“Nightmare?”
“Well, I don’t want to live in a world where Mel stops a woman from touching his penis. That is a topsy-turvy world in which everything is upside down and the only way my shit isn’t breaking is if I nail it to the ceiling.”
“Well, get hammering, because that is this world.”
“I—I just—it—it… What exactly happened when you couldn’t get to his junk?”
“Not just couldn’t get to,” I argued. “It’s not like it was just out of reach on a high shelf. He blocked me. He played defense. I made a mad dash for it and he literally cock-blocked me.”
“Okay, but did you explain to him what you were doing? Sweetie, I’ve seen you flirt and sometimes it’s just…” She went quiet for a second before trying again. “You come off a little… Maybe he didn’t realize you were—”
“He had to realize. I stuffed my tongue in his mouth and pulled him on top of me. That can’t be mistaken for me trying to fix his garbage disposal.”
“Okay, but did you maybe think to ask why he wasn’t into it?”
“No, I got violently ill, threw up all over the place.”
“Um. That perhaps sends the wrong message about your intentions. Are you sure he didn’t stop you from manhandling his man meat after you threw up all over the place?”
“I’m damn sure.”
“I’m having a hard time digesting this information.” I heard another crash from her end, followed by a squeal and an apology.
“Who’s there?”
“Just a friend, don’t worry.”
“Is she okay?”
“It’s nothing. I’ll kiss it better.”
Somewhere in the background I heard an excited, wheezy squeaking that sounded vaguely human.
“What the hell is going on? It sounds like something is about to explode.”
“More like someone,” Chloe purred, and I could tell she had stopped talking to me altogether.
“Oh, jeez,” I said. I didn’t want to know about Chloe’s sex life, at least not while mine was so comically disastrous. I thought about it for a second, lowering my head into my free hand.
“Good god, I can’t even get Mel to have sex with me. What is my life? What are my choices?”
“There, there.” Chloe said, focused on me once again. “I’m sure it’s just some side effect of Norma’s death. You were there. Maybe you bring up bad memories and it’s just too soon. You’ll get him some day.”
“I—no!” I shrieked, shaking my head. “I don’t want to get him! You’re trying to trick me with your witchy words. Cease your speaking, vile temptress.”
Chloe snorted out a giggle and I couldn’t help but follow suit.
“Hey, don’t blame me. You’ve finally admitted you want to do the nasty with Mel; it’s not my fault you can’t seal the deal. I’ve told you, you’re terrible at flirting.”
“I got into Owen’s pants, didn’t I?”
“Ah,” Chloe said carefully, as if the subject was awkward. I mean, she did watch the guy kill a succubus and then stab Mel in the balls with a drug-filled syringe. Maybe things were a little weird. “Well. Then I take full blame. But, in the meantime, I need to go. I have to do some—”
“Thing,” I finished before she could be too lewd. “As far as I’m concerned you have something very non-sexual and boring to do. I don’t want to think it’s anything else.”
“Keep me updated on the case. When you know more, shoot me a text.”
“Will do. It looks like they’re bringing the body out now, actually. I’ll find Mel, ask what he knows.”
“If he doesn’t answer, threaten to touch his penis to get him to talk. Apparently he hates that.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
##
I found Mel just inside the facility, talking to a very tall woman in a sheriff’s uniform. I hung back while he spoke to her, noted that he was a little closer than was appropriate, his body speaking a language it shouldn’t have been. When he noticed me, he gave a small wave, angled to put himself between her and me, and then turned back to me after a second. Slipping something into his pocket, he wandered over, jerking his chin toward the front door. I turned with him and he slung an arm over my shoulders, leading me out.
“I’ve got the bags in the car and we’re free to go.”
“What happened?”
“I’ll explain in a bit. Our sessions are cancelled for today.”
“Ah, okay. And tomorrow?”
“They’ll call us in the morning to let us know.”
We were in the car and halfway down the drive when Mel spoke again.
