I wanted to go out. I wanted so badly to go out. Even Fitz, stretched on the railing again, watched me as if to say, “Well, are you coming?”
When I stepped out the balcony doors, he chirped, rising and stretching. Then I climbed onto the railing and crouched there, and he chirped again, glanced over, and leaped. He landed awkwardly, then looked up at me, yellow eyes glinting.
I jumped. I hit the ground in a crouch. Pain darted through my legs, but I’d instinctively landed right, without injury. Just like Rafe and Annie. Just like a cat.
Fitz’s chirp pulled me from my thoughts. He started toward the forest, then glanced back to see if I was coming. I followed.
After a few steps, a cold nose brushed my hand and I looked down to see Kenjii, seeming worried as she nudged me. I patted her head and told her I was fine and she followed at my side. Fitz trotted along at a distance, as if he was simply heading the same way.
The forest was like a warm wave washing over me. My muscles relaxed, my heart rate slowed, and quiet energy pulsed through me.
I glanced at Kenjii and Fitz, then over at the recuperation shed, the animals inside stirring, as if they sensed me nearby.
We get our energy from nature.
Control over animals.
Healing powers.
Sound familiar?
I shivered, and Kenjii licked my fingers, whining. I patted her absently and gazed around, as if I expected to see something.
See what?
I don’t know.
Yes, you do. You’re looking for what drew you out here.
I searched the darkness.
“I’m over here.”
I spun to see Rafe on the edge of the clearing. He stepped back, hands raised.
“That was a warning, so I wouldn’t spook you.” A wry smile. “Not much chance of that, I suppose, finding me outside your house at two in the morning.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m not stalking you, as bad as it looks. I wasn’t going near your house. I just … I couldn’t sleep, and I thought maybe you couldn’t either, so I walked over, in case you came out.”
“That’s quite a hike.”
He shrugged and stepped toward me, then stopped short. “Your lip.”
“Sam.”
He swore. “What happened?”
“Daniel and I bumped into her, and …” I shrugged. “It’s not important. I—”
“It’s Daniel,” he said.
“What?”
“She likes Daniel. Along with every girl in this town except you. He’s the local equivalent of the high school quarterback.” He stepped closer. “But if she’s got you in her sights, watch out, Maya. She’s got problems. And she has a crush on Daniel.”
“I don’t think it’s like that.”
“Then why’d she flip out when Nicole went to your party with him?”
“What?”
“Hayley said she heard them fighting next door before the party. Sam found out Nicole was going with Daniel and lit into her. That’s what Hayley was talking to me about after the climb. Saying how surprised she was that Sam showed up, and that Nicole better watch her back.”
He met my gaze. “I’d say the same to you. I know you and Daniel are just friends, but Sam …”
“She’s unstable.” A memory flashed, something Serena said about Sam. While I tried to recall it, Rafe took another step forward.
“How are you doing?” he said. “Other than that?”
What do you think? You told me I’m a shape-shifter. That I’m going to change into a cougar. That someday I might not change back.
“Just … not sleeping well these days.”
Another step closer, but still keeping his distance. “Is it the dreams?”
I looked up at him.
“Dreams of the forest,” he said. “Of running. You wake up with a fever. You need to get outside.”
I nodded.
“Me, too. It started a little while ago. Annie went through it just before …”
“She started to Shift.”
“It’s the Calling. The start of the transformation.”
“So it’s coming.” I tried not to shiver. “How much longer?”
“A couple of weeks with Annie.” He paused. “We need to talk about all that but … later. Let’s just …” He looked out at the forest, then at me. “Let’s just go for now. Run. Work it off. It’ll help you sleep.”
He backed into the forest, and his eyes shone like amber.
“Come on,” he whispered. “I know you’re still mad at me, but I won’t try anything. Just forget that for now and come on.”
Forget that for now and come on.
God, how I wanted to. I wanted to forget everything he’d done. Just go with him, be with him, run with him, and let it be the way it was before, the way it was in my dreams. I looked at him, half hidden in the shadows, watching me, waiting for me, and I wanted it so badly tears prickled my eyes and I blinked hard.
“Maya?” He stepped back into the clearing.
“I can’t. I just”—I sucked in cool night air—“can’t.”
He exhaled, a loud sigh that made Kenjii slip over and nudge his hand.
“Do you want to talk?” he asked.
I shook my head.
Kenjii returned to my side and whined. At a chirp from overhead, I looked up to see Fitz watching from a tree branch.
“You’ve got this whole power-over-animals thing down a lot better than me,” Rafe said, trying for a smile. “They like me well enough, but that’s about it. And the healing part, too. You—”
“You don’t have to make nice, Rafe. I know you want my help finding the people who did this to us. But I need those answers, too. I’m not stupid—”
“God forbid,” he muttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just agreeing. You’re not stupid.” He sat on a tree stump. “You think you could have handled this better, don’t you?”
“What?”
“You understand why I needed to find you, but you disagree with the way I did it.”
