by Izzy Shows
Still, I would have expected the others to inform them of their history.
I would need to ensure that that happened in the future.
At last I reached the mess hall and surged through the doors.
All eyes turned to me, wide and filled with shock. The conversation that had been roaring throughout the room died. You could have heard a pen drop on the floor now.
I threw the ten heads to the floor and let them roll towards the tables where the cambions were eating.
“Let it be known what happens to traitors,” I said. “I do not tolerate insurrection.”
And with that, I left.
Eleven
Agitation coursed through me.
I did not want to remain in Hell a second longer—not just because the scent of Blair was still strong in my lungs, but because of the distaste I felt in looking at the cambions and not knowing who was loyal and who harbored thoughts of rebellion.
They could all be traitors, for all I knew, and we might have to start over. Their emotions were not enough to let me judge them, for all of them had been filled with terror at the sight of their comrades’ heads on the ground.
All of them feared that, even if they weren’t traitors, they would be thought as such and killed for it.
I understood that fear, but it would have made things so much easier if it weren’t present. It would allow me to find the traitors without having to go through the ranks one by one.
Not now, though. I didn’t have the patience to do that, and it was best to let them stew in the threat for a day or two.
I paced my office from one side to the other, running my hands through my hair at odd intervals and trying to calm the agitation within me.
I yearned to leave Hell.
Though it was my home, it was not a place where I found much comfort. I would much prefer to leave it be, as I had done for quite a while now, but this was proof that turning a blind eye was not an acceptable way of dealing with the troublemakers. They could not be left to the leadership of my generals, for apparently my generals were not strong enough to curb them.
And my brothers?
My brothers would pay no heed to my army. They would take care of theirs, and that would be the end of it.
These men and women were my responsibility, and I had failed in that.
Failed, all because of one woman.
I cursed myself and the weakness she had caused in me. It was not acceptable.
Something had to be done about it.
I’ve already handled that situation. She is gone, and it is just a matter of time until I forget her. It is only slightly irregular that she continues to be on my mind. I’m sure that in time, that will pass as well.
Lies. I lied to myself even now, but it was all that I could hold to, that maybe I would forget her in time as I had forgotten all the others.
Except…
No, I wasn’t going to think of that.
I paused in my pacing in the center of the room, tilting my head back to gaze up at the ceiling. It was clear that I would find no peace of mind here. And there was nothing more to do this day, I had delivered the threat, and it was necessary for them to absorb it before I could take things further.
There was no point in staying here tonight, beyond my stubborn pride.
I could leave, just for the night, and hopefully find some measure of peace.
You have had no peace since you left her.
Ugh, shut up. If only I could silence my thoughts as easily as I silenced my soldiers, then I would no peace.
Without another thought, I willed myself through the realm to reach Earth once again.
My feet touched ground—and just a moment later, so did someone else’s.
I spun to face the potential threat, and came eye to eye with Cassiel.
A vicious grin split my lips as I eyed her up and down, taking in the great sword of angelic fire and the shining white gown. Her hair was like pure spun gold, and her blue eyes shone with a holy Light that could not be denied.
“Hello, there,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Malphas.”
“Indeed. What have you come for, Cass? I’m afraid I don’t have time to entertain you today, though perhaps tonight…” My eyes flared with the unspoken invitation.
An invitation Cassiel would never take me up on, but one that I always tendered.
Just as it was with Emily, it was impossible to deny the allure the Holy held. The temptation. The reminder of what once had been, the purity that would never be my own again.
“Have you reconsidered my offer?” she asked, her voice ringing out loud in my ears.
“Your offer?” I took a few steps to one side, tilting my head a little as if I was pondering the question. “I’ve no idea what you mean.”
But of course I did.
This was how it always began.
“It is not too late for you to forsake the life you have chosen, Malphas. There is still forgiveness to be had, so gracious is our Father. Return to the fold, and you may be one of us again.”
“Ah, cher, the temptation of being one with you is great indeed,” I purred. “But I think that would not be part of the deal.”
She lifted her chin, blue eyes flashing. “You…” She looked to the side, her features softening for a moment. “You were always such a cad.”
“One who has always appreciated your beauty.”
“This is not how it can be, Malphas.”
“A pity.”
“So, that is your answer, then? You will not return?” There was pleading look in her eyes, a kind of desperation I had not seen before.
I frowned for a moment, uncertain what I had seen there. She had never been so earnest in urging me to return before. She had always known that it would never be.
I would never go back to that life, one where I would be ruled by another, by my Father. A father who brooked no argument, who did not allow any sort of discussion. If he had been more lenient, maybe I would have considered it.
But that was not the kind of Father he was, not the kind of God he was.
“No, Cassiel. I will not return,” I said softly. “I am sorry to disappoint you.”
