by Reana Malori
Noah was already looking through his suitcase to see if he had anything that would be acceptable for Sunday church. “No, Janae. I'm not letting you face any of this alone. Not anymore. What time should I pick up you and Nicole?”
“You're not going to let this go?” Janae’s soft laughter came through the line. He smiled, even if she couldn’t see him. Noah was determined to claim his family. If the first step to doing that was walking into the church where she'd been judged for years, chin held high, holding on to both the woman he loved and his perfect little girl, then that's what he’d do. He knew what people must be thinking, but he’d debunk that idea today. Noah wasn’t ashamed of them and would never deny them. Not ever. Anyone who had a problem with him being in their lives, could deal with him.
“Fine. Be here at eleven. We’ll be ready to go.”
“I'm looking forward to it.” He laughed a little, because he knew there was no way in hell he was ready for whatever was about to come their way. If he could fake it ‘til they made it, the sooner they could put this behind them.
“I'm sure Nicole will be happy to have her daddy sitting next to her during service. Don't be surprised if she tries to show you off to everyone. When she woke up this morning, she was asking for you.”
Noah’s heart clenched. That Nicole was looking for him, asking where he was, did something to the jagged parts of him. At one point in his life, he thought he didn't have enough to love for anyone other than himself. Now he knew just how wrong he was.
He cleared the lump from his throat. “And I can't wait to see her either. Janae, you have no idea how glad I am to hear that she's asking for me. Other than my parents, I don't think I've ever had someone to love me unconditionally. Nicole has given me that.”
Silence met his statement from the other side of the line. Noah wondered what was going on, “Janae?”
“Noah. You had someone else who loved you unconditionally. You just didn't know it, or you were too afraid to face it.”
Noah didn't know what to say in response. Love usually came at a price. There was always give and take, no matter how much people tried to deny it. Every woman he'd been with, other than Janae, wanted him for their own reasons, and they didn’t always jive with his own. They wanted him for the prestige because he was a Navy SEAL, or because he was a military man, or because he knew how to make them scream his name in the bedroom. Or at least they thought he could because of the way he looked. There was always something they wanted from him, and their emotions and feelings for him always came with a price tag attached.
Janae’s soft voice broke through his internal musings. “It’s okay Noah. We both know you didn't understand what I felt for you. I think that was part of the reason you decided to leave. Because you were unsure of what I wanted from you, of what I needed from you. But now that you're back and you know about Nicole, we need to figure out our next steps. Last night was—wonderful. But I don't know if we should have a repeat performance before we decide what we’re going to do next.”
Noah immediately responded to her statement, “No, Janae. You don't get to pull away from me. Last night was exactly what we needed. I've been away from you and Nicole for too long. You don't get to tell me I can't be with you when I’ve told you just how much I need you in my life. You wanted me as much as I wanted you. Don't try and end us now.” Noah knew exactly what Janae was doing. She was trying to put him in a box, push him away in some warped attempt to protect her and Nicole. It wasn't going to happen. He wouldn’t allow it.
“Noah, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying, maybe we need to think about if we should continue what we're doing. Nicole will be confused when she wakes up one day and you’re no longer here. She will be heartbroken. And what am I supposed to tell a four-year-old little girl when the daddy she just found decides this life isn’t for him and returns to the one he had before he met her? One that doesn’t include her. I just think… maybe we should think about this a little bit more.”
“Janae,” his whispered harshly. Noah was seething. He didn't know why she was doing this. Well, maybe he did, but he really didn't give a shit. This wasn't fair to him or Nicole. Hell, it wasn’t fair to Janae as well. He wasn't going down without a fight. He’d only left her a few hours ago, and here she was trying to put up a wall between them.
“I'll be there in less than an hour. You don’t have to be dressed, but I'm coming there to be with you and Nicole. If you think I’m not going to be with you and Nicole, you’re out of your damn mind. Whatever you need from me to help you understand that I'm here for the long haul, I’ll give it to you. I'm here, sweetheart, and I'm not going anywhere.”
Noah heard Janae practically growl on the other side of the line. Coming back into her life and taking a caveman approach was not the way to win her over to his side. He knew that and would prefer to take his time wooing her all over again, but something about this entire situation rubbed him raw.
Not only was Janae trying to force him away, but she seemed almost afraid to be seen with him in public. He wondered about the incident yesterday and what the lady said to them at the ballet studio. That she’d betrayed her race. That her parents and their church had supported her even when they didn’t have to. Was there something more going on and Janae wasn’t telling him? She’d already admitted how she’d been treated—ostracized—because she a single, unwed mother. When Nicole was born, and her mixed-race heritage became known, did it become worse?
“Well, if you're going to be this stubborn about it, come on over. But I’m trying to warn you, this is not going to be a walk in the park.”
“It doesn't matter,” Noah responded. “They just need to see that I’m with you. I'm the one by your side, and I’m happy as fuck to be there. If they have a problem with what we have between us, they can come directly to me. Now, get your ass outta bed, get our daughter up, and I'll be there within the hour with breakfast.”
“Has anyone told you how bossy you are?”
