‘He has lost a lot of blood,’ she said, choosing her words just as carefully as the ward sister had. ‘It will take some time for his body to regain its strength.’
‘But he will regain it, won’t he?’ Carrie’s eyes pleaded with her. She looked so fragile, like a child.
‘I …’Agnes started to speak, but then they heard a groan as James stirred.
‘He’s waking up again!’ Carrie released his hand abruptly and jumped to her feet. She took a step back from the bed, colliding with Agnes, who caught hold of her.
‘What’s wrong? Don’t you want him to wake up?’
‘Of course, it’s just—’ Carrie dropped her gaze. ‘I don’t want him to find me here.’
‘Why not?’
‘You know why!’ Carrie’s voice was pleading. ‘He won’t want me here, not after what happened. Please, Miss Sheridan, I have to go!’ She pushed past Agnes and fled the room, closing the door behind her just as James opened his eyes.
He looked dazed to see Agnes standing over him.
‘Miss – Miss Sheridan?’ He frowned. ‘Where am I?’
‘You’re in hospital, Mr Shepherd.’ Agnes automatically slipped into nursing mode, smoothing down his covers. ‘You’ve had an operation, do you remember?’
He gave the slightest of nods. ‘I – I think so.’ His frown deepened, and Agnes could see him slowly piecing everything together. ‘Yes, I remember. But I thought …’ He looked around him. ‘Is Carrie here? I thought I heard her voice.’
Agnes glanced over her shoulder at the door, willing Carrie Shepherd to return. ‘There’s only me here,’ she said.
‘Yes.’ He sounded forlorn. ‘Of course. I don’t suppose she would be here, would she?’
‘How are you feeling?’ Agnes asked, to distract him. ‘Are you in pain?’
‘A little.’ His ashen face told a different story. ‘I’m very thirsty. Might I have a drink?’
‘Not yet, I’m afraid.’ Agnes went to the stand beside his bed, checking the steady drip of saline. ‘This might need adjusting. I’ll speak to Sister about it.’
She turned to go, but James said, ‘Wait. I need to know – are you all right?’
‘Oh, yes, I’m quite well. Just a couple of cuts and bruises, nothing serious.’ She touched the dressing on her brow.
Agnes made light of it deliberately, not wanting to think about those hours she had spent lying in the dark, her face pressed into the thick, gritty dust that coated her mouth and throat, afraid to move in case she set off another rock fall.
‘And the others?’ James’ voice was tentative, as if he hardly dared ask the question. ‘Stanhope and – and Chadwick? Did they survive?’
‘Seth Stanhope has a dislocated shoulder. But that didn’t stop him helping to carry your stretcher!’
‘I’m surprised he didn’t abandon me, after I defied him.’
‘I think he was relieved you managed to find Rob Chadwick. They might have given up on him if it hadn’t been for you.’
’So Chadwick’s alive, then?’
Agnes nodded. ‘He has a fractured femur, so he’ll need a few weeks in hospital, but – yes, he’s alive. Thanks to you.’
The slightest shadow of a smile crossed James’ face. ‘At least I did something right.’
Agnes hesitated, wondering if she should ask the question that had been haunting her ever since that dreadful moment down in the pit.
‘Why did you risk your life to rescue him?’ she asked finally.
He frowned. ‘I did it for Carrie, of course.’
Agnes sat down at his bedside. ‘I saw her waiting at the pit gates,’ she said. ‘She waited there all night for news.’ He winced, but said nothing. ‘It was you she was waiting for, James. Not Rob Chadwick.’
He shook his head. ‘No, you’ve got it wrong. She loves him. I know she does. I saw them together at her father’s funeral.’
‘Then why has she been sitting by your bedside all this time, waiting for you to wake up?’
He looked confused. ‘I don’t understand – where is she now?’
‘I’m here,’ Carrie said, from the doorway.
Chapter Forty-Eight
The first thing Agnes noticed was the way James’ face lit up when he saw her. He still loved his wife, Agnes could see it as clear as day.
She only hoped Carrie could see it too.
‘I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me?’ Carrie said shyly.
James seemed genuinely surprised. ‘Why not?’