She lowered her lashes. “I will not give up on you, Malphas. I am sorry it must be this way.”
And with that, she raised her sword, eyeing me fiercely.
Cassiel had always been one for a fair fight. She would not attack before I was ready; she had too much honor to do something like that.
With a grin, I called my sword to hand and lunged at her.
We clashed together, our bodies slamming into contact, the sound of demonic and angelic fire coming together a resounding boom that could be heard for miles. For a moment, we remained like that, each pressing against the other’s sword in an effort to overpower one another.
Then she broke the hold, sweeping her sword downwards to disengage as she extended her wings. With two beats against the air, she was taken back a few paces, putting distance between us.
For a moment, I allowed myself to admire her wings: a brilliant white, tinged with a vibrant blue fire that spoke of her power in the Kingdom of Heaven.
And then I extended my own wings, allowing them to come into existence where before they had been hidden. Giant black wings made of the same feathers as hers, though mine were tinged with a dark red where hers were blue—the contrast of our domains.
A look of sorrow crossed her features as she regarded my wings—a reminder of what I had been, and what I was now.
We both took to the air at once and came together again above the ground.
She slashed low, at my legs, and I barely managed to bring my sword to meet hers in time to save them.
A thrill flooded through me as my blood rushed faster beneath my skin—the thrill of a true fight. Only my brothers and members of the Heavenly Host were able to match me in battle, save maybe for the High Fae.
Although, no, I was forgetting someone else.
The Queens of Tir na Nog could more than hold their own in a fight against me. They could best me, for they were gods in their own right, though they were not known by that name any longer.
Cassiel called me back to the fight with an overhead cut aimed for my head that I barely managed to deflect in time.
“You grow slow, Malphas,” she said, her lips twitching as if she desired to grin.
Not even she could deny that she loved to fight me. She had been assigned to me, as others had been assigned to my brothers. It was her mission to bring me back to the Light, and just as this was one of the few times I could enjoy a true fight, it was the same for her.
Slaughtering my cambions could never compare to engaging in combat with me.
“Just admiring the view,” I murmured, dragging my eyes across her body before I flew higher.
She darted after me, and for a moment it was a merry chase, a chance to enjoy the rush of air through our wings. But before I could take too much enjoyment from that, I swept down and brought my sword across in an arc to meet her thigh.
She deflected in time, then brought her sword to the opposing side. I matched it—but too late. She had feinted, and before I could do anything about it, her sword bit into my other arm.
I let out a hiss of pain as the holy fire burned into me, branding me and tearing at my skin.
That was all the hesitation she needed. Her sword bit into my thigh and came again at my head, though I had gathered myself again by that point and blocked that blow.
What surprised me was what followed: she reared back a bit, then slammed her fist into my face.
Rough laughter exploded from me as I tasted blood in my mouth.
“You wish to grapple, Cass?” I asked with narrowed eyes. “T’would be great fun to enjoy such a thing with you.”
She was silent as she brought her sword around again and again, hammering at me and driving me to defense.
It went on like that for what felt like ages. I knew not how long we fought; centuries could have passed, and I would not have been surprised, so consumed was I with the fight.
It was all that mattered now. It took hold of me and drove every other thought from my mind.
At last we dispensed with the swords and came at one another hand to hand, exchanging blows that would have crippled a human but left mere marks on our skin.
She’d broken my nose, and I suspected a cheekbone, but I knew I had severely damaged one of the organs in her torso. She was favoring her right side, where I had landed a solid blow.
It would be a few days before that healed, and I would be on the mend for a few days as well.
But God above, it was worth it to be engaged in a fight for my life again—though, truthfully, it wasn’t quite right to call it that. Neither Cassiel nor I was interested in ending the other’s life.
It would ruin the fun, and then where would we be?
She flew high for a moment, and rather than chase her, I watched as she flew, enjoying the view again for a moment. Her dress whipped around her, her wings shone with that holy Light, and she resonated a purity that only one of the Host could have. She dove behind me and wrapped an arm around my throat, locked her hand on her other elbow, and positioned the other hand behind my head.
“Give in, Malphas. Return home.”
“That will never happen, cher. You know that,” I said, then slammed an elbow into her gut and a foot into her instep. She relaxed her hold as she gasped for air, and I drove my head back into hers.
She released me at once, and with a few beats of my wings, I put space between us again.
“This has been fun, darling, but I’ve got places to be. See you soon,” I said with a wink.
And then I vanished.
Twelve
I stumbled into my house, bleeding profusely but laughing all the while.
It had been ages since I had been in a fight like that. Ages since I had truly enjoyed myself.
Not that long. It wasn’t so long ago that you held…
No. I was not going to let those thoughts ruin my moment.