“Uh, yeah. Hitting on girls you don’t care about, pretending to be someone you’re not, pretending you like them … Sure, guys take that road all the time, hoping for a shortcut to sex. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. Are you saying I’m no better than guys who—”
“You think it’s okay to hurt people to get what you want, just like they do. Yes, I think you could have found another way to do it. I just don’t think you wanted to bother.”
“Or maybe I didn’t have the brains.”
“I never said—”
“You would have thought up a better way.”
“I’m not going to fight with you about this.” I turned to go. “You think you did the right thing. I think you didn’t. No amount of arguing is going to change that.”
“Hayley’s right,” he said. “You don’t give an inch to anyone.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Seems Hayley’s telling you a lot. A word of advice? She’s not the most reliable source of information in Salmon Creek.”
“Because she tried to cheat on her math homework in seventh grade?”
“That was a long time ago.”
“Exactly her point. You caught her breaking into your locker to copy your math homework. One screwup that you’ve never forgotten.”
“If she says I squealed on her, she’s lying. The teachers never found out.”
“Because you handled it your own way. You started ignoring her. And if you ignored her, then your friends did, too.”
“So I turned her into the school outcast?” I laughed. “Seriously, does she seem like an outcast to you? She’s got her crowd. It’s just not my crowd. She hangs out with us when she wants to. Nicole doesn’t ignore her. Corey definitely doesn’t ignore her.”
“No, he’ll make out with her when he’s had a b
eer or two and there’s no one else around. But if you and Daniel can’t stand her, then she’s not dating material.”
“That’s crap. Yes, I don’t trust Hayley, and, yes, it started with that homework. But if she’s telling people that I’ve made her life miserable for five years because of it?” I shook my head and started to turn away.
Rafe stepped in front of me. “I’m sure she’s the one still holding a grudge. I also think she’s the one who dosed your drink. But the point, Maya, is that you don’t give anyone a second chance. One strike and we’re out.”
“So I’m inflexible and intolerant.”
“Maybe.”
“Well, then it’s a good thing you’re done with me, isn’t it?”
I headed for the house. Rafe let out a curse. I heard a thump and a gasp of pain. I glanced back to see him cradling his hand, the small tree beside him quivering from a blow. He looked up and caught me watching. Then he spun and strode into the forest.
THIRTY-TWO
AS I APPROACHED THE house, I could see Mom on the porch, her feet bare as she tugged on one of my dad’s jackets and peered anxiously into the forest. When she saw me, she let out a sigh of relief.
“I heard voices,” she said. “Was that Rafe?”
“Yes.”
She pulled the jacket around her and lowered her voice. “I know you really like him, Maya, but you can’t be meeting him—”
“I wasn’t. It’s over.”
“Oh.” She waited until I was on the porch. “Did you just break up now?”
I shook my head. “Earlier. He came by to see if I’d talk. Maybe work things out. We couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
She gave me a hug, then ushered me into the house, Kenjii following. She led me to the kitchen and started fixing a snack. I wasn’t hungry, but I wasn’t eager to go to bed either.
Kenjii lay at my feet and I petted her as Mom put crackers on a plate. As she was slicing cheese, she said, with her back still to me, “Your lip. Does that have anything to do with …?”
“Did Rafe hit me? One, I wouldn’t sneak into the woods to talk to a guy who split my lip. Two, if something like that happened, Daniel would never help me cover it up.”
“Sorry,” she said, bringing the plate to the table. “I had to ask.”
“I know.”
She sat across from me. I nibbled on a cheese-covered cracker.
After a minute, she said, “He wasn’t what you thought he was.”
Exactly what Daniel had said. I nodded, then I asked, “Do you think I’m intolerant?”
She frowned. “In what way?”
“If someone screws up, I won’t give him a second chance. I’ve made up my mind about him and I won’t trust him again.”
“Is that what Rafe said?”
“Something like that.”
She leaned back in her chair and watched me for a moment before she responded. “He wasn’t who you thought he was, and you’re angry with him for tricking you.”
I nodded.
“If I’m right, though, you’re even more angry with yourself for not seeing it.”
I put down my cracker. “But I did see it. That’s the problem. I saw what he was before anyone else did.”
“A player.”
I nodded. “He knew I wasn’t going to fall for that, so he showed me …” I picked at the cheese on my cracker. “He showed me something else.”
“Another part of himself,” she said softly. “And you fell for him.”
I wanted to deny it. Salvage my pride and say, no, it wasn’t that way, I only liked him a little. But it was that way.
So I nodded, and she reached out for my hand.
“That’s what you’re really upset about. Being tricked. Yes, you set high standards for people. Too high sometimes. But you set higher ones for yourself and that’s what worries me more, Maya. I want you to have big dreams, big goals. I want you to strive to achieve them. But I don’t want to see you beating yourself up every time you make a mistake.”
I nodded.
“I don’t know the whole situation with Rafe, and I’m not going to pry,” she said. “But if he’s trying to talk to you, you should hear him out. Maybe you can forgive him. More important, forgive yourself.”
