When she died, I told myself I’d find out what happened. In the year since, what had I done? Sat around and grieved, and waited for the answer to drop from the skies.
Her death had been ruled an accident. No one was looking for another explanation. No one wanted to look. Did that include me? Was that what the dream really meant—my conscience telling me to stop hiding from her death and do something about it?
Brendan said Mina Lee had asked about Serena. She must really have checked out Salmon Creek to know a teenager died here last year. If she was investigating the medical research, did she think it had something to do with Serena? That seemed like grasping at straws, but it might mean she’d looked at the circumstances surrounding Serena’s death and seen possibilities no one here had.
I needed to talk to her. I wished I hadn’t given away her card. Still, it wasn’t like she’d refuse to speak to me. I just needed to find out where she was staying. I’m sure Corey could get that from his mother.
With that solved, I relaxed enough to drift off and I stayed asleep until past ten. Even on Sundays I can’t do the sleep-until-noon thing because of the animals. I’m usually up before nine, but my alarm didn’t ring, which meant my dad must have turned it off and fed the animals for me.
I took my time getting up. Although I’d decided what to do about Serena, I hadn’t made any decisions about being dosed last night. I should tell my parents. If anyone else was in my situation, I’d insist on it, badger her until she did, but if I told them and said “I don’t know who did it,” then I couldn’t come back later and accuse Rafe.
But how was I going to decide whether or not to accuse Rafe? Break into his cabin and search for drugs? He wasn’t stupid. He’d have gotten rid of the evidence.
I thought about it while I showered and dressed, and I was still thinking about it when Mom knocked.
“Someone’s here to see you,” she said as she came in.
I hoped it was Daniel—I really needed to talk to him. But Mom wouldn’t call Daniel “someone.”
I remembered what Brendan said about Mina Lee wanting to talk to me. Please let it be her. “Is it a woman?”
“No. It’s the new boy. Rafael.”
Mom said it slowly and had this weird look on her face, kind of concerned, and I wondered if she’d heard that I invited him to the party. I wouldn’t doubt it, the way gossip travels in this town. If she had, then she’d have thought it was just me leading the charge to make the new guy feel welcome. But if he was here on a Sunday morning, maybe it was more than that, and if so, why hadn’t I mentioned him?
All I could think was “Rafe’s here. Oh God, what is he doing here?” My heart pounded and it felt like terror but it felt like excitement, too, and that scared me even more.
“Maya?”
“I suppose it’s about the party.” Which was the truth. “Just give me a sec to brush my hair.”
SIXTEEN
MOM SAYS THAT WHEN she was little, her grandmother used to brush her hair a hundred strokes to make it shine. Well, if that works, my hair must have been blinding by the time I finally got downstairs.
I wished I was someone who could say “I’m not feeling well” and hide out in my room. But I had to face him.
As I went down those steps, I was angry and confused, and outraged that he’d show up at my house. But it wasn’t anger making my heart race. I kept thinking of the dreams and thinking of last night and thinking of how he’d made me feel. That scared me because I needed to be totally objective about this.
I found Rafe in the living room, looking out the front windows, hands stuffed in his pockets. His hair looked like it’d been finger combed and could probably use a wash. He wore the same clothes as last night.
He didn’t do it. He isn’t guilty.
No, I just didn’t want him to be guilty.
I stepped into the room. His head tilted, as if he’d heard me and he turned. He saw me there and he stepped forward with a spark in his eyes that made my insides flip and an inner voice scream, “I can’t do this!”
The smile disappeared fast, gaze dipping as he mumbled, “Hey.”
“You wanted to talk to me?”
He nodded. “Can we …?” He looked around and I knew he was going to say “Can we go somewhere and talk?” then realized how that would sound, under the circumstances.
“We can step out on the porch,” I said, then called. “Mom? We’re on the back deck. Is Dad out there?”
“Somewhere.”
