press provocatively against his face and jaw. He too sensed his blood race to his genitals despite Antinous's challenge to his Roman machismo.
By inciting irrumene, where the mouth engages in a supposedly impure act which impugns the masculinity of a vir by its receptive nature, Antinous was being incendiary. Hadrian amusedly declined this invitation to fellate his partner, but possibly as a secondary afterthought.
Then a rush to strip tunics and undercloths away from bared flesh, limbs, and organs was unleashed. Revealed entirely in their bare humanity, the pair now stood eyeing each other's sinewy condition beneath the flickering lamplight.
A Forbidden History.The Hadrian enigma Page 29
