“Yep and we were there front and center. We told them how he beat Mom and all the sick ways he tortured Pam, but apparently it was all in vain. In two months he’ll be walking the streets and I’m sure that by now he knows where we’ve relocated to.”
“So what are y’all going to do? You can’t stay there, that fool will be on your doorstep within a week of his release.”
“I don’t know yet. The bank has branches in Virginia Beach, maybe we’ll go there.”
“No, come here.” Desmond suggested.
“Desi, I don’t know anyone in Atlanta and my bank does not have locations in Georgia. Remember, I’ll be the sole supporter of us all for the first few months. Mom will probably find work within a month or two, but it always takes Pam longer. Hell, we’ll be in our new place six months before she’ll feel comfortable going out alone.”
“Zoe, you know me and I have made a lot of connections. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty cool with this guy that holds a high position at Citizen’s Bank. Send me your resume today, I’ll talk to him and put in a good word for you.”
“Wow, Desi, Atlanta is such a long way away. We’ll be cutting ties with everything and everyone we’ve ever known. That is going to be a major, and I mean a major adjustment for Pam.”
“Would you rather have her make the difficult adjustment or be attacked by Otis again?”
The realization of what Desmond said hit Zoe like a ton of bricks. She’d vowed years ago that Otis would never hurt any of them ever again. “You’ll have my resume by the end of the day and I’ll give serious consideration to your suggestion, Desi. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? ”
“Alright, sweetheart, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, but please think about coming down here. I really think it would be best.”
“I will,” Zoe assured him and then disconnected the call.
She parked the car in front of the bank and took a few deep breaths in an effort to prepare herself mentally for another days work. She walked in the front door and the rest of the day was a blur. She didn’t remember engaging in any conversations with her coworkers, couldn’t remember the face of not one of the customers she waited on. Her mind was all consumed with thoughts of Otis and what she should do to keep her mom and sister safe. She’d come to love a lot about Manassas. It was a friendly, peaceful place to live. The only downside to it was her boss, Susan, who was simply an unpleasant person. When she first said that she couldn’t wait to get away from Susan, she thought that she might be relocating to another branch on the other side of town. She didn’t imagine she’d be considering leaving the entire state of Virginia.
After eating a little of her mom’s leftovers and researching landmarks, housing options, and jobs in the Atlanta area, Zoe decided to jump in a hot shower and watch television in bed. She tuned in to a new show about Atlanta’s hip hop scene. She didn’t know what to think of the women that put up with all of the shenanigans from the men. She was stunned that no one seemed to have the ability to complete a sentence without dropping the “F” bomb, but she had to admit that it was an entertaining show. Not necessarily a good show, just entertaining. She adjusted her pillows and tried to fight against the heaviness of her eyelids. The heaviness won and Zoe drifted off to a restless sleep. She tossed as she dreamt of Otis beating her mother. She moaned as visions of him spitting on Pam danced in her head. She cried as she saw him turn his attention to her. “It’s your turn, baby girl,” he slurred as he reached for her. Her mother and sister tried to protect her, but Otis locked her in the room and began to tear at her clothes. She fought against him, but he smacked her across the face and threw her down on her twin bed. As he hovered over her and unbuckled his belt, Zoe reached to the night table for her porcelain piggy bank and brought it down with all her might across the side of Otis’ head. She screamed as she hit him in the head with the remaining piece of porcelain over and over again. When her arm was too tired to lift again, she dropped the porcelain and screamed for her mother as if she were some kind of wounded wild animal. The screams pierced the quiet of the night and woke her from her nightmare. Again she sat in the middle of her bed, sweating and heaving over the memories that wouldn’t stay buried.
It was 4:30am and Zoe found herself sitting at her computer sending Desmond her resume. The decision had been made; the three Shaw women would be packed and gone within a month.
CHAPTER FOUR
Pam cried like a baby when Zoe broke the news that they were moving. Pam had grown comfortable with her surroundings and the people in her small circle. The thought of starting over all but paralyzed her with fear. But she knew that she would have to trust Zoe’s decision and be ready to leave the place she’d called home for the past ten years in just a matter of weeks.
Martha was more matter-of-fact about it all. She asked when they were leaving, how much they could take with them, and if they already had a place to stay. She notified her job, pulled all of the money from her profit sharing account, and went about the business of packing up her home. Martha showed very little emotion, she knew that Pam was emotional enough for the both of them. She packed her things as well as Pam’s. At this point, all Pam was fully capable of doing was securing the door and window locks over and over again. This was her coping mechanism, what she always did whenever she was scared or nervous.
Susan was sympathetic and very understanding when Zoe explained her situation. She even forwarded Zoe’s resume to a friend of hers that was a branch manager for an Atlanta based credit union. But what shocked Zoe the most was that Susan immediately laid her off. Susan was faced with letting one of her employees go anyway due to budget cuts and it only made sense to her to give Zoe the ax. That way, Zoe could go and apply for unemployment benefits before she left town and it would help provide a little financial cushion until new employment could be established.
