All the Broken Pieces

by Cindi Madsen

  “You like it?”

  She nodded.

  “What about sick kids? Were people coughing near you? Breathing on you?”

  Olivia noticed all the cars lining up behind them. “We’re blocking everyone. We should probably go.”

  With a huff, Mom pulled away from the curb and turned up the classical music she loved so much. Olivia wished that for once it could be something else. Anything else.

  I wonder what kind of music Glasses Guy was listening to at lunch.

  Everything the guy said seemed like a puzzle. But he had helped her with her papers. She thought about the way he shook his hair off his face, and how her heart beat like crazy when she’d looked into his eyes.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Mom braked at the intersection and reached over to feel her forehead. “You’re a little warm.”

  Olivia pulled away. “I’m fine.” In less than a minute, Mom was already starting with the hovering. If her options were the challenge of school or Mom breathing down her neck all the time, she’d figure out the school thing, no matter what it took.

  And if that also meant she’d get another chance to talk to Glasses Guy, even better.

  5

  Lunches were always filled with plenty of conversation. By other people. As Olivia ate, she tuned in and out of whatever topic everyone else was discussing, her gaze often drifting to Glasses Guy. All three days they’d been in school, he’d sat in the same place in the cafeteria, headphones on. He wasn’t in any of her classes, and she hadn’t talked to him since he’d pointed out the “popular table.”

  It seems like he prefers to be alone.

  I’m shaky in social situations, and even I’d still rather not sit by myself all the time.

  “So Liv, what are your big plans for the weekend?” Keira asked.

  She pulled her attention away from Glasses Guy. “Um, I’ll probably just stay at home with my parents.”

  “Ugh. Forced family bonding time’s the worst. My parents insisted on it forever, but they finally realized it caused more problems than it was worth.”

  Clay Armstrong scooted down the bench until he was seated across from her. He was the jock with the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing going on. His eyebrows arched over eyes so blue she wondered if they weren’t enhanced by colored contacts. “You guys talking about the weekend?”

  Keira jerked a thumb at her. “Lame plans with the parents. Total waste of a weekend.”

  “We don’t really have plans. I just assumed…” Olivia wasn’t sure how to finish, since now Clay and Keira were both looking at her. “What are you guys doing?”

  “There’s a spot outside of town called The Gulch where we hang out on the weekends,” Keira said.

  Clay leaned in, propping his elbows on the table. “You should come. If you need a ride, I’d be happy to pick you up.”

  Going to school was one thing—she was just getting the hang of it. But no matter how lame her classmates thought it was, she was looking forward to a quiet weekend at home. She needed a break from worrying about what to say and how to act every second of the day.

  Clay smiled at her. “So, whaddya say?”

  “Maybe some other time.” Her answer didn’t get the attention off her like she’d hoped it would. Her heart picked up speed, and suddenly, she needed to get away from Clay’s and Keira’s questioning looks. She stood and grabbed her tray. “I’ll see you guys later.”

  She threw away her uneaten food and rushed toward the exit. As she stepped into the hall, she glanced over her shoulder to see if anyone was still staring.

  “Ugh!” she heard as she plowed into something solid.

  She stumbled forward, barely managing to keep her feet under her. When she straightened, she saw it wasn’t just something; it was someone.

  “I’m so sorry,” Olivia said to the scrawny kid she’d knocked down.

  He sat on the floor, a stunned look on his face. Then he picked up his book and scrambled to his feet. Without a word, he ducked his head and hurried in the opposite direction.

  Glasses Guy stood across the hall, a crooked grin on his face. “You’re kind of clumsy, huh?”

  Heat flooded her cheeks. Why, of all people, did he have to witness that?

  He shook his head. “Poor freshman didn’t even see it coming.”

  “I didn’t mean to knock him down, and I already feel bad enough without you adding to it.” To her dismay, her voice broke.

  “I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad,” he said, stepping closer. “Watching you mow down that kid was actually the highlight of my day.”

