He’d sent a letter in return regarding Alexander’s father, who’d come to visit the Purcells in search of him.
“You have to go,” Julius said, when he saw the letter.
“I can’t go. I’ll send word to my father that I am well.”
“Alexander,” Julius said slowly. “If you do not go, all this sacrifice will be for nothing. Your father will not take well to your disappearance just weeks before the wedding.”
Weeks before the wedding. He’d chosen not to think about that. He closed his eyes and started to shake his head. “We have been making progress,” Alexander said.
“Hardly,” Julius muttered. “They still won’t see us.”
“But Lady Marianne asked Lilia to tell us to pass word onto her father that she is well. That is progress.”
Julius smiled hopelessly and shook his head. “You are optimistic.”
“I can’t go, Julius. I can’t.”
“You must. You will go and spend a day with your fiancé. Show your face. You won’t miss anything.”
“And you? You’ll go to the house still?”
Julius nodded. “I will.”
Alexander toiled over this prospect for the entire day, before conceding at last. It felt like an impossible decision, but one he resigned himself to with a terrible feeling in his gut.
He rode out at dawn.
* * *
Miss Becky Maya Cole, Maid to Lady Marianne Purcell
“Do you think they will come today?” Marianne asked. She had asked this every day for the past three days, since they’d first come.
Becky was looking out the window, across the gardens. “Here they come now,” she murmured, as she saw a rider emerge. It was Julius. She felt a shaky feeling develop in her chest, as she always did when she saw him ride into the grounds.
She expected Alexander to ride in behind him, but there was no one.
“He is alone,” she murmured, with furrowed brows.
Marianne came to the window and looked out. When she saw that Alexander had not come, her face fell a little. “That is good,” she said, though she did not sound in the least bit convincing. She turned away from the window. “I could do with a reprieve from him today.”
Becky watched her put her hand over her stomach, as if she felt sick.
“I am sure he will come again tomorrow, my Lady,” Becky said.
“I do not want him to come,” Marianne reminded her.
Becky didn’t believe it for a second.
“Of course, my Lady,” she said.
“Hopefully Lord Blackwood will not stay long,” Marianne added.
Becky nodded, but didn’t say anything. She looked down at him. He was dismounting. She put her chin on her hand and watched him take a step towards the door.
But then he stopped and looked up.
Their eyes met and she flinched away from the window. She stood away from it, so that she couldn’t look down. She was breathing quickly.
But after a moment, she approached again. Slowly. Very slowly. She peeked over the window sill.
And there he was. Still looking up. He was smiling softly. He lifted his hand in greeting and smiled a little more.
She didn’t wave back. But she didn’t move away either. It was him who moved. He disappeared into the house.
He was inside. She sat with her back against the window sill and put her hand to her own cheek. Her skin was hot.
“Did you see him?” Marianne asked. She’d returned to her seat, but hadn’t resumed her reading.
“I did,” Becky answered.
Lilia came into the library then, just as she always did when the men arrived. “There’s only one today,” she said. “Your one.” She tipped her head towards Becky as she said this.
But he wasn’t hers, was he?
“Shall I send him away, as usual?”
“Yes-”
Becky cut Marianne off before she could say anything more. “No.” She hadn’t meant to speak, but it had spilled out. “No, I’d like to speak to him.”
Marianne blinked at her and Becky met her perplexed stare. “I’m sorry,” she added and dropped her eyes to the ground. “I just…”
“You want to see him,” Marianne acknowledged. When Becky looked at her again, she was smiling softly.
“Oh my darling, you never needed to do this for me. If you want to see him, you do not need my permission to do so.”
She felt her eyes beginning to water. She loved Marianne. She’d loved her long before Bath.
Having served her for so long, she knew that she was good and tender-hearted. She’d always pitied her for how her mother and sister treated her.
But everyday that the men had come, Becky had said nothing of what she wanted. She’d allowed Marianne to believe that they wanted the same thing. But that wasn’t true.
She wanted to speak to Julius.
She wanted to say she was sorry.
“Go,” Marianne said, still with that tender smile. “I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Thank you, my Lady,” Becky whispered.
Marianne shook her head. “Marianne,” she corrected her.
Marianne had told her this before, but it was a tricky habit to break. She thanked her again and left with Lilia.
When she reached the top of the stairs, she hesitated. She knew that in a few moments, she’d see him. Face to face. She took a breath and descended.
She knew that Julius hadn’t been expecting her. He looked up with a calm countenance, clearly anticipating Lilia, but then his expression changed.
