by Catori, Ava
“Do you think this is a good idea?” She pulled back for a second. “I mean, it’s not like you’re sticking around. I can’t promise you anything.” Her voice got colder. “Like love. If you’re looking for love, you can just forget it. I don’t do relationships.” She talked faster. “And if you think I’m going to fall all over you and tell you how incredible you are in bed-”
“Shh, just relax. Let’s just take it one step at a time, okay?” He could tell she was nervous. The odd thing is it had nothing to do with the sex. She was a prostitute. He wasn’t a fool. It was the emotions that scared the hell out of her. She was afraid to feel anything. He sensed it. He wanted her to let go, relax, and enjoy their time together. Or was this all a mistake? What future would they truly have? And he’d have to go home eventually. Was it fair to play with her emotions like this? He didn’t promise forever, and she sounded like she didn’t want it, but still… Great, now I’m over thinking.
“I’m sorry,” she started. “Listen, I really want to do this. There’s a part of me that hungers for a warm touch, to feel something inside, but I’m afraid I’ll be let down. I’m afraid I’ll want more than I’ll actually feel. And what if I feel nothing? What if I’m a cold hearted bitch for the rest of my life? I like to believe that at some point I’ll feel something. I’m just afraid what it will be.”
“You don’t know if you don’t try, right?” He suggested.
“I have so many crappy memories tied to sex. It’s amazing I’m not drawn to women. Men have been assholes to me all my life.” She hated how the sexy, heated moment was gone. All that was left were her insecurities.
“Not every man is an asshole. You may have met a few, but there are good guys too.” He tried to understand her fears, but his body wanted things too. His body wanted to feel her, be inside of her, and taste her. Urges, he had strong urges. His erection bobbed, but was losing steam with the conversation change.
“Are you one of the good guys, Carter? Or do you break hearts everywhere you go?” It wasn’t really directed at him. She was already lost in thought. She turned away and went to curl up in a chair. The moment had passed.
Carter closed his eyes. Reaching down, he stroked himself for good measure. He was ready. She was almost there. Could they get there again? “Come touch me,” he said, leaving no question in his voice. “He more than wanted her.”
Cree stared at him. They were locked in a heated exchange. Finally, she stood. Her voice cocked. “Is this what you want big boy? You want me to get all hot and bothered for you?”
“I want you to knock off the bullshit and make love to me.”
She stood, fixed. The words. Her guard dropped. Exhaling with effort, she pushed the breath out. Her gaze never left Carter’s.
“Kiss me,” was all he said before his lips were on top of hers.
Cree ached, her mind churned, but she pushed the thoughts away. Don’t. Don’t ruin this. This feels right. Just try to let go. Don’t let your past own you.
His hands were back in her hair, raking through her long, dark tresses. She was a beautiful woman and he wanted nothing more than to claim her for his own. His fingers tightened at the nape of her neck as he pulled her closer. Their mouths opened wider while their tongues danced.
Carter slid his hands down Cree’s back and stopped at the bottom of her shirt. His fingers crept slowly, gently underneath and just barely grazed her skin. Cree tensed at his touch. It’s just that this was somehow different than what she normally did. The kissing, the touching, the caring…
She forced thoughts from her head. She wanted this. She needed to know if she could feel, and Carter was stirring up emotions. What if when he stopped…what if she wanted more? Would he stick around or was this a one-time deal?
His fingers moved up under her shirt. Slipping his fingers under her bra strap, he expertly undid the hooks. Cree swallowed and took a deep breath, breaking from the kiss. She pulled back just enough to look at him.
“Are you okay?” His whisper was soft, caring.
“I think so.” She felt frozen.
His hands slid to her breasts, her shirt still covered her body. Cupping her from the side, Carter gently squeezed her. Cree sucked in air in a tiny gasp.
“Relax, baby,” was all he had left to say.
She nodded. “Kiss me?”
