by Fox Brison
“I dunno…” Jen prevaricated. “We could talk to Jack and see what he thinks?” She mooted it as a question but didn’t sound convinced it was a good idea.
“I was hoping we could wait until I’ve spoken to Dani before saying anything to Jack. Think about it, Jen, she must be feeling awful. Imagine if the roles were reversed. Perhaps she’d appreciate it if we left the decision about telling Jack up to her, I know I would.”
“I don’t like the thought of lying to him,” Jen admitted. “It hardly bodes well for the future. And how do I explain you going to Cody alone?”
I walked over to the window and stared into the night. “Don’t tell him yet. Give me twenty four hours, Jen. You’d be doing me a massive favour.” I bit the inside of my cheek, my voice quiet and hesitant, a whisper of hurt. “That night… with Dani. It gave me a glimpse of what I’d been missing. I felt more like myself with her than I ever did with Dawn.”
“Even though you were pretending to be me.” Jen mocked.
“Ha ha ha, look I’m serious. With Dawn it always felt like I was playing a part, you know, the perfect partner… ultimately I lost some of myself. It wasn’t Dawn’s fault, I’m shouldering all the blame for that. However, when I was with Dani I shared parts of myself, I did things...” I saw Jen’s eyes widen and she held her hand up to forestall me before I went any further down that road. “Not those kinds of things. She made me feel really safe and comfortable in my own skin.” I lowered my head. After giving Jen such a hard time about falling too quickly for Jack, I’d gone and managed to break her record by a good sixty four hours. “I promise by the time you and Jack get there, this whole thing will be sorted.”
Did I feel awful about the mix up? Yes, but I also felt like I’d been given a second chance. If Dani wasn’t related to Jack I’d never have seen her again.
Now all I had to do was go to Cody, and get her to forgive me for making her think that she’d slept with her cousin’s wife.
Yeah that’s all... Someone shoot me now!
Chapter 14
Dani
The minute the wheels of the plane touched down at Yellowstone Regional Airport, I breathed a sigh of blessed relief.
Safe.
For the time being at least. I could hide in the pines, or take a trail ride, or do any other number of things to avoid being anywhere near a phone. I was so damned angry, not with anyone in particular, but with the universe as a whole. The first woman to catch my eye in a long time and she’s married to my cousin. I was being forced to ignore… wait… no… fight my feelings. A pretty face and the perfect rack wouldn’t ruin the love, respect and friendship that Jack and I had shared all our lives.
Don’t forget how smart she was and her sense of humour. And her soft curves… and those adorable little moans that drove you wild when she was about to…
Not helping, I scolded myself. I had to do everything in my power to avoid thinking about Jennifer. Hell, I had even imagined seeing her coming out of a store on the corner of the block where she lived.
Literally minutes after I’d said goodbye to her in her apartment.
I was growing obsessed and once I started down that road to hell, there was no place to perform a u turn. My focus had to be on the ranch, on the breeding program and on the business we were going to get from Rainbow Attractions. I grimaced. Maybe I should let my Mom start setting me up, maybe if I found someone else…
But that wouldn’t solve anything, if anything it would add to my problems.
I heard the distinctive sound of Brody’s high pitched barking as Colin drove towards the pick up point in the ranch truck. The rumble of the engine wasn’t enough to overpower the excited whelps. I grinned. Man, I’d missed my dog. Dark brown with a ginger undercarriage, he was a mutt pure and simple, but he was a loyal and faithful mutt. I didn’t need a soul mate not a human one anyway, I had Brody, and there was one thing I could count on with him that I couldn’t with anyone else.
I knew he would never break my heart.
***
“Hey Col, did ya miss me?” I asked as I jumped in the cab and Brody decided I needed a wash.
“Yup, like a hole in the head. Can’t your canine git in the back like any normal dog?” Colin said with mock severity.