Carrie couldn’t look at him. ‘I know Rob told you – about the baby …’
‘Ah.’
‘I’m so sorry, truly I am. I wanted to tell you myself, you don’t know how often I tried, but every time I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I was so afraid of losing you—’ Her words came out in a rush, tumbling over each other.
James looked dazed. ‘You were afraid of losing me?’
‘Of course. I love you.’
Her words hung in the air and Agnes found herself willing James to speak.
‘I love you too,’ he said.
Carrie looked up at him. ‘But how can you, after what Rob said?’
‘About Henry not being my son?’ James smiled. ‘He thought he was playing his trump card with that one. But he wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.’
‘You – you mean, you knew?’
‘I’ve always known.’
Carrie looked blankly at Agnes, then back at her husband. ‘But I don’t understand.’
‘I was very ill when I was a child,’ James said. ‘Parotitis. Or, as we usually call it …’
‘Mumps,’ Agnes finished for him. A thought began to stir in her brain.
James smiled knowingly. ‘I can see Miss Sheridan understands, don’t you?’
Agnes looked at Carrie. ‘Mumps can sometimes leave a man sterile.’
‘You mean you can’t father children?’ Carrie looked back at James. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because I was afraid you would leave me. I feel so ashamed when I think about it. I know I should have told you, I know how much you longed for children … I deceived you every bit as much as you deceived me.’ He looked regretful. ‘But I hoped that the doctors might be wrong. Some men have mumps and still go on to father children, so I’ve heard. So I prayed for a miracle.’ His mouth twisted. ‘And then a miracle happened, didn’t it?’
Agnes glanced at Carrie. The poor girl looked dazed as she struggled to take it all in.
‘So you knew about Rob and me …’
‘I guessed. After that day at the gala, you started acting so strangely … you seemed so remote. I began to think that you had changed your mind about marrying me.’
Carrie shook her head. ‘Of course I wanted to marry you. But I didn’t know how I could. I felt so guilty and wretched about what I’d done.’ She covered James’ hand with hers. ‘How could you do it?’ she whispered. ‘How could you take on another man’s son as your own?’
‘Because I wanted us to be happy,’ he said simply. ‘It didn’t matter to me, truly. And once Henry was born, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t my son, either. The moment I saw him, I loved him with all my heart. He’s always been my son as far as I’m concerned, and he always will be.’
Agnes looked at him with new respect. She had always known James Shepherd was a good man, but she had never realised how kind and honourable he truly was until that moment.
‘But then Rob came back,’ James went on. ‘He told me he wanted you and his son, and I just assumed you would want the same.’
‘But why?’ Carrie asked. ‘Why would you even think that?’
‘Because I always knew I was second best,’ James said. ‘I wasn’t the one you really wanted. I suppose I always knew in the back of my mind that my happiness couldn’t last, that one day you would wake up and realise you didn’t want to be with me.’
‘I always wanted to be with you. I love you.’
; ‘I love you too.’
Agnes edged towards the door, although she had the feeling that they had forgotten all about her a long time ago.
‘But what about Rob?’ Carrie said. ‘What if he tells everyone the truth?’
‘Let him,’ James said. ‘Let him tell whoever he likes.’
‘But the rest of the village … the Haverstocks …’
‘Can all go to hell as far as I’m concerned. As long as we’re together, I don’t care what anyone else thinks. We are together, aren’t we?’ He sent her a searching look.
Carrie smiled. ‘Always,’ she said.
Agnes smiled, closing the door on them.
She went back down to Casualty, being careful to avoid the bossy nurse who had been so insistent about her concussion that morning, and sought out Sister Casualty in her office.
‘I was wondering,’ Agnes said, ‘about the men who were brought in after the pit accident this morning?’
Sister put down her pen. ‘What about them?’
‘I know one of them went up to the Surgical ward, but what happened to the other one? The fractured femur?’
Sister Casualty rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, him. He went up to Orthopaedics. And not a moment too soon, either,’ she said crisply. ‘He drove me quite mad, flirting with my nurses.’
Agnes smiled. ‘That sounds like Mr Chadwick!’