As Mom was cleaning up, I thought about what Rafe said, about the experiments.
I was genetically modified. And I was living in a medical research town. Again I pictured that list of names.
“Does Dad have a relative named Elizabeth Delaney?”
Mom paused. “Isn’t that his cousin Greg’s wife? No, that’s Bethany, I think. You should ask him. God knows he has plenty of relatives. Did you meet someone online?”
I shook my head. After another minute, I asked, “How exactly did Dad get this job?”
“Hmm?”
“Someone at school said the St. Clouds just offered him the job.”
She laughed and sat down again. “I wish it’d been that easy. If someone’s implying that he had connections and was handed his position, the answer is no. I’m sure that applies to some people here, but not us. The St. Cloud Corporation wanted a new park warden, so they hired a headhunter. Do you know what that is?”
“A company that looks for people matching a job description.”
“Right. The St. Clouds wanted a specific kind of person. They preferred a young warden with a young family. And, if not Canadian, then with a Canadian connection, to make the transition easier.”
“Someone who’d put down roots and stay. Become part of the community.”
“Exactly. When we arrived for the interview, there were a half dozen other applicants. We suited the profile better than most. I’m Canadian, with family nearby, and, as much as I loved Oregon, I wanted to come home. You were the same age as a lot of the kids here. And your dad came with glowing recommendations. Still, we almost missed out. A woman got the offer first but ended up turning it down.”
What did I expect? That my family was linked to the St. Clouds by this Project Genesis? That they just happened to be living in Oregon when I was found and were approved to adopt me? Or that the St. Clouds were the scientists who’d genetically modified me, and they’d found me and lured my parents here?
If I thought about it more, I’d have realized there couldn’t be a connection. The research going on here was drug related, not genetic. The St. Clouds weren’t mad scientists; they were a legitimate corporation. You could find them on the internet and find links to the drug companies they owned.
It might seem coincidental—being genetically modified and living in a medical research town—but I couldn’t see any connection beyond that. My parents obviously knew nothing of my past and neither did the St. Clouds.
* * *
When I got back to bed, I fell straight into a nightmare about Serena. Saw her disappearing under the water as if yanked down. Swam out and felt someone yanking me down.
When the hand released me, I started to swim up. Then pain sliced through my legs, so sharp and strong that I howled. Water filled my lungs.
I jolted awake. My legs seized and I had to jam my pillow against my mouth to keep from screaming. It felt like a dozen charley horses hitting at once, excruciating cramps that brought tears to my eyes.
If I could have cried out, I think I would have. But the pain clamped my jaws shut and all I could do was lie on my side in agony until, slowly, my muscles began to relax.
As I massaged them, the knotted muscles felt like golf balls under my skin. I inhaled and exhaled as deeply as I could, remembering all my runner’s tricks for dealing with leg cramps.
Only these weren’t from running. I heard Rafe’s voice.
Muscle pains. I’ve been getting them a lot lately.
When I could stand, I walked to my mirror. I lifted one bare arm and made a fist, watching my muscles bunch and imagined them bunching more, changing, fur sprouting as my upper arm became a thick foreleg, my fist turned to a paw, huge claws sheathed. I
shook my arm and turned away.
People couldn’t turn into animals. They just couldn’t.
But you saw it.
And that was the reason I hadn’t protested, hadn’t questioned. I’d watched Annie Shift.
If I really wanted to, I could find an explanation, however lame—I was overtired from sleepless nights, I’d hallucinated, I’d been drugged. Only I hadn’t considered any of that. I’d accepted it, maybe even more easily than I accepted the news that my mother was white, not because I’d rather be a skin-walker than Caucasian, but because this felt like the truth.
All my life I’d felt like I didn’t quite know who I was. I’d chalked that up to the adoption, not knowing my family, not knowing my tribe. But that wasn’t the missing piece. This was.
I could stand in front of the mirror and mentally refuse to believe a person could change into an animal, but in my heart I knew it was true. One day, like Annie, I’d be running through the forest on all fours, smelling, seeing, hearing, and feeling the world as a big cat.
One day? No. If Rafe was right about the dreams and the muscle cramps, that day was coming fast. The thought of it made my stomach seize. In relief, excitement, or downright terror? Probably a little of each.
When would it happen? How would it happen? What would it be like? Could I prepare?
And the rest—the part of “becoming like Annie”—that I was trying so hard not to think about. The part where I lost my human reason and began a true descent into animal. How long after the first Shift would that start? How much time would I have to find answers and make sure that didn’t happen to me?
No, how much time would we have. Rafe and I. As much as it hurt to be around him, I needed him. We wanted the same answers, and he had a lot more of them already than I did.
Maybe I had screwed up with Rafe. What mattered was that he was the guy with the facts and, I hoped, a plan.
When I got downstairs the next morning, Daniel was already up, sitting with Dad, looking over his shoulder as he monitored the fires.
“So what’s the latest word from the flaming frontier?” I asked as I poured myself an orange juice.
The Gathering dr-1 Page 21