He laughed. It was about time she recognized that. “Yup. All the time.”
Janae laughed into the phone. “Boy, you’re a damn mess. Bye, Noah.”
“See you soon, Beautiful.”
Noah ended the call with Janae and threw his phone on the bed. In a hotel room silent for a few minutes thinking about everything happening in his life. No one, especially him, would have expected that he would be a father one day.
His parents would be happy to find out about his new family. They’d almost lost hope that he’d settle down with a good woman. Lifting his head, he realized there was one more call to make. How would he tell his parents he had a four-year-old daughter he’d just met? Rubbing a hand down his face, he sighed deeply. No need to put the conversation off any longer. He owed them the courtesy of telling them about their grandchild.
His mother would probably cry. His father would tell him how disappointed he was. Noah understood both of those emotions. He was disappointed in himself. He'd always been the one in control, the one who lived his life with structure and purpose. Exactly the way he wanted it.
He was a protector. The one who looked after everyone else. He’d failed to protect Janae from the hurtful rumors swirling around her. His failure to confront his fear had put Janae in an untenable situation. In his quest to protect himself from hurt, and Janae from the heartache of losing him to the harsh reality of combat, Noah hadn't looked after the people who mattered most to him.
Forty-eight hours.
Such a short time when he thought about it, but in only forty-eight hours, he knew he would give his life to protect his little girl. She was a part of him. The best part of him. And if she were the only thing left of him once his maker called him home, she would be the best thing he could offer to this world.
Looking at the clock, he picked up his phone. Noah sat in one of the chairs sitting around the tiny table in his room and dialed the number he knew by heart. He settled back as the phone rang a few times.
Then his mother picked up.
CHAPTER 13
Noah
“Hey, Mom.” Noah took a deep breath. This next part would not be easy.
“Hey, Noah. How's it going, sweetheart? We haven't heard from you in a while.”
“Well, Mom, that's why I'm calling. Is Dad around?” Noah waited while she called his father over to the phone. Since it was Sunday, he was probably messing around in their garage. His dad had taken up the hobby of building cars and airplanes since his retirement. About three months after he hung up his tie for good, his mother told Noah his father was bored out of his mind and bothering her a bit too much.
As a result, she forced him to find a hobby to keep him busy and out of her hair. His father had fought it tooth and nail until his mother forced him to be in the garage for at least two hours each day before he could come out. At the time, his dad grumbled and mumbled about his mother being a bit too bossy. After a month or so, his father began staying in the garage longer and longer. Until one day his mother had to go and pull him out, forcing him to eat dinner.
Noah hoped one day he and Janae would get to that point. They’d be so comfortable with each other, their entire lives revolved around making each other comfortable, keeping each other sane, and making sure each one had a hobby they enjoyed.
“Hey son,” his father announced through the phone. His mother must have put them on speaker so they could both talk to him at the same time.
“Hey, old man,” Noah responded, a smile on his face. “I've got some news for you.” Noah heard his mother's gasp and knew she was thinking the worst.
“Oh, Noah! What's going on? What's happened? Are you hurt?”
Taking a deep breath, Noah continued. “No, ma'am. Everything's fine. But I do have some news for you. It’s good news, or at least I hope you'll think it is.” Deciding it was best to just get the words out, he continued. “You’re grandparents.”
He forged ahead with the story, not giving them a chance to interrupt. “I have a little girl. Four years old. She and her mom live in Jacksonville, North Carolina. She’s the most beautiful and perfect little girl I’ve ever seen. She has her momma’s smile, but my eyes. I’ve spent the past two days getting to know her.”
His father’s voice broke through his ramblings. “What do you mean you have a little girl? Did you say she’s four?”
“Yes, she’s four-and-a-half, to be exact.”
“Noah, you have a four-year-old daughter, and we’re just now finding out about her? Why didn't we know about her years ago? Son, what aren't you telling us?”
Leave it to his dad to get to the real issue. Closing his eyes for a moment, he knew this is where the disappointment would come in. “Because I just found out about her this weekend.” A small cry from his mother almost broke his heart. He could only imagine what was going through her head, but he had to get it out.
“Her mother was someone I met six years ago when I was on temporary duty in North Carolina. I left, allowed my job to get in the way, and broke her heart. What I didn't know at the time is that she was pregnant with my child. I’m not sure if she knew either, but it doesn’t matter. There’s so much to say, and I don't know where to start. The one thing I do know is that I have to fix it.” Noah knew his parents would expect nothing less from him.
“Oh my,” his mother whispered.
“Her name is Nicole. She looks like me, only a prettier version. She’s smart, sassy, she takes ballet lessons on the weekend, and she's already accepted me as her dad. Her mother never hid who I was from her. Told her my job was dangerous. That I had to live far away from them because I had to protect our country from the bad guys.” That was one of the reasons he knew Janae didn’t hate him. That she would be good for him. Because even when she didn’t need to, she protected him and his memory for Nicole.
“Hmph,” he heard his father grumble.
“At least there’s that. I’d hate if she’d been told you didn’t want her or were dead or something.”
