‘You might be able to pull the wool over that fool Shepherd’s eyes, but it doesn’t work with me. That was why you didn’t want me to know how old the boy was … because you knew then I’d find out. I’m right, in’t I?’
Carrie opened her mouth to deny it, but the words clogged her throat, refusing to come out. She stared at the blurred green of the bean stalk in front of her, longing for something to happen, some magic that would whisk her away so she wouldn’t have to face this.
But deep down she knew it was inevitable. Part of her had known it since the day Rob Chadwick came back to Bowden. Sooner or later, the secret she had kept so carefully would be revealed, and her world would start to fall apart.
‘I knew it.’ She heard the triumph in Rob’s voice. ‘And Shepherd has no idea?’
‘You think I’d tell him?’ How could she ever admit something like that? It would break James’ heart, and hers with it.
Shame washed over her. She had wanted to tell him. When she first found out she was pregnant, shortly after they were married, she had wanted to come clean and admit everything. But then she had thought about it. Why should she allow one mistake, one stupid, unguarded moment, to ruin her whole life? She and James were happy and in love. Why shouldn’t it stay that way forever?
And they had been happy. But the secret had always been there, casting a long shadow over her marriage.
‘You should have told me,’ Rob said, interrupting her thoughts.
Carrie turned on him, anger flaring inside her. ‘And what would you have done?’
He looked taken aback. ‘I would have done the right thing by you,’ he mumbled.
‘You wouldn’t know the right thing if it hit you in the face!’
‘That in’t fair!’ Rob straightened up, defending himself. ‘I could have proved mysen to you, if you’d given me the chance. I could’ve married you.’
‘And what kind of life would that have been for both of us?’ Carrie shook her head.
‘We could have made a go of it.’
‘For how long? How long before you started to resent me and the bairn for tying you down?’
Suddenly her head was clear, all the girlish, romantic notions she had held on to for so long disappearing like threads of mist. She had always imagined fondly what her life would have been like if she had married Rob. But now the reality of it hit her for the first time. She saw herself at the doorway of a dreary pit cottage, staring up the lane and wondering when he would come home, or if he would go straight to the Working Men’s Club to spend all his earnings again. She saw the endless tears, and the arguments, and slamming doors.
Rob Chadwick was a charming, handsome man, but he was not the marrying kind, she realised. He would never take kindly to having his wings clipped.
‘If you’d wanted to marry me you would have done it years ago, instead of leaving me first chance you got,’ she said.
Rob nodded slowly. ‘Happen you were right – once,’ he conceded. ‘I wasn’t ready to settle down when I left Bowden. But I’m a changed man, Carrie.’ He looked at her, his hazel eyes full of appeal. ‘You’ve seen for thysen how much I’ve grown up in the past couple of years. I’ve realised what I’ve been missing all this time. And now I want to make things right.’
Carrie stared back at him warily. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I want us to be together. You, me and our son.’
Our son. Fear washed over her, making her feel sick. ‘But I’m married!’
‘Leave him.’ Rob made it sound like the most simple thing in the world. ‘I can’t stand the thought of you being with Shepherd, of him bringing up my boy. I don’t want him to grow up like James Shepherd. I want him to be a man …’
‘James is more of a man than you’ll ever be!’
‘He isn’t the boy’s father!’ Rob shot back. He must have seen the anger on Carrie’s face because he softened and went on, ‘Look, I don’t blame you for marrying him. I walked out on you, and you were desperate, I understand that. But I’m back now, and I want us to be together.’
And what about what I want? Carrie thought.
‘I know it might be difficult for us to stay here.’ Rob was still talking, words tumbling over each other. ‘But I’ve been thinking about it, and I reckon we should go away somewhere, start afresh. I could get a job at another pit, or on a farm – anywhere as long as it’s away from this place.’ He looked at her, his eyes shining. ‘It’s what I want, Carrie. And it’s what you want too, in’t it? It’s what you’ve always wanted.’
As he went on talking, a picture filled Carrie’s mind. James at last year’s gala, carrying the baby in his arms, his face full of love and pride.
‘No,’ she said.
Rob stopped speaking abruptly, his brows drawing together. ‘What?’
‘I don’t want to be with you, Rob. I love James.’
‘No, you don’t. You can’t.’
‘I do.’ Suddenly she had never been more sure of anything in her life. ‘I love James with all my heart. He’s my husband, and Bowden is my home, and this is where I want to stay. With him.’
‘You don’t mean that.’
‘I do mean it. And I want you to go away and leave us alone.’
Rob’s mouth twisted. ‘You expect me to walk away, knowing I have a son?’
‘Henry in’t your son. James is the one who brought him up. He is his father—’
‘He’ll never be my lad’s father!’ Rob made a grab for Carrie, his powerful hands digging painfully into the soft flesh of her arms. The dangerous anger in his face frightened her. ‘I won’t let you do this,’ he said. ‘I won’t let you take my son away from me!’
‘Let me go!’ Carrie started to wriggle free from his grasp. Rob seemed to realise what he was doing and released her abruptly, his hands dropping to his sides.
‘I’m sorry,’ he started to say. ‘I didn’t mean to frighten you. I was just so angry, I didn’t know what I was doing. Forgive me, Carrie.’
‘Leave me alone!’ She snatched up the basket at her feet. ‘Stay away from me and my son, do you understand?’
He started to follow her, but Carrie spun round to face him, her anger stopping him in his tracks.
‘I said, stay away from us!’
She walked away, her heart thudding in her chest. Her legs felt so weak she wasn’t sure they would carry her.
Thankfully, Rob didn’t try to follow her, although she could feel him watching her as she reached the border of the allotments. It was only when she started down the lane that she heard his ominous warning called after her as she hurried away.
‘This in’t over, Carrie. You should know I don’t give up that easily!’
Chapter Thirty-Eight
‘Mr Shepherd, you must come and see what’s happening in the yard!’
James glanced at the clock on the wall, his heart sinking. Two o’clock in the afternoon, and the next busload of blacklegs would be arriving for their shift. He could already hear the roaring of the men at the pit gates as the bus rumbled past them.
‘If it’s another fight, get Sergeant Cray to sort it out,’ he sighed, going back to his papers.
‘I’m not sure as how you’d call it a fight, sir. Not a fair one, at any rate.’ His secretary Miss Molesworth stood in the doorway, her face alight with excitement. ‘Truly, Mr Shepherd, you’ll want to see this!’
Curious, James rose to his feet and went to the window overlooking the yard and its outbuildings. Below him, the men were getting off the bus, ready for their shift.
Miss Molesworth came to stand beside him. ‘Over there, sir. By the gates.’
He lifted his gaze to where she was pointing, at the picket line beyond the gates. Sure enough, there was some kind of riot going on. The men were shouting, shaking their fists, all converging on something, or someone, in the crowd – what it was James couldn’t make out. Through the window, he could hear them screaming abuse.
‘Traitor!’
‘Blackleg filth!’<
br />
‘Should be ashamed of thysen!’
James had grown used to hearing curses uttered at the gates, but this time they seemed more angry and venomous. He could see fists punching, legs kicking out, blows raining down …
‘What on earth …?’ He was just about to go down and stop the fight when the pit gates swung open. James realised what had stirred up the men on the picket line when a lone figure emerged from the crowd and walked through the gateway.
‘My God,’ he murmured.
‘I told you, didn’t I, sir?’ Miss Molesworth sounded triumphant. ‘I saw him from the yard. They’ve been having a right old go at him this past five minutes, and he didn’t even try to fight back. Just stood there taking it. Funny that, don’t you think?’
James hurried down to the lamp room, where the men were lining up to collect their checks.
‘Stanhope?’
The man on the end of the line turned slowly to face him, and James gasped. Blood oozed from the cut on his lip, and a purple bruise was already blossoming along the ridge of one cheekbone.
But it was the wretchedness in his eyes that truly shocked James.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’ve come to work.’
‘But I don’t understand.’ James glanced towards the window that looked on to the pit yard. He could still hear the jeering of the men beyond the gates.
‘Nothing to understand,’ Seth said shortly. ‘I’m here to work, if you want me.’ His mouth clamped shut and James knew he would get nothing more out of him. He stared at Seth’s battered, swollen face.
‘Why didn’t you come in on the bus with the other men?’
Seth’s lip curled. ‘I don’t belong with them blacklegs.’
‘You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble.’
‘Happen.’ Seth fixed his gaze on the middle distance.
James frowned. Seth Stanhope was the proudest, most stubborn man he had ever met. ‘You should go to the first-aid room, get someone to look at that eye for you.’
‘Nay, I’d rather get to work, if you don’t mind?’ Seth glanced towards the dwindling line of men waiting to step into the cage.
‘Very well,’ said James. Then, as Seth turned away, he said, ‘Thank you. For coming back.’
Seth met his gaze for the first time, his eyes cold with loathing.
‘I in’t doing it for you,’ he said.
James climbed the stairs back to his office, still picturing Seth as he walked through the pit gates. He didn’t know what had driven the man to break the lockout and betray his friends, but he knew it was not a decision that had been taken lightly. Whatever his reason, James knew life would never again be the same for Seth Stanhope, not after this. He would be a pariah in Bowden, along with the other men who had been forced back to work in order to survive.
James knew he should be feeling elated that one of the main ringleaders of the lockout had given in, but instead he felt utterly downcast. What a dreadful situation they had created – one where men who were formerly good friends were forced to turn on each other. The lockout would be over one day, but it had created rifts in the community that would probably never heal.
Miss Molesworth looked up from behind her typewriter when he walked in.
‘There’s someone to see you, sir,’ she said.
‘Thank you.’ James hoped it wasn’t Sir Edward. The way he felt, he wasn’t sure he could face him at that moment. Fortunately for him, Sir Edward still seemed to be sulking since the argument over Carrie and the gala.
But when James opened the door and saw Rob Chadwick waiting for him, he suddenly thought that a visit from the pit owner might be preferable after all.
Chadwick was leaning back in James’ chair, feet up on the desk, looking very pleased with himself.
‘Y’know, I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be in charge of this place and sit up here all day,’ he said, looking round at James. ‘Turns out it in’t that much after all, is it? Nowt more than a poky little box, when you think about it.’ He nodded towards the portrait on the wall. ‘I see you’ve got the old man watching you. I follow in my father’s footsteps too, but I weren’t so lucky as you. No silver spoons for me, just a pickaxe and a life down t’pit to look forward to.’
‘What do you want?’ James asked coldly.
Rob gave him a slow smile. ‘Now don’t be like that. Happen I’ve come to ask for a job.’
‘I wouldn’t have you. You were too much of a trouble-maker last time.’
‘Beggars can’t be choosers, can they? Anyway, I wouldn’t take a job now if you gave me one. I’m no blackleg scum.’
James thought about Seth Stanhope, and the injured pride on his battered, bloodied face.
‘So why are you here?’ he said. ‘And you can stop playing stupid games, I’m not in the mood.’
‘Oh, I in’t playing games, believe me.’ Another slow, insolent smile spread across Rob’s face. ‘I’m here to talk about Carrie.’
James’ blood ran cold, but he forced himself to remain calm. In the back of his mind, in the dead of night, he had thought about this scenario, played it out in his head, rehearsed for it many times.
He was ready.
‘And what could you possibly have to say about my wife?’
‘Your wife!’ Rob echoed the words mockingly. ‘She was my girl first.’
‘Is that what you’ve come to tell me?’
‘No. I’ve come to tell you I want her back.’
James said nothing. He had heard those words so many times in his nightmares, they hardly came as a surprise to him now.
‘I daresay you know we’ve been seeing a lot of each other lately, since I got back to Bowden?’ Rob went on. ‘Although come to think of it, you probably don’t, do you? It’s all been going on behind your back, you see. She even helped me get away from the police when I was stealing coal from the yard. Mind you, she were up to no good hersen, delivering food parcels in secret. Bet you didn’t know that either, did you? Nor that she’s been pawning the jewellery you gave her to give money to the Miners’ Welfare.’ He laughed. ‘Aye, Carrie’s always been loyal to her own.’
Sir Edward’s warning came into James’ mind.
And when she’s taken everything, she’ll go back to her own and forget about you. The words carried a proper sting now.
‘Anyway, as I said, we’ve been seeing a lot of each other lately. And we’ve decided we want to be together.’
James laughed. It was a nervous reaction, but it still took Rob aback.
He sent him a guarded look. ‘What’s so funny?’
‘You are, you fool. You really think you can just walk in here and demand that I give up my wife to you?’
‘The bairn is mine.’
James stopped laughing. The words seemed to echo around the office.
Rob looked satisfied. ‘I thought that would wipe the smile off your face. Who’s the fool now, eh?’ He leaned forward, rubbing his hands together. ‘It happened two years ago, after the gala. A couple of weeks before she were due to marry you … can you imagine that? Poor Carrie, she were in such a state, not sure if she were doing the right thing. Well, it weren’t like you were her first choice, was it? I was always the one she really wanted, as well you know.’ He smiled. ‘I daresay it was me she was remembering on her wedding night, too. Or did you think you were the first—’
James sprang towards him, his fists clenched. Rob didn’t flinch.
‘Go on, then, hit me,’ he taunted. ‘A real man would have knocked me flat a long time ago. But you in’t got it in you, have you? Not even when I come in here and tell you I fathered that baby you’ve been bringing up as your own!’
James uncurled his hands. ‘Get out,’ he hissed.
‘Is that the best you can do?’ Rob mocked. ‘You in’t going to fight for your wife? But then, I s’pose there’s no point, is there? I mean, you always knew this would happen, didn’t you? You knew you weren’t man en
ough to keep a girl like Carrie. I daresay she wouldn’t have stayed with you this long if it hadn’t been for the bairn.’ He shook his head. ‘Anyway, I’m back now. And I reckon it’s only right that we should be together. A proper family.’
‘If you think I’m giving up my wife and son to someone like you, then you’re wrong.’ James found his voice at last, spitting out the words like venom.
‘My son,’ Rob reminded him. ‘He’s my boy, not yours.’
Nausea rose in James’ throat, choking him. ‘Get out.’
‘Don’t worry, I’m going. I reckon we’ve said all we’ve got to say to each other.’ Rob rose to his feet. His burly frame seemed to fill the small office. ‘But I in’t leaving Bowden, not without Carrie and the bairn.’ He smirked. ‘I daresay we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, from now on.’
James stayed at his desk long after Rob had gone, staring down at the papers on his desk as if he no longer recognised them. Nothing seemed real to him any more.
And yet he wasn’t shocked. Deep down he had always known he was lucky to have Carrie, and that one day his luck would run out.
He understood that Rob Chadwick was the love of Carrie Wardle’s life. He had watched them together often enough, seen the way she lit up whenever he was around her. It was the same way James felt whenever he saw her.
And then Rob had gone, and Carrie was heartbroken. And slowly, carefully, James had put together the pieces of her shattered heart, and made her smile again. It didn’t matter to him that he was second best, because he knew he had enough love for both of them. And sometimes when Carrie looked at him, he could even imagine that her eyes lit up the way they used to do for Rob.
But in his heart of hearts, he had been waiting for this day, when Rob came back to claim what was rightfully his.
And he knew Carrie had been waiting for it too.
James moved like an automaton through the rest of the afternoon, hardly knowing what he was doing. When the clock struck five and Miss Molesworth tapped on the door to tell him she was going home it took him completely by surprise. Had it really been three hours since Rob Chadwick sat here in this office, taunting him?
He half expected Carrie to be gone when he returned home. James opened the door tentatively, bracing himself for the maid to appear and tell him his wife had left, complete with the baby and all her bags.
District Nurse on Call Page 29
