by Mark Mathews
“Should we try to pick through the rubble and see what we can salvage?”
It was something that needed to be done, but Garrett had tried to keep his mind off of it as long as possible. He didn’t want to see the extent of the damage, because if he did, he would have to face the truth about the losses that they had taken as far as safety and supplies. He still didn’t have any answers for anyone, and doing something about the rubble would start the endless questions of what to do now, and where to go, if they could recover, and how. He wasn’t ready to answer those questions right now, so he made a bid for solitude.
“Yeah, let’s get started. I’ll take the backyard.”
Garrett made his way out there, then started to pick through piles of junk halfheartedly. Ten minutes later, he looked up as the door to the house opened and everyone who wasn’t on watch or baby duty came piling into the yard to lend a hand. Even Brooke came looking for him, and that made him feel like maybe he hadn’t lost his touch after all. Maybe he still could take care of everyone.
“So…what happened with Mom?”
She was glaring at him as she dug through the vegetable patch, feeling around for any turnips that hadn’t been damaged. Garrett sighed heavily. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have at all, much less in the backyard with everyone around, but there was nothing to be done about it.
“We’re going to go back to the way things were. Minus Austin, of course.”
She kicked a tree root in anger, and Garrett flinched. He knew this wasn’t going to go over very well. His daughter was going to find new things to hold against him, and her grudges were the worst thing to be on the receiving end of when she really got going.
“Why can’t we just be a normal family? Why do we keep having so many things tear us apart?” By the way she was talking, Garrett knew she blamed him.
“I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t force myself to love your mom anymore. Something happened and those feelings just aren’t there anymore. It’s no one’s fault, but we just can’t force our hearts together again.” Brooke scowled at him and went back to sorting turnips. Garrett felt as though he needed to explain it a little more to make it sink in.
“Have you ever thought about how much it hurt me when your mother left me for Austin? It ripped out my heart. I wanted to kill myself.”
He said this last part very low, because he’d never told anyone that before. Brooke’s face went pale and she looked up at him in sympathy for the first time. Garrett could feel his eyes watering a little, thinking back about the dark abyss that he’d been in when she left.
“I’ve forgiven her for it, for the sake of you kids, but I’ll always resent her a little. I’m sorry. I’m only human, Brooke.”
“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t realize it hurt you so badly. I guess I’ve just always related to Mom because she was the one who I talked to about love and relationships. It’s hard for me to know how you felt about all of this because we never talked about it. I’ll try to keep things in perspective. I don’t always look at both sides of everything.” Garrett smiled at her.
“It’s okay, honey. It’s hard to try being an adult when you’re still a kid. You don’t need to be caught up in my problems.” Brooke frowned at him.
“What problems?” Garrett realized that he’d said too much again. Now he had to tell her, since he’d already started to do so.
“Wren doesn’t even want me anymore.”
Brooke’s eyes filled with sympathy, and Garrett turned away from her sheepishly. He didn’t want his daughter to feel sorry for him. At that moment, Jenny came running over, dragging Max by the hand. She stopped in front of Garrett and he saw that her whole face was lit up in excitement.
“Can I keep it?” She was out of breath, and Garrett was confused. He looked at Max, but Max kept his poker face up. Glaring at his friend, he turned his attention back to Jenny.
“Well, Jenny, he’s a he, and I’m pretty sure you can’t keep him. Max has his own life.” Jenny was shaking her head so hard that her pigtails hit her cheeks with every turn.
“No! Not Max! This!”
She darted away again, coming to a gap in the fence. Garrett followed her and bent down, looking at the back yard of another house. A dog was scratching in the dirt, whining a little. Lost in his own little world.
“We can’t just take him, Jenny. He probably belongs to somebody. Look, he’s wearing a collar.” Max came to stand next to Garrett, and spoke in a low voice, so Jenny wouldn’t hear.
“I think the owners are dead. We found him in the back yard of a house that was completely destroyed. I didn’t go in, but I think they died in the tornado.”
Garrett swallowed hard. The dog looked thin, like he hadn’t eaten well in a long time. Garrett was a little worried the animal might have become feral in the time that the EMP attack was wreaking havoc on the world. Garrett bent over a little so he was level with Jenny.
“Okay, here’s the deal. If I let you take him home, he is going to be your dog. You will take care of him. That means feeding him, giving him baths, taking him for walks, potty training him if he isn’t already. That will all be on you. Are you okay with that?” Jenny was nodding so hard Garrett thought she would give herself a concussion.
“Deal!” She was gone before he could say another word.
Jenny slowly approached the dog, hands at her side in a placating manner, talking softly to him. Garrett wanted to be the one to approach the dog, in case he was feral, but it was too late now. He watched in awe as the dog went from growling, to wagging his tail, to whining as he started crawling toward her on his belly. Seeing that made Garrett think that everything was going to turn out just fine. He smiled when the dog rolled over and gave Jenny his belly, not only asking to be scratched, but also submitting to her as his master.
“I’m going to call him Billy.” She was leading the dog by his collar, but Garrett was pretty sure he would have come with her even without her leading him.