  She frowned at him. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

  “I guess you’ll have to get all your new friends to cheer you up. I figured it wouldn’t take you long to settle into that group.”

  I’ve noticed you don’t have any friends didn’t seem like a good thing to say, so she searched for something else. “They’ve been nice to me.”

  “Of course they have.” He studied her for a moment, opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then shook his head and turned to walk away.

  It would have been so much easier if she could feel indifferent toward him. But of all the people at Cottonwood High, he was the one she couldn’t stop thinking about. “Wait.”

  Her pulse quickened when he looked back at her, and she almost lost her nerve. She swallowed and forced the words out. “I never got your name.”

  “Spencer.”

  She paused for a moment, not sure whether to go with Olivia or Liv. Everyone else called her by the nickname, and this seemed like a good moment to embrace being someone new. “I’m Liv,” she said, liking the way it sounded.

  “So I’ve heard.” With that, he continued down the hall.

  …

  After their still-boring algebra class, Liv walked out of the classroom with Keira. As they neared their lockers, she spotted Spencer charging down the hall, a serious look on his face. Not only did he not hang around anyone, people seemed to go out of their way to avoid him.

  He disappeared into the crowd and she turned to Keira. “Do you know a guy named Spencer?”

  Keira glanced around, then draped an arm over her shoulders and leaned in. “Don’t ever mention him in front of Sabrina, okay?”

  “I wasn’t going to… I don’t even know him. I just…He helped me pick up some papers.”

  Keira’s eyes widened. “And he talked to you?”

  “Not really. In fact, he’s kind of rude. But nice at the same time. It’s hard to explain.”

  “He doesn’t usually talk to anyone anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  Keira shrugged. “You’d have to ask him, but since he doesn’t really talk, it’s kind of a parabola.”

  Liv lowered her eyebrows. “Parabola?” He’s complicated, but I doubt the quadratic formula is involved.

  “You know, like a catch-22.”

  “Oh. You mean a paradox.”

  “That’s it. I knew it didn’t sound right.”

  “Sorry,” Liv said. “I didn’t mean to correct you. My mom does it to me and it’s so annoying.”

  Keira spun the combo to her locker without even looking. “It’s cool. Guess I should work on my vocab more. My brother always points out how ditzy I am.”

  “You’ve got that whole nice, sunny personality going for you. That trumps everything else.”

  Keira smiled. “Thanks, Liv. You’re quiet, but I’ll get you out of that shell yet. You really should come with us to The Gulch sometime. I think Clay likes you.”

  “I’m sure he was just being nice.”

  “You may be book smart, but me”—Keira leaned against her locker—“I know guys. And he’s interested. So, what do you think?”

  Liv had been so preoccupied with Spencer, she hadn’t given much thought to Clay. Warmth tingled through her chest as she pictured his cute, smiling face. He’s totally hot.

  Irritation replaced the warm fuzz
ies, giving her emotional whiplash. No way I’m going for a brainless jock.

  “I don’t really know,” she said. “There are too many thoughts swirling around to separate one from the other.”

  Keira gave her a funny look. “Did you have a boyfriend back at your old school?”

  Since she’d never gone to school, at least she knew the answer, even if she couldn’t remember. “Nope.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll help ease you into it.”

  …

  Hot air blasted Liv in the face the second she stepped outside. She made her way down the steps, happy to have survived another day, but then her feet slowed as she spotted Spencer. His headphones were in, his eyes focused on the parking lot. He walked up to an old, faded blue car, tossed his backpack inside, and got in.

  A loud grinding noise came from the car. Scowling, Spencer smacked the steering wheel. A few seconds later, the grinding noise filled the air again. The door flung open, and he walked to the front of his car and popped the hood.

  Maybe I should go see if he needs help.

  Yeah, except for the fact that you don’t know anything about cars and the guy is impossible to talk to, that’s a great idea.

