by Lori Wick
She had no more done this when thoughts of Seth flooded in. One time right after they had married they had come here, and she’d done the same thing. Seth clearly enjoyed the sight of her bare feet and ankles and the occasional glimpse of her calves.
They had been married in August, and this was August. With a start, Jessie realized they’d just passed their eleventh anniversary. At the moment she couldn’t remember exactly what day Seth had come back to Token Creek. It might have been on their anniversary. Had he been aware of that?
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Jessie lay back, feeling as though a weight had settled on her. He wasn’t the same man-she could see that-but that didn’t mean much right now. She watched him with the girls. He would not hurt them. Of this she was sure. But what of herself? What if she fell for him all over again, but he was only there for the girls? Or what if he began to love her, but she never felt the same?
Almost wishing it would all go away, Jessie tried not to think about it. This was supposed to be a time alone for her, time to rest and be at peace. Jessie almost shook her head. The last word she would use to describe herself right now was peaceful.
“I keep thinking about the way you lived in Texas,” Jessie said that night when the girls were in bed. To Seth’s surprise she never did bring up the incident with Clancy from earlier that day. The four of them had had a very peaceful afternoon, even after Jessie got home from her walk.
“Thinking about it in what way?” Seth asked.
“Why you were willing to do this? Why were you willing to live that way?”
Seth nodded, searching for words. “I’m not shifting the blame here, but Eliot was not good company. I was greedy. And the money was very good.”
“How good?”
Seth named a figure that made Jessie blink.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Jared Silk was a rich man and happy to pay the people around him who might make him richer.”
“How did you meet him?”
“Eliot met him first. Then I came on the scene, and he said he liked our style.”
Jessie could believe that. There had always been something that drew people to Seth. He was suave, but it was more than that. He was
177also kind and, at one time, there was just a hint of danger about him. Jessie didn’t sense that anymore, but she could well imagine what this Jared Silk character saw.
“Tell me more about this woman,” Jessie said next.
“Eliot’s wife?”
“Actually I wanted to know about the woman you abducted, but I’d forgotten that Eliot was married. Did you say his wife had children?”
“Yes, from the marriage with her late husband. A boy and a girl.” Jessie grew silent for a moment, and Seth waited. When she didn’t speak, he did.
“What’s troubling you?”
“Eliot’s hypocrisy. He had a wife, but he had no problem with you having left yours.”
“He didn’t know.”
The words were said with quiet shame, and Jessie stared at the man she married.
“I didn’t try to keep it from you, Jessie. I just forgot.”
“That you were married?” she asked with sarcastic anger.
Seth didn’t reply. There was no point in defending himself, and she was already angry. The silence between them grew, but Seth could see that Jessie had calmed down again.
“We were in prison when I told him,” Seth finally said with quiet remembrance. “I had been getting lots of letters fromCassy, and Eliot and I were talking about the things she was writing. I told him how I’d left you and Hannah and how much I regretted that.”
Seth’s eyes went to the ceiling in the apartment as the pain of it washed over him. It had been an awful time. He had become good at not thinking about his wife and daughter, but that had stopped once he was behind bars and every memory nearly killed him.
“What did Eliot say?” Jessie had to ask.
“Nothing,” Seth confessed. “He was so angry that I would walk out on my wife and child that he didn’t speak to me for more than a week. When he did start to talk to me, all he could ask was ‘How could
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you?’ He asked it every time he came near me until we nearly came to blows.”
This was the last thing Jessie expected. She pictured these men off having the time of their lives, living life without a thought for anyone but themselves. This description of Eliot didn’t work with that image at all.
“How long were you in prison after Eliot knew about me?” “Let me think.. .maybe ten or eleven months.”
“Did you and Eliot get out at the same time?”
“He was released a week earlier.”
“Then what happened?”
“He was waiting for me. He took me back to Cassy’s ranch where we had all lived, and we made plans from there.”
“What kind of plans?”
“He knew that I wanted to tell Darvi and Dakota I was sorry about what happened and that I wanted to try to come home to Token Creek.”
Again Jessie did not think of this. She’d heard the word plans and figured he’d meant money or business, not getting back to his family.
“Where did all this come from?” Seth asked. “What made you think of all of this?”
“I don’t know. I was all ready to relax by the creek, but all I could think about was you. What day did you come back to town?” Jessie suddenly asked.
“Let me see…I think it was four weeks ago last Friday. What day was that?”
“The first,” Jessie said quietly.
“The day before our anniversary,” Seth finished, his voice just as quiet.
For several moments the room was silent save the ticking of the clock on the wall. Seth wasn’t overly tired, but he sensed Jessie’s need to be alone. He could also use some time to himself.
“Anything else you want to ask tonight?”
“No.”
179”I’ll turn in then.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight, Jessie.”
Seth left the room without another word, and Jessie did nothing to stop him.
It makes no sense,Jessie said to herself after Seth had gone.I’m supposed to hate this man, but I’m still drawn to him. I got over him years ago. My life has been just fine without him, but he’s starting to fill my thoughts again.
