April reached across the table and took Zoe’s hand in hers. “Honey, why are you so emotional about this and who are you referring to when you say ‘they’ and ‘them’?”
“I’m referring to men, they are all the same, they all want to control every aspect of their mate’s life and I can’t have that. I won’t allow any man to control my life,” Zoe sobbed.
“Zoe, don’t you think that you may be reading a little bit too much into his request? I mean I’ll be the first to admit that some men are controlling, but not all of them. There are so many good men out there and I’d hate for you to throw away one of those good men because of one request he made. Which, by the way, he probably only made because he’s feeling insecure in this new relationship.”
“I don’t know, April. My mother has spent her entire life either being controlled or dealing with the fall out of being controlled. I won’t be my mother; I refuse to live her life.”
“And I would never want you to live that life, but I do want you to be sure of Ramon’s intensions before throwing him away. Talk to him, Zoe, and be clear with him just like you were with me. Give him the opportunity to either confirm your fears or show you that he has no desire to control you at all.”
Ramon had called Zoe multiple times since their date on Saturday, but Zoe had refused to answer his calls. He left voice mail messages apologizing for any misunderstanding and practically begged for her to return his call. But it was all in vain, Zoe simply deleted each message.
As she put the key in the apartment door, Zoe was replaying her earlier conversation with April. Maybe she was jumping the gun on ending her involvement with Ramon. Maybe she did need to let him clarify his position. Or maybe she had been right all along and his intent was to start controlling every aspect of her life. She closed the door and hoped that she’d have the place to herself for a little bit, but that was too much to hope for. Desi had apparently been hanging out there all day.
“Hi there, baby doll. How are you doing today?” Desi asked in an upbeat voice.
Zoe plopped down on the sofa beside him. “It was okay I suppose.”
“You don’t look or sound like it was okay. You look like you’re exhausted and sound annoyed as hell,” Desi observed. “Lean on my shoulder and tell me what’s the matter.”
Zoe snuggled into the old, tan couch, leaned on Desi and contemplated whether or not she should tell Desi about her issue with Ramon. Finally after an awkward silence, Zoe thought ‘what the hell’ and blurted it all out. The entire story and not once did she try to clean up what Ramon had said. Once she was finished, knowing he would be furious, she braced herself for Desi’s reply.
“Okay, what else did he say ‘cause that’s not enough to warrant your reaction? I mean I’m not the biggest fan of the dude, but you’ve got to give me more.”
“How much more do you want? Wouldn’t you be outraged if Kirk tried to drive a wedge between us?” Zoe had such a look of confusion etched across her face.
“Girl please! You have to know that everyone is not going to understand our relationship. Do you have any idea how many times Kirk has accused me of being bisexual because of my relationship with you? Folks feel threatened by what they don’t understand. Clearly Ramon and Kirk have never had a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that’s as close as ours and that’s okay. You just have to reassure him, make him know that he’s the only one you’re interested in romantically.”
“I don’t know, Desi, it seems to me like this is the first step in him trying to control my life, keep me under his thumb.”
“No, no, sweetie, you can’t do that. You can’t suspect every man of being another Otis. It’s not fair to the man in your life and it’s not fair to you.”
Zoe laid her head on his shoulder once again. “But what if he is the next Otis?”
“But what if he’s not?” Desi asked.
~~~
The doorbell rang and Zoe wasted no time letting Ramon in. After her conversation with Desi, she called Ramon and invited him over so that they could clear the air. Overhearing her phone conversation, Desi decided to leave and give them an opportunity to have this little discussion in private.
“Come on in and have a seat,” Zoe offered with a half-smile on her face.
Ramon leaned down and gave her a peck on the cheek as he passed her on his way to the couch. “I was glad to get your call. You had me worried that I’d never hear from you or see you again. It seemed that we were going to end before we really had a chance to begin,” he confessed.