‘Anyway, he’s Orthopaedics’ problem now, and good luck to them. I hope the sister there has better luck keeping him in order than I did.’
The moment Agnes opened the doors to the Orthopaedics ward, she realised Sister Casualty’s fervent hope had been in vain.
Sister Orthopaedics was not on the ward, but Agnes could hear Rob’s laughter coming from behind a curtain pulled around his bed.
As she approached, a young student nurse emerged, smiling. She stopped dead when she saw Agnes, a tide of colour sweeping up from her collar to the edge of her starched cap.
Agnes nodded towards the curtains. ‘I’ve come to visit Mr Chadwick.’
The nurse recovered her composure. ‘Visiting hour ended ten minutes ago.’
Agnes leaned in towards her. ‘I’ll tell you what,’ she said sweetly. ‘If you don’t tell Sister I’m here, I won’t tell her about you giggling behind a curtain with a patient.’
The student blushed again. ‘Five minutes,’ she said tightly, then hurried off, her head down, shoes squeaking on the polished floor.
Rob’s grin widened when he saw Agnes. ‘Hello, Nurse. Fancy meeting you here.’
‘Hello, Mr Chadwick. I see you’re feeling better?’
He shrugged his broad shoulders. He had lost a little of his devilish charm, dressed in blue striped pyjamas, his leg held up in a complex arrangement of splints and pulleys. ‘You’ve got to do summat to keep your spirits up, in’t you? Is that why you’re here? To cheer me up?’
‘No, Mr Chadwick.’
‘Pity.’ His grin widened. ‘I could do with some entertainment. I’m already bored to tears in this place.’
‘You’d best get used to it,’ Agnes said. ‘You’re going to be in here for a long time.’
‘How long, d’you reckon?’
‘It depends. It can take weeks for a femur to heal. And then you’ll have to do your exercises, to build up your muscles again.’
‘Weeks?’ Rob looked despairing. ‘I’ll die of boredom long before then.’
‘I wouldn’t joke about dying if I were you. It nearly happened, remember?’
His face darkened. ‘How can I forget? Every time I close my eyes …’ He shuddered. ‘I don’t mind telling you, Nurse, I really thought I was going to meet my maker in that bloody pit. Pardon my language,’ he added quietly.
‘James Shepherd nearly did,’ Agnes reminded him.
‘Aye.’
She waited, but Rob stayed silent. ‘Well?’ Agnes prompted him. ‘Aren’t you going to ask how he is, since he was the one who saved your life?’
Rob shifted uncomfortably. She was glad to see his conscience was pricking him. ‘How is he?’
‘He’ll live. His wife is with him now,’ she added.
Colour flared in Rob’s face. ‘Aye,’ he mumbled. ‘I suppose that’s where she belongs.’
‘Are you quite certain about that?’ Agnes sent him a narrow look. ‘You’re not going to try and ruin things between them?’
‘What’s the point? She’s already made it plain how she feels about me. I’m not one to hang around where I in’t wanted.’
‘And what about your son?’
Rob looked so downcast, Agnes almost felt sorry for him.
‘Henry’ll be all right,’ he said. ‘He’s got a father, he doesn’t need me. And I don’t need him, either,’ he said, his chin lifting. ‘I’ve been doing some thinking. I reckon once I get out of here I’ll head out of Bowden, go down south. Thought I might try my luck down there, on a farm. It’s best if I’m not tied down.’
He was putting a brave face on it, Agnes could tell.
‘No more mining?’ she said.
He shuddered. ‘Not any more. I reckon I’ve used up all my pit luck.’
Agnes understood how he felt. She wondered how long it would be before she ever willingly ventured underground again.
The curtain swished aside and there stood the student nurse, who had now recovered her composure.
‘Five minutes is up,’ she said. ‘And Sister’s on her way back to the ward.’
‘Thank you.’ Agnes turned back to Rob. ‘I’ll leave you then, Mr Chadwick, Take care, won’t you? I wish you well.’ She was surprised to find she meant it. His charm had won her over.
‘And you, Nurse. And if you fancy a change of scene, you can always come down south with me?’
Agnes shook her head. ‘You’re incorrigible, Mr Chadwick.’