Rafe nodded. He got the message. When I whistled for Kenjii after we went outside, I was probably overdoing it, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
We sat on the edge of the deck. Kenjii tried positioning herself between us, but that was a bit much so I nudged her down. She sat at my feet, watching Rafe. I almost hoped she’d growl at him or give some sign that she distrusted him. She didn’t.
I was about to speak when a yowl cut me off. Rafe jumped. I looked up to see Fitz in his favorite tree, staring at me, yellow eyes slitted, like I’d been the one who’d put him up there.
“Hold on,” I said.
I walked toward the tree. Seeing Fitz, Rafe swung into my path.
“That’s a lynx,” he said.
“No, it’s a bobcat, and he’s going to keep yowling until I get him out of that tree.”
“Get him out?” Rafe said. “I really don’t think—”
“It’s okay.”
I grabbed the lowest branch and swung up. When I glanced down, Rafe had his hands on the limb, like he was ready to follow.
“Stand back,” I said. “He doesn’t like strangers.”
“So he’s a pet?”
“I don’t keep wild animals.” Which was true.
Rafe stood there, gripping the tree. “Maya, I really don’t think—”
“I’m serious. Unless you like the ripped look for that jacket, get out of the way.”
I shimmied along Fitz’s branch. Rafe climbed onto the bottom limb and stood.
“Maya, seriously. Don’t—”
I grabbed Fitz. He harrumphed, giving me hell for taking so long. I hefted him up, which is not easy with a twenty-pound cat. Then, holding him by the scruff of the neck, I lowered him toward Rafe. Fitz’s three legs shot out, claws extended. He spit and snarled.
Rafe backed up fast. Then he looked at me, crouched on the branch, holding a spitting, three-legged bobcat. And he laughed. Laughed so loud that Fitz let out a chirp of surprise and started struggling. I leaned down as far as I could and dropped him onto Rafe’s branch.
The branch dipped and Rafe nearly went flying.
He motioned at the stump of Fitz’s rear leg. “Former patient?”
I nodded. “He can climb up fine, but getting down is another story. My mom designed a tree house for him. Once it’s made, I can stop doing this.”
Fitz jumped down and the branch bobbed again. Rafe heaved himself up, face coming nearly to mine, then he stopped and he looked at me, and it was like the last twelve hours vanished and we were back on that roof, before everything happened, staring at each other, my heart tripping.
He smiled, and it was that crooked, sexy-shy smile again, and I forgot about backing out of the way. Forgot why I should back out of the way. He lifted himself up until we were face-to-face, then closed his eyes and leaned forward. That’s when my brain clicked on and I jerked back fast enough to make the branch dip.
His eyes flew open, and he saw the look on my face and his gaze dropped as he mumbled. “Sorry.”
I lowered myself to stand beside him, just out of reach.
“I didn’t do it,” he said.
“And you’d admit it if you did?”
He swore. I glanced at the house. If my mom looked out, she could see us. If I screamed, she’d hear me. If we talked, though, she couldn’t listen in. Good.
I sat beside him, legs dangling.
“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” he said, sitting, too. “I can say it wasn’t me, but I’d
say that even if it was. I’ve been up all night, trying to figure out how I can prove it. I can’t. I had access to your drink. I wanted to be alone with you. Whatever that drug did to you, I’m the one who benefited. No one else.”
I couldn’t argue with that, but he looked at me, like he was hoping I would.
“I wouldn’t do that, Maya. Sure, you don’t know me that well, but you said it yourself—I get a girl and I back off before I can collect the payoff. I don’t need to dose girls.” He stopped. “That sounded unbelievably arrogant, didn’t it?”
“Kinda. But if you’re trying to say that only guys who can’t get girls drug them, you’re wrong. It’s not always about that. You’re new in town. You’re trying to fit in, make an impression. You’ve heard I don’t go with local guys. You’ve probably heard I don’t make out with near strangers at parties. Maybe that’s the impression you wanted to make. The cool stud who can get any girl.”