Zoe took a seat next to Ramon, placed her hand on his and began to speak. “I’m sorry for my harsh reaction. I guess there are some things that I need to explain. You see, I grew up in an abusive home. I watched my father beat my mother and my sister and as I got older, he turned his brutal attention to me. The things he did to us were unspeakable and it all started because my mother wasn’t aware of the early signs of his possessive and abusive behavior. He disguised his need to control her as love and a desire to always have her close. So I took your request about me and Desi as a sign of control and possessiveness.”
Desi had listened intently to what Zoe was saying and he decided that a little confession of his own was in order. “Babe, when you asked about my parents, I told you that they died but I didn’t say how. For years I watched my father abuse my mother and when his jealousy became too much for him to handle, he shot her dead right in front of me and then turned the gun on himself. If my father taught me one thing, it was how not to treat a woman. I would never try to control you, I would never hurt you. I’ve seen first-hand what that abusive mentality can do and I promise you, none of that will ever be a part of our relationship.”
His confession and tears that threatened to fall broke Zoe’s heart. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. He returned her embrace and was glad that they’d both felt safe enough to share their past.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Three months after Zoe and Ramon had their little heart-to-heart, things couldn’t be better. They’d agreed to immediately talk through any disagreements and to be honest and forthcoming with their feelings instead of shutting one another out. Refusing to go to therapy herself, these were tid-bits that Zoe had taken from Pam’s therapy and implemented in her and Ramon’s relationship. She felt that this was the best advice Pam had been given and the only useful part of her therapy. Despite Pam’s pleas for Zoe to also attend therapy, Zoe felt that she wasn’t nearly as damaged as Pam and just didn’t need it. Besides, things were great now and therapy wasn’t necessary.
Martha had gone to the store and purchased a ton of food. Sunday always meant a good meal, but since they would be joined by Ramon, Alvin, Desi, and Kirk she decided to really go all out. They were all overjoyed that after a month apart, Desi and Kirk realized that they belonged together and were able to work things out.
“Mama, it smells wonderful in here. What all are we having and what can I do to help?” Pam quizzed as she entered the kitchen.
“I’m preparing Cornish hens, cornbread dressing, greens, yams, a little okra, and strawberry shortcake. And I appreciate your offer to help, but we all know that you can’t cook,” Martha snickered.
“Oh, that’s cold, Mama. I can cook a little bit.”
“I know you can, baby, but I’m almost finished. What you can do is set the table for me.”
Martha pointed out the table-cloth, napkins, and silverware that would adorn the long fold out table she’d set up in the living room to accommodate everyone. Pam was glad to do her part and set the table. She even took an empty basket and the flowers she’d received from Alvin and made a beautiful centerpiece.
Zoe walked in the door with a couple of bottles of wine and immediately took notice of the table. “Wow, Pam, that’s beautiful,” she complimented.
“Thank you. What kind of wine did you get?”
“For Cornish hen, the guy at the Niko’s Wine Corner suggested a good Merlot so I w
ent with that,” Zoe said as she breezed on into the kitchen. “Hey, Mama, I’m back. It sure does smell good in here. Anything I can do to help?”
“Nope, I’ve got it all under control. But I think I forgot to tell your sister to put the wine and water glasses on the table,” Martha said as she crooked her head to the side.
“Well she has them on there. That table is set beautifully.” Zoe placed the wine bottles on the counter and leaned back contemplating how her mother would react to her next question. “Mama, do you ever think about how it would be to meet someone new? You know, a man?”
“Where in the world did that come from?” Martha looked at Zoe as if she had grown a second head.
“I’m just curious.”
“Curious about what?” Pam inquired as she entered the kitchen.
“Your sister is in here talking craziness,” Martha declared. “Asking if I’ve thought about meeting men. I need a man like I need to be punched in the eye.”