“Alright. Then let’s get Billy back home and settled. I want to check him for ticks and fleas before we let him in the house, and then you can give him a bath and feed him.”
Jenny’s eyes lit up and she eagerly took the dog back in the direction they’d come, talking to him the whole way about how he would love being her dog, and all the things they were going to do together. The smile on Jenny’s face was the first genuine one Garrett had seen in a long time, and he couldn’t help but smile, too. It was that infectious. Jenny’s entire face lit up when she was talking to Billy, and he couldn’t believe that there was so much happiness there when all he’d seen lately was the pain and the dullness of hunger that this situation had caused. He’d been trying to ration food until they had a plan. They all were hungry, but Jenny’s face looked more than lackluster from it. It tore at his heart. Seeing her smile like this gave him hope that everything was going to be just fine. Even if he’d lost Brooke, he knew now what to avoid, and what mistakes not to make. So he was hoping he’d be able to salvage his relationship with Jenny. From the way she was cooing at Billy, he thought he was well on his way to doing that.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
GARRETT WAS out on the front porch. It wasn’t his turn to pull watch, but he was anxiously waiting for the others to come back. It had been a few days, and there was no way of knowing if they were okay. He was kicking himself for not making them take the radios with them, but then again, they would have been out of range and just become dead weight. It seemed like everything he wanted to do to help was starting to backfire, and he felt more than inadequate. He was wringing his hands together nervously, jerking his head in every direction when the slightest bit of movement happened. Sweat beaded on his brow, but he didn’t know if it was from the heat or from his nerves. Wren was on watch, and he was pointedly pretending that she wasn’t there. It was the only way he could be in the same room with her and not feel like his heart was being ripped out. Now that he’d realized he was in love with her, he decided he woul
d do whatever it took to be with her. Unfortunately, having her not want to be with him was throwing a monkey wrench into the works, but he was doing his best to cope.
“Listen, they haven’t been gone long enough yet. It’s going to take them a few more days at least, but that doesn’t mean they’re not fine.”
Her voice was neutral, and he couldn’t tell if she was thinking that he wanted Alice home or not. He was paranoid now that the wrong thing would ruin the little bit of a chance that he had with Wren, just because of perception. The military had taught him early on that perception was everything. He was doing his best not to give Wren any cause to think he hadn’t meant what he’d told her.
“There’s no way to get in contact with them, and I’m worried.”
That was the understatement of the century. Worried wasn’t even a word that would get the feeling across anymore. Since the storm, “panicked” would replace that word for all intents and purposes. He took a chance and sat down in the empty deck chair next to Wren. She sighed heavily but didn’t move away. She wasn’t happy he was so close to her, but she wasn’t going to make him move. That was a good sign.
“I gave them the radios. I saw that you forgot to give them to everyone, so I made sure that they took them.”
Garrett’s head jerked up. This woman was absolutely amazing. He’d been kicking himself for not making them take the stupid things, and here she was making sure it had been taken care of.
“Now, mind you, I haven’t heard anything from them in a while, but I’m pretty sure they’re just out of range.” She rolled her eyes as she said this, showing him she wasn’t worried at all.
Garrett wished he had her convictions. When there was no news, he always thought it was bad news, and he couldn’t seem to break himself of that habit. He was utterly distraught, and he knew it was showing. Wren tentatively put a hand on his shoulder to try calming him down. Warmth spread out from that point of contact, and it helped him to calm down a little.
“I don’t know. I just have a bad feeling.” He wanted to put his hand over hers, where it rested on his arm, but he didn’t want to scare her off. Wren looked around, as if searching for a way to distract him from his thoughts. She smiled suddenly and turned to him again.
“Have you seen the way Jenny plays with Billy? They are absolutely adorable together.”
Garrett thought back to the smile he’d seen on Jenny’s face when they’d found Billy, and he chuckled. It was true. He’d seen the two of them, thick as thieves, as she tried teaching him to do little tricks. He’d been filling out a little more, too, ever since they brought him home. If he kept being this loyal to her, Garrett might make the dog her personal bodyguard.
“Yeah, I’ve seen them. I’m glad she has someone there for her during this colossal mess. Brooke has Nat, and now Jenny has her dog Billy. I haven’t seen her this happy in months.”
He’d wanted to add that Wren had him, but he didn’t want to cross the line until he knew if he’d be welcome on the other side. Right now, he wasn’t. The two of them lapsed into silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Finally, Wren broke the silence.
“I missed having a dog around. I guess I just got so used to having animals all around me from living on a farm that I didn’t realize how much I missed having one until Jenny brought that mutt home.” It tugged on Garrett’s heartstrings that she was such a tender, gentle soul. It made her look younger than she really was when she let her heart shine through her eyes the way she was doing right now.
“I love hearing people talk about how things used to be, but it makes me sad, too, because we won’t be able to go back to that.” He looked down at his feet. It was a bittersweet feeling, and it was the proverbial double-edged sword that did the most damage on the inside.
“You’re never happy, so it’s kind of hard to believe you ever were or will be.”