“Sure, if I want Daniel making an impression of my head in the nearest wall. If he caught me kissing you and he wasn’t convinced it was your idea, then I’m on his blacklist. Which means I’m on his friends’ blacklist. I’m on your friends’ blacklist. I’m on the blacklist of everyone who doesn’t want to piss off you, him, or your friends. In this town, that seriously limits my social circle.”
He had a point.
He continued, “Yeah, I’ve done dumb things, as I admitted last night, but think about it—if I dosed you and got you alone, would I have started rambling on like I did?”
Another good point.
“Yes, I know your reputation,” he continued. “So when we started heating up, I knew something might be wrong. That’s why I asked if you’d been drinking. Even when you said no, I wasn’t sure, but, hell, of course I wanted to think you were just that into me.”
Definitely a valid point.
“And, let’s be totally honest. If a guy gives a girl a roofie, he’s not looking for a make-out session. If my hands weren’t wandering by that point, they weren’t going to.”
He shifted on the branch. “I wish I could prove I didn’t do it, Maya, but I can’t. I can only say that it doesn’t make sense. I’d risk getting the crap beat out of me by Daniel, becoming a total social outcast, and maybe even getting arrested and losing Annie. As much as I like you, one make-out session isn’t worth that. And I do like you, meaning one make-out session definitely isn’t worth that if it’d be the last one I’d ever get.”
He looked at me, like he was expecting to see something in my face, and when he didn’t, he frowned. “I do like you, Maya. You get that, right?”
“Why?”
His frown deepened. “Why what?”
“Why do you like me?”
He laughed. “Do you want a list? Smart, pretty, funny—”
“That’s not what I—” I shook my head. “Never mind.”
It sounded like I was fishing for compliments. But something about this bugged me. Hot new guy comes to school, checks out all the girls and decides I’m the one he really, really wants. It was the ultimate fantasy, which meant there had to be an angle I was missing.
Maybe it was as simple as him wanting the girl who didn’t want him. I didn’t know. But it bothered me. And what bothered me even more was this little part inside me that didn’t really care why he was interested, was just happy that he was.
I jumped out of the tree and got two steps away before Rafe followed, catching my sleeve and saying, “Maya?”
I turned.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” he said. “About the dosing.”
“No, I do.”
He grinned that mesmerizing grin and when I didn’t move, his fingers wrapped around my elbow and he tugged me behind the tree. Before I knew it, my back was against the trunk, and he was in front of me, lips coming down to mine.
I sidestepped fast. “No.”
His lips quirked in a smile. “What? You want dinner and a movie first now?”
“You think that’s funny?”
The smile vanished. “Course not. I just—”
“Think we should be able to jump back to where we were, because maybe I was dosed and maybe we went a little further and a lot faster than I like, but it’s still where I wanted to go. That’s what you think happened, isn’t it? I wanted it—I just couldn’t admit it.”
He stepped back and ran his hands through his hair, and I knew that’s exactly what he thought. But he said, “I don’t know what happened.”
“Neither do I. That’s my point. I have no idea how much of it was me, and how much of it was the drug.”
He stepped in front of me again, hands sliding around my waist. “Let’s find out, then.”
I backed out of his grasp. “You aren’t getting this, are you?”
“No, Maya, I’m not.”
“Then I think you should leave.”
He sighed. “Now what did I do?”
“Nothing. I just … I need you to back off.” I softened my tone. “I’ll talk to you at school tomorrow, okay?”
“But I’m here now.”
“What? Are you on a schedule?”
“Course not.” He stepped toward me. “I like you, Maya.”
“You keep saying that.”
“And it’s a problem? I don’t get this. Do you expect me to just wait until you figure things out?”
“No. I expect that if you’re interested enough, you’ll wait; and if you aren’t, you won’t. Your choice.”
“And it doesn’t matter to you one way or the other.”
“I never said—”
He waved off my protest, and strode into the forest. The crackle of twigs continued until his footsteps receded into silence.