I limped through the living room to the bar cart at the other end and poured myself a drink.
“You’re home late.”
Lilith was sitting in a dark corner. I hadn’t seen her when I came in, so preoccupied had I been with my thoughts of the fight.
I turned to look at her with one eyebrow raised as I took a sip of my drink. “What are you, my keeper? This is my house. I come and go as I please.”
She sighed and didn’t bother to respond to that. Fair. I hadn’t really expected her to. “What happened to you?”
“What does it look like?” I gestured to my body, where my shirt was torn and stained with blood. I knew I had a black eye, my face was bruised, and I was still bleeding. “I got into a fight.”
“Yes, I can see that. With whom?”
“Who could do this?” I smirked. “Cassiel.”
She stiffened. “You’re still entertaining her?”
“Why not? It’s not like it’s ever going to make a difference in either of our lives. I might as well enjoy a good fight when one is offered to me.”
“She wants to return you to the fold, Malphas. You shouldn’t lead her on.”
I groaned and walked over to lean against the wall near her chair. “I am not leading her on. She knows full well that I will never return. I tell her that every time. She can no more cease her mission than she can Fall herself.”
Lilith sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with two fingers. “We both know that you encourage her to a certain degree. I’ve seen the two of you interact in the past.”
I shrugged. “It makes no difference.” I limped away from her for a few steps, but stopped before I got too far. It hurt to move very much, but I enjoyed the pain, the reminder that I was alive, because for a while there, I had felt a different kind of pain: one that had cut me in half, made me feel empty in a way I only had once before, and had left me feeling like a broken husk of a man.
Like I was a dead man walking, just going through the motions.
It had left me numb.
At least now I was feeling something. At least now I was doing something.
“You need to be careful, Malphas.”
I flinched. She had gotten up and come behind me at some point while I was thinking, and I had not expected her. She laid a hand on my back, but I shrugged to remove it and took another step away from her, then turned to face her.
“I don’t see why,” I said, not bothering to refute the assertion that I wasn’t being careful.
I knew full well that I was on a dangerous track, but I saw no reason to stop.
What was there to be gained from going back to the carefully plotted and controlled way I had been living? What was there to be gained from trying to control myself?
It had all been for her. For Blair. I had tried to be a different man for her, to be what she wanted me to be, but it had done no good.
It had brought the attention of others to her, and I’d had to remove myself to keep her safe.
Not that she could ever understand that; it was too dangerous even to let her know what had really happened.
Because, damn that woman, she was too stubborn. If she knew, she wouldn’t let it stand. She’d drag me back by my hair and demand that I stop ‘being foolish,’ as I knew she would call it.
I found that I was smiling, and I scowled to rid myself of her memory.
There was no point in reminiscing over what she had been, over what I had been.
I would never be the man she wanted me to be. I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t think I could—it was possible; I had proven it once before—but because there was no hope of our ever being in a place where it would work.
Unless…
No. I couldn’t remember that. Couldn’t even think it. It was too dangerous.
There was no telling who might be listening, even in my thoughts, and I would not risk her safety.
Even
now, with the pain it caused me, I would protect her.
“Malphas?” Lilith’s voice jerked me back to the present. She was frowning, and her eyes were filled with concern.
I couldn’t ever tell her, but in a way, it pained me to be around her.
She reminded me of the time we had spent with Blair.
“What?”
“You didn’t hear me.” It wasn’t a question. She sighed and hugged herself. “I’m worried about you. You’re on a dangerous path. You’re going to end up hurt, and we both know that isn’t what she—”
“Stop. Don’t even speak of her,” I said, my voice filled with the old pain that I had only just gotten rid of. God, it hurt to have her acknowledged aloud, to a depth it didn’t quite reach when she wormed her way into my thoughts. “Don’t say a word.”
She made a face, but to her credit, she didn’t force the issue. “Please, just be careful.”
I took another sip of bourbon. “I absolutely will not.”
“And why not? What do you stand to gain by self-destructing like this? What are you after, for Cassiel to kill you? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised at this point. Everything you’ve done so far has only served to ruin you,” she snapped, glaring daggers at me. “You need to stop this.”
“When did you become like this, Lilith?” I growled. “You used to be fun.”
Her gaze turned icy. “I’ve grown. I thought you had, too.”
Thirteen
I woke up the next morning feeling as if I had been run over by a truck.
Or, rather, what I assumed a human would feel like if they’d been run over by a truck. It really wouldn’t have affected me much, to be honest, but I felt it was a good analogy.
Every inch of my body ached.
I revealed in it for a moment, soaking up the feeling of physical pain, willing it to take away the pain in my heart that the dream had brought.
It did no good. Nothing would ever replace the ache caused by those haunting blue eyes. Nothing would ever help.