“Tina was quite forthcoming, once I explained what we were doing there.”
“You blew our cover?”
“Oh definitely.” Abruptly, he twisted just enough to shoot one finger-gun at me, the other hand still holding the wheel. “And, hopefully, that’s not the only thing that gets blown today.”
Before I could make an assumption about whether or not things had returned to normal between us, Mel settled back, made an announcement.
“I’ve got a date tonight.”
“With Sheriff Amazon?”
“Officer Amazon, and yes.”
“But,” I asked, dragging the word out. “We’re supposed to be married.”
“But,” he said, copying my tone. “She knows we’re not. We’ll discuss the case, don’t worry. I have some professional dignity. I won’t just use her for her body.”
I couldn’t figure out my reaction to his words. Was I angry? Annoyed? Was I disappointed that he’d rejected me and then immediately taken up with the first single woman to cross his path? I couldn’t parse my own emotions.
“Okay then,” I said with a shrug so intense it lifted my hands and plopped them back down onto my thighs. “As your fake wife, I give you permission to milk this source for all she’s worth.”
“Well, thanks for the permission,” Mel said, and I wondered if I’d caught a trace of bitterness in his voice. When I looked over to try to gain a clue about his mood through his expression, I found that he was turned slightly away, watching the trees out of the driver’s side window.
Considering that we might have been in a fight for which I was completely unprepared, I chose silence as my weapon.
Chapter Twelve
I’d been holed up in the guest room for several hours, door shut to the rest of the household. Earbuds, blog trolling, and erotic fan fiction had distracted me from the events of the night before and from the tragedy of that morning. Around three in the afternoon, though, my stomach started to rumble like the God of Thunder, demanding I make a sacrifice or pay the price. I procrastinated some but finally gave in, shut the screen on my laptop, and headed out.
I found Julian across the expanse of gleaming wooden floor, standing behind the kitchen bar counter, humming along to some music from the seventies that I recognized but couldn’t name. Most music is like that for me, though. He glanced up when I approached, smiled.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay,” I said, hopping up onto the barstool. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, leaned against the granite bar. “What’cha makin?”
“Dinner.”
“Already?” I asked. He nodded.
“I’m going to make a stew; it takes some time to get right.”
“Ooh, sounds tasty,” I admitted, despite the fact that my stomach demanded homage immediately. Julian let out a surprised chuckle as the sound of my belly rumbling and stopped chopping, setting down the knife to consider me.
“If you’re hungry now, I’m sure we have something.”
“I don’t want to be a bother,” I said. Julian shook his head, turning to open and shut cabinets along the spread of the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room.
“We don’t keep a lot of snack foods around but Sarah likes nuts."
I waited for the inevitable finger-guns, eyebrow wag, or, “that’s what she said,” b
ut Julian just pulled out a tin of mixed nuts and handed it over the counter to me. Fighting the urge to glare in disbelief, I glanced at the tin.
“Thanks,” I said finally.
Julian nodded, went back to chopping.
“So you two are brothers?” I asked after awhile, wanting to make sure. It seemed odd that someone who shared genetics with Mel had missed such a prime opportunity to be suggestive. Julian chuckled, dumped the tomatoes he’d just finished chopping into a wooden bowl, set them to the side. Grabbing a squash, he set it on the chopping board, looked up at me and nodded.
“Yes we are.”
“But you’re so…” I trailed off, shaking my head. “Nice. You’re not depraved in the least.”
“This is what being happily married does to a man.”
“I guess,” I said, still suspicious. Julian laughed again, picked up the knife and went back to chopping.
“So, what were you two up to last night?” This time he gave a single eyebrow wag and I felt myself blush. Wondering if Mel had told him anything about the evening before, I leaned back. Instead of answering immediately, I crammed a handful of nuts into my mouth, crunched on the salty goodness.
“We just checked the place out,” I said as I swallowed. “Mel didn’t tell you?”