‘I’ll take that as a compliment, shall I, since I don’t know what it means.’
As she was leaving, he called after her, ‘Nurse?’
‘Yes, Mr Chadwick?’
‘I’ve been thinking, trying to work it out. Why do you think he did it?’
‘Did what?’
‘Carrie’s mester. There’s never been any love lost between us, so why did he put himself in danger to save me?’
‘Because he’s a good man,’ Agnes said.
‘Aye.’ Rob Chadwick thought about this, taking in what she had said. ‘A better man than me, at any rate. The best man won, eh?’
Agnes smiled. ‘Let’s hope so, Mr Chadwick.’
Chapter Forty-Nine
It was late December, and Dr Rutherford had decided to retire.
Mrs Bannister had organised a tea party at the house for him, to bid him farewell. But no one had turned up, not even his good friends the Haverstocks. Agnes couldn’t help feeling sorry for him as the three of them made awkward conversation in the parlour.
‘It’s an atrocious day,’ Dr Rutherford said, looking out of the window. ‘I daresay that’s what’s kept them away. Sir Edward does suffer very badly with his chest in the winter.’
‘Yes, I expect that’s it.’ Mrs Bannister held up a plate. ‘Another slice of cake, Doctor? It’s Victoria sponge, your favourite.’
She was tight-lipped, doing her best to hide her emotions. Agnes thought she was probably the only one in Bowden who was truly sorry to see him go.
At least the new fishing rod Agnes had given him as a leaving present had cheered him up. She had tried to pretend that everyone in the village had contributed towards it, but even though Dr Rutherford had commented on their generosity, she could tell he wasn’t really fooled.
In spite of everything they had been through, Agnes thought it a shame he should leave in this way. It wasn’t much to show for more than twenty years as the village doctor. But he only had himself to blame. If he had shown any kindness or compassion to his patients, perhaps they might have done the same for him.
She wondered if this thought was occurring to him too, as he stared out of the window, li
ke a faithful but long-abandoned hound waiting for its master.
‘When is the locum arriving?’ Agnes asked, trying to distract him.
‘He’s due from London this evening,’ Dr Rutherford said. ‘Or he should be, if the weather doesn’t close in.’ He peered out at the dirty grey sky, heavy with the promise of snow.
‘Do you know anything about him?’ Agnes asked.
Dr Rutherford shook his head. ‘Only that he’s a young man. But I daresay he will have lots of new ideas like you, Miss Sheridan.’
He made it sound like a criticism. Agnes smiled sweetly. ‘Then I look forward to meeting him.’
‘Well, he needn’t think he’ll be bringing any new ideas into this house. I won’t have it!’ Mrs Bannister declared.
Dr Rutherford’s eyes twinkled behind his spectacles. ‘I’m sure you’ll be able to set him straight if he tries anything, Mrs B.’
‘I’ll do my best, Doctor.’
Agnes looked from one to the other and wondered how Dr Rutherford had never noticed the housekeeper’s secret yearning for him for all these years. It was obvious to Agnes and she had only been living under the same roof a matter of months. She couldn’t help feeling sorry for Mrs Bannister, too. The poor woman was clearly devastated at losing her precious Dr Rutherford, and fearful of all the changes that his departure might bring.
But at least Dr Rutherford had promised to send for her once he was settled in his new home up in the Highlands, so there was hope for them yet, Agnes thought. In the meantime, the housekeeper had agreed to stay on until a new doctor could be found to take over the house and the practice.
The doorbell rang.
‘I wonder if that’s the Haverstocks?’ Dr Rutherford turned hopefully towards the door, only to sink back in his seat again when it opened and Jinny appeared, a piece of paper in her hand.
‘A boy brought a note for you, Miss Sheridan,’ she said.
‘A note?’ Mrs Bannister held out her hand. ‘Give it to me.’
Jinny’s eyes darted from the housekeeper to Agnes. ‘Please, miss, he said only t’nurse was to see it.’
Agnes could feel Mrs Bannister’s displeasure. She took the note from Jinny and read it. She could barely make out the badly scrawled marks on the paper, but she understood their meaning.
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