by Reana Malori
Janae’s eyes met his, and the look of despair reflected in her hazel gaze made him want to rip this place apart. That she felt so unwelcome in a place of worship was not something he would have expected. This was her family, the people who should love her no matter what. That he'd caused this change to happen with her family ate at him. He never expected the situation to be this difficult.
“Baby, we don't have to stay here.” Noah didn't follow anyone's rules unless he chose to do so. Especially when he was out of uniform. His father and mother had raised him to respect people no matter who they were or what color their skin. He wasn’t one of those people who proclaimed they didn’t see color. He wasn’t blind, of course, he did. To him, it just didn’t matter.
“We should stay until the end,” Janae whispered. “It would look bad if we left in the middle of the sermon.”
“I don't care how it looks,” Noah growled. “All I care about is getting away from these people.” A few turned in their direction, but he ignored them.
“Please, Noah. I've already embarrassed us enough.”
He glanced in her parent’s direction and shook his head. Her father sat on the dais, behind the preacher. Her mother sat in the front row, next to preacher’s wife. Both of their faces were sullen, and he had to hold back a laugh. Parents should never behave this way. It shouldn’t matter who Nicole’s father was, as long as he treated her and Janae well. What they should be focused on is his return. Whatever this bullshit was that was happening around his women was about to stop.
“Janae, you have five minutes to get up from this pew and go back out to my truck or else I'm going to leave you here.”
At the shocked look on her face, he turned away from her. There was only so much he was willing to put up with; slights he would allow to pass. He’d officially surpassed his limit about fifteen minutes ago.
That she was willing to sit here and allow these people to judge her—to judge him and their child—made him question the type of person she was. And that's the last thing he wanted to do. Everything he'd known about her from the first day they’d met up until now had shown him that she was strong, independent, and a good person. He now knew her to be a good mother, an even better woman, and an amazing lover. But how she was behaving today, made him wonder just what the fuck was going on in her head. Had his departure changed her so much?
They should try and keep this out of sight from Nicole. With everything happening around them, there was no way she wasn't impacted by the stares, whispers, and even the tension between Noah and Janae. Noah continued looking at his watch counting down the five-minute deadline he’d given Janae as the preacher droned on about neglectful children.
He rolled his eyes as the preacher seemed to look directly at Janae. The thoughts running through his head weren't acceptable within the church. If that man looked over at them one more time, Noah wouldn’t be responsible for his actions.
One-minute to go.
Once the five minutes were up, Noah knew it was time for them to leave. There would be no more of this situation. His daughter was no longer going to listen to this, and neither was he. Janae had a choice, she could leave with him and their daughter, or she could remain in this place and allow these people to make her feel less of a person. If this were the kind of place she intended to bring her daughter to for Sunday worship, Noah would have something to say about that.
Standing from the pew, he tapped Janae on the arm, “Time to get up. We’re leaving.” He didn’t bother to whisper. They didn’t deserve his respect. Then again, since everyone had been paying special attention to them, anything they said was picked up by those around them. Everyone turned to look at Noah and Janae. Even the preacher paused in his sermon. Janae hesitated as she looked at the faces staring at them. “Your five minutes are up. I'm not sitting here another second longer. You can leave with Nicole and me, or you can stay here. Make your choice.”
Voices began to rise as the ripple effect of his words traveled through the room. From the corner of his eye, he saw her mother coming down the side of the aisle closest to the window, her face scrunched in anger. Shaking his head at this entire fucked up situation, Noah knew he wasn’t in the mood for this type of conversation. The day had started off so well, and he had every reason to believe it would stay that way. This was bullshit, and he wanted his family out of here right now. Noah wasn't trying to make a scene, but he was leaving out of this church, and no one was going to stop him.
“Janae, you are embarrassing us. Stop making a scene. Everyone is looking at you.”
Of course, Noah thought. Her mother would focus on the embarrassment to her and Janae’s father, rather than how people in the church kept staring and whispering about her daughter. Aren’t parents supposed to protect their children? Aren’t parents supposed to defend their children? He didn't know what the hell was going on, but he didn't like it, nor was he going to stick around for more.
“You have three seconds to get up, walk out of this church, and go to my truck. We are not staying.”
Janae took one look at his face and hopped up from the pew. Gathering her purse, she looked at her mother and mouthed an apology before she walked toward the front door. Noah followed behind, their daughter held in his arms, with her head resting on his shoulder.
Once they got to his truck, he buckled Nicole into her booster seat. Starting the truck, he turned on the air, rolling down his window for access. He then went around to the passenger side of the truck and walked up to Janae. His arms came up to rest on either side her head as she stood against the closed passenger door.
His gaze took in the woman before him. He wanted to forget and forgive everything that happened just minutes before. Noah looked around the yard of the church. He noticed the green grass, big, tall, old trees, and the old, but well-kept building that should be a symbol of acceptance and forgiveness. From his point of view, all he saw was a place stuck in the old ways of thinking. A place that made those who should be welcome feel like they were outsiders. That they didn’t belong if they couldn’t conform to a certain way of thinking.
As a child, his parents had taken him to church every Sunday. He attended bible study every Wednesday night. Nowhere in the teachings of any bible owned by him or his parents did he read that those who made mistakes, or those who were a different color than him should not be accepted into the House of God. This place, with its false welcome, and hidden biases, made him disappointed with everything this church stood for.
He’d been in places where religion had caused people to kill women, children, and old men. Experienced the ravages of war all because someone believed their God was the only God that mattered. The results were always catastrophic. Now he was home, only to find out the woman he loved had grown up in a place that made him question why the hell they were fighting in a foreign country. Maybe they needed to focus on their own country first. This wasn't what life was supposed to be about. This wasn't the world that he was trying to build for himself and his children. Looking down at Janae, he knew his face held a look of sadness and disappointment.
“Baby, we couldn't stay in there a minute longer. Did you hear what they were saying?”
Her mutinous look told him she wasn't happy he’d forced her hand and made her leave the church. He knew he’d allowed his temper to get the best of him, but at this point, he didn't care. It was his job to make sure his family was protected, even if that protection was from those they'd known all their life.
“How could you? In front of all my friends and family, Noah? You made me look like a fool.”
The hurt on her face almost made him buckle. Almost. Her anger was directed at the wrong person. It wasn't him who’d shamed her. It was those so-called family and friends she still clung to even after everything they’d done to her.
“Janae, I think you need to rethink that statement. I wasn't the one who did this to you or made you feel this way. Did you hear anything said by that preacher
today? Did you see the looks from the people staring at us as we simply sat there quietly? The looks of disgust and disdain on the faces of your so-called friends and family? This wasn't something I did. This was something they did to us.”
Shocked at the direction of this conversation, Noah pushed back from Janae. Running his large hand over his short hair, he thought about if he was ready to fight this battle. He'd only shown back up in her life three days ago. He was already imposing his own sense of responsibility onto his small family. Just a thought in his head brought him up short.
Were they his family?
Did Janae think of him the same way he thought of her? If she had any inkling of how he felt about her, she’d know he’d never stand for them to be treated poorly. Didn't she understand him at all? He’d never allow her or Nicole to be in a situation where people demeaned them, harassed them, or made them feel as if they didn't belong? He loved them. Loved them both more than he loved himself and that truth was tearing him apart.
She didn't understand how much he wanted to go off in the House of God. Even to him, that type of visceral response scared him. The levels he would go to in order to protect them was something he'd only done in times of war. Looking over his shoulder at Janae, he knew the situation between them wasn’t going to be easily resolved. They were still expected at her parents’ house for a late lunch today. When that was finished, they’d go back to her house and hash this out. Taking a deep breath, he turned back around to face Janae, “Are we still going to your parents’ house?”
“I don't know if you'd even be welcome at this point.” Rolling her eyes, she opened the passenger door of the truck and hopped inside. Noah knew he was in the doghouse from what he’d done. He knew it. Understood it. Didn’t mean he would have changed a damn thing.
If he was going to be in her life, both she and her parents needed to understand how things were going to be from this point forward. No one, and he meant no one, would make Janae feel that way again.
CHAPTER 16
Janae
Janae wanted to go home. Not to her parents’ house but to her own home, where she could feel comfortable.
Church services would be over in a short while, and her parents would be headed back to their home. She knew they fully expected to see Janae and Nicole waiting for them. Whether or not they wanted to see Noah there with her, she didn't know. She didn't want to face the situation if she didn’t have to, but that was taking the coward’s way out. Sitting in Noah's truck as they drove to her parents’ house, she wanted to tell him to turn around because this was never going to work.
The way he’d acted in church today wasn’t something she would get over. Who cared if the preacher was doing a sermon that seemed to cut into her with every word he spoke? It didn't matter that the women in church stared at her with a mixture of disgust and outrage. No one could judge her. They’d already tried and failed to stop her from living her life. Their approval was not needed. But Noah’s behavior was outside of the norm, and he’d made a spectacle of them. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her nerves.
She could admit that he wasn’t the only one who’d been out of line. She’d done that all on her own with her silence, secrecy, and multiple lies by omission.
They were both giving each other the silent treatment. Noah was angry. She was angry. Nicole probably felt the tension between the two of them, because even she was quiet throughout the entire ride.
Today was going to be the day everything was made right. They would get their lives back on track and become a family. Within minutes of arriving at the church, everything had turned upside down.
Why couldn't her parents just accept the situation for what it was? Janae was not a child. Her parents sometimes behaved like she was, and to her fault, she allowed them to do so. She was the mother of an impressionable young child. Someone dependent on her to show them the way. To be strong. Brave. Bold. It was time her parents understood that. Looking out the window, she watched as the scenery flew past them. She loved this place, and her life Jacksonville. But maybe it was time to make a new beginning someplace else. Maybe this was no longer the best place for her or her daughter.
“Janae, I'm not going to apologize for what happened. If I had to do it all over again, I would.”
Janae laughed silently to herself. She knew, if given a choice, he’d do exactly what he’d threatened. It was something about the way he handled situations. If someone was out of line or stepped to him the wrong way, Noah took care of the situation swiftly. From their brief time together, she vividly remembered that personality trait. They’d gotten into it a couple of times because of it. She didn’t feel every situation required a reaction. Noah disagreed.
She should have known exactly what his response would be when they walked into that church. Few white people came to New Bethel Ministries, and if they did, they only came once. She’d always thought of the church as a welcoming place. That the congregation would open their arms to anyone of any race, creed, or color. United by the only thing that mattered—their love of God.
As she thought about it, she knew that wasn't the case. They were old-fashioned in their ways. Maybe insulated was a better word. They didn't welcome strangers into their world without taking them through the wringer first. It was an old church. It had been built from the ground up by a former slave family. For better or worse, memories in her community were long, and not always fair or forgiving.
Glancing at Noah, she knew he’d done the right thing by making her leave. Even if she didn't want to accept it at the time. No one had ever gotten up in the middle of the Pastor’s fire and brimstone sermons. He probably gave that man a heart attack.
“I know, Noah. You did what you thought was right. I can't judge you for that.”
Nodding his head, he glanced at her before turning back to the road. “Then why are you still upset?”
“Because I wasn't ready for the changes that are about to happen.” Thinking about the confrontation that was about to take place with her parents, her stomach almost turned over. She knew this day was coming, she just never thought it would be here so soon. Her parents were a force to be reckoned with. Then again, so was Noah. In this situation, she’d rather have him by her side.
“Do you want to go to your parents’ house? If not, I can turn around.”
Noah was giving her an out, which she was tempted to accept. But this was something she could no longer avoid. “No, let’s keep going. We need to have this talk with them. I don't know what's going to happen with you and me in the future, but they need to know the truth. They’ll need to know you're going to be in their granddaughter’s life from now on. I won't allow them to say negative things about you in front of Nicole when she talks about her father.”
Noah’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Listen, I don't know your parents, and after today I'm not sure if I really want to. But I will tell you this, if they attempt to say anything negative about me, or anything to do our family, I will not allow Nicole to be around them.”
“You would try to keep my daughter from my parents?” After saying the words, she admitted she never thought it would be a possibility. Maybe having Noah back in her life wasn't such a good thing after all. He couldn’t just make everything his way or the highway.
“You’re damn skippy I would. If your parents do anything to turn my child against me now that I’ve just found her, I will bring the wrath of the entire Navy upon your parents to make sure they never see her again.”
Janae had no words. She knew her parents could be extra. She knew they held strong opinions about interracial marriage, especially when one of the people was African-American. They believed in black love. But their belief in black love blinded them to other kinds of love. If you were gay, don't show that behavior in their church. If you loved someone outside of your ethnic background, keep it to yourself and don’t go out in public. Her parents were old school, and she could appreciate that
to some degree. But many of the beliefs they held onto were hurtful. Their way of thinking made people feel unaccepted and alone.
Thinking about Noah’s words, she knew he had a point. Her parents could be quite horrible at times, and it could be difficult to get them to see reason. On the other hand, she wouldn’t allow Noah to run roughshod over her life. That they were still her parents. She would simply have to handle them the best way she knew how. Make them understand how things were going to be from this point forward.
“So, what happens when this doesn't work out? When you return to Virginia and I'm the one still stuck here in this town? You’ll no longer be here to protect us now that you’ve made a grand statement. At some point you're going to leave, right? And I'm going to be by myself, surrounded by people with long memories. Then what?”
Silence filled the cab of his truck. A small smile came over his face, and he lifted one eyebrow in that sexy way of his. She knew that look. He was up to something, and she wasn't sure if she’d like it.
“Sweetheart, I never said I was leaving North Carolina without you. This may be the perfect time to do it. I need you to understand something, Janae. From the moment I found out about Nicole and realized you still loved me, I had every intention of bringing you back to Virginia with me. Before we leave North Carolina, I'm going to make you my wife.
“What?” she yelled, scaring Nicole awake.
“Mommy?”
Turning her head to look in the backseat, she smiled at her little girl. “Sorry, baby. Mommy didn’t mean to yell so loud. Everything’s okay.”
“You sure, Mommy?” Turning to Noah, her little asked him the same question, “Daddy, is Mommy okay?”
Every time she called him by that title, Noah’s smile got bigger. Janae rolled her eyes.
“Yes, Nicole, your momma’s fine. It’s okay. Lay back down. We’ll be at your grandparents' house in a few minutes.”