I stood there, staring after him long after he’d gone. Finally Kenjii came over and nudged my hand. I patted her head and walked back toward the house.
“Maya?” Mom called as she stepped onto the porch and looked around. “Is Rafael still here?”
I shook my head. She squinted, trying to see my expression, but I stayed in the shadow of Fitz’s tree.
“You should come in and have some breakfast,” she said.
“I’m not hungry,” I said. “I’ll check on the animals.”
SEVENTEEN
IN THE EXCITEMENT OF the cougar attack, then my party, I’d forgotten about the marten, but when I went back into the shed that morning, I couldn’t deny that the wound was completely healed. Even the scar was white now, as if the injury were weeks old.
The right thing to do would be to examine her leg, then let her go. But after what happened the last time, it took ten minutes before I could bring myself to touch the marten. When I did, nothing happened. I checked the wound and picked out the stitches. The marten just lay there, calm and patient.
I don’t release animals here. That encourages them to stick around. Even with Fitz, I’d let him go on the other side of the park. But he’d found his way back, and after a second relocation failed, I’d given up.
I had a cat carrier for transporting the small animals to their release points. I made sure the cage had been cleaned out last time—I’d learned my lesson after having nearly given a rabbit heart failure by putting it in a carrier filled with fox hair.
Before I reached into the marten’s cage, I was so busy trying to mentally distract myself that I’d forgotten to glove up. As my hands went around the marten, the room swirled into darkness. I smelled damp earth and wet grass. Heard the scream of an eagle and my heart beat faster, legs pumping as I ran, the grass lashing me. Then—too late—I smelled it. Humans. I tried to veer for a tree, but something hit my back leg, pain—
I jolted from the vision. As I stumbled back, I looked around frantically, terrified that I’d dropped the marten. But she was still in her cage, head cocked in confusion.
The door opened and a voice said, “Hey.”
I spun. Daniel stood silhouetted in the doorway. I glanced at the carrier, then the marten. I waved Daniel back out and follow
ed.
We walked to the porch, where Fitz lay stretched out on the railing. He hopped off and strolled over as we sat down. I said nothing for a moment, my mind still back in the shed.
Daniel cleared his throat. “Your mom said Rafe was here. Proclaiming his innocence?”
“I think he’s right.”
I tensed for the outrage. Daniel just waited for me to explain. I didn’t detail every point but emphasized what I figured would be the best evidence to prove it to a teenage guy—that Rafe hadn’t tried anything more than kissing.
“Nothing?” Daniel said.
I shook my head. “It was just kissing. And he asked if I’d been drinking. If I’d said yes, I think he would have stopped.”
Again, I waited for the outburst. Was I crazy? Clearly Rafe was the one who dosed me.
Daniel nodded. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I don’t like the guy, but …” He shrugged.
“Your bad-guy radar isn’t pinging?”
“No,” he said, almost regretfully. “I’m not convinced he did this either, and if you agree …”
“I do. But who else could it have been?”
“Well, I might have an idea, which is why I’m willing to give Rafe the benefit of the doubt, and part of the reason I came over. Nicole stopped by this morning to see if I needed help cleaning up. I think what she really wanted was to tell me something about last night. When I was in the kitchen, getting you a drink, Hayley was hanging around. She could have slipped something in while I was grabbing my beer.”
“Nicole said that?”
“Not in so many words. I had to really work to even get her to admit she’d seen Hayley near your drink.”
“Didn’t want to tattle on her friend.”
“Exactly. But when she got to thinking about it, it made sense. Hayley works at the clinic with Nicole sometimes, and she says Hayley has sneaked into the drug room before. Nicole figured she’s been getting Ritalin or Demerol, so she kept her mouth shut.”
“Only there are other drugs in there, too. Hayley’s jealous because Rafe’s taking an interest in me. Rafe left the party, so she thought she could slip roofies in my drink and I’d hook up with Brendan. She could tell Rafe about it, and he’d change his mind about me.”
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