Over the next couple of weeks, Zoe was able to pin point an area of town that Desmond confirmed was pretty decent. She shopped apartments in the area on the internet and was able to secure a place to live. It was convenient to downtown, had great shopping, and best of all it was within walking distance to Desmond. She contacted all of the utility companies to set up service and confirmed her U Haul rental. With the most important business handled, Zoe began to pack all of her things. She’d always tried not to become too attached to her home, her surroundings. But despite her efforts, she’d grown incredibly attached. Zoe loved the quaint house that she’d been renting for what seemed like forever. She loved and respected her neighbors and couldn’t help but to drop a few tears as she placed her personal effects into cardboard boxes. As she wrapped her fragile items and reminisced about her life in Manassas, the phone rang, interrupting her trip down memory lane.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby girl, please don’t hang up. Your aunt told me where you were and was able to get me your number. I’m getting out soon and I just wanted to assure you that I’m a changed man. I know that everything I did to you, your mom, and sister was wrong and I take complete responsibility for it. I would love to see you once I’m released and beg your forgiveness.”
“Go to hell!” Zoe slammed down the phone and yanked the cord out of the wall.
He hadn’t even been released yet and already Otis was starting his campaign to weasel his way back into her life. At that moment all Zoe could think was ‘to hell with memories, we’ve got to get the hell out of dodge.’ Zoe began throwing things in the boxes as if she didn’t have another second to spare. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
“Hey, baby.”
“Hey Mom, don’t tell Pam, but I just got a call from Otis. He wants to see us and beg our forgiveness. I expect that he’ll be here on one of our doorsteps within the next few days. We can’t be here. I need you to pack a little faster, we’re leaving tomorrow night.”
“We’ll be ready,” Martha confirmed.
Her tone was flat and dry. All anyone had to do was mention Otis’ name and Martha turned ice cold, no
emotion, no warmth. He’d beat all of the love out of her, destroyed her sense of security, and had broken those that she cared for the most…her girls. She said a long time ago that she’d never be able to forgive him, that hatred would always be the dominant emotion where he was concerned.
Within twenty-four hours, Zoe’s hired help had hitched her car to the U Haul, packed up her, Pam, and her mom’s belongings and they were on the road to Atlanta. Zoe knew that this was the best possible thing for them and she was no longer nervous or anxious about the move. Pam, however, was a train wreck. Tears flowed freely down her face and she was constantly wringing her hands. Zoe reached into her purse and gave poor Pam one of her prescribed anti-anxiety pills. Pam took it with a sip of water and within fifteen minutes, she was calm and relaxed. Unfortunately there was no pill that her mother had been prescribed so she calmed her nerves with food. Sadly, that was Martha’s coping mechanism, she ate until she felt better and her girls were scared that she’d eat herself into an early grave.
By 6:00am Zoe was watching the sunrise as they crossed the Georgia border. A sense of peace washed over her and she knew that everything was going to be alright. They would make new lives for themselves and they would thrive, even Pam. Zoe recognized that this was the kind of peace that only God was capable of providing and she thanked Him for it.
Remarkably, the three Shaw women adjusted to their new city relatively quickly. Zoe secured a customer service position with the credit union. Martha fell right into her role as a Pre-K teacher with an elite school and Pam, well it took her a little longer, but she eventually took a secretarial position at a very small accounting firm. Life was good.
CHAPTER FIVE
Desmond sat in his car outside of the credit union waiting for Zoe to get off work. He’d gotten a few suspicious looks from the security guard, but he didn’t care what the Barney Fife type officer thought he was up to, he wasn’t leaving until he’d coerced Zoe into hanging out with him for a while. Since moving to Atlanta, Zoe had confined all of her activities to work and home. She’d not yet taken the opportunity to do any real site seeing and she definitely hadn’t enjoyed one second of the night life.
Finally, after a thirty-five minute wait, Desmond saw his best friend emerge from the bank. As she approached her car, a big smile began to spread across her face. The vision of Desmond leaning against the car with his arms crossed was truly a welcomed sight.
“Desi, what are you doing here?” Zoe quizzed as she wrapped him in a loving embrace.
“I came to take my best girl out to dinner.”
“Oh, Desi, you are so sweet and thoughtful, but you know I’ve got to get home to Mama and Pam. Pam starts freaking out if I’m five minutes late. Besides, I promised them that I’d pick up dinner on my way in.”
“Zoe, they are grown ass women, let them get their own dinner. I mean what was the point in y’all getting the other car if you’re still going to have to be the family taxi?”
“Come on now, you know how Pam is. She’s still adjusting, we haven’t found a therapist that she’s happy with yet and my being around seems to make her feel safe.”
“Zoe, it’s been four months, she’s tried six therapists and it’s not fair for you to sacrifice your life for your sister. Hell, it’s not even fair that she would ask that of you,” Desmond huffed as he felt himself becoming more annoyed by the second.
“She didn’t ask me to sacrifice my life, Desi; I just know that she needs me.” But truth be told, Zoe really did long for a little time away from her family. She loved them dearly, but carrying them emotionally was starting to take a toll on her.
“Get in the car Zoe,” Desi demanded. “You can’t take care of everyone else if you don’t first take care of yourself. Now get in the car, you can call your mom on the way to the restaurant and I promise to bring you back to your car after dinner.”