  At least staring at him from here, she could enjoy his cute profile without having to try to figure out his cryptic stares and comments.

  But then she remembered how he’d helped her with her papers, and she figured she should at least go over and see if she could do anything. Maybe even offer him a ride when Mom got there. It would be the polite thing to do, right?

  Even though she’d decided to go, her feet remained in place.

  Come on, you’re past being scared of talking to people.

  She took a deep breath and strode over, her heart picking up speed with each step. Spencer was bent over his car, the muscles in his arms flexing as he messed around with the engine.

  Between the heat and being so close to him, she felt a little dizzy. “Hey, do you need some help?” she asked his back.

  No response. His headphones were still in.

  She hesitantly reached out and tapped him on the shoulder.

  He jerked up and banged his head on the hood. “Damn it!” Rubbing the spot he’d hit, he twisted to face her. “What?”

  She flinched, surprised by his sharp tone. “I-I just thought you might need a ride. I’m sure my mom will give you one if you want.”

  He looked at her for a moment, that frustrating, hard-to-read expression on his face. “I’m fine.” Without another word, he leaned over the hood again.

  Resisting the urge to tell him he didn’t have to be a jerk about it, she clenched her teeth and headed back to the sidewalk to wait for Mom. She glared at Spencer’s back, telling herself she didn’t care that he didn’t want to talk to her, then wondering why she wanted to talk to him.

  He glanced up and caught her staring at him. Cheeks burning, she turned away. From now on, I’m just going to ignore him.

  Maybe I’ll even focus on Clay.

  Clay’s totally the guy to go for. Cute, athletic, popular—the whole package. Liv could practically feel the inner perky voice bouncing on the balls of her feet and clapping.

  Sure. If by “whole package” you mean dumb enough to think he’ll play professional sports instead of needing a real job someday.

  “Geez. Not that I’m sure either way, but I think that’s a little harsh.” At least verbally responding seemed to shut up both the voices. Of course, that made her realize she was standing on the sidewalk talking to herself. Awesome.

  Mom’s car pulled up to the curb. Liv climbed in, the classical music making her inwardly groan. She leaned back in her seat as Mom drove toward home, thinking about Spencer, and Clay, and talking to Keira about boys earlier. “Did I ever have a boyfriend?”

  Mom whipped her head toward her. “Of course not! You’re too young for a boyfriend. I didn’t have one until I was nineteen years old, and all he did was distract me from my studies.”

  “Nineteen? That’s so old.”

  “Who’s the boy?”

  Spencer’s face was the one that came to mind. Liv looked out the window at the houses flashing past. “There is no boy. A girl asked me if I’d had a boyfriend before. I told her no, but it made me curious.” She glanced at Mom, thinking of another thing that she’d been curious about. “By the way, did you ever get the family pictures out of storage? I’d still like to see if they bring back anything.”

  A stern look crossed Mom’s face. “Those memories are gone, Olivia. You’re never going to get them back, and you need to move forward. Pictures won’t help. Nothing will. You’re just lucky to be alive. Isn’t that enough for you?”

  Mom had never snapped at her before, not like that. “I don’t understand,” Liv said. “It was just a simple question.”

  “Well, I think that’s enough questions for one day.”

  The rest of the car ride passed in silence. As soon as they got home, she went straight to her room, frustration and anger burning through her. She no longer wanted to stay home this weekend. She wanted to get out of her house where she wouldn’t have to deal with Mom—to go to that party everyone had been talking about. She didn’t know anyone’s phone numbers, though, so she couldn’t call and ask Keira or Clay to come get her. Besides, what would she do when she got to the party?

  Meet boys, have fun, get a social life.

  Parties are lame. After they graduate, all the popular kids will still be stuck in this small town. It won’t matter who you knew or what parties you went to.

  A crushing sense of hopelessness filled her. Going to school was supposed to make everything better, but it wasn’t working. Her life was still a confusing mess and the voices hadn’t gone away. If anything, they were getting worse.