He expected them to have some concerns. Hell, he’d acted like a total jackass, so he couldn’t expect much more from them. “The first time she called me her dad, I almost fell over. I can’t wait for you guys to meet her.”
“What about the mother?” This was from his mom. He knew that would be something she worried about.
“Janae is an amazing mother. When I met her all those years ago, she made me want something more. Gave me a glimpse into what my future would be like with her in my life, and it was everything I ever wanted. Then I got called away. This job… it takes so much from you. People don’t return. No matter how hard they try. They want a regular life so much, they think they can force it. And when they do, something usually goes wrong. Being who I am, I decided what was best for us and broke it off without another word. I even had Heath block her efforts to contact me.”
“Oh, son. What were you thinking?” His father’s voice was low and filled with sadness. Noah could tell his words were finally sinking in.
“I knew about her attempts to reach me and ignored every email, phone call, and letter. She’d even attempted to go through my command, but with how things work, they don’t give out any information. They’d only pass along the message that she was trying to reach me. After a year, the outreach stopped. She thought I'd left and stopped all contact because I didn't want to be with her. Janae chose to raise our child on her own. She never told me in writing because she wasn’t sure what was going on. If you think I’m stubborn, just wait until you meet Janae. That woman does not put up with any mess. Especially mine.” He laughed at the thought. They were meant for each other.
His mom spoke first. “So, all this time you had no idea? How has she been able to support the two of them? Are they okay? Do they need anything? When can we meet them?”
Laughing, he almost felt joy but didn't want to put a label on it just yet. “Soon. I promise. I’m still working to convince her we belong together.”
“Son, this is a lot to take in. How’re you doing with all this?”
Thinking about the question, he smiled. “I’m good. More than good.” And he meant it. Life with him wouldn’t be easy. Being a SEAL was everything to him. It was his life. His purpose. But he’d been given a second chance, and he wouldn’t waste it. “They’re my family, Dad. Janae and Nicole belong to me, and I’m not leaving here without them again. I gave up on us before we had a chance to get started. I’m not doing that again.”
“Son, then it’s time you claim your family. I want all three of you to come visit us. Soon.” He loved his parents and knew they’d waited years for something like this. The request was more of a demand, but he understood. He wasn’t the only one who’d missed out on the first four years of Nicole’s life.
“And I want pictures,” his mother called out. “Today, Noah.” She’d probably get them printed at the local store and plaster them all over the walls of his childhood home.
“I plan to bring them home soon. I promise. With everything moving so fast, I wanted to tell you what was happening before time got away from me. My command gave me some time off, so I’m stateside for at least a month. I guess they think I deserve it after everything I’ve done for my country. For the next few weeks, I’m going to get to know my daughter, make things right with Janae, and figure out next steps.”
“I know you’ll do the right thing, Son.”
“I love you, Noah,” his mom’s voice was shaky. “I can’t wait to see my granddaughter. We’ll have to get her a college fund set up. Does she know about us yet?”
After a few more minutes of conversation, Noah ended the call with his parents. He shook his head at the pace his life was changing. The only question was, would he be able to handle it?
CHAPTER 14
Janae
True to his word, Noah arrived exactly one hour after they got off the phone. Janae and Nicole decided to wait for him, rather than getting dressed for church. As soon as he ar
rived, they sat at the table and ate the breakfast he’d brought with him.
This was something Janae never thought would happen. Both she and Noah sitting at the table with their daughter eating breakfast on a Sunday morning. Looking at her daughter's response to Noah, she teared up at all the things her child had missed. Her father being there for her at night when she was sick or cradling her in his arms when she was a small child.
Looking over at Noah's face as he watched their daughter, she knew he’d missed just as much. The look in his eyes as he talked to their little girl, was nothing less than awe. He laughed at every joke, was amazed by her every accomplishment, and he celebrated the little things even she had grown accustomed to as part of their daily life.
Even though she'd been hurt by his departure, it was her own cowardice that prevented her from doing more to find him. She knew how the military worked. If she really wanted to find Noah, she could have.
Shaking her head, she knew some blame for their situation lay on her shoulders. It didn't matter what Heath and Stephanie told her, she could have called his Command and said the magic words. All she’d needed to do was tell them about the baby. They would have contacted him and forced him to get in touch with her. It wasn't that she was looking for money or child support. Those things were important, but they weren’t the reason she’d kept their baby. It wasn’t the reason she wanted Noah in Nicole’s life.
She knew the joy of having a father around as she grew up. Her own heartbreak prevented her from allowing her daughter to have the same thing. That wasn’t fair to Nicole. Or Noah. Shame filled her as she thought about what she’d done.
There was a selfish part of her that didn't want him around. Didn't want him to see how broken she’d become after he’d left. Another part of her wanted to prove to the world she didn't need a man supporting her. She would raise her daughter on her own without the need for a husband, or without the stereotype of a man supporting her. She'd been able to do it on her own for years, even in the face of ridicule and hypocrisy. Even her father, the one person she believed would always stand behind her, had disappointed her with his response to her pregnancy.