“You know you love him really, Col,” I said as we set off. Forty five minutes and thirty eight miles later we left the smooth tarmacked surface of the highway and hit a smaller local road, before finally turning right onto a tight packed yellowing dirt road. In the distance the mountains rose gracefully from the horizon, and the crisp air cleared both my head and sinuses all at once. However, as the mountains grew taller the closer we got to them, the more unsettled I became. I compelled my eyes to concentrate on the view, at once so familiar and beautiful and yet now…
I felt my heart twist inside. Nothing would ever be the same.
We passed several log cabins artfully arranged to be close to one another, yet far enough apart to offer a sense of privacy. The overhanging eaves covered wide porches, each with their own swing seat encouraging the occupants to watch either the sun rise in the morning or set in the evening. Or both. “The cabins are looking good. Did Shorty finish the last of the plumbing?” I turned my head and mind to business matters.
“Yup,” Colin answered in his laconic way. Here was a man who used one word when at least a couple seemed necessary. He’d worked for my Grandfather as a wrangler and I’d known him since I was knee high to a cricket. I used to follow him around like a lost puppy, and despite him being only twenty two at the time, he never once complained about the inquisitive ten year old pain in the butt who wanted to know the far end of a fart and where it came from.
Our relationship had undergone many transformations; it began as father/daughter, not that either of us would attest to that fact, but as the years passed and our ages neared, me blossoming into womanhood and Colin never looking older than mid-forties, we became employer/employee and, of course, friends.
Clouds rolled over the mountains, dark and ominous, indicating a summer storm was heading our way. I relished the prospect of thunder and rain washing away my sins. Washing away my stupidity. Washing away my naivety. If only the attraction I held for Jennifer could be washed away so easily, I might not feel like scratching off my skin.
The ranch house was a bright beacon in the distance and I finally relaxed enough to enjoy the feeling of being home, the one where you know as soon as you walk through the door, put on your comfiest sweats and sit with a nice bourbon watching the fire burn bright in the stove, all will be right with the world.
A world which was tilted at least ninety degrees on its axis.
***
“How’d it go?” My mother, Nora Robbins, asked from her position on the porch of the main house. She’d been waiting for me, eagerly by the looks of it, and had a pitcher of lemonade on the small table in between the two rockers guarding the front door. Colin waved as he took the truck back to the parking lot behind the barns.
“Not bad. They agreed to send a few folks our way,” I said taking a seat.
“Good enough,” she wiped her hands on her flowery apron. “Supper’ll be ready soon. No Jack yet?”
“Didn’t he or Aunt Caroline call you?” I was surprised. My mother was like a second Mom to Jack, and my Aunt Caroline’s nickname was WikiLeaks.
“He called and said he was going to see your Aunt Caroline and Uncle Charlie for a couple of days. I just assumed he’d be coming back with you. He has a surprise or so he says. Maybe he won the jackpot in Vegas?”
You could say that Mom. I thought dejectedly.
When I remained tight lipped she stared at me. “Didn’t you see him, Dani?”
“Oh, I saw him and he had a surprise alright.” My sarcastic tone caused my Mom to furrow her brow. “He got married.”
“In Vegas?” Mom’s glass slipped in her hand, but she managed to right it before the lemonade sloshed everywhere. “To a stripper?”
I had
to chuckle. “No, not a stripper, worse than that,” I winked, “she’s English and a banker.”
“An English banker? And what is she going to do on the ranch, pick wildflowers?” she asked acerbically. “What was that boy thinking!”
I burst out laughing. “That’s exactly what I said, Mom!”
“You met her? What’s she like?”
“I met her briefly.” I kept it succinct. Of course I could have said, well Mom she’s a fantastic lay, but I reckon I wasn’t too old to get my backside tanned. “They’ll be here soon enough and you can make up your own mind.” I saw that my answer stoked the embers of my mother’s nosiness and she was desperate to question me further on the subject, but she also knew when, and in this case, when not to push me.
I was her mule, remember? And I could give one mighty kick if provoked.
***
The first roll of thunder woke me, thankfully, because my dreams were wishes that would never come true. I lay in bed listening to the pounding rain and claps echoing in the nearby mountains. Lightning lit the wooden celling and a few seconds after the third flash, Brody landed with a thump on the bed next to me.