How can this be? He left me! He left Hannah! How can he just waltz in here and pick up where he left off?
As soon as the thoughts materialized, Jessie knew they were unfair. Seth had not waltzed back in. He’d come quietly and humbly and done everything she’d asked of him. Until that very afternoon when he’d corrected Clancy, he’d been very much in the background. And it had not been his idea to move back into the apartment. Jessie had invited him, and it was only fair that she remember that.
Jessie stood and stretched her back. It was early, but she was suddenly tired. She stared at Seth’s door and wondered if he was tired too. Times when no door stood between them flooded Jessie’s mind. She pushed the thoughts away with an effort and headed into the bedroom with plans to sleep dreamlessly all night.
“Everything all right?” Seth asked softly. He’d come from the bedroom on Monday morning to find Jessie on the sofa, a sleeping Hannah in her arms, both still in their nightgowns.
“She’s sick,” Jessie said quietly.
“With what I had?” Seth asked, taking the other end of the sofa. “I don’t know. She’s warm, but hasn’t complained of a headache.”
180JESUS
“Why don’t you let me take the store today?”
Jessie nodded with relief. She had been awake with Hannah since about three o’clock, and her body felt weighted with fatigue. “Should I get Clancy up?” Seth asked.
“No, it’s all right. If she’s not up before you head down, I’ll just send her to you.”
“All right. I’ll head over to the hotel for breakfast.”
“Why would you do that?”
“So I won’t disturb Hannah.”
“She’ll be fine. Go ahead and make something for yourself”
As unhandy as Seth was in the kitchen, he did know how to toast
bread and butter it. He had several slices, but no coffee, and headed
down to ready and open the store.
Watching him go, Jessie could not remember the last time she’d had a sick child and hadn’t been forced to divide her time between the store and the apartment. Warm feelings surged through her that she could not bear. She stood with Hannah and put her in Seth’s bed. The little girl never woke. Not bothering to dress, she began to make coffee and breakfast, all the time berating herself for the soft feelings she was experiencing.
“Are you full?” Cassidy asked her five-month-old baby daughter. “Have you had enough?”
Netty’s big blue eyes were distracted for a moment by something, but as soon as she spotted her mother, she smiled in delight. Cassidy smiled right back, her heart melting with love. Much as she was enjoying this, she was hoping Netty would soon take a nap. Joey was already down, and Cassidy was ready for some quiet time.
She rocked Netty and hummed a little, willing her to sleep. She knew if she put her down she would fall asleep fairly fast, but there was something special for her when her children slept in her arms.
Gaining her wish at last, Cassidy headed out onto the front porch.
181The doors were open so she could hear the children if they cried. Trace had been slowly adding furniture to the porch, and Cassidy now took one of the rocking chairs, her eyes taking in the magnificent views of the ranch. The colors of the leaves on the Bur Oak and Quaking Aspen would be changing soon, marking her favorite time of year, and Cassidy tried to remember which of the trees usually turned first.
In the midst of these thoughts, Meg arrived. The window to the girls’ bedroom was open at the back of her house a short distance away, allowing her to hear them if they woke. Meg took another rocking chair, and the two settled in to talking.
“How are you feeling?” Cassidy asked Meg, whose baby would be born by the end of the year.
“A little achy, but other than that I’m fine.”
“Swollen ankles?”
“Yes.”
“Here,” Cassidy pushed a little wicker hassock toward her. “Put your feet up.”
Meg thanked her and then asked, “What do you hear from your mother?”
“I haven’t heard from her in more than a month, so I think she must be busy. I invited her to visit during the cattle drive, but she hasn’t answered me yet.”
“The drive is coming up fast.”
“Yes, it is. I don’t know why,” Cassidy admitted, “but I’m dreading it this year.”
“Some years are worse than others for me. I have a lot I want to do this time.”
“Maybe I don’t have enough planned.”
“I don’t know how much planning you can do with Netty at her age,” Meg said. “And let’s be honest, the older the kids get, the more it impacts them.”
“Yes, but the older they get, the busier I am, so that makes the time go faster.”
They both laughed a little at their own logic, and then the conversation
182turned to their neighbors. The Carlisles owned the next ranch out, and Marty had not been feeling well. The women were planning to take some meals to her, so they put their heads together about what to make and which days to deliver it.
Meg’s girls were awake before Cassidy’s, so their talk was cut short, but that gave Cassidy a little more time on her own. She was still praying for Trace and the children when her own began waking from their naps.
The woman at the counter could not be termed anything but beautiful. Jessie got down to the store in time to watch Seth filling the woman’s order, a woman Jessie had never seen before. Jessie was able to stand unnoticed by the folks at the front counter, but she didn’t miss a thing. The woman openly flirted a few times, but Seth didn’t even smile. He was the most businesslike Jessie had ever seen him.
“Is there anything else?” Seth asked.
“Well,” the woman began, drawing the word out, her eyes on his face.
“I’m glad you’re all set,” Seth said quickly. “Thank you.”
This said, Seth came around the counter, not even offering to help her carry the order. It was small, but he typically made the offer to most female customers.
Jessie turned away just in time to avoid getting caught watching. She felt Seth come up beside her and turned to him with myriad conflicting emotions.
“How’s Hannah?” Seth asked the moment he got to Jessie’s side. “Still warm, but resting.”
“Are you getting sick?” Seth asked, thinking she looked tired. “No, I’m fine,” Jessie said, a bit more sharply than she planned. Seth nodded, wondering what he’d done wrong.
“Hannah wants to see you,” Jessie said, making herself say what she’d come to say.
183”Do you want me to go now?” Seth asked, trying to read her.
Jessie nodded, but it bothered her that he felt he had to ask. For the first time in her life, she didn’t like being in charge. She didn’t like Seth always asking permission. Unwilling to examine where all of this was coming from, Jessie went to the front counter and set to work.
“How are you?” Seth asked the warm child in his bed, her little face flushed.
“Mama says I have a fever.”
“I think she’s right,” Seth said, his hand going to her face.
“Here, Hannah.” Clancy came through the door just then with a
glass of water. “Hi, Seth,” she added when she spotted him.
“Hi, Clancy. It looks like you’re taking good care of your sister.” “Mama said I could come down and be with you in the store, but I
knewHannah needed me here.”
“I think you made the right decision,” Seth said, watching her climb onto the bed and look at her sister.
“Did you miss us?” Hannah asked, her voice wispy.
“I did. It wasn’t very busy this morning, and I missed talking to you.”
“I should be better soon,” Hannah told him, her small face sincere.
“I hope so. I’ve been praying for you.”
“To God?” Clancy asked, moving closer to him and frowning in concentration.
“Yes.”
“Did He hear you?”
“I believe He did, Clancy. It’s important to agree with God about the things He wants when we pray, and that’s the way I prayed.” “What did you say?” Hannah asked.
“Well, I asked Him to heal you if that was His will, but I also asked Him to help you in other ways,” Seth said, not wanting to elaborate. He
184thought it might be fine with Jessie that the girls go to church, but he wanted to be careful as to when he should tell the girls about what he believed. Thankfully Clancy and Hannah let the topic drop, moving on with amazing speed to the subject of school.
“We go in just a few weeks,” Clancy said. “What will I wear?” “Mama will get us new dresses.”
“Does she always get you new dresses?” their father asked. “Every year,” Hannah said.
“Do you get to pick them out, or does she?”
“We get to pick out the color we want,” Clancy told him.
“I get blue,” Hannah said, and for the first time Seth noticed she was looking very tired.
“I like blue too. Clancy,” Seth said to that little girl, “I think we need , to let Hannah rest a bit.”
“Are you leaving?” Hannah said.
“Aren’t you tired?” Seth asked.
Hannah nodded with a head that felt weighted. She was tired, but she was also enjoying hearing Seth talk to her and thinking about school.
“Here you go,” Seth stood, bending over her to settle the covers around her. “Sleep for a little while.” He kissed her forehead before straightening.
Hannah nodded, and Seth could see she had no ch
oice. Her eyes were already closing, and with a finger to his lips, he ushered Clancy out into the living room. He sat in one of the chairs and brought Clancy close to him. She needed no other invitation. She climbed into his lap.
“Do you want to go down to the store or stay here in case Hannah needs something?”
“I’d better stay until Mama comes.”
“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll head down so she can come up.”
Clancy nodded but made no move to get off his lap. Seth did not want to leave Jessie in the store too long, but he thought that sitting here with Clancy, the smell of dinner filling the room, could be comfortable for a long time.
185I love you, Clancy,his heart said. He thought it might be all right to tell her that but feared it was too soon. He looked down at her small head, seeing how content she was to sit with him and hoping she would not grow ill with her sister.
“I’d better get downstairs,” he made himself say.
Clancy looked up at him, and Seth tried to read her thoughts. For once she didn’t say exactly what she was thinking. Kissing her forehead, much as he had Hannah’s, he made himself stand and leave the apartment.
He was on the stairs when Clancy changed her mind and came down with him.
“How is Jeb?” Jessie asked Patience when she came in. She had just seen Becky off, and before her was Bret Toben from the saloon across the street.
“He’s doing well. He’s not putting weight on the ankle yet, but he’s definitely doing better.”
“Hannah is sick right now, but we’ll be over as soon as she’s feeling better.”
“Is it what Seth had?”
“It might be. She hasn’t complained of a headache.”
“I would have thought that Seth would watch things for you so you could be with her,” Patience said, voicing her thoughts.
“I just came down here. Hannah wanted to see him.”
Patience was impressed, and she could see that Jessie was pleased. For the first time, she began to wonder if Jessie might be willing to give her marriage another try She didn’t dare say this but planned to discuss it with Jeb. Jeb could get away with asking, and she hoped he would.