Wren was getting a little snappy, and Garrett flinched at her tone. He wanted to argue with her that that wasn’t true at all, but if he had to look over the past, he could understand where she got that sentiment from.
“That might be true, but I do know one thing that would make me very happy indeed.” He wasn’t quite sure yet if he should elaborate or if he should just let her come to the conclusion herself. She gasped. He knew she’d made the connection.
“Listen, Garrett, you’ve never wanted anything that was actually good for you so why don’t you just stop trying and let me go? I was on my way to getting over you, and now…I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
He hated that she felt that way, but he only could show her that he meant what he said. He’d have to prove it one way or another. Garrett wanted to argue with her and say that that wasn’t true at all, that he knew she was what he wanted and that they would be wonderful together, but before he even could think of how to phrase it, the two of them heard the rumbling of an engine. Like mirror images of each other, both of them jumped to their feet, landing in a defensive stance, hands on their pistols, ready to fight. When the truck turned the corner with one wheel not even touching the ground, both of them broke out in grins. It was Ben. When it finally came to a stop in front of them, Alice got out first, and both grins vanished.
“We have a lot of supplies in the back, so if we hurry with packing everything from the basement, we can move on before nightfall.” She seems distracted, and more than a little upset. Garrett took that as a red flag and immediately planted himself in front of her.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Before she could answer, Ben stormed out of the truck and into the house, tear streaks staining his cheeks. Garrett wanted to go after him, but it wouldn’t do him any good if he didn’t know the problem. He couldn’t fix it if he didn’t know what was wrong.
“We just barely escaped a gang attack. Athena didn’t make it.”
Alice’s eyes were wet, too, and Garrett felt as though he’d just lost his best friend. It didn’t quite register yet that Athena was gone, so he just stood there, staring at Alice. Wren hiccupped, and that brought the attention of both of them toward her. Garrett saw she was crying. Had they become so close that Athena had been a good friend of hers, too? He wanted to put an arm around Wren, but he knew that Ben needed him more right now. It didn’t take long to find Ben. He was holed up in his room, rocking back and forth on the bed with a pillow in his arms. Garrett sat down on the bed and tried talking to him.
“Hey, Ben. I know this feels like the end of the world right now, but--“Ben cut him off by viciously throwing the pillow at him.
“Get out! I just want to be left alone!”
There was murder in Ben’s eyes, and Garrett wasn’t sure if challenging him right now was a good idea, so he left. Garrett didn’t know what to do, so he looked for Max, finding him out in the backyard. He sat down with his old friend and told him what had happened. Max was silent for a long time, probably reminiscing about the good times he’d had with Ben and Athena.
“I’m not sure what we’re going to do, but I think it’s safe to say we can expect more angry outbursts from Ben now. Athena was always the one who could get him under control and deal with his PTSD. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of his violence, but I sure hope we can at least stop anything worse from happening.”
Max rubbed his tired eyes, and Garrett realized with a jolt that he hadn’t been making the rounds of his family to see how they were doing. He felt horrible now that he didn’t know why Max was so tired. It made him wonder what else he didn’t know about his little family.
“I think between the two of us we can keep him under control, but I’m not quite sure how Athena did it. So we might have to devise our own plan. I don’t want to kick him out of our group, but I also don’t want him to be a danger to anyone else. We have to figure this out before everyone finds out about Athena. If they go to give him their condolences and he lashes out at them, we could have a serious problem.”
Garrett was only thinking out loud, but Max was
nodding in agreement. Between the two of them, they would figure it out. Garrett thought this might be a way to cripple the team from the inside, making him immediately wonder if the gang was led by Austin, or if he had talked a local gang into killing Athena for him. After all, he’d been in the family long enough to know about Ben, how he acted, and what it took to calm him down. Having a loose cannon in their midst definitely would give Austin a chance to come in and steal Alice and Seth. Even though Seth wasn’t biologically his, Garrett refused to let anyone else raise him now. That little boy was his whole world, and he wasn’t going to give him up for anyone. Austin be damned. Then he calmed himself down and thought, what if he was overreacting? What if Austin wasn’t involved at all, and he just was attributing Athena’s death to him because he couldn’t stand him? That would mean Garrett was hung up on Austin. And being hung up on someone left you vulnerable. He’d get to the bottom of that eventually, but for right now, the biggest concern was Ben.
“If you run interference at his bedroom door, just so no one goes in to bother him, I can get to the others and explain what happened and that he needs some alone time. Maybe that will give him the time he needs to calm down. If he doesn’t, well, one of us might have to help him do it.”
Garrett and Max’s eyes met, and both of them understood that they loved their friend dearly, but they had to think about the whole family, not just him. They would do whatever it took to keep them all safe, but if the choice came down to it, it would be for the good of the many rather than the one.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
GARRETT WAS GOING through the house one last time to make sure everything they needed was packed. Alice was standing on the front porch, looking at the house. The two of them had shared so much in it. Seth was strapped to her chest in the makeshift carrier that Garrett had made. He came out of the front door, stretching after he’d lifted the last heavy crate into the back of the truck.