“Mama, all men are not abusive. There are still some really great, respectful, caring men out there. You shouldn’t close yourself off to the possibility of meeting one of them,” Pam spoke so assuredly. Martha and Zoe wasn’t sure if it was Alvin, the therapy, or a combination of the two, but Pam was stronger than ever in every aspect of her life. They used to blow her off, but not anymore. Pam commanded respect and her words resonated with truth.
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Zoe smiled in agreement with Pam. “Mama, you see that the two of us were fortunate enough to land great guys and the same thing could happen for you.”
Martha spun around in a bit of a huff. “Look, I know y’all mean well and I’m glad that you’ve both ended up in great relationships. But I have no interest in meeting anyone. I have had enough headaches and heartaches caused by men to last me three lifetimes. Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not interested.”
“Mama, I only asked because I met this wonderful, older gentleman in the store today. He’s handsome, retired, and a widower. He was the first to suggest the wine I bought for-”
Martha slammed a pan against the counter and cut Zoe off mid-sentence. “Didn’t I say that I was not interested? I know I didn’t stutter. Now I appreciate and love y’all for wanting me to be with someone, but that is not something that I want for myself. I am happy and content right now and I plan to stay that way all by myself. This conversation is done. Now what time is everyone supposed to arrive?”
Pam hung her head and whimpered, “Alvin will be here in about twenty minutes.”
“Everyone should be here in the next twenty to thirty minutes,” Zoe added. “And, Mama I didn’t mean to upset you, I meant no harm. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby, no apologies required. I know that y’all meant well and I love you for wanting me to be happy, but I promise you that I already am. This is the most content I’ve been in a long time. I’m totally at peace with my life.”
“Then that’s all that matters, Mama,” Pam declared as she leaned in and kissed Martha on the cheek.
It wasn’t long before the doorbell rang and their guests began to pour in. The Shaw women placed platters and bowls of food on the table. Martha, being the head of the house, led everyone in prayer and they began to dig in. The conversation flowed and the clinking of silverware on the plates signified how much everyone was enjoying the feast that had been set before them.
“Ms. Martha, this is the best meal I’ve ever had,” Desi confessed as he continued to shovel fork fulls of greens and yams in his mouth. “And Lord knows I’ve had plenty of your cooking. This must have been made with an extra dash of love.”
Martha blushed. “Desi, flattery will get you far, but it won’t get you extra helpings of dessert,” she chuckled.
Everyone burst out laughing. Desi hung his head and pretended to be wounded by Martha’s words. “I didn’t want extra helpings anyway.”
Kirk laughed so hard that food almost flew out of his mouth. “Don’t believe him, Ms. Martha, all he’s been talking about is how delicious your desserts are. He’ll be begging for seconds before he finishes the first helping.”
Once again laughter filled the air. Desi playfully elbowed Kirk in the side. “Did I ever tell you that you talk too much? If not, I meant to.”
Once Zoe and Pam cleared the table, Martha emerged from the kitchen with a tray of scrumptious strawberry shortcakes. Everyone oohed and ahhed at how good they looked, but once they tasted them, a look of pure joy seemed to cover everyone’s face.
“Ms. Martha, I have never tasted whipped cream this good,” Ramon remarked.
“That’s because she makes it from scratch and with love. Mama has never used cream from a tub or can,” Zoe bragged as if the compliment had been paid to her instead of her mother.
“Everything I’ve ever eaten over here has been exceptional, Ms. Martha. You are a gifted woman,” Alvin complimented.
“Can you cook this well, Zoe?” Ramon asked excitedly.
“I…I…do okay,” she stuttered.
“There was a lot of hesitation there, babe,” Ramon replied. Then he heard the faint sounds of snickering coming from everyone else at the table. “Humph, she can’t cook huh?”
“My baby girl does her best and no one can ask for more than that,” Martha replied sweetly.
“Well maybe once she moves in with me we can get cooking lessons for us both so that we don’t starve,” Ramon blurted out. Instantly, there was a shift in the room, a change in the atmosphere.
