by Izzy Shows
Instead, I continued to stare down the hallway that led to the cells where the seven demons were quarantined. It was time for me to do something about them, at long last, no matter how much a part of me wanted to continue to put it off.
Denial was a powerful thing, and if I never faced this, maybe I could still pretend it wasn’t true. That none of it had happened.
No. I have to save Cass. I have to face this head-on.
Decision made, or rather reaffirmed, I strode down the hallway, turned down the right corridor, and stood before the first cell.
“Open the cell,” I said to the guard standing beside it.
“Sir.” He nodded, gripped the door handle and stood off to one side as he opened it to allow me passage.
“Shut it behind me. Do not open it until I specifically say so, no matter what you might hear.” I kept my tone cool, presenting the façade of the unaffected leader they had all come to know.
They could never know how weak I had become.
“Yes, sir,” he said, and I knew he had thought to question me but had realized his error before he could go too far.
I entered the cell, and the guard shut the door behind me.
It took a moment for my vision to adjust to the darkness of the cell, but once it did, I saw everything in detail, as if it were broad daylight.
The demon—the only nephilim I had found to be tainted as yet—was chained to the wall and had curled in the corner. She stared back at me, her eyes void of any emotion.
That should have been normal, but there was something in that emptiness that affected me. Like nails on a chalkboard, I knew it was not natural, and my instincts told me I should not be alone with whatever creature had taken up residence in her soul.
Lilith was infected as well. She came out the other end. Somewhere in there is the woman who existed before this, and she deserves her chance at life just as much as Cassiel does.
I reminded myself of that when I would otherwise have wanted to end her life and be gone. That was the instinct that her eyes drove me to—to kill her so she could not spread herself amongst the others, so I would never have to see that emptiness again.
I didn’t remember Lilith’s eyes being like that. But then, Lilith had eventually fought back against the taint. When she was crying for mercy at the paladin’s feet, she had almost entirely come back to herself, if briefly.
Perhaps Lilith had fought the entire time, and that was what had kept the emptiness from her eyes.
Pushing that thought to the side, I crossed the distance until I was standing right in front of the demon and crouched before her.
“Do you recognize me?” I asked, staring intently at her. “Do you know who I am?”
She continued to stare back at me, but there was nothing there. She didn’t even blink.
How was this possible? Just the other day, she had been walking and talking, behaving for the most part like a normal demon. It couldn’t be that the taint had progressed so rapidly in that short amount of time that it had stolen the rest of her soul.
Unless it was using her like a puppet, and it had already consumed her.
No, I wouldn’t allow that.
“Jeziah, I need you to respond to me.”
Still, she gave no response. I would have to force her to respond, I realized.
Calling the demonic energy to one hand, I laid that hand on her leg and let the energy burn into her.
Immediately, she screamed, her back arching away from the wall as she contorted with the pain that wracked her body.
I kept my hand on her for some time, needing to be certain that the pain would go deep enough to awaken something inside her. Her scream was endless and painfully loud, but I did not let up.
Only when I saw tears leak from her eyes did I remove my hand, satisfied with the level of pain she had endured.
“Do you know who I am?” I asked again.
She was still mewling with pain, though the noises were getting softer and softer now. She curled tighter in on herself, her arms hugging her waist, but her eyes were locked on mine.
And now there was hatred in those eyes.
“Malphas.” She practically spat my name out, like it was a dirty word. Her lips curled back in a snarl, but she didn’t say anything further.
“Good. You’re thinking again.” I allowed a small flame of hope to ignite inside of me, thinking that perhaps I would be able to bring her back from whatever had taken root in her soul, and then I’d be able to do the same to Cassiel. “Do you know where you are?”
“Hell?” She arched an eyebrow.
I had to hand it to her, that she had the balls to be sarcastic in a situation like this. I wouldn’t have expected it from someone who had just endured that kind of pain, especially after being locked in a cell for a while.
“Yes, but where in Hell?”
“The Ruin,” she said, her voice quiet this time, and a shudder passed through her.
“Yes. Good. Very good. You don’t need to fear this place, though, Jeziah. You are not here to die. You are here to be cured. In fact, that is what we are going to do next.”
She was wary of me now. “You can’t. It’s not possible.”
“You’re aware of the infection?”
“We all are. You do not ignore something taking root in your soul. It is a presence like a knife buried to the hilt in your leg, but it cannot be pulled out. The wound can never be closed. But a knife wound can’t tell you what to do, so perhaps that is not the best analogy.” She smirked, but her voice was filled with a painful sorrow.
“I did not expect that,” I said softly. “Why did you not come to me?”
“Because it would not let me.” She shrugged. “Even now, I can only tell you this because it wishes me to. Because it wants you to know that the path you’ve set yourself on is hopeless, whatever that means.”
I froze, unable to say or do anything for fear that I would betray the feelings inside of me.