His hands moved from behind his back and hung limp by his sides. His lips parted slightly and he stared up at her.
“Hello, my Lord,” Becky murmured. Her cheeks were pink.
His lips parted wider, but he didn’t say anything. She smiled at him softly. “Will you take a walk with me?” She wondered.
“I…” His voice broke. He cleared his throat, shut his mouth and nodded quickly.
She stepped up beside him and they walked out into the gardens together. The sun beat down on them warmly. It was hot, but she loved the feeling of it. She felt that it ought to be sunny. That the sky was smiling on them.
“Why do you keep coming, my Lord? After what I said when we last spoke?”
Julius expelled a soft, audible breath. “I wanted to be certain that you were well,” he admitted.
“You knew that I was well when you first came. But you have kept coming back.”
He nodded. His eyes were ahead of him, on the grass they walked on. “I wanted to support my friend.”
She stopped and put her hand on his arm. He stopped too and looked back at her. “Is that all, Julius?”
He looked as if hearing her say his name made him want to cry. Julius took a step closer and she didn’t let go of his arm. “I wanted to see you,” he confessed, in a rushed and shaky voice. “I’m sorry. I have tried to let go. I promise you that I have tried.”
“No,” she murmured. She took his hands in hers and squeezed them gently. “I am sorry. I… I was harsh when we last spoke. I could have been kinder, but I was afraid.”
He smiled sadly. “I surprised you.”
“You did,” she conceded. Because when they’d last spoken, Julius had made a proposal of marriage. And she’d been so afraid that it was some mean trick that she’d not responded kindly.
“I called you a fool,” she murmured. She was looking down at his hands in hers. They were such strong, steady hands. “But the only foolish thing you’ve ever done is make a proposal of marriage to me, Julius.”
“Does it make me a fool if I love you?” He said, urgently. He turned his hands so that he could grip onto hers.
She smiled sadly and looked up at him. There was a beat of silence before she murmured, “Yes, Julius. It does.”
His hands slackened and hers fell back to her sides. “I did not mean to be cruel. But you… You’re a Marquess, Julius.”
“What does that mat
ter if you love me? Do you love me, Becky? Just answer me that. Please.”
“The answer can only do harm, Julius. If I say no, won’t that hurt you?”
“It will,” he conceded. “But if it is the truth, I will accept it.”
“And if I say yes?” She said, slowly and carefully.
He started to answer, but before he could she cut him off. “If I say yes, but will not marry you… will that not hurt you?”
He swallowed. “It will.”
“Then which would be better for me to say? Which would hurt you less?”
He looked away from her. His jaw was so tense that it looked like it was cut from glass. “I don’t know. But I am not sure I can live without the truth.”
Becky reached out for his hand. She twined their fingers together, drew his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles. “I thank you…” she whispered. There were tears in her eyes. “For seeing something in a maid worth loving.”
She let go of his hand and turned away.
But before she could take a single step, she felt his fingers latching onto her wrist.
“Becky,” he said, sharply and breathlessly. She turned back to him, but she didn’t get a chance to speak. He pulled her towards him and put his mouth on hers.
She made a small sound of surprise.
He kissed her with such force that at first she felt the pressure of it all the way through her skull. But then his hand rose and tangled through her hair, so softly that she started to melt.
Their bodies fused together like an oyster shell, and her eyes slipped closed. She felt the brush of his fingers against the tiny, electrified hairs at the back of her neck. The firmness of his body surrounding hers like a shelter of flesh and warmth.
Every part of him encompassed her, arching her back until her spine was curved inwards like a bow. Her hands came to rest against his chest and her fingertips fluttered through the curves of his clavicle.
His heart was beating hard, felt pulsing beneath every inch of his skin. She felt it like a huge force, throbbing around her.
And then she pulled away.
Becky sucked in a breath and took a step back.
She stared at him, and he at her.
“Goodbye, Julius,” she heard herself whisper. And then she turned and walked away.
Chapter 30
Lord Alexander Anthony Redmond, Marquess of Riversdale
“You came!” Eliza launched herself at him and threw her arms around his neck. She tried to kiss him, but her mother’s appearance spared him that experience.
He pried her off him with an awkward smile. “Hello,” he said. Even his voice sounded queer. He’d never been a good liar and his acting skills were made even less believable by Eliza’s closeness.
How was he supposed to love this girl?