“He didn’t say much when you two got home. We assumed you went to take a nap; he went into his room for a bit before taking off. He’s been out in the woods for a few hours. All we know from Mel is that there was a body found this morning, that nothing about it seemed normal or natural, and that the center’s shut down for today.” Julian set the sliced squash aside, looked up at me. “That’s all we know from Mel, that is. You smell like you did some rolling around together, though.”
“Um.” Feeling my cheeks burn just a little hotter, I grabbed more nuts, mashed my hand against my mouth again and managed to drop a brazil nut down my shirt. Julian just went back to his prep work, letting me choose my words as the music played.
“There was some sleeping together but that was it. Just sleeping.”
“Mmm hmm,” Julian mused and delight ballooned inside him as he moved to put the other chopped veggies in the bowl with the tomatoes. I used the distraction to shove a hand down my shirt and fish inside my bra for the lost nut. I got it in my mouth before he turned back and I wondered if he would have any insight into his stupid brother.
“You and Sarah have been together awhile, eh?” I asked.
“Yes, fifteen years.” He nodded and I felt the delight evaporate into a soft, fluffy cloud of love. I felt my mouth pull up into a sloppy smile, unconcerned with the fact that it wasn't an emotion I was genuinely feeling. Perhaps movie aliens are empaths and that's why they're so easily swayed away from destroying earth by love, affection, and all that gushy crap.
“Wow, and the kids are how old?”
“They’re five. We waited awhile to start a family.”
“Any particular reason?”
Julian shrugged, still slicing and dicing methodically. I got the feeling it was something he did more for himself than for the end product of a delicious meal.
“We just weren’t in that place, yet. We knew we were likely to have a whole litter on the first go and we wanted to be sure we were ready.”
“Ah, okay.” I fished around in the tin for an almond and Julian glanced up at me.
“You’re wondering if I was just as bad as Mel fifteen years ago?”
“I…” Trailing off, I popped the nut into my mouth, gave a shrug. “Yeah, I am.”
“I was.”
“You turned everything into a euphemism and harassed women until they wanted to kill you?” I asked cheerfully.
Julian snorted and it turned into a laugh so hard that he had to put down the knife, take a small step away from the counter. When his laughter calmed, he looked at me with a wide grin.
“He certainly…” Laughing some more, Julian shook his head. “I wasn’t a clone of my little brother, but I was just as promiscuous in high school.” Julian paused and I caught something arc out of him that felt a little closer to what I was used to feeling from werewolves. “He chooses to be a little more obnoxious than I think I was but I was as relentless about sex.” Making a non-committal sound as I thought about Mel’s rejection of me the night before, I rolled my eyes. Julian caught the action and tipped his head.
“What?”
“Ah,” I started, waving a hand. “It’s nothing.”
“No, tell me. If my brother’s done something I should give him shit for, I need to know. It’s my duty to make fun of him.”
“Yours too? I thought I was the only one.”
Instead of pressing the issue, Julian just smiled, tipped his head. I decided it might be worth it to know what he was thinking. Sensing I was about to spill my guts, he looked back down at his work as if that would give me enough privacy to be bold.
“We kind of, sort of, a little bit fooled around last night.” Julian made an encouraging sound but didn’t look up. “Then, he stopped it and he’s been weird since it happened.”
“Weird how?”
“Just…” I laughed. “He’s been bitchy here and there. Like a teenager who hasn’t gotten his way.”
“Yeah, he does that.”
“Why, though? He’s after me all the damn time but, when I finally give in, he runs, pouts, and makes a date with some woman he’s just met.”
Julian set the knife down, looking up into my eyes with a frown. “He has a date?”
“In a few hours, yeah.”
“But aren’t you two supposed to be married?”
“I gave him permission.”