He happily agreed. Lost in the kiss, she didn’t get consumed by thoughts. His hand on her body was mesmerizing her. It felt so good, tingles of electricity pulsed. Carter rolled her nipple between his fingers, a firm, gentle pressure that had Cree wanting more.
His lips moved to her neck, dotting kisses until the crook right above her shoulder. Heavenly, it felt so good. Cree sighed. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this, was it? The only times that she’d…no, not now, don’t go there.
His fingers worked her nipple, his mouth caressed her skin, and with a momentary break, he stopped only long enough to lift her shirt over her head. Cree stood before him, her bra unhooked, her shirt now on the bed.
Carter shifted her bra straps down over her shoulders. “Relax,” he added, on seeing her shoulders tense.
She let the bra fall down her arms and off of her body. She’d been naked in front of men plenty of times, but this, this was different.
Carter lowered his head and suckled her nipple between his lips. His mouth was hot and wet, and her body was on fire. Pleasure like she’d never known coursed through her.
He helped her slide of the remainder of her clothing and together they climbed into bed. Tangled legs, heated kisses, sexual tension rising. A condom, crap, a condom. “Wait here for a second.” He hated breaking the moment, almost afraid she’d shut down.
Carter grabbed his wallet from his jeans and pulled a condom tucked within. Tearing the packet, he rolled the sheath over his erection. He hoped it wasn’t too late, and that she still wanted this, wanted him.
Moving inside of her, Carter groaned. Cree wrapped her thighs up and around him, pulling him closer. An explosion of light and sound raced through her mind. This was nothing like what she usually felt. She needed this, needed him, and wanted him to be happy. Her heart was full, and the look in his eyes melted her.
It gripped him, the sensation starting in his toes, and as his balls tightened he felt the orgasm coming. Embarrassed, he didn’t want to cum so quickly. He wanted to please her first, but it had been so long, and she was so beautiful, and….as he called out, a low grunting moan, his seed hit the sheath wrapped over his erection.
Collapsing to the bed, he rolled beside Cree. “I’m sorry. I need a minute.”
“Sorry for what?” She asked, perplexed.
“You didn’t orgasm. I’m not done yet. I just couldn’t control it.” He said sheepishly.
“Oh, it’s okay. I never do. I mean, I never have,” she blushed.
“Never?” He didn’t expect that answer, not knowing how often she’d…
She shook her head.
“Then today shall be your first,” he grinned. “We aren’t nearly through here.”
Cree rolled up to her side. “You don’t have to…”
“I want to. I want you to feel pleasure,” he whispered. Carter took her hand and brought it to his lips. He placed a sweet, tender kiss on her hand. Turning her hand over, he circled her palm with a fingertip.
She watched his hand, playing with her palm. It was a tiny motion, but one that felt blissful. It had never been about pleasure before. It was always just a job or she was a vacant vessel. This was different. He wanted her to feel good. He wanted her to enjoy the experience. More than anything, she felt special for a rare moment in time, almost like she was good enough. He wanted her. He truly wanted her to feel pleasure. It was foreign to Cree. It had never been about her. Ever.
Carter teased her body, paying attention to every inch of her skin. As he slipped his tongue between her legs, her body buckled and pressed to him. She’d never…oh right there, oh dear goodness, that’s nice…The orgasm hit her a
t full force. There was no questioning what was happening. It was almost blinding. Her body collapsed deeply back into the mattress as it released the immensely built up energy. And lying beside Carter, she turned to him. “Thank you,” she sighed and then closed her eyes.
Wow. Is that what it’s supposed to feel like? Why has she never felt that before? Her thoughts drifted in and out, quietly, casually, and nothing seemed to bother her. Relaxed and happy, she let out an exaggerated sigh. “We need to do that again,” she said with a giggle. “I’ve never…” she stopped herself. Just enjoy the moment.
