“If I don’t and you catch me, I’ll let you call me mom.” She speeds up and passes the entrance. Her mouth sets into a hard line. She’s serious! I have to fight for my right to call her mom?
I turn away from her and launch myself at the next scaffolding, not to get away from a beating, not to catch her, but because I don’t want to see her – the gaping hole she ripped into my chest hurts every time I breathe.
~*~
She is fast. I realize this as I jump onto the rope for the third time. I watch her run up the pathway. We can go on like this for a while, until one of us drops and she either gets to beat me or I get to spit the word mom in her face.
I’m going to have to beat myself up to catch her, but it will be worth it. I let go of the rope and drop to the floor. I’ve played by her rules and they suck. My feet sting but I ignore it and run after her. The wrecking balls swing close to the pathway. I slow down. It’s not too close but I can make the jump if I push myself. I can get her from the front.
She’s onto the third scaffolding and I sprint. I launch myself and stretch, reaching out to the cord, holding the ball. My chest slams hard into the cord and I drop to the ball, but I cling. I grab hold of the cord and scramble to my feet, getting ready to jump as I swing towards the scaffolding. A midair jump, this is going to hurt.
She stops as I jump, and for a moment our eyes lock before my body slams hard into hers. I wrap my arms around her neck and we fall.
I don’t get to roll over. I just fall. The ground smacks hard against the side of my head and hip, and then the rest of me follows. I open my eyes and my mom’s face dips and blurs in front of mine. I push myself up and groan at the pain in my head. It throbs.
“You certainly have my blood in your veins. Got the guts from my side too,” she groans.
I stumble to my feet and stagger backwards. The floor doesn’t want to even out, it keeps wobbling.
“I don’t,” I slur. I feel warmth trickle down the side of my face and press my fingers to it. The tips of my fingers come away red. I hold my hand out to her. “Look, it’s my own blood.” My vision blurs and I stumble to the side to stay on my feet. “I stayed alive to find you.” I wanted to scream the words at her, but they keep slurring. “But you’re not my mom.” My chin trembles.
I hear the slap echo through the dome before I feel the burning sting on my cheek. Her hand comes away with some of my blood. She looks at it for a moment and then wipes it off on my chest.
“Remember who it is you’re talking to. I have fought hard to become who I am today and I will be damned if you, my daughter, walks in here and throws it all away. Do you think it was easy for me, being the wife of the man creating those things? They judged me the same as him! And they will do the same to you as soon as they know who you are!” Her eyes soften a moment – for a split second her mouth doesn’t pull down. “Dig down deep and rip your own heart out, my child, you won’t need it here. Feelings only hurt, they make you vulnerable.”
She turns away from me and I grab for her arm.
“Why do you fight then, Rachel?” I refuse to call her mom. She doesn’t deserve that title.
“I didn’t say you can’t take revenge. I’m going back so I can rip their hearts out too.”
~*~
Somehow I make it to the bathroom. A little light pulses behind my eyes when I close them, a dim red one. And my head throbs every time it pulses. I can’t walk straight. I keep swaying to the side. I sit down on the floor until I hear footsteps. Just my luck. It’s Morgan. She glares at me and I glare back, then a smile tugs at her lips.
“You look like crap,” she says.
“You don’t look too pretty yourself.” I still can’t snap. My words still slur.
I swear I see concern on her face and then she walks over to the cabinets in the corner. She takes out a first aid kit and comes over to me. She drops to her knees.
“What happened? She really looks worried and for the first time I wonder why Chance likes her. Maybe there is something good in her, after all. “Who beat the crap out of you?”
“No one.” Up close I can see every line on her face. She’s really pretty. “I tackled my mom, we fell and I bumped my head.”
“Oh yeah, was it worth it?” She smiles.
I smile back. “Yeah … it was.”
She takes some of the stinking ointment out and I wrinkle my nose.
“I’m gonna make you smell all pretty.” She chuckles and squirts some on her fingers.