This thing, this taint, was sentient. And it knew what I wanted, knew that I was out to save an angel, and that this demon would be my experiment.
It knew.
How?
No, I couldn’t waste time focusing on that. If Jeziah was telling the truth—and I didn’t see how she could be lying when she couldn’t possibly know that I had an ulterior motive in curing her—then it was likely that the thing inside of her wanted to distract me, to instill some hopelessness inside me that would distract me from my mission.
Perhaps that is how it spreads. It sets a weakness in the very pit of a person’s soul and worms its way in.
I didn’t know where that thought had come from, didn’t know how I would have guessed something like that, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. It would have to create a hole for itself to fill somehow, and based on the emptiness I had seen in her and the way it had spoken to me through her, that seemed the logical conclusion.
This only bolstered my determination to ignore everything she said going forward. She would only say what the infection allowed her to say, which meant she would be no help to me.
All that her words indicated to me was that she was still in there somewhere, being controlled by the infection.
I closed my eyes and pulled forth as much energy as I could, concentrating fiercely as I recalled the words Blair had used when she had done this to Lilith.
If she could do it, so could I.
I chanted the spell slowly, sent my energy into the demon, and sought the taint inside of her.
But every time I thought I had grasped it, it slipped away. Sometimes, I couldn’t quite catch hold of it, and other times, it was as if it wasn’t even there.
And then it began to feel like I couldn’t reach out at all, like there was nothing in front of me to touch, where before I had at least been aware of her soul, never mind the taint inside it.
Frustration grew inside me, and I was vaguely aware of the toll this was taking on my body. Sweat had beaded
on my forehead, and my breath was coming in short pants.
I tried the spell again, but I was less sure of it this time, uncertain whether or not I was getting the words right. What if I had misremembered?
But my memory had never failed me before. It was perfect. I couldn’t possibly have forgotten the words Blair had used. I couldn’t forget a single thing she had done or said.
Then why wasn’t it working?
With a growl, I let the energy dissipate and stood up, scowling down at the girl.
“You couldn’t do it,” she said, and to her credit, she had the decency to sound upset.
“I will,” I said. “It’s been done before, and I will do this. I vow it.”
She shook her head slowly, gazing up at me with despair in her eyes. “You will never do this. I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t stay here, staring at her and failing. Not for another second.
I stormed out, feeling sick to my stomach.
I had to figure out how to do this. I had to save Cassiel.
Twenty-One
The decision I had to make was a difficult one, but that didn’t make it any less necessary.
I paced my living room from one end to the other and back again, running my fingers through my hair so many times that I threatened to pull it out.
I didn’t want to do this. It wasn’t going to end well, but I didn’t see any other option.
I had to figure out how the spell worked, had to know what I was doing wrong, so I could move forward with this. It was clear that I was missing some component, and I cursed myself for not paying better attention when Blair had done this to Lilith. I should have tried to learn the spell at the same time she did, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of being in her company.
But I couldn’t go to Blair and ask her how she had done it, because even if she would talk to me—which I doubted—she would ask questions I wouldn’t be able to answer. She would want to know why I needed the spell, what was going on, and why I wasn’t involving her. If she was willing to speak to me, she would demand that I allow her to assist me, because she would see it as her responsibility.
Everything was her responsibility, according to her.
And I couldn’t involve her in this. It was too dangerous.
That left only one other option, and I liked it almost as little as I liked the idea of going to Blair.
Mana.
Or Löwenmensch, Coyote, Deva, The Changing One, Inari, Khandoba, Lan Zai Gui, Loki, Mwari, Tem, Aphriditos, Zervan, and, as Blair had called them, Raven. Many names, and none were one that they fully claimed, all given to them by those that had discovered them. There were no words to describe Mana, for they had existed long before any of us had been a thought in any creator’s mind. Before God had come to be, before the Fae had entered the realm, before any of this had even begun, there had been Mana.
They were terrifying in their own right, and I hated the idea of going to their domain and asking them for help. I knew they would deny me, that they would refuse me entry before I could even explain what I was doing there. Mana had never liked my hanging around Blair. They were protective of her, and now that I was gone, they would want to keep me gone.
Even if I had no intention of going back to her—and I had vowed never to do that—they still would not trust me to keep my word. Never mind that a Fallen’s word was as unbreakable as a Fae’s. I could not lie to them, and even if I were capable of it, they would be able to tell.
They could do so many things that deciphering a lie was nothing more than a parlor trick to them.
I ground my teeth as I paced, trying to think of some other alternative. There had to be something else I could do, someone else I could go to.
There was one other person—Druxglieqfredhelic. The imp who belonged to Blair, her source of information. He was ancient and powerful too, though nowhere near the might of Mana. But he had taught Blair the spell in the first place, and he would certainly be able to teach it to me as well.
But getting to him would be pointless, because he was bound to her domicile, and I might as well go to her at that point.
