“What?”
“You heard me,” she sniffed in an impatient tone.
“Why am I packing?”
“Because that's what people do when they take a trip, unless they plan on traveling naked, and if that's your plan then please let me know so I can make sure I never have the same itinerary as you.”
“Hold on. What trip?”
“The one you're taking,” she said as if speaking to a moron.
“Why don't we start over, and you tell me what's going on?”
“I thought you'd never ask,” she said in that annoyingly chipper tone she adopted whenever she knew she was pissing me off. “You're going to China.”
“What!? Why the hell would I be going to China?”
“James' orders. He called and requested your presence.”
“Why?”
“Beats me. You can ask him that in person in about two days.”
“I don't even have a passport!” I protested.
“Wow, that's kind of sad,” she said. “Not surprising, mind you, just sad. Fortunately, you don't need one.”
“Why wouldn't I need a passport to get into China?” I asked. “Pretty sure they check those things there.”
“Because it's a long flight, and since commercial airlines tend to have rules against their passengers going up in smoke when sunlight hits them, I made some alternate arrangements.”
“Define alternate arrangements,” I said.
“You, my friend,” she replied, putting even more chipperness into her voice, “have been booked into a first class coffin in the cargo hold.”
“WHAT!?” I screamed into the phone.
“You're welcome. By the way, you might want to pack a pillow.” *click*
Bitch!
* * *
Scary Dead Things
Available in both ebook and paperback.
Table of Contents
Introduction
The Day I Died
Before I Became the Dearly Departed
The Day Before the Day I Died
A Party to Die For
Be Still, My Beating Heart
Bill the Vampire
It Sucks To Be a Vampire
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Coming Clean
The Long Road... err, Train, Back Home
How Do We Sleep When Our Beds Are Burning?
One Will Stand, One Will Fall
And Now for a Kung-Fu Training Montage
Back To the Meat Grinder
History Lesson
Date Night
The Dork Tower
Kicking Ass and Taking Names
The Terror That Flaps in the Night
99 Problems and a Bitch is Definitely One
Vampire on Vampire Action
The Road Trip of the Damned
On the Road Again
Grudge Match
Here Comes the Sun...
And, Of Course, There's an Epilogue
About the Author
Bonus Chapter
Bill The Vampire - 01 Page 28