Sometimes, when he looked down at her smiling face, he saw glimpses of pettiness that displeased him. In certain lights, there were tiny aspects of her face that resembled Marianne’s. That endeared him to her if nothing else could.
But then she’d open her mouth and speak. And he’d be reminded what she was. The greatest barrier between them was her insincerity. Or perhaps it wasn’t insincerity. Perhaps she truly was as shallow as she seemed.
“You can take me shopping, as you promised.”
“Not today,” Alexander said. Her hands were still clasping at the lapels of his jacket. Pulling. Pulling. It made him feel suffocated. She was like a chimp grappling with a branch.
“But you promised. You must. I haven’t spent any time with you in such a long while.”
It was true. He’d been absent. But he’d spent enough time with her to know when whining was going to spiral into a tantrum. He couldn’t afford a tantrum right now.
But he so wanted to be back at Lady Lilia’s. As soon as possible. What would Marianne think when she saw that he wasn’t there today? Would she think he’d given up on her?
He looked indecisive. And Eliza’s face started to harden. “I’ll be the laughing stock of good society if my husband is always absent,” she reminded him.
Over her shoulder, he saw the Baroness standing, watching him. “Very well,” he conceded. Again, he pried her arms from around his neck. “But first I must speak to your father.”
“About what?”
“About some wedding arrangements,” he lied.
This made her beam. “Well I must play a part in that. We’ll speak to him together.” She started to turn towards her father’s office, but Alexander caught her wrist to make her stop.
“Financial matters,” he added.
This made Eliza grimace. “How dull. Then I will see you afterwards. Be quick.” She leaned up and pecked him on the lips. Such a simple thing, but it made his stomach turn.
He knocked on the Baron’s study door and waited to be called inside.
“Come in,” a low voice said.
When he stepped in and looked at the Baron, his heart went out to him. He looked as bad as Alexander felt. He was sunk behind his desk, but he didn’t have anything in front of him. “What have you been doing, my Lord?” Alexander wondered.
“Looking out the window,” the Baron answered, in a dead voice.
Alexander followed his stare through the glass. There was a robin perched on a branch outside. “At the robin?”
“Marianne loves birds. Did you know that?” He started to smile.
Alexander frowned. “I did not,” he admitted. There was so much he didn’t know about Marianne. In Bath, they’d had an unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t reveal the finer details about their lives.
It had become unclear at times which details were shareable and which weren’t. In the end, he hadn’t known what she liked and disliked.
But he had known her soul. They’d spoken without words. He knew how she felt. How her skin felt. How she kissed.
“She is well, my Lord.”
The Baron turned his head to stare at Alexander. He looked so very tired, but he started to smile. “Is she?”
He nodded.
“You’ve seen her?”
“Not exactly…” he said, slowly. “She won’t see me.”
His smile slipped away again. “She won’t?”
“Lady Lilia assures me that she is happy. She is spending much of her time at the lake, and in the gardens.”
This seemed to reassure the Baron a little, though he did continue to fidget in his seat. After a moment, he stood and started pacing the breadth of the study. Alexander watched him quietly.
“I will go visit her,” the Baron said, as he paced.
“I would not recommend that, my Lord.”
The Baron stopped and looked at him. He looked so terribly distressed. “Why? Does she not want to see me?”
“I am sure she wants to see you very much, my Lord. But she is skittish as a foal just now. And she is afraid of seeing-” Alexander stopped speaking.
“Of seeing Eliza,” he concluded.
Alexander nodded. “If you go, it will be all too easy for Eliza to discover her whereabouts.”
The Baron nodded, though he looked in pain. “You are right.”
“She needs time to heal. She will come back soon, I promise. I will not give up until I have her returned to her family.”
“Then will you deliver a message for me? A letter?”
“Of course, my Lord. You said my father came?”
“He did. You have not seen him?”
“I came straight here,” Alexander explained.
“He sounded… concerned?” The Baron didn’t sound sure.
“Angry,” Alexander corrected him and the Baron nodded.
“I’ll see him this evening. I’ll take your daughter out this afternoon.”
He looked relieved. “That would be wonderful.”
Was Eliza truly so bothersome that the prospect 0f her being out for the afternoon relieved him so?
Alexander frowned. “Has she been giving you trouble?”
“No
t exactly,” the Baron replied. “It’s just that she talks about Marianne incessantly.”
And not fondly, Alexander was sure. He expelled a breath and bid his future father-in-law a good day. He assured him that he would continue to visit Marianne and regularly return with news.
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