  …

  Liv sat at a dinner table. To her left, a young brunette girl pushed her peas to the far corner of her plate. And she just knew her name was Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth locked eyes with her and mouthed, “Okay, distract them.”

  Liv looked across the table at the dark-haired man, then studied the woman with pale skin and brown hair to his right. She felt the urge to hug her. Tell her she loved her. But she didn’t even know who she was.

  A kick under the table brought her attention back to Elizabeth. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, staring at her like she should know what to do next and hurry up about it. With an eye roll and a loud sigh, Elizabeth said, “Don’t you have something to say to Mom and Dad?”

  The man and woman looked at Elizabeth, then at Liv.

  “I’m thinking of piercing my nose.” It came out of nowhere. She didn’t know why she’d chosen it, but it definitely got their attention.

  “You most certainly will not, young lady,” the woman said. “I don’t care what the other kids at school are doing, either, so don’t even bother with that speech.”

  “Just think of how uncomfortable that would be anytime you got a cold and had to wipe your nose,” the man said. “Not to mention how prospective employers would look at you. And before you tell me how unfair that is, I’m not saying it is or isn’t fair, but it’s how the world works. People judge others when they see piercings or tattoos.”

  Liv looked to Elizabeth, who grinned and gave her a thumbs-up signal. The pile of peas that had been on her plate was gone.

  “Just seeing if you were paying attention,” she said. “You know I’d never pierce my nose. Belly button, maybe…”

  Both adults stared at her.

  “Come on. When did they outlaw funny in this house?”

  The woman shot her a reprimanding look. “Since you came home with a hot-pink stripe in your hair.”

  “It washed out,” she automatically said. She pulled her hair forward to see. There was only brown, no hint of pink.

  The woman shook her head, the start of a smile on her lips. “You girls are going to give me gray hair.”

  “You already have gray hair,” the man said. “You just keep your hairdresse
r busy covering it up.”

  The woman’s mouth dropped open as she looked at him. “Says the man who has a few grays himself.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m proud of mine.”

  She smiled at him, then looked across the table at Elizabeth, doing a double take at the empty plate. “Did you eat your peas?”

  Wrinkling her nose, Elizabeth said, “They were so disgusting.”

  When the woman turned away, Elizabeth shot Liv another grin. “I owe you,” she mouthed.

  A loud knock sounded through the room, but no one else seemed to notice, even when it got louder and steadier.

  “Olivia?”

  “Olivia, open up this door right now!”

  The family around the dinner table dissolved as she opened her eyes.

  What a weird dream.

  Thinking about the thumbs-up from Elizabeth made her smile.

  Liv jumped when the knocking came again. “Just a minute,” she said, sitting up and blinking away the last haze of sleep. She didn’t even remember lying down.

  She crossed the room, unlocked the door, and opened it.

  “You’re locking the door now?” Mom asked, fists on hips, eyebrows knit together.

  “I guess today’s all about locking things up.” She was a little surprised at herself—she didn’t normally talk like that to her parents.

  Mom shook her head. “I knew it—those kids at school are a bad influence. You used to be so sweet. And now…” She sucked in her breath. “You lock me out.”

  Liv tried to keep her voice calm. “It’s not school, Mom. It’s…You’re kind of suffocating me. I was actually looking forward to spending some time relaxing at home this weekend with you and Dad, but it’s not going to be relaxing if you’re hovering over me, freaking out every time I try to talk to you.”

  “I don’t mean to suffocate you,” Mom said, the offense in her features clear. “I just worry, especially with everything you’ve already been through in the past few months. But I’ll try…to give you your space. If that’s what you want.”

  The tension in the room cleared, and her mind drifted back to her dream. Every time she pictured Elizabeth, the way she moved, the way she talked, she got the strangest sense of déjà vu. “The conversation in the car…” Mom seemed to be struggling for words. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I just want you to focus on your life ahead of you, not the fact that you don’t remember your life before.”