“Now you’re gonna smell just as pretty,” I joke back. Our eyes meet and she stops for a second.
“It’s going to burn.” I nod and pain streaks through my neck. She starts to dab the ointment onto the cut. I cringe and close my eyes. “I didn’t get all of the blood-”
“What happened?” My eyes snap open. Chance is a bit of a blur standing so far away. He’s going to be angry. I just know it.
“She kicked her mamma’s butt. Tough little one you have here.” Morgan winks at me and I never thought the day would come I didn’t want her to leave us alone. “I patched her up. She’s good to go” I sway to the side and brace myself with my hand. “On second thought…” Morgan says, sounding worried again.
“Thanks, Morgan,” Chance says in a clipped tone. It’s one of those closed sentences, where he won’t stand for any arguing. He crouches next to me.
“Now I can see you,” I try to joke.
I drop my eyes to my hands. There’s still blood on my left one. I hear Morgan leave and I wonder how much trouble I will be in if I run and hide for the day. His fingers are cold on my jaw, they brush over the side where Craig hit me.
“You couldn’t see me before?” He asks, sounding worried.
The throbbing in my head gets worse and I squint at him. “You were a bit of a blur.” My vision darkens around the edges and I feel sleepy.
“How did you fall, Jasper?” I hear him, but it’s hard to respond.
I try to smile. “With a thud.”
I have that dream again, the one where I’m flying between the stars, only this time my head is aching so much I can’t open my eyes.
~*~
I wake up to Chance staring down at me. He doesn’t look happy.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper. I glance around but we’re alone.
“You are,” he says, sounding angry.
“Me?” I squeak. “What did I do?”
“You can’t remember?” he snaps.
I sit up and my head might as well split in two, the pain keeps shooting right through my body. I cringe and groan.
“Do you remember now?” he asks again.
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Rachel happened,” I snap, and this time I actually manage it, no whimpering, no slurring, just snapping. “If I caught her I could call her mom, if she caught me she could beat me up.” I glance up at him but I can’t read his expression. “I jumped her and that’s when we fell.”
“Are you okay, seeing your mom?” He shouldn’t ask me that. His voice shouldn’t be so soft. I’ve been so good at not crying.
I try to turn my face away but he takes hold of my chin, not letting me. I grab hold of his hand and pull it away, but I don’t let go. I wrap my arms around him, smothering my sobs in his chest. He pulls me onto his lap, and he holds me.
I feel him dabbing at my head. It starts to sting and I grind my teeth, just holding onto him. He uses four wipes to clean the blood before he smears the ointment on again.
“You knocked your head pretty hard. We’ll take it easy today. Grab some painkillers before we go.”
I do what he says. He’s really all I have now and the thought scares me to death.
~*~
I don’t know how much time has passed. My ears ring. We’re not the only people shooting. I don’t cringe anymore. I’d say every fifth bullet hits the paper man, the others vanish to the same place your socks go when you wash them. Chance didn’t unde
rstand what I meant until I explained that whenever I do the washing I always end up missing a sock, now it’s bullets. I think he’s worried about my head, that I might’ve bumped it too hard.
“Jai, a little higher, like mine.” Chance has been very patient, constantly reminding me when my arms start to slip down, or like now, when my thoughts wander.
I watch him, his body firm, shoulders straight, his arms lined up with his sight and then he squeezes, no backlash. Only his hands move. I grin like an idiot. I stand up straight and square my shoulders, my arms are lined with my sight. I lock my wrists together and I squeeze. The gun jumps in my hand and I laugh. It felt awesome. I hit the paper man in its neck. I run and jump onto Chance, squealing.
“You have a gun!” He laughs, but he still catches me with one arm. My legs are wrapped around his waist and I look at the gun in my hand, resting on his shoulder.
“I didn’t think.” I drop my legs and slide down his body. He doesn’t let me go through.
“I like a woman with a gun as much as the next guy.” His lips are hot against my forehead and then he steps away.
I glance around to see if anybody noticed, but everyone is busy with their own thing. Nobody noticed my first public display of affection. Maybe I’ll end up stunning some poor newbie one day.
~*~
Chapter Sixteen
I wake to shouting and Chance shaking my shoulder. My eyes snap open when he shouts at me.
“Jai, up!” I get to my feet before my brain registers what’s happening. He grabs my hand and we run. People are screaming. Some are grabbing the blankets. We run toward the Drill Zone. There are already people grabbing guns and I see Mom and Morgan.
Chance shoves a gun into my hands. “Put it somewhere. Here’s another.”
I take it from him with a sinking feeling and tuck it in behind my back like I saw him do back at the ward. I take the other one from him, gripping it tightly. He hands me two clips containing bullets and I try to think of a safe place. I shove them in my pockets and take another two from him, shoving them down the front of my top. They’ll be precious out there, I can’t lose them. The metal is cold against my chest and it spreads throughout the rest of my body. He tucks a gun in behind his back, and shoves clips in his pockets, and then we run with the ones in our hands.
“Where is Skater? I thought we are a team?”
He grabs my hand and yanks me in behind him.
“He’ll find us. Just do what I do and focus,” he snaps. I get a glimpse of the way he was when we first met. Cold fear washes over me, this isn’t a lesson, it’s reality.
A loud blast echoes down the tunnel and I flinch. People scream hysterically around us. Chance takes a quick look into the next tunnel.
“We’re going to move quickly along the left side of the tunnel. Stay behind me.” It’s an order. I nod and run the second he moves.
We slam up against the wall and run along it. Some people are following us, Morgan and I see Craig, too. I don’t see Mom and panic spreads through my chest. Others are just all over the place – the entertainers!
“We have to help Dawn, and Gerald. They don’t know how to fight!”
“Who?” He snaps at me, without stopping or looking at me.
“Friends I made.”
“I have to get you out, that is all I have to do. Then we are going to stop this,” he says, his voice clipped. I remember what he said about not having any friends, but I can’t just leave them.
We reach the end of the tunnel. Chance moves forward fast, and ducks suddenly, then I hear the blast. Chance brings his gun down and I watch the man fall, the same way Ethan did.
Chance grabs my hand and we run again. I glance back at the body as unbelief numbs my mind. I can’t believe he just shot someone!
“How did you know?”
“The clothes. The stupid yellow and blue. It’s always a dead giveaway, otherwise the dead eyes. They have no soul,” he says.
I didn’t even notice the clothes and I didn’t get to see his eyes. Up the stairs Chance shoots another and Craig shoots two, as well.
“Don’t count.” Morgan whispers to me from behind. I frown at her. “You’re counting how many we’re taking down. It will drive you insane. They’re Insensates not human.”
I have to remember what Morgan just said, because I might have to kill one soon.
~*~
We make it outside. Buildings are on fire and there are people lying everywhere. I see Dawn and yank away from Chance. She’s kneeling in front of someone. I can hear her crying.
My world slows down as I get closer. Gerald is lying awkwardly, blood covers the whole left side of his face and he looks different. His eyes just stare – empty dead eyes.
I see people running toward us. I see the yellow and blue clothes. I can’t see Dawn’s face like Gerald’s. I lift the gun and pull the trigger. When the first body falls, I feel my heart jerk in my chest. I suck in a strangled breath and pull the trigger again, because they keep coming and I have to protect Dawn.
I keep pulling the trigger until it makes a clicking sound. I grab another clip from my pocket and load it quickly. “Come on.” Dawn moans as I drag her away from Gerald, but at least she comes with me.
These people aren’t like the paper men, they fall when I shoot, they bleed and die. I shove Dawn in behind me and I keep firing the gun until it clicks again. More bodies lie in the street now. I don’t know how many of them are because of me.
“Let’s go, Jai.” Chance screams to the right side of me.
I grab hold of Dawn and run toward him, but the people follow.
“Dawn, run to Chance! Go to him.” I shove at her and put in a new clip. I see him grab her arm and I run in the opposite direction.