“But I just told you…”
“Get in and let’s go. I’m not taking no for an answer.” Desmond smiled as he watched Zoe slide into the passenger seat of his car. He took the scenic route from the credit union to the Lenox area in an effort to let Zoe see more of the city. He admired her so much, her strength, resilience and determination, but he hated that Zoe was willing to put her life on hold for the sake of her family.
The popular hangout was starting to fill quickly with those seeking to release a little stress after a long day’s work. Zoe was looking all around, taking in the scenery, and listening to the music that added to the lively atmosphere. As the hostess led them to their table, Zoe also observed the many handsome men that were hanging out. Zoe was a beautiful woman with an hourglass figure and could no doubt have any man that she wanted, but her policy had always been look but don’t touch. After all these years, Desi was still the only man that Zoe trusted to not hurt her.
After only one sip of the Pomegranate Martini Desi ordered for her, Zoe felt herself relaxing more than she had in the past six months. By the time the drink was finished, she’d completely forgotten all of her problems and was consumed by the conversation and laughter that she was sharing with her lifelong friend.
“Thank you, Desi, I’m really glad that you took me hostage,” Zoe giggled.
“Don’t thank me yet. Let’s wait and see if you’re still appreciative after you’ve been kidnapped a few more times. Now tell me, are there any fine men at that credit union of yours?”
“Oh please, Desi, Kirk would kick your butt if you even thought about looking at another man. Not to mention the fact that you love him too much to entertain the idea of seeing anyone else.”
“I don’t know. Things have been really strained between us lately. He seems to be having trust issues all of a sudden and it’s about to drive me crazy. I love him, but I don’t know how much longer I can live with his speculation and false allegations. It’s just ridiculous.”
“Okay, where is all this suspicion coming from? I’ve never known Kirk to be the jealous type. Did you do something, Desi?” Zoe inquired with a sideways glance.
“I didn’t do anything. However, when we were out last month, someone I used to date came up to our table and started chatting away. He gave me his card before walking away and now Kirk is convinced that I’m seeing the dude.”
“And that’s it, nothing else happened?”
“No…well, I mean he did find the card on my desk and got pissed that I hadn’t thrown it away and just as I’d convinced him that it was an oversight, the dude called my phone. That sent Kirk into the stratosphere because now he knew that I’d spoken with the guy and gave him my number. I hate being caught in a lie.”
“Desi, are you cheating on Kirk? Because I’ve got to tell you, that would raise all kinds of suspicion with me as well. Why did you feel the need to lie?”
“No, I’m not cheating and I only lied because I know how Kirk can blow innocent stuff out of proportion. The guy now has a new lover of his own and wanted to know if I was still in real estate because they’re looking to buy a house. I told him that I wasn’t but I knew someone that was a great agent. I didn’t have the agent’s number available at the time so he was simply calling me back to get the number.”
“That’s a simple enough explanation, did you tell all of that to Kirk? I mean he is a rational man, no reason he shouldn’t believe you.”
“Of course I told him, but it meant nothing. He’s created some sorted affair in his head and like a dog with a bone, he won’t let it go. He’s wearing me out and frankly I’m getting tired of it. If he’s going to keep accusing me, I may as well be cheating for real.”
“No you shouldn’t. Just give him a little time; he’ll come to realize that you’re an innocent man,” Zoe assured.
“Well enough about my love life, let’s talk about yours,” Desi grinned.
“I see you’ve got jokes cause we all know that I wouldn’t know a love life if it jumped up and smacked me in the face,”
“Aren’t you ready to change that? Zoe, you are a beautiful
woman with so much to offer. Don’t you want to share your life with someone other than your mother and sister? I mean don’t you want the comfort and love of a man?”
“For the longest time I didn’t think that I was relationship material. But truth be told, Desi, I think that I would really enjoy being in a relationship right now. I’ve been emotionally supporting my family for so long that I feel drained. I would love to know what it’s like to have someone be there for me, to emotionally support me, to put my feelings ahead of their own. I want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright.”
Zoe spoke through tear filled eyes and it was clear to see that she was weak from carrying the load of her and her family’s unfortunate drama for so long. Desi moved his chair closer to hers and wrapped her in his arms. And for the first time in a long time, right there in the middle of the restaurant, Zoe allowed a river of tears to flow freely. She sobbed quietly for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only for a few minutes. When she finally raised her head from Desi’s shoulder and began to dry her eyes, she was embarrassed to see a tall, handsome, well groomed man watching her. She quickly averted her eyes and continued her conversation with Desi.
Zoe heard her cell phone ringing for the fifth time tonight and decided that she could no longer ignore it. She swiped her finger across the screen, took a deep breath and answered.
“Hello?”
“Zoe, are you okay? I’ve been calling you, when are you coming home?” Pam sounded almost hysterical.
“Didn’t Mom tell you that I was going out to dinner with Desi?”
“Well yes, but I thought you would’ve been home by now.”
“Pam, I just left work two hours ago and you know it. I will be leaving shortly and heading home, but in the meantime don’t call me again unless it’s an emergency. Do you understand?”
Hate the Way He Loves Me Page 2