“Zoe, are you planning to move in with him?” Pam asked as she squinted her eyes like the thought of it was causing her pain.
Everyone held their collective breath as they waited for her answer. Looking into the concerned faces of her loved ones, Zoe was almost too scared to answer. Usually strong and assertive, she averted her eyes, hung her head and finally spoke softly. “Ramon and I have been talking about it for a little while and yes, I’ve agreed to move in with him.”
Martha got up from the table, placed her dessert plate in the kitchen sink, and went off to her room without uttering a sound. Her silence said more than any string of words ever could.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Zoe? I mean this is still a relatively new relationship,” Desi stated in a condemning voice.
“Look-”
“No, you look,” Pam interrupted. “People know each other for years before making a move like this. No offense, Ramon, but how well do you really know him? Have you had time to learn all of his little idiosyncrasies? Have y’all even discussed how you’ll conduct your household, split the bills?”
“Well damn, Pam, I thought we were cool,” Ramon asserted in too loud of a voice. “You act like I’m going to run off with her and throw her in a cave or something. Hell, I ain’t trying to steal her from you or nothing,” he growled.
“Okay, let’s take it down a notch or two y’all,” Desi said in a calm voice. “Please understand, Ramon, Pam is just concerned for her sister.”
“And let me guess, you’re concerned too? After all, she is like your sister,” Ramon stated sarcastically.
“Look dude, I’m just trying to keep things calm. Your attitude is not necessary.” Desi’s tone was no longer calm and soothing and Zoe knew that if this continued it would only get uglier.
“I want all of y’all to chill the hell out. My mama went through the trouble of preparing this fabulous meal for us and now the day is turning into some kind of circus. Pam, I never meant for you guys to find out like this. I’d planned to talk to you and Mama tonight,” Zoe said as she cut her eyes at Ramon. “So now that everyone is done eating, I’m going to ask Ramon, Alvin, and Kirk to excuse us so that I can discuss this with my family. I need to check on my mama.”
Alvin and Kirk got up from the table and gave their mates a hug and kiss as they prepared to leave. Ramon, on the other hand, remained in his seat. Zoe looked at him as to say ‘get your ass up’ but her stare wasn’t enough to move him.
“If y’all are going to be talking about me I should at least be here to defend myself,” Ramon remarked as he stared straight ahead.
“Baby, you have nothing to defend yourself against. I just want to talk to my family. I’ll call you in a little while,” Zoe said in a stern voice. Hesitantly, Ramon got up and headed out the door with the others.
Zoe eased back to her mother’s room and gently knocked on the door. “Mama, would you please come out here so that I can talk to you guys about this. Only family is here, everyone else has left. Please come out, Mama.” She heard the lock click and her mother slowly opened the door. “Come on out, Mama, the four of us need to talk about this.”
Martha walked back to the living room looking as if her puppy had just died. She sat down, took a deep breath and asked, “Why, Zoe? Why do you feel the need to move in with this man?”
“Mama, I love him.”
“I love Alvin, but you don’t see me packing my bags,” Pam exclaimed as she sat nervously wringing her hands.
“Come on guys, hear me out. I feel that I have been taking care of everyone all my life and I’ve been glad to do whatever was necessary to care for us. But now I have someone that wants to care for me, he wants to protect me, love and support me, and the thought of that makes me happy. Don’t y’all want me to be happy?”
Martha’s eyes pond up with tears. “I didn’t know we had been such a burden to you. All this time I thought that we were here for one another. I didn’t realize that you felt that you were supporting us and getting nothing in return.”
“That’s not what I meant, Mama-”
“But that’s what you said,” Pam interrupted.
“You all are not being fair; you know I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t think I could have ever made it without y’all. We have supported one another. I’m just saying that I want to have the opportunity to build a life with a man that loves me. I want the chance to see if I can successfully live with him, possibly marry him, build a family with him. I just want to try,” Zoe whimpered as she pleaded her case.
Hate the Way He Loves Me Page 6