So I was back at square one, having to call on Mana and hoping they would see me and give me the aid I needed. It was a vain hope, but I saw no other options.
“I am going to regret this,” I muttered before I closed my eyes and willed myself away.
Traveling through dimensions was a difficult task for some, but I was a creature designed with the intent of traveling through dimensions. What good would it do God if he could not send his angels from heaven to earth? None at all, so he had crafted us to be able to withstand the otherwise painful experience.
Worlds and colors rushed around me in a blur until at last I stood in darkness.
There had to be a floor beneath me, or the ground, something solid at least. But when I looked down, there was nothing. Just that same blackness, the void that could swallow me whole at any moment.
It made me shudder, but I pushed the feeling back. I was here for a purpose, and no matter how creepy Mana’s realm was, I was going to see this through.
At least I hadn’t been barred entry. That would have been painful.
Time passed, but I didn’t move. In vain, I hoped my eyes would adjust to the darkness, as they always did. But this was not a darkness I had been created for; this was something that not even God could touch, in all of his power.
Mana had come before, and had not shared the secrets of their creation.
“You trespass.”
The voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once, echoing around me as if there were walls nearby, though I could see none.
“It is not my intent,” I said, glad to hear that my voice was as strong as ever. “I have come to beg your aid, not to offend you.”
“You are here in error. There is nothing to be said between us.”
I gritted my teeth. “There is no error, Mana. If you would just talk to me, I could explain myself.”
There was silence for a long time, but I knew it wasn’t right to speak just yet.
“I do not comprehend. We are communicating already.”
The corner of my lips twitched as the urge to grin came over me. I had forgotten about that. Mana had been around for so long that they did not quite understand the nuances of modern conversation. It was hard to adapt as times changed, especially if you did not immerse yourself in the various cultures as they cropped up.
A challenge that Mana clearly did not think was worth their time.
It was something that Blair had enjoyed somewhat, and I felt a pang in my heart at the reminder.
“Mana. Could you please create a form for yourself, and perhaps do away with this darkness, so we can more easily talk?”
“This form gives you discomfort.”
“Yes.”
I felt their agitation then.
“I do not understand you creatures.”
I knew they did not mean just the Fallen, but rather all they had come across of late. But they obliged me, and light came into existence in sharp contrast to the darkness, blinding me for a moment.
When I could open my eyes again, I found that we were standing in what looked a lot like the realm of the Winter Fae. There was snow and ice on the ground, and a light snowfall continued in the air. Trees spread out around us, some bare and covered with snow, others with their needles still in place.
And the air held that same constant threat of danger that the Winter Realm always had. It was truly a perfect replica.
Mana was standing in front of me in the same form they always took for Blair: a human of ambiguous gender with silver hair that fell to their shoulders and matching eyes. Their face was made up of harsh lines, sharp cheekbones and a strong jawline. They were wearing a grey button-down shirt and black slacks.
“What are you doing here, Malphas?” they asked me, though there was no curiosity in their eyes; rather, a hint of exhaustion. “I am busy.”
“With Blair?” I
couldn’t help myself. I had to ask.
Their eyes glowed, a molten kind of silver that promised death. “You have nothing to do with her any longer, boy. Her name is not to pass your lips.”
I clenched my jaw, and my fingers twitched as I resisted the urge to ball my hands into fists. How dare they? Did they not understand the pain it had caused me to walk away from her? That I had done it for her sake?
It took a moment, but I managed to collect myself.
“Can you not tell me how she is? You can see every part of me, Mana. Surely you know my motives are pure, and that I do not intend to return.”
They stared at me for a long time, quiet as ever, until at last they spoke. “She is alive.”
That was all they would give me, but I would take it. It wasn’t entirely new information, as I had scented her when I had gone to Earth a few days ago, and I had kept tabs on her since my departure, but it was a confirmation I was pleased to have.
“Thank you,” I said, choosing not to argue with them or try to barter for more information. I already needed their help; it wouldn’t do to piss them off.
“What are you here for, Malphas? We are not ‘friends.’ We have no business with one another now that you are gone from her life.”
“I need your help,” I said, knowing there was no sense in beating around the bush with Mana. They didn’t have time for small talk, had never had seen the purpose in it. “The taint that Blair cured in Lilith—it has taken several of my soldiers, and I need to remove it from them. Blair was able to do it with a spell that Druxglieqfredhelic gave to her. I tried to recreate it, but something went wrong, somehow. I know I got the words right, but I couldn’t get it to work.” I grimaced.
Humor danced in their eyes, which surprised me. What in the world was funny about this?
“And you do not go to her for help,” they said. “Why?”
“Did you not just make a big to-do about me needing to stay away from her, that her name was not to pass my lips?”
They shrugged. “As it should be. But you are not intelligent, young one, certainly not where she is concerned. Why do you not bring her in, when she has successfully completed the task that you cannot handle yourself?”