He was such a coward.
It was going to be a long night if I had to share my bed with a terrified dog who yowled every time the thunder rolled. I switched on the lamp hoping the sudden flare of pale yellow would help allay his fears.
It had nothing to do with a desperate desire to chase away memories of a pair of ice blue eyes that were seared into my soul.
***
Morning light had yet to filter through the large oval pane of glass in my bedroom, yet there was enough shine from the waning moon to cast shadows above me. I spent most of the storm in a fruitless attempt to find solace from my surroundings. My bedside clock glowed amber and I groaned, slamming my head angrily onto my pillow. I awoke in a bad mood, never a good thing; I was also wet and so turned on it hurt. Literally, I ached with need. It seemed even in my dreams Jennifer was awesome in the sack. A five minute workout with my right hand solved that problem. Or so I thought. When I saw her smile as I reached climax I knew I was in trouble.
I couldn’t wait to get back to work, to get my mind focussed on the important things in my life.
A hard day spent in the saddle might allow me to make it through the night without waking up in a cold sweat. I had spent those fitful hours tossing and turning, arguing with myself and remembering, in glorious technicolour, what had happened between Jennifer and I in that hotel room. But even worse were the hours spent thinking about what might have been had she not been married to Jack, thinking about falling… oh, oh shit.
Falling in love? Seriously? No way, no how.
Three little words that I never believed would find ingress into my otherwise sterile life. And that’s what my life had become, sterile. Shutting out any woman who might show interest, who might one day mean something to me. Why? Because I could never love anyone more than the ranch, more than my horses, more than my dream. I had become so obsessed with making my dream a success, it didn’t register that I was a failure in the one thing that really mattered in life.
Love.
The large feather comforter weighed down on my chest, or at least that’s what I blamed for the constriction. I didn’t want to admit the real cause. My eyes flittered over the hand crafted light wood furniture and the white walls adorned with landscape paintings depicting Wyoming’s natural beauty. For the first time since Frankie left me eight years ago, I felt lonely. Sun up wouldn’t be for another hour and knowing there wasn’t any use trying to get back to sleep, I headed out to the small barn I’d converted into a very basic gym a few years back.
Perhaps an hour with the punch bag would ease my tortured soul.
Surprisingly it did. It released my frustrations, it gave my anger an outlet and provided me with a resolve to get through the next few days, months, years without making a jackass of myself. Instead of thinking about San Francisco in a negative light I started to think about what I’d learned from the experience.
When I stopped worrying about what I might lose, I suddenly realised there’s nothing to stop me from having it all.
Just not with Jennifer.
***
The smell of frying bacon and fresh coffee first thing in the morning is precisely what’s needed to lift the spirits. I sniffed appreciatively as I kicked my boots against the scraper on the back porch. And wake me up. “Morning, Mom.” I kissed her on the cheek. “I swear with each sun rise you get prettier n’ prettier.”
“And you get more charming.” She didn’t say help yourself to coffee or that breakfast’s nearly done like she normally did. She was clearly preoccupied.
“Where’s Colin?” I poured two cups of coffee, and handed her one of them.
“Here,” he said entering the room with his own mug. “I checked on the stables. Might need to get Doc Rogers out.”
“Jezzie?”
“Yup, reckon she’s near to foaling.”
I nodded, not questioning his opinion. If Colin said Jezzie, or Jezebel to give the horse her full title, was near to foaling, then she was near to foaling.
“Them pair should’ve been born mules,” Mom added. “If they’d taken with the stallion quicker then they wouldn’t be foaling so late in the year.”
Mom was right. It had crossed my mind that the pair of them were infertile, but nope, turns out they were just playing hard to get. “The summer birth doesn’t bother me none,” I admitted, “it’s the fact Stormy is long overdue.”
“Maybe she’s holding out for the Fourth of July celebrations,” Col joked, trying to ease my concerns.
“I hope not, ‘cos I’m gonna be as grey as she is if she doesn’t get a move on,” I laughed. “How long for Jezzie, Col?”