Julian blinked at me, baffled, not only in expression but full-on. It was sort of like leather butterflies beating at my head and I twitched at the feeling. As I ate some more nuts, staring back at him as innocently as I could muster, Sarah wandered in. Her arms slid around her husband’s waist as she poked her head under his arm and pressed it to the side of his ribs. He shifted to accommodate her position and she watched me, realizing something was going on.
“What’s wrong?”
“Mel has a date,” Julian said. Sarah frowned.
“With Gwen?”
“No. With someone else.”
Sarah gave me a cynical smirk, pointing at me while managing to keep herself hugged close to her husband.
“Weren’t you two all over each other last night? I smelled it the second you two walked in.”
“I—”
Julian interrupted me, assuming I was going to lie about it. “Don’t bother. She’s got the best nose of any of us. She gets it from her mother and I’m sure our girls will have it, too.”
As I laughed quietly at the quivering mix of pride and apprehension swirling around in Julian’s psyche, I shrugged.
“It didn’t pan out,” I said. When she rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Truth is, I don’t even know why we kissed at all. He’s just a man I find annoying and who owes me a bunch of cupcakes.”
Sarah was quiet for a moment and I could tell she wanted to poke at the situation, to break it down and discuss it until we came to some consensus that wasn’t just me brushing off what had happened to Mel. I understood the instinct. I break things down and force people to think through their innermost thoughts and fears and urges for a living. I just snacked on mixed nuts and hoped she’d let it go.
“I’d almost forgotten about the cupcakes,” she said, pulling away from her husband. “If Julian doesn’t mind sharing the kitchen, we can get started?”
“We? Started? Baking?” I squeaked. She nodded at me, dropped down to open a cabinet I couldn’t see. “No, I don’t bake. It’s a terrible idea.”
“I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“It’s not that I’ll burn the place down but for my own good I don’t learn.” I thought of the disaster that would be me with an endless supply of fresh pastries from inside my own home. Sarah po
pped back up with several bowls and something that looked kind of like a wind-up watering can missing its spout.
“Well, then I won’t teach you. I’ll just give you some tasks that may or may not help out and not tell you why you’re doing them. I might make you change the oil in the car and you won’t know if that’s part of baking cupcakes. Come on, it’ll be fun.”
I laughed, giving in. She wasn’t serious about making me work on her car, though there was a bit of mischief behind her words. Regardless, it was better than sitting around obsessing on why the sluttiest man I’d ever met didn’t want to have sex with me.
As if on cue, Mel walked in.
“Ladies,” he said, giving a small smile as he watched his brother long enough to let him know he was addressing Julian, too. Julian ignored the dig completely.
Mel paused to look over what we were all doing and I inspected his body. He’d had the decency to pull a towel around his waist, for some reason, but that wasn’t what caught my attention. Instead of his usual bare skin, he’d grown in his chest hair. It whirled over each pec, spread in a thick line downward, across his impressive abs, around his belly button and down into the low-slung towel. His arms were dark with hair as well, and the stubble on his face made him look unrefined and manly. It was very PNW and I wasn’t sure how I felt about the stark change in his appearance.
He caught me staring and made it a point to catch my eye. Giving me an obnoxious wink, he smirked, then looked back to his family.
“You’re looking rugged this afternoon,” Sarah mentioned, glancing between us with a look on her face that said she caught the tension.
“He’s a regular Jason Statham,” I said, keeping my voice light. “Is that what Officer Amazon is into?”
“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, Gwen.”
“And how does that apply to you?” I asked. Mel scowled lightly and started toward his room.
“I’ve got to get ready for my date.” Throwing a self-satisfied grin over his shoulder, he paused long enough to speak again. “Don’t wait up.”
##
The evening was fantastic, despite it starting with Mel’s strange behavior and my unexplainable reaction to it. I joined the family on a walk through the woods, ate more than my fill of cupcakes, stuffed myself on stew, and taught two of the puppies how to properly hide the fact that you haven’t eaten the vegetables your mother’s served you.
Cold Feet (Empathy in the PPNW Book 3) Page 14