Carter was beside her, his eyes smoldered with desire. He tangled his fingers through her hair and leaned in to kiss her again. He didn’t expect to feel this way. He wanted to cradle her, comfort her, and keep her warm and safe. He wanted to protect her, be her hero, and pull her from her former life. And yet his life was in shambles. It was all some twisted fantasy. If they could be together for just a little more time, maybe she would feel it too.
“What are you thinking?” She watched his face. It was soft. His muscles slacked and he didn’t clench his teeth or tense his jaw. This was a side of Carter she really liked. The side that was comfortable lying in bed beside her; his guard down and untethered to who he thought he was supposed to be.
He shook his head. “Nothing really; it was nice to see you let go. That’s all.”
She smiled. “I did let go, didn’t I? Sometimes I forget how to laugh, smile, and be happy.”
“Life can be rough.” It didn’t have to be. If they made better choices, if they tried new things, if they tried together…
She agreed and turned to rest her head on his chest. “Carter, thank you.”
“It was my pleasure.” He loved how her face felt pressed against him. This could be trouble; he felt himself falling, and he had no desire to stop.
The head games started not long after. She’s a hooker, a common day whore. It’s her job to make you feel like a man. The reason you’re falling is because it’s part of the game, the charm. This is what she does. She manipulates men, makes them feel good for a buck or two. He hated that the thoughts were even there. He didn’t want them to be. He wanted to pretend like he didn’t know the truth. The truth is that he was sent on a mission to collect her friend Crystal. What he did instead was fall for the girl that told him nothing, got paid to have sex for a living, and would be gone by morning’s light when he dropped her back off.
Chapter 11
His words were unexpected. “I could fall in love with you,” he whispered as she drifted into sleep.
Cree wasn’t asleep yet. She heard the words, but pretended she didn’t. The experience, it was nice, but she didn’t love him. Sure she liked him, was even warming up to him, but love? How? How is that even possible? They barely know each other. Cree’s mind spun making it hard to sleep. She didn’t dare open her eyes and let him see she was awake. She wasn’t ready to say words he might hope to hear.
As morning came, the couple knew it was time to head back. Cree had a life back there, though it wasn’t a good one, it was still a life. Her sister was there. Her life. Her lack of friends. Her crappy job. Why was she going back again? It was the place she called home, but what was home, really?
By the time she got back there was message after message from Kendle on her phone. She should have called. She planned to call more, but she got lost in the experience. When she finally returned her sister’s calls, Kendle was beside herself.
“Where have you been? I was worried you’d be found in a ditch somewhere. You need to check in more often,” she said, panic laced her voice.
“I’m an adult. I’m not a child,” Cree reminded. “I was gone for a while. I was taking a break.”
Kendle knew it wasn’t her business, but she wanted to know more. She knew not to press. She changed the topic. “So, have you thought about the statement? I’m going forward with the case. I’m pressing charges against him. I just wanted to see if you’d do it with me before we take that path. We can make him pay for what he did to us.”
“I don’t know.” Cree’s words were soft. Dredging it all up again seemed pointless, and yet she hated him for what he did to them. She’d have to relive it, tell them details. “I don’t think I can.”
“Cree, for me? Please. Think about it some more.” Kendle suggested quietly.
“I’ll think about it.” She was afraid. Her face would end up plastered on some newspaper as fodder and gossip, her family splashed across news channels. She didn’t want to be seen, to be known, and she didn’t want to live in the past. Kendle would have to do this on her own.
Carter was sprawled across the sofa. When Cree hung up the phone he checked in on her. “Are you okay? The smile is gone from your eyes.”
She sat down. “My sister wants me to go after our father. He molested us…” the words were out before she could stop them. Almost no feeling was attached to them. She’d gone numb when it came to her father. Most of the feelings came out in her nightmares subconsciously when she couldn’t control them. “Anyway, she’s pressing charges.”
Carter sat up. Things made more sense. “I’m so sorry.” His words were real, spoken from the heart.
She shrugged. “It’s in the past. I want it to stay there.”
He didn’t know what to say. He could understand her sister wanting to go after him as much as Cree wanting the past to stay buried. He had his own secrets and issues, and sometimes the easiest answer wasn’t the best.
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” She confirmed.
“Sure.” He stood and stretched. “I’m going to go find something to eat. Do you want something? I guess I’ll need to be heading out in a few days. I have some fire to face.”
Cree looked at him. What if it was bad? “Will you be okay?”
“I hope so. If you don’t hear from me, I’m probably floating in a river somewhere,” he tried to make light of it, but that wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities. Running forever wasn’t an option. They’d catch up to him eventually. He’d have to pay back his uncle and hope that was enough.
“I’ll go with you. Can we just grab some take-out?” She said, almost afraid to let him out of her sight now. What if she lost him?
Chapter 12
With their brown bag of take-out, they headed down the hallway toward Cree’s room.
“Crystal?” Cree was shocked to see her there. “What are you doing here?” Crystal didn’t know she stayed here. Was she visiting a customer?
“Cree?” Crystal wasn’t expecting her there. “Hey, yeah, just a customer that wanted some extra attention,” she winked.
“Crystal?” Carter turned to look at Cree. The look of panic in her face gave it away. She didn’t even think about it when she spoke her name. Their eyes locked on one another.
“Crystal! Run!” Cree shot out before she could stop herself. What had she done?
Crystal looked at her friend, confused, but if Cree said to run, there was a reason! She saw the look in the man’s eyes who was standing beside Cree. It was almost a look of recognition. She twisted to change directions and bolted.
Carter jumped and ran, easily catching up with her. He grabbed her shoulder. “Wait.”
“Carter, no! If you love me, you’ll let her go.” Cree shot out, terrified something might happen to her friend and she’d be responsible. It all happened so fast. The pained expression in her face called to Carter.
He spun to look at Cree on hearing the words. Crystal jerked around and sank her teeth into Carter’s arm. He yelped loudly and yanked his arm away from the girl. Crystal knew this was the time to get out of there. She tore down the hallway and slammed into the door to the stairwell. Down the steps, two at a time…go, go, go. She was out a side door and running. She had no idea who he was, but it was obvious she was in trouble. Tearing out the side, she cut a path through the cars in the parking lot and then as far away as she could get. Risking a turn over her shoulder, she only slow
ed when she knew he was no longer behind her.
“You’re bleeding,” Cree said. “You need to get help. She’s a drug user. It’s a human bite,” Cree rambled. She pulled at his hand. “Let’s go. Hospital.” She could barely get a full sentence out. Everything was spinning, things happening unexpected, and now this.
Carter was stunned. “My keys are in my pocket. Can you drive?” He was starting to feel woozy.
“I don’t know how,” she admitted. She’d never gotten her license.
“Okay, I’ve got this.” He stopped and closed his eyes. The adrenaline of the moment was catching up. Carter bent over and took a deep breath. Cree stood watching him, feeling helpless. “Okay, I just needed a minute. Come on.” Carter dug through his pocket and pulled out his keys. “I can’t believe she bit me.” He was talking to himself as much as he was to Cree. “Who bites people? It’s archaic?”
“She was scared,” Cree said. “You grabbed her.” She didn’t say anything else. She simply looked out the window, wondering what would happen next.
Thankfully the hospital wasn’t far away and they were pulling into the parking lot in less than ten minutes. Heading to the emergency room, Carter went to check in. He sat and waited with Cree until they called his name.
There was no polite conversation, there were no rushed words. There was silence. When Carter was called back, Cree sat and waited. Watching him walk through the doorway, her mind took off. Her reaction was automatic, the one that wanted to save Crystal, and the one that worried about Carter.
She sat quietly, her hands on her lap, her mind going in circles. She’d grown attached to the man she barely knew. She’d made love to him. She felt things. The problem with feeling things is the fear that the things you care about can be yanked away, and then you’re only left with the pain. She’d had enough pain to last her a lifetime. Caring was dangerous; it left her vulnerable.