“Late afternoon I reckon.”
I pulled out my cell but there was no answer at the vet’s, so I left a message.
“It won’t be Doc Rogers senior,” Mom said as she plated up.
“No?” I began to butter my toast, the golden spread as soft as an over ripe peach even though it was only nine am; you could tell today was going to be hotter than Satan’s balls.
“No, it’ll be Amy. She’s back.”
“I’ve only been gone a couple a days,” I protested with a smile, “and the whole world has gone to hell in a handcart. How’s the town taking the news that there’s… oh my God… shock… horror… there’s a woman vet! And she’s only twenty-six!”
“I heard from a little birdie,” Mom began,
“Alice Waverly,” both I and Colin chimed in and grinned at each other.
“Fine! Alice Waverly reckons Amy’s one of your gang, Dani, and she’s single.” Mom looked at me and raised her eyebrows. “A vet in the family would come in handy, what d’ya say, Colin?”
“I’d say leave me out of this, Nora.” Colin wouldn’t be drawn. He knew my Mom was on a hiding to nothing.
“On my team, Mom, not in my gang. And how the hell does Alice Waverly know who Amy Rogers sleeps with? She’s only been back in town what?” I knew fine well Amy was gay because we’d been friends for years. She’d interred on the ranch for a couple of summers.
“Two days,” Mom answered. I shook my head. I judiciously ignored her other suggestion. “Alice has been Doc Rogers cleaner for years. She knows everything.”
That she did and not only about the Roger’s family either. If anyone in the town took a piss in the wind then Alice Waverly knew about it.
And exactly where every drop landed too.
Chapter 15
Dani
“That’s the fifth time Jack’s called since you got home,” Mom said entering the barn. “He says you’re not answering your cell.”
“Must be out of juice.” I let the lie waver in the dim barn, waiting for my Mom to call me on it. If only lying to myself was as easy. I’d had enough. Part of me wanted to get on my horse and ride into the sunset, but I was too damned noble for my own good.
“Or maybe there’s no signal out here in the barn?” she asked sceptically, knowing full well I’d taken calls in the barn before.
“Maybe.” We were about to reach a showdown. I grinned. It was virtually high noon after all, but I kept the image of Mom and me with pistols drawn (and the song, do not forsake me oh my darlin’ playing in the background) firmly in my head where it belonged. However, I could tell she wasn’t going to stand for my dodging much longer. I continued brushing out a couple of the empty stalls before tossing clean hay into them.
“Did something happen between the two of you? It’s not like you to blow off your cousin, nor to hide out here even if you are worried about Stormy and Jezzie. And quite frankly, girl, you look like ten miles of dirt road.”
Yes I wanted to talk about it, I wanted to scream it from the mountains. Jennifer Jones was THE one.
The one I never dreamed of.
The one I never needed.
The one I never wanted.
However, I couldn’t tell my Mom that for more reasons than the obvious. I loved my Mom, I did, but she was desperate for me to settle down and provide her with a grandkid or ten. Every warm blooded female that neared the ranch was sniffed out at a hundred paces. Rarely did they meet my Mom’s high standards, but I think she was growing desperate. She was far too eager to tell me about Amy, who, let’s face it, on paper would’ve been perfect for me.
Except she was ten years younger and more like a kid sister.
Now that Jack had been lassoed I knew her search for Miss Right would go into overdrive. How could I break the news that I might have already found her, but my potential Miss Right and Jack’s actual Mrs Right were one in the same?
This was exactly why I stayed single and played the field; there was a lot less introspection and far more orgasms involved, and yet ever since meeting Jennifer that lifestyle didn’t hold the same appeal.
I was beginning to crave a snuggle buddy rather than a fuck buddy.
I still didn’t understand why my Mom was so desperate to find someone for me to spend my life with, it wasn’t as if she’d had the most wonderful of unions. My Pa was a son of a bitch, pure and simple, even blamed my being born for his drinking which ultimately broke up the family. But she always had this unending faith in love, even if her first love had also been her last.