I hear him yell, but I need to give him a chance to get away with her. I start shooting as I run towards them. It gets easier the closer I get. They are slower than me. I hear another round of blasts sound up behind me, but I don’t look. I keep going and they keep dropping. I should’ve counted, it would’ve made it easier to concentrate.
I run out of bullets, and stop running. I watch the last four come at me and I get ready to fight. My blood rushes through my ears and I drop the gun so I’ll have both my hands free. I launch myself at the first one, using all my weight to take him down. I have to stay on top. His hand closes around my throat and I hear a strangled scream. I punch as hard as I can, and I see him bleed, but he keeps pressing until I feel his fingers dig hard into my throat. I start to gag, and then there’s a load bang right next to my ear.
I fall back, grabbing at my ears and when I look up it’s to see Mom take out the last three. I feel something hard press into my back and only then do I remember the gun I shoved in there. Mom swings around, glaring at me. She’s breathing as hard as me. She’s screaming something.
I stumble to my feet and take my hand away from my ringing ear.
“You’re crazy,” she screams again.
“Must’ve gotten it from your side, too,” I snap back at her.
She wants to smile, I can see it, but now is not the time.
I turn around and slam right into Chance. He’s breathing hard, clearly upset. He shoves a gun into my hand.
“Jasper, I have no patience left!” he hisses at me. He frames my face and I can feel him shaking. “You don’t get to come into my life and do something like that. We look out for each other, which means you are always next to me. You do not risk your life. You can’t run around not caring how I would feel if you were to die. I’ve lost everyone, I won’t lose you!”
I didn’t realize he cared so much about me. I did what he trained me to do but he was right, feelings make you weak. I’ve made him weak by letting him feel something for me.
~*~
Chance is helping the others carry the wounded to the park. They’re going to run out of first aid kits soon. I watch them all work for another minute before I turn around and sneak off. I keep to the side of the buildings until I re
ach the open fields of grass. I stay as low as I can. For once I’m happy about my size. I run up the hill as fast as I can, back to where we found the wild grass.
By the time I reach it the sky is colored with the morning sun. I dig them out with my nails and stuff them into my bag. I take a lot so I don’t have to come back soon. Something snaps and I fall flat into the grass, pressing my body hard into the ground.
I breathe in dirt and my heart pounds into the rocks beneath me. I scan the bush for what made the noise and then I see them, a group of six. My hand inches slowly toward the gun behind my back, careful to not make a sound I pull it free and edge my arm forward, taking aim.
A crack echoes through the air and I shoot. I shoot at them until they all drop into the grass, the same way Ethan did.
“Who else is out there?”
I know that voice! Tears burn my eyes.
“Sam?” I pop up out of the grass. “Sam!” I scream as he pops up a distance away. I jump up and run.
“Kid? Kid, is that you?”
He stands for a second then he runs too. I see Roland and Vine, Raze and Ruth as well. I slam hard into Sam and his arms wrap around me.
“Sam.” I can only cry his name. I’m so happy to see him!
“Where is Chance?” Vine asks. I can hear the panic in her voice.
“He’s helping back at the ward. So many got shot.” I take a breath and wipe at my eyes. “I came to get wild grass. I need to get it back to them.” I run back for the bag and they follow.
Sam takes the bag from me and watches as I check how many bullets I still have in my clip. He throws his arm around me and draws me to his chest.
“Let’s go, Kid” he says. I snuggle closer, glad to have him by my side. It’s good to have my team here and even Roland, because I know he won’t back down.
Roland falls in next to me and Ruth in next to him. She looks stronger. Her eyes shine, and they aren’t blotched red from tears any more.
“Where are the others?” I ask.
“Dead.” Vine answers, her voice bitter. She doesn’t cry. “The wall is gone. We came to warn you but-” She doesn’t finish her sentence and I don’t ask how they got away.
Insensate (Book 1 in The Dissolute Trilogy) Page